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Anger, agony, and a
Crass chaos curtained by
Smiles
Belies a bruised being
An "I'm not really okay" stare
But I'm not really "all there" so who cares?
Echoes die at the end of the tunnel, no matter how loudly you scream "I love you"
The corpses in my mind of lovers who left reminds me that they just knew better
So why don't I?
This is my diary where I die every day
Distant, dark, brooding
Bitter over what I couldn't have
Like swallowing sand

sigh

this doesn't help any more
//on her, all of them, everything, and ultimately nothing//
Amaris 6d
The blonde girl in my first class
Shares the same planner habits as me
Invited me to a party, my first
I watched a clock tick away
In tandem to music six blocks down
The girl, my “name twin”
In geology lab, playing with rocks
We traded phone numbers
She has her own group of friends
I sit by myself three rows up
The girl sitting across from me
Effortlessly thin, stark tattoos
We think and feel so similarly
She just made a friend, so
I only ask what they did for fun
A coworker, moving states away
I thought she was a cool Cali girl
Brunette ice princess
She hugged me on her last day
Now I smile at her 3AM Instagram selfies
At opportunities, I tried to jump
Misjudged the distance and fell instead
I scraped up my hands, leaving scars
I’ll remember you, years later
You who could have been a friend
Waking up next to you, I glance up at the ceiling and breathe slowly. I look over at you as your chest rises and falls. You're on your back. I reach over to you and slide my left leg over you. I pull myself in close and rest my head on your chest. I fall asleep there not worrying about what is to happen and what is not.

As I'm asleep, I dream of you and me. Us. Something different. Something positive. A type of happiness that has been long waited for. I hold your hands and yours are twice the size of mine. I feel safe. I feel strength, but I'm scared of it. The scared moment comes about when I feel hopeless about one day and you probably won't be there. Tears falling down my cheeks while I'm asking "Why is it always my fault?" But I'm thinking too far ahead for a moment that may never come. Each day becomes a different day. A different time. A different week. But the same you. And a same me.

Will you ever change? Will you ever leave? Will you ever be less than a friend?

We don't know. Only God knows.

Will I ever change? Possibly for the good of my well-being. Will I ever leave? I don't believe I will. Will I ever be less than a friend? Cannot do that.

I dream of you and me. Us. Something different. Something positive. A type of happiness that has been long waited for. I hold you close, because I don't want to let go. I don't want to leave. I don't want to say goodbye.

Will this feeling fade? Will this moment last? Will this ever be more than enough?

We don't know. Only God knows.
Dreaming of man who can be my friend and boyfriend and more.
How could He not keep you, once He’d had a glimpse,
Of your incredible light and the supernova of your existence?
It would be selfish to think that we could hold onto you,
When your very heart was larger than all we know.

How could He not keep you, once He’d had you near,
Once he’d heard you sing His praises in reverence and joy?
It would be foolish to think that any being could know
Such a beautiful soul, and let it slip away.

How could He not keep you, once He’d seen your Grace,
Your gentleness and kindness, the way you showed us love?
It would be dishonesty to say that, all being said,
I wouldn’t have done the same.

How could anyone not love you, once they knew your soul,
The way you ran after Jesus, the way you inspired life in us all?
It would be a darker world had you not been in it,
If you had not walked alongside us, a breath of glorious sunshine.

We prayed that you would open your eyes,
But you opened them in Heaven.
Written for a friend who is greatly missed.
my heart will always hold you
though my arms cannot
your name is on my every breath
whispered to the dark as i fall asleep
& i pray your spirit haunts my dreams
for i miss you eternally
you are the words of my muse
darkness & light of my heart
window of your soul pierces me
azure tranquility
punctuated by storm-wrought walls
oh how i miss you so
//on her, yet again//
Translated by Przemyslaw Musialowski 5/26/2019

Do you remember the cars plainly carved up?
pine trunks and oak wheels,
with which we carried joy every day
to the potato field enveloped in smoke,
where carts with ammunition waited
and potato barricades stood

our big storages of bloodless weapon
- there we fought our potato wars.
A sip of water served as refreshing fare,
so everything was spinning around.
And when the battlefield has been captured at last,
tired, craving for settlement

by the fire with a song we bravely sat down
to conclude friendly agreements
- into young hearts with a warm thread sewn.
I know that you remember - how we could forget
the most beautiful moments? - It's like
not to see a certain beauty in the fields;

It's like losing in the time of beautiful weather
a piece of dear life that has been given to us,
to be able to always recall memories
and give advice to the lost...
overly idealized.
Hidden somewhere in the recesses of tomorrow,

as though intentionally with a secret mist enveloped
to delude, or for our convenience?
You remember the spring, so carefully selected
from among the purest? It's why we reached
to the very bottom - into innermost deposits,
to learn with a falcon's look

to grasp what a simple thought cannot,
if you won't look with stubbornness into the eyes
because lectures from the theory are not enough,
and blind faith will only do more damage.
However... solitary, we ran into the crowd,
wanting to acquire known and unknown:

to reach peaks rising from the darkness...
but perhaps it was right - to rather dream up,
than to compete with fate stubbornly.

Wieslaw Musialowski 3/19/2003
Friends, I am asking for your understanding, because all my translations must be proofread and corrected. Poems are hard to translate (even in free verse translations). The original is rhymed. Regards.
Simon Oct 4
EG is my friend of all values. She can’t respond in the sense of regular views. She responds with her heart, with feeling. Only changing in many different ways that bite our senses down a bit. Revealing more we never thought possible. We eat, scream, fight, dribble ourselves over every exercise we do. Maximizing the intensity of logic. She is fearing the logic. Not because she’s scared. She resents it. Not her thing. Biting down on senses is what reveals the delaying perception from fully maturing. Making our true self’s thoughtless. Yet emotional. Constant struggle for finding the brim full of pressure. Pressure that exist without being tamed. Thoughtless and emotional. Trying to find and tame brimming pressure. It’s not our faults. It’s life. Just live it. Another thing happens without whereabouts knowing. Maximizing another view. A promise of broader horizons. Through thick and thin. Full of trembling ice! One showing she has and always will be, my friend.
This poem is about a friend who helped me through the bad times, when I felt completely alone!
Emily Oct 5
you were my oasis in a desert
you were the light that cast shadows
you were the small thing that mattered

I always knew I would lose you
I knew the day would come
but I never knew that it would be so soon

I know you'll be back
you said it yourself
but still I miss you

and still I mourn
for who I haven't yet lost
This is written for one of my friends that I've recently had to stop talking to due to his personal reasons. The first stanza has three references to some of his music

1) I see - 3racha
2) Even a Shadow Needs Light to Exist - 3racha
3) Small Things - 3racha

I'll just have to wait until he's able to reach out to me again
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