It's 3 am and I feel like ****

what else is ******* new?

Fill your lungs with air, they say
These black fireworks are getting closer
Crawl around, it's fun, they say
The slower I move, the deader the knot gets
You're dizzy, shadowed, they say
Apple after apple, only glowing poison

You'll see, you'll see
You'll want to someday
But all I want is out.

Down, down, I was ****** into the hungry ground
Enclosed in the darkness on the other **** side
Phony pavements descending as I strolled
Reoccurring things are ticking away
Every catch is a save
Slowing the freezing and all
Silence dominates my will to say stuff
I’m not supposed to be here, cover me away
Obliged days have sunken me solid
No one told me how to exit this game.

Flickering candles of promises, not enough
Being a spectator of these everlasting black fireworks is tough
Beams of convergent love reached an end
Smoky shadows still follow me in ways I cannot comprehend
Being the victim of unrighteous pain, I rebuff.

Every night has it's own horrors,
when I'm alone.
I overthink all the terrors,
that fight to ****.

People leave eventually,
but not before fake advice,
which leaves their mouth flatly
while my mind fights to see the point.

"Suicide doesn't end the pain,
it passes it to someone else"
But what if there is no one
to pass the pain onto.

This is an ongoing battle,
between my heart and my mind.
Another word,
and my heart will win the fight.

I fight to be alone,
yet I can't stand my own presence.
Each time the sun rises,
my body magics another scar.

I am a flower,
amongst the rest.
Yet I am lost,
because I am grey against the rest.

I'm sorry I didn't speak,
because of the words that left your mouth,
and landed like arrows,
not allowing my heart to breathe.

Now every word that leaves
is measured.
Making sure there is no poison,
so another can breathe.

                           *
Her parents told her to be happy,
coz angels don't cry.
Angels can fly said,
and jumped.

A pressure's rising within me
Snap. That's how it'll be.

I've plotted a hundred,
thousand, no- a million ways to do it.

I've yet to act on a single one.
But oh, how I long for it.

Face-value lies are my strong suit,
it lets me hide just below the surface.

And if someone really thought to look,
they'd find me.

Sitting in the corner, face twisted
into ugly despair without tears.

The pressure is too much,
like a taught bow-string.

It needs release.
I need relief.

It'd be easy to get some,
the tools are right in front of me.

It's been a long debated scenario in my head,
I can't imagine a life where I live to be over twenty.

Everyone is starting to plan their future without me already,
so why the hell should I bother them?

Friends come and go,
It's not like I'm special in there eyes...right?

But it would leave people haunted,
and they don't deserve to be a part of my burden like that.

No matter how cruel they can be...
The only one I can bring myself to loathe is me.

Staying up till dawn,
thought I was getting better
now I'm back at the bottom.
Don't know how I fell so far
when I was feeling that high
for the first time in ages.

I'm reaching out,
bu my had remains cold
and you remain distant.

Trapped in a house,
my only escape is gone.
There is no sanctuary here,
outside and inside is Hell.

I'm begging on the inside,
screaming without a voice
crying without tears.

Hey,

Could you save me?

tw: suicidal thoughts



I haven’t felt it in months...
But I knew I should’ve listened...
I should’ve thrown out all the pills
All the orange bottles in my nightstand drawer
I didn’t want to then
I don’t want to now
They’re my way out
My backup plan
When things go dark,
I can offer them to myself
There’s always the pills...
I don’t even know if they’re enough...
But part of me is desperate to find out

I write the things I can't say
All my feelings
that I leave at bay
The thoughts
that run in my head on replay
What clutters my mind
that makes me not want to see the next day
I write to free all
that I want to say