The breeze flew effortlessly between us and I begged for it to be enough or even just enough to pull me with my everything apart from you. With my toes in the sand that seems so blue I refuse to allow my eyes to meet yours afraid that in your dark galaxy I see her and afraid that my eyes will scream the lullaby of just how much your name means to me.
I’m trembling to the thought of you knowing how much of my heart you’ve wooed for many years it was in your deathly grasp and for many years I’ve maintained this mask. I’ve kept my vulnerability safe for so long away from your knowledge was where it belongs simply because I’m afraid of how small I’ll become of how insignificant I’ll be to a heart that was so numb.
I don’t want to seem irrelevant on your end for I was a good friend, a great friend and it aches me to allow you to see that the good friend, the great friend I seem to be was only a camouflage I used to keep my love, my desire, my everything hidden deep deep away from you for I refuse to be like one of them; the pets you treat with little to no respect but thinks they’re all gems.
What does it take to be a gem in your life? Does it take a threat; with a pen, a gun or a knife? Or does it take laying bare aside you not giving you a hard time? Paying for all your lies with every feeling, every desire and every dime? Pretending to be a fool like all your pets, and hope just hope… That one day you’ll reward me for all the pain that I’ve coped? A good friend, a great friend isn’t enough for me anymore play the pet, buy the lies, **** the modesty, become the *****?
When I met you every thing went quiet. I mean really quiet. So quiet my ears literally began to burn and buzz, and I didn’t know weather I should put my hands on the sides of my head or use them to clench my chest and mouth to keep myself from throwing up. When I saw you everything in my body began to separate. It was chaos....all the organs in my skin running bullet train style away from each other. My brain hit the top my skull my heart melted in to my shoes and my stomach well my stomach was in a corner doing doing shots of everclear with ******* backs! Oh my lord I was confused and it hurt, it hurt real bad! We were at a baseball game, it was your girlfriends baseball game... your girlfriend who was also my (at the time but no longer not because of this but for different reasons)best friends playoff baseball game. Yep that’s the day you came in to my life full force like a flash ******* hurricane flinging glorious tiny white rectangles in to my soul with oevery uninterested grin and indifferent chunk of banter you tossed my way...I was absolutely enthralled!!! Utterly and disgustingly captivated by the magnitude of your glow. Did you even understand?! Do you even understand what you did that day?! I remember tracing the outline of your jawbone with my finger as I quietly sung songed your name from a few seats up and slightly to the left of where you and my bestie were sitting, when she, the girl we both loved for different reasons looked back and smiled at me through squinting eyes because I strategically placed myself in the direction of the sun, I sweetly smiled back at her through clenched teeth holding back anger and tears because someone who was not me was holding your hand.....why was she so lucky?! Why was I so unlucky?! Why?! I couldn’t understand the feelings I had. I mean I have never in my life ever wanted someone’s something more than I wanted you. I’ve never been jealous like ever and I’ve certainly never wished ill on one I cared for but right then at that moment I found myself cursing and spitting on the name of every woman who had ever had the audacity to let their skin meet with yours. Now I have always taken pride in my unshakable zest for all things flaky and fleeting ie my feelings towards everyone and everything. But you ruined me that day you broke my perfectly contented bland existence. I was fine some would say even happy being alone never knowing you existed! But from the moment I saw your wonderfully stupid adorable face I wanted to be with you to be by you to live laugh eat sleep dance bathe breathe grow old die with you. I wanted to know and be about everything about you.... I was obsessed! I am obsessed. So me being the logical and completely sane person that I am. I did what any logical and sane person would do.... I friend zoned myself, HARD. But not just that, I began to make myself like all the things you liked so I was someone you wanted around and I began to do things for you so you needed me around and carried myself in a way that was so non threatening so non ****** that I was totally excepted and loved by every not better than me girl that youve dated and even your current girlfriend who if I have to say I guess is pretty freaking dope and subsequently has become my friend as well through all fault of my own. And all this simply because I wanted, no I needed to stay by your side. And that folks is where I am today me yep awesome fantastic intelligent beautiful witty wonderful idiotic me, single and tortured, maybe forever because I’m in unrequited love with my totally oblivious now bestfriend. And because this is supposed to be a poem.... boy dear boy the only one who holds my heart closed eyes closed fist never to be mine not even from the start So terrified that I’ll lose you somewhere over time never saying what I want to because you see, my love and your rejection they just never seem to rhyme.
I wonder why you left me when I was the one that was saving you I wonder why I was so stupid to gave you everything you didn’t want just cause I thought you did I wonder why your name doesn’t even cross my mind But when it does, I’d just want you to die I wonder why I don’t want to think about you with anyone But me And I wonder why you said that you didn’t deserve me when we both knew it was just an excuse for you to go So why don’t you call me and tell me the truth
Be still toward one’s heart, not letting it control one’s body… Be still toward one’s body, not letting it control one’s mind… Be still toward one’s mind, not letting it control one’s heart… Ultimately, all thing began from the heart. As such, we must live and fashion our way to our heart. To forgo all things... Let time fly by, as a long time friend would. Let life drift over our head, as the bird do. Let the wind embrace us as we ***** the hill, as nature wield. So long, so far, the Stillness of all things comes and go. Life are borrowed, not owned… When hollowed, we are simply paying back the debt we own. Heaven cannot move me, Earth cannot bend me, as such, my heart is truly still.
compatriots, let your voices sing like an unchecked choir let words be the pitfalls your opposition face and in their fall from grace at attempts to smear you hold to each of them those things that endear you for a friend is but a stranger that met you on a good day with a bright disposition and an enemy is simply someone you've not really met yet
I don't dream, of Mahogany trees at 10:00 pm; beneath whose vast canopies of nighted green, I lay with them.
I don't dream, of sweet songs sang pursuant to savoured seconds stilled; as I acquainted your ears and neck, respectively... collectively to a poet's tongue and fangs. As we forged new fragments of much missed memories, upon our little hill.
I don't dream, of tight embrace, nor of your critus and aggrieved face; they are the choicest fruits of my regretful request: That you return home safe and nothing less.
I don't dream, of them; my every conscious thought and deed are but my surplus offering. O! How I long to give my two copper pieces to them. Perhaps four hours of supplication, might make me more than a friend.