I knew that eventually you'd hurt me
I knew that I couldn't be friends with a girl
who wielded a knife so loosely
without getting cut a time or two
I assumed they'd be accidental
that you'd just get a little too close
and nick me in the side
but oh how I wish
Even a jab at my arm or stomach
wouldn't have hurt
the way it did
when you stabbed me in the back
disappointment and regret
flowing from me
as I am on my knees
and not even an apology
from the girl with a bloody knife
Her bones are kind of weak when she has to stand up for herself. Like spaghetti, herself she just can not defend.
Until she stands for a friend, then her bones turn to steel rods, impossible to bend.
She is true, and she is a friend.
Kat 20h
Who am I to keep you
from taking chances
stealing glances

Believe me when I say
I don't want to slow you down
by no means make you lose your crown

Quite the opposite it's true
I want you to hold this smile
for which I'd walk the extra mile

Simply what I'd love to have
is you to let me stand close to you
and maybe let me hold your hand then too

The only thing that troubles my mind
is not knowing if you want to share
your good life with me and if you think I'm worth the dare

Am I?
Kat 1d
What if
I fall before I fly
What if
it's really only foolishness to try and reach the sky
What if
My heart will always feel this way
What if
I'll only be led astray
What if
all my tiny wonders will go to waste
What if
I'll never quite know the taste
What if
It's really all a useless race
What if
No one knows how to show their realest face

What if
I just take you where
What if
We can try and find our answers there
What if
We won't be losing touch
And what if
this time a promise kept, I'll hold you as such
I want to hold you so much
I take pride in keeping promises.
Death
Is
Her
Little
Unholy
Friend.


-- Eleanor
Regret
Consumed my thoughts
Swallowed my soul
Ate away at my sanity
Unable to stop this cycle
Of negativity

I should have passed
Less judgement
I should have been
More understanding
I should have cherished
Every moment we shared

Worried that I have lost my chance
Will I ever make you laugh again?
Will we ever make new memories?
I should have told you I love you
When I had the chance
To hear it back
Sam 1d
This is a short story from my poem 'THAT WHICH HURT'.
I brought this to life as a storyline because many people were saying that they wanted to know the whole story setting of the poem.
So, this is dedicated for those people and also for everyone of you who'll read this.

...

December 13, 2018

Dark room, cold floor and walls painted black. I realized I was living there for a long time. Wanting a friend but no one to call; I live my life alone and never had a home. I was born to this world without any clue of what my purpose is. Only sorrow is what I've known...



September 22, 2017.

It’s the last day of summer but I can still feel the heat of the sun and the fresh summer breeze. I sat on the ground shaded by the canopy of a tree; I held a dandelion, I blew its petals to wish upon on it believing that my wish would come true. It’s like a fairy-tale; I was in the meadow watching flowers dance along with the birds that sings. Butterflies flew around with its beautiful and colorful wing; the wind could make you fly. Everything seems to be okay and I’m hoping it could last forever… I hope it could last…

I woke up not knowing I have fallen asleep. This time, crickets are the one that sings… bats are the ones that fly… and the once blinding brightness of the day turns into a blinding darkness of the night. I was scared… I was scared of darkness. I am so so scared that my knees are trembling in fears, my mouth was shut-closed but it really wanted to shout. Even so, I continued walking and there I find relieve.

Sigh came out of my mouth when I saw my friend worriedly looking for me. “Where have you been? I’m sick worried when you walked out earlier after those guys beat you… are you okay?” I can see through her eyes that she’s so worried. No one’s ever been like that to me except her. She’s so true.

I walked with her back to my place, she talks too much – I love everything she says. Gladly I am, I have found a girl who would always believe me in everything I do. A girl who has a brave heart to fight with me in all the challenges I’m facing. She’s a girl I cherished the most. Though people would’ve hate me for what I am or who am I and what they think of me, I care less because she’s here with me to think that I’m perfectly fine and good. I care more of her now than what I care for myself.

After a long conversations with September (Her name), I felt like not going home yet. It’s just… I like to spend more time with her. You know, it’s like there’s always magic when we’re together. Something that I couldn’t explain, I hope she felt it.

My night turns into dreams after all that happened. Thanks to September, she made my day complete. And now, another season of my life has just begun… Fall commences at dawn, I can see through the windowpanes how the outside was brought to life with a retro vibes. Leaves from the trees turned red, orange and yellowish brown which falls to the ground in a beautiful way. I could feel how majestic this season is… ravishingly good.




September 23, 2017.

Brisk cold air flew on my hair; I could feel the coming of winter. The sound of the street makes it more clearer that people are getting busier and I’m just here walking by, with no destinations to go. So I put my earphones on and music starts playing like it was a start of some sort of beautiful situation. A moment where I am fully satisfied of everything I do. But no, I think I made a wrong guessing. All it was is extremely one bad situation. Honestly worst because little did I know that I bumped into one of ‘those guys’ after trying to swerve on my path. Not just that ‘one’ but ‘he’ of all people.

He, wearing leather jacket and a pair of expensive shoes was clearly messed up after spilling the cup of coffee he was holding. I see through his eyes the raging anger of trying to kill me on his mind so I looked down swiftly enough to avoid eye contacts. I was trembling in fears again, I wanted to escape but my feet stood shaking and there’s nothing I could do but to sweep his clothes with both my shaking hands. “I’m really sorry” – I said. “I… I… I didn’t mean to – I’m sorry, I was just trying to turn back but you showed up.” My face becomes numb after receiving a big punch from his fist. “Are you saying that this is all my f*cking fault! Huh!? Man are you crazy!?” He exclaimed while grabbing my collar. “No…No… I mean nothing ‘bout that, what I’m trying to say is uhm… everything is an accident” – I answered. Another punch landed on my face and now I pray someone to help me.

I look around and see how people gathered. I saw them holding their phones and taking pictures instead of helping me, I knew no one intends to give a hand. They’re just a show off in social media, posting pictures of sympathy to the hurt ones but in reality they do nothing and ignore who suffer. My eyes are getting wet by tears as I was receiving punches and kicks. The music I was hearing then was now the noises I’m hearing from meticulous people. I tried to run but I tripped when I try. Oh, God please help me! I prayed over in my mind.

I was lying there, casually torn apart like a crumpled piece of paper. Dirt touches my face, my arms and I was totally ragged. There I saw someone. Someone who looks exactly to the one I know for long. That familiar face I knew from the start it was her. September was there. She’s giving me a strange look, tearing out of pity on me. I can’t blame her ‘cause she’s a girl. But I can’t stand the fact that she’s seeing me beaten up by ‘this’ guy. The guy who look so innocent when I first saw him. (Her ex lover John). He’s always beating me to death with his friends for blaming me of losing September. He said he’ll never forgive me, never. And now, I was worn out, my body can’t move and I’m about to lose my consciousness. So did I.



September 26, 2017.

“I’m sorry Beau, I’m so so sorry!I couldn’t help you.” – I heard September cries and blaming herself from what had happened. “Please wake up now, this is my entire fault.” She said while squeezing my hand. I open my eyes slowly and there I see white ceilings and curtains around. Am I hospitalized? That is the first question that comes from my mind. “You’re wake Beau! Do you recognize me? Do you know my name?” – September starts questioning while brushing her tears away. Smile skips from my lips. There she is, worriedly waiting for me to wake up. She said she’s really worried of what might happen to me that’s why she never leave me alone in this room.

The nurse came in to check out my condition. “Sir, it’s good that you’re finally awake. You’ve been lying there for almost a week. Exactly four days Sir.” – She said. I was shocked but I’m trying to be stoic. Four days? I turn a look on September and she nod. “Are you having a hard time Sir? We observed that your body is always tired and wounded that’s why you suffer a lot now.” The nurse asked and I couldn’t answer. “Where are your parents? Do you have someone to be here with you?” – She added.

My parents? I don’t know where they are, I haven’t heard of them. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever seen my parents. Maybe because they really hate me or was it because I’m not special to them. Or maybe, because I was just a fruit of their mistakes. Tears fall abruptly on my face. I always wanted parents, someone who would take care of me and call me son. I ever dream of them when I was seven, picking me up from school… that’s what I always see in movies. But that’s not going to happen because they already left me. They threw my life away to grow up on that orphanage just to suffer from hunger and beatings. Thankfully I am now that I escaped. I only have myself now… and September.

“My friend is here with me.” I answered. “Pardon?” – The nurse asked curiously as if something is wrong. “I said my friend September is here with me.” – I respond pointing where September is seated. The nurse gives me a strange look. “Sir are you fully awake now?” She asked. I don’t know why she asked that but I’m a little bit confused. The nurse goes out of the room and said she’d call a doctor to look for me. I don’t know what’s wrong so I just sat there on the bed and turn my face to September.

After a while, the doctor came and asked me a whole lot of questions. He asked me everything about me… and September. There’s many thoughts forming on my mind while the doctor asked things which is I think not necessary for my well being. Why isn’t he asking me about what I feel, If I’m okay or not… He’s just asking about how I met September and how long we’d known each other. I’m getting more confused right now.

After questioning me, the nurse gave the doctor a phone. I heard her say it was a video of me when I was found on the street unconscious. Because of my big ears, I heard their conversations aloud. I rise up and took the phone on the doctor’s hand. “Sir no - ” the doctor shockingly said  when I grabbed the phone. What kind of joke are they doing? I look closely to the video. I found myself there lying and crying. I was lying there as if someone is beating me. “It was you sir.” Said the nurse. I’m still in process when I watched the clip. Is this really me? I swear John is beating me that time. Where is he? Why isn’t he there? I think this video is manipulated. They cut john out to this video just to make fun of me. “Sir, if you really wanted overcome your fears, you should cooperate with us and have a session with a psychiatrist.” The doctor says. “September is only your creation sir. Maybe your past is something you couldn’t forget. Or maybe sir it was in your genes. But we can solve them.” He added.

What? Even September? But she’s here with me? I know she’s real. I searched the room and found that September isn’t on her seat anymore. What the hell? This is a bluff. This is all not happening. I’m still dreaming am I? I shook my head again and again and started to cry. Flash backs starts to flash like a kaleidoscopic memories. Then, I remember what happened three years ago. I had a car accident with September after running away from her ex lover John. September asked me to go far away from John because she really wanted to forget. But a big truck shown up and crashes into the car we were riding that night. September died. I barely survive but I wish I died.

After my recovery, John starts to trigger something on his coat. It was his madness over me. He blames me for everything so he tried to kill me. But he never succeeds. He was jailed after committing that serious crime. He is sentenced for 5 years and I was left here haunted. I now realized I was stuck into my darkest dreams. That which hurt, all my life until now is just my creation and nothing is real. So I strongly accept the treatment. They told me it was months or years to overcome my illness. Schizophrenia, that’s what it is called. They say I made realistic illusions because I was guilty for something, I was scared, I was scarred and severely damaged by the past.

I realized, autumn is a season for my fallout, and now winter is coming, I have to face the cold situation of my life. I have to overcome my fears like surviving through an avalanche. This is only one of the seasons that I have to pass.

...

December 13, 2018

Dark room, cold floor and walls painted black. I realized I was living there for a long time. Wanting a friend but no one to call; I live my life alone and never had a home. I was born to this world without any clue of what my purpose is. Only sorrow is what I've known. But now, I rise. I walked through the window and put the curtains up. I finally overcome my fears. The cold of December doesn’t make me shiver anymore. I’m at peace now with nothing to worry. I hope it could last.
This story actually shows that everyone has an out seasoned experiences and that's where we get all the courage to live on and be change in a good way.
Rafał 1d
Searching for a soulmate on a wide barren desert
Combing through the papers, looking for the answers.
And I'm always lonely like the fallen on Mount Everest
As I keep on fighting cold and the unfriendly weather.

Tell me whether I should move or should I stay,
It's hard to say;
I probably need to take a breath, but I gravitate
Towards the bottom of the planet -
My spaceship has crashed
And I don't know where I landed
Now I live as an outcast.

My vision is blurry, I got snow in my eyes
I cannot breathe, my lungs are filled with ice
Is it a dream or a vast paradise
To be content within or be content outside?
World on my shoulders as I proceed to move
Row to the shores of the ocean of bloom
Watch the horizon as it slowly burns
Each one of us awaits our turn
There's no return.
Kat 2d
Your awkwardness is infectious
These words can never really catch us
Would you say I'm making a fuss

Maybe this is normal
you just can't help but being formal
I know all of this seems quite suboptimal

But you know
I didn't think of this like a great show
Are we still going with the flow

I don't know what to tell you
if we both agree on this how could we be through
My thoughts are always overflowing, your words are few

So is it okay if you maybe
phrase your intentions more clearly
all I want is to talk with you freely

Like we talked when we saw
each other with loving awe
and being open and true was the law
Kat 2d
I ask you
'how have you been? Isn't this your favorite drink?'
but also
'I hope I'm not trying too hard'
I know I probably overthink

You say
'I had a great time with my friends. We had so much fun'
Sending a picture
'how was your weekend?'
Isn't that a strange mixture?

I grasp for something deeper still
Aren't you too?
I can't be the only one here that wants and will
Clearly you want to share as much as I do
So shouldn't you be willing also?

Why claiming, wanting
but then feel distant
Why do I feel like I need to be hunting
for anything resembling something subsistent
I don't want to feel like constantly being insistent
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