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jrunje 21h
stilted conversations, stiff postures
sitting so you don't touch one another
when one minute feels like an hour
and our friendship has gone past sour

who walked out first? who can say
it all happened in less than a day
i hear you've been asking about me
i've been thinking how we let things be

there's not much use feeling blue
so i'm sitting here writing about you
i'm back.
I wrote this with a pen,
In my notebook,
At least a million times.

At first,
It was simple & clean
Like the Utada Hikaru song we kept listening to,
Underneath a cloud full of spliff smoke.
But then it turned complex & morally contaminated.
Like the time you sat in my desk chair
And released your stomach acid onto my floor.

It reeked of alcohol
And so does my breath at this current moment.

It's hard for me to express my pain
Without feeling the presence of the nimbus clouds in my mind
Come closer to making my face burst into tears.
But I'm going to try.

Hearing the news that you died,
Plagued my ears and spider-cracked my soul.
I'm never going to be the same knowing that
Your physical existence will not be roaming around this earth.

The huge disk of memories we created are on vinyl
Constantly replaying in my head
But scratching after May 13th.
That was the last time I saw your infectious smile
And felt your tight bear hug that provided me with warmth.

After our palms clapped
And fingers interlocked,
I felt your heartbeat with my knuckle.
We were more than friends.
We were brothers.
We were humans that had souls that understood each other.

I'm not going to lie,
I am still damaged and feel out of place in this world.
Where do I go from here?
How do I feel better?

I think about you every night,
With my tear filled eyes soaking the lifelines of my palms.
I keep the thoughts of you replaying in my head,
Knowing that your spirit has touched the souls of many,
I can't help but feel this sad.
But I know that one day I will
Feel better.

I tried to find the answers at night,
Underneath the night sky
Where the stars shined bright,
And the moon provided solace.

I confessed my pain to the moon every night,
It illuminated my soul
And gave me a shoulder to cry on.

Dear celestial object,
Allow my wanderlust soul to rise to the stars
With hopes of finding comfort at night
Because I haven't been the same since finding out about the death of my best friend.

May you live on forever Fuquan Ford.
Heera 1d
Fix
'Love is supposed to fix things. Not destroy them' i hopelessly screamed

Hugging me, my best friend comforted with the best advice ever
* 'maybe it is fixing something you can't see right now'
:)
I love her words....
Sarah 1d
why do i have to fall for you
when you decide to leave me
i know that im a lot to handle
but all i wanted was a chance
you captured my heart
please just stay
you were never mine but oh how i wish you were
A New light in the dark
A Small spark of hope
A pretty Rainbow after the rain
The sudden feel of Warmth on a cold lonely day
A New friend.
i’ve learned what it’s like to run my life.
eat fruit, exercise, pick-up the keys, do homework.
eat ice-cream, text all day, sleep as late as i want.

and now that life is no longer mine
-i’ll vanish the dark crescent moons under my eyes,
and lay in bed wondering once more.

i suppose, it is good for me
-i’ll look brighter, happier,
and my work will be done.

i’ve missed you so much
-the solidarity, the love,
the utter love.

and yet, in your absence i did something,
something precious and pure and perfect,
that you’ll never understand.

those late nights, tapping messages and sending them,
away to her lips,
and now she’s mine.

when you come back,
how will i hide this?
i can hide this.

more focus,
less time.
and yet.

you, and i we can’t be the same,
we can’t make these plans,
come to each other flushed and hungry.

and oh, i know, i know,
we’ll be busy.
but you, you’ll still cut a piece of my heart out.
Stung by needles with golden hilts...and cut by shiny smiles. Memories, made from skin in the colour of scars, and then come the monster butterflies in my belly. Such is the feeling when the past comes back to haunt.Noah_arkenswagg
It might seem like the world doesn't care about you,
that you don't matter,
that you won't make it,
what's the point,
I should leave,
it won't matter if I'm there or not,
but this isn't true,
those are just lies inside of you.
The pain is never the same,
but it's a constant,
and you never want it,
but my heart is with you always,
to hush those voices,
and get you to make better choices,
As we continue,
things will get easier I just know it,
I'll do everything just to show you,
the love inside,
and get you from trying to hide,
away from the world,
and the eternal flame that we have lit,
will allow us to make as much time as we see fit.
I love you with all my heart,
and I love you just the way you are,
but there's just one thing I don't want,
and that's this hole inside of you.
I'm going to dig into it,
because that's where we'll find,
the troubles that lie,
within you and then we'll be able to cover it up,
as we plant our flag on top,
and we'll know those little voices will have finally been laid to rest.
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