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ι ℓιкє тнє ωαу ιт ƒєєℓѕ
ωнєη ι тнιηк тнαт ι'м ℓєανιηg

нυят муѕєℓƒ тσ ρяσνє ι'м нυмαη
ωнєяє ∂ι∂ ι gσ ωяσηg тнιѕ тιмє?

ιƒ ι ∂ση'т ωαкє υρ ι'м вєттєя σƒƒ
ι'ℓℓ ƒιηαℓℓу ¢αт¢н υρ ση му ѕℓєєρ

ι'νє вєєη ѕσ ℓσѕт。。。
ωαηηα вє αηуωнєяє єℓѕє вυт нєяє
ωση'т вє тнιѕ ωαу ƒσяєνєя
¢αη'т ∂σ тнιѕ ƒσя мυ¢н ℓσηgєя

∂σєѕ αηуσηє gινє α ƒυ¢к?

ι ∂ση'т тнιηк тнαт'ѕ тнє ¢αѕє
➶➶➶➶➶ 𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓑𝔂 𝓥𝓸𝓻𝓼𝓪 ➷➷➷➷➷
Yemaya Apr 29
she left me for dead,
her words slitting skin
her careful eye drawing blood.
Yemaya Apr 27
Alone on the playground,
counting minutes.
Too much time alone with yourself,
to wonder why you even try.
Ryan P Kinney Mar 23
Every time I close my eyes I watch a 1000 tragedies pass before them
This is the curse of those with the unimaginable imagination
Every worry
Every doubt
Every fear for everyone I have ever loved
Becomes a full-length movie
I am forced to watch
Every time I try to rest or close my eyes or even think
Every time I am arguing and screaming and yelling against these imagined worlds
I have to repeat the mantra:

It's not real
This is not real

I have to force myself  into cognitive lucid day dreaming
Some new framework from someone else's fantasy
That's happy
Where people love me and care
Then I wake up
I sit alone at home every night hoping I don't wake up from this dream
That these worlds can be real
But I know
One day the ones I fear most
Will be real

Hold On!
Take a breathe

It's not real
It's not real
It's just a story
Aren't we all stories?

Are you ok?
No, I'm not
But its none on your concern
Leave me alone
I'm always alone
No matter who's here

I have been so scarred by those who claim to love me
That I do not believe anything they say
Only when I see them actually act.
But, if I have to tell them that
Then I am forcing them into showing they care
Then, do they really?
Or do they feel obligated?
I don't care for those I do,
because I have to,
because I'm required to
I do not expect something in return
But I want it SO badly

And the problem is
that if I tell them this
It becomes about me
And this is not about me
I'm a parent
My life stopped being mine when he was born
But what about ME?

You should just let sleeping bears lie
Because this one can't sleep alone at night anymore
With his head so crowded with worlds full of travesty

I am so ******* angry all the time
At myself for letting myself feel this way
For needing someone else

I can't
I just can't anymore.

But I still do
I'm tethered to a web of fake memories and sins I know are not real

It's not real
It's not real

It's a ghost story that haunts
but with no substance
no form
no unfinished business
no one ever conducts ANY actual business

I am alone in the light of day
At night the endless voices scream out in silence

It is better for me to ignore you
than to unleash what I keep trapped inside
I care too much
For you to have to face that monster
Staying away is protecting you
If I ever let out what's in there
It will destroy you

It's the mask I wear so I don't crack into a million pieces
And take all of my worlds with me

STOP
You can stop right there
Forward stop having meaning years ago
When you lied to me and said, "I love you"
You actually want to show you care
You're going to have to try harder
And if the effort isn't there
Then your actions will speak for you
What you say
No longer does

I scream, WHY!" in chorus with my radio
WHY?
I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse
Why do I feel this way?

It's not real
It's not real

What world am I in?
Is this one real?
Where do I exist?
Do I exist?
N Mar 15
What you see is before you
is a groaning animal that has
forgotten it used to be human

With flowing words,
simply seeking the pleasures of being,
and an immense love to pour

By god,
I could have sworn that
I have felt the joy of living once

But now, I cannot bear
the agonizing sound
of my beating heart
A nod to Osamu Dazai
N Feb 6
My dear, I am writing you from the depths of my solitude, to ease your worried heart and mind. Loneliness has been gnawing at my terrified flesh as of late. Yet, my only wish is to remain alone. Unseen and untouched. I think this is joy, or the illusion of it. But I am content at this very moment. I promise.

You might think that I am slowly sinking. That I will soon reach the bottom of the ocean, and you fear it is too dark and solitary there. That I might not survive my own madness— not this time, not by myself. That I cannot swim nor do I intend to learn. That I willingly gave my body to Poseidon as a peace offering. That I finally made my peace— not with God, but with a god nonetheless. That I am all swallowed up. That I will not see you again. That I will die lamenting your forgotten smile. That Azrael, the angel of death, weeps over my doom. That I have died long ago—
But how can a corpse feel such emotions?
How do I tell my stubborn heart that it is not beating for you any longer?
How do I comfort my frantic soul by lulling it to an eternal sleep?
—And if so then tell me, my dearest one, don’t I deserve serenity, too? After burning for a decade, yearning for a safe haven. Do you think I finally deserve to rest?
N Feb 10
My mind is a shrieking graveyard
that is too freighting to visit alone

Sometimes,
I hear the skulls of all the people I
have ever loved rattling inside my heart

I do not know how to quiet
down their wailings at night

I have nothing to offer them,
but my dripping pain

Alone, I weep,
lamenting their forgotten laughter
Ali Jan 17
death beckons
and i long
for sweet release
from dreary song

old friend
or friendly foe
merciful end
i want to go

death is memory
not unkown
merely forgotten
as we've grown

looking back
looking ahead
mirror image
t'was always dead

universe
one song
eternal curse
to go on and on

ringing round
in my head
no escape
wish i was dead
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