Alyssa 11h

Dear Ex-Best Friend,
Remember all the times we spent together,
everyday started with meeting before classes started because that was the only
time we could talk until lunch,
remember all the times we laughed so hard we cried?
Do you remember all the times we had to hold one another in times of the need
because we thought all we had was each other?
Yeah.. Me too.
We spent all the time in the world texting and calling each other.
Things changed a little since I got a boyfriend,
but I never replaced you.
You always had a special place in my heart, and I think you always knew that.
We drifted apart, like two boats at sea.
You switched back to the school you came from,
and it felt like my life had just sunk.
Suddenly I was all alone in the hallways,
Coming in to school was like hell,
Seeing the spot we used to stand in,
Occupied by another set of best friends,
Or maybe two high school sweethearts- Making out like there's no one around.
It was so lonely without you.
You seemed happier where you were though, and at that time, that was all that mattered to me.
I walked the hallways with a sad, sorrowful look.
Teachers frequently asked if I was sick, or if I needed to lay down.
Suddenly I was that one kid that everyone wanted to pick and beat on. (Again.)
I was incredibly lonely at school, I couldn't even sit with anyone at lunch because I was so hated by so many people for reasons I didn't even know.
Come upon my junior year I got a month and a half into the school year before
I switched to the school that you went to.
I was reunited with my best friend,
Life seemed so good.
I was with my boyfriend, and my bestfriend.
It felt like nothing could stop me from gaining happiness.

You began going through boyfriends,
They would come,

and they would go.

I was put second to all of them.
There were days I was so depressed I didn't function correctly,
and all we would talk about is what you and your boyfriend did the previous night.
I was so happy that you were happy,

but I think I forgot the definition of "Happiness."
Everyday was full of being ignored and having guys' push past me so they could hug you while I sat in the sideline just waiting there, tears filling in my eyes because I realized that I wasn't significant to my best friend any more.
I couldn't help but wonder what I did wrong.
I got tired of feeling this way,
I grew up, and realized that highschool isn't meant for gaining the love and affection of people.
I proceeded to end the friendship because it wasn't making me happy anymore.
I understand that a true friend stays there through everything but in no way, shape, or form did I deserve to be kicked to the curb like a diseased puppy.

It hurt, It hurt like a bitch.


But ultimately , I'm gonna be okay in the end.

And I hope she ends up okay, too.
But, just be okay without me.

not really a poem but eh.

I met you that first
time in 1968, after
the office of Compline;
and you took me into
the refectory and
brought me warm
macaroni cheese and
cocoa; we talked
during Grand silence.

That time in 1971,
you and I sat on the
abbey's beach with
Hugh, George and
Gareth in conversation,
we tossing those small
pebbles skimming
across those incoming
tides, and you smiled
your smile, while Gareth
talked of Wittgenstein.

The time I last saw you
in 1994, and talked and
you had grown old, and
you heard my confession,
blessed my new rosary,
I took your photograph;
I remember your soft laugh.

The parish priest told me
you had died just before
Mass; I sensed all those
memories of you and I
overwhelmingly flood me
and inwardly I cried.

TO A BENEDICTNE MONK

I looked at you
as I bid my goodbye.
I'm sorry-
To have liked you more
Than what a friend should.
I'm sorry-
To have hoped that maybe
Just maybe
You would choose me.
I'm sorry-
To have took advantage
Of our friendship
Just to be close to you
Always.
I'm sorry-
For not telling you.

You have to know
That even before we,
WE, become friends
I have liked you enough.
Enough to make me
Accept things I never
Could have accepted.

Darling, I want you to know-
That you are my sunshine.
The one who brightens my day.
I want you to know-
That I love you.
And that somewhere, someone wants to fight for you.
I want you to know-
That I have never felt like this
Before. Never.
I want you to know-
That I thank God to have introduced you to me.

My love, my darling, my sunshine,
As I bid my goodbye,
I want to say,
Thank you.

After rereading what you said to me,
now for the seventh time...
I'm starting to wonder if I am like her.
She dumps all her problems on a forum
while I dump mine here.
It's true I once was sad enough to hurt
but I showed no one.
You were there during this time
do you not remember?
How dark I became...
You hold yourself high on a pedestal
and like to think you made me who I am today.
While you did take part in the little things
you did not make me.
All you've made me is negative energy,
little smiles in between didn't help anything, not really.

Friends don't do these things,
not to each other.
I should have learned sooner.
Though I often wonder
when it all went under, the waves.
The waves that swallowed our loyalty.
Why did things have to get so difficult?
Leaving me always feeling so questionable, towards you.
You say I can trust you,
and that one slip up means nothing.
But I remember the last "slip up"
and the one before that, and the one before that.
You call me hypocritical,
for doing something in my past
that is completely unrelatable.
IT WAS NOT YOUR STORY TO TELL.
To anyone. Ever.
I hope you know, I would never
tell someone of your past.
Not the painful things that hurt you,
not the times you felt tearful.
*Why do you not care?*

I don't know why
every single time
we have a fight
I remember that time,
the time you hurt me the most.

I've ran away to all the far places where
I know you will not be
I have made memories in foreign tongues
and smiled into the eyes of people I will never see again

Perhaps, it is the reflection of our intermingling in space-
languages on two different wave lengths
destined to be separated again

Whenever I send you a carrier pigeon love letter I
hear from him instead or else
don't hear from you at all

I just want to hear my name on your mouth again cause
my memory of you will never be tainted
no matter how many times you try to sabotage it
I will always love you

I anxiously wait you to remember me while I try to forget you
It is all a bit too futile for someone so open hearted
I'm going to catch a cold
Our love has grown cold but my heart will keep it warm
I've always been a warm fire for you
kindling for you to ignite

I know all your secrets, I am not sure that you know mine
I hold them close to me
I imagine a world where you miss me where you ring me again
You have come and gone I can not forget that
Can not forget the day we met
Forget the day you left
I cried

Whenever I am with someone else I always think of you
I measure him to you
even though you were nothing short of a let down
I paint you perfect
remember you between the moon and my brow
under the starlight between the blades of grass or
sitting, a safe distance apart
you always kept me a safe distance apart

inspired by poems by Sabrina Benaim and Sierra DeMulder

I wish you were still here,
but I'm kinda glad you're not,
you'd see the miserable excuse,
of a man I have become.

I love you so much,
I wish our hands were,
intertwined tightly,
your head on my chest.

I miss you, y'know?
You had all of my heart,
all of me, period you had,
it hurt like hell when you left.

You probably had to leave,
couldn't keep me in your life,
with all the family drama,
but I understand.

If you could have kept me you,
would have kept me,
but it doesn't stop the pain
of you not being here with me.

I miss you, y'know?
I love you.

I think Johnny Cash and I know a thing or two about everyone we know leaving us in the end...

I remember the last evening
I saw you and talked, later
after we all left, you died
in the night. That time as

a boy you were cruelly
punished at the school by
the Christian Brothers
and your big brother

complained. In the War
you fought as a sergeant,
and had to train amongst
others the Glasgow gang

boys, who needed a different
strength for this combat
on blood soaked foreign soil.
You spoke and read Latin,

and could have been in
a different age and time
an officer, but you were
from the wrong class.

That evening you said:
I must catch up on my
Shakespeare again, maybe
together you and I. But

we never did. But I have
fond memories of us in
Lourdes, how I helped
save your life, if only for

another year, in God's good
grace, in which we all walk
and have our being at His pace.

AN OLD SOLDIER AND FRIEND.

The memories badger me

zipping in and out of

clarity

like

moths.

They echo

with your laughter,

or whimper

in your teary murmur.

For a moment,

I can see

and hear

all

the kind,

eloquent,

empty

compliments and promises

we uttered to each other

at 12 AM

in the dim light of your room.


And I want it back.


My heart

moans

and keens

in grief,

my chest

burns

like acid,

and my stomach

twists

like a towel

being wrung out,

with the

potent ache

of your absence.

Her absence;

because that

giggling,

loyal,

loving girl

is gone now.


She drowned in

a storm

of her own misery.

She was shot

by her own

baseless conclusions,

and her own

hopeless assumptions.

Life handed her lemons,

and her

naïveté

and

cynicism

shoved them

down

her

throat,

forcing her to

s

    w

         a

              l

                  l

                      o
­
                           w

before God made them

into lemonade.

And now,

I'm faced with

a colder,

more jaded version

of the girl I knew-

and so loved.


But the memories…

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