Dear dearly beloved,
It's me, again.

I'm sorry for the
Pain and sorrow.

I just want to let
You all know that

There's only
So much lower
I can go.

There's a bullet
With my name on it,

But I don't want
To pull the trigger.

I promise I'm not a quitter,
But I'm far from
Being a winner.

I'm always pulled in
Every direction,

And I feel I fail
Every time, stepping
In the wrong direction.

It's hard to compartmentalize
And section my emotions,

I'm always one step away
From jumping off a ledge,
And it's getting harder

Just to hold on.

Dear dearly beloved,

Pray that I make it through,

So my soul doesn't get
Crushed by the weight
Of the world,

And delivered to the underworld.

I've never felt alive
I've always just been surviving.
It's harder than yesterday now.
I wish to feel like the living.

I'm too exhausted.
Too exhausted to have hobbies.
To have interests.
To watch TV.
To care.

If I'm not on autopilot, I am a mess.
I'm breaking down, unable to move.
Unable to care about those I love.
That can't be living either.
So I just survive.
Barely.
It's hard today.

I hope to be alive one day
But hope is fleeting and deceiving.

In the dawn's embrace,
A weary soul seeks solace
In fading stars and a silent sky.
Where shadows dance in solemn waltz,

Echoes linger of dreams erased,
Life's fragile thread unravels, faults.
The weight of the world, a heavy shroud,
Lifted in a poignant plea, one last sigh.

That last breeze,
A final goodbye

A light that beckons,
The chance to be free.

Speak
As though you've
Learned anything
You little stump
Of a man

When I confide
In you, just
Cut me off and
Talk about
The elements again

Listen
As though you've
Got any other
Motive but *******
Me someday

And I'll pretend
You're a friend
Until you do it
Again and then
I'm walking away

Continuity and infinity,
Why they have to be
Is beyond me.
The end of all things, I
Wish I were lucky enough to see.
But more than that,
I wish I were free.

I pretend that my heart doesn’t sink
when I remember, only fragments of you

I pretend to want this life
even when I can no longer stomach it

I pretend not to notice my scars
underneath my new green skirt

I pretend to be alive
despite my decaying soul