for the sun shining through your hair
and stubborn, indignant passion
for smiles with dimpled cheeks
and the twinkle in your eyes
because the ocean calls you
and the tides pull me in
you saved me from feeling like i'm drowning,
my head's above the water now
and so, now i'm breathing
honey, i'm all in
Red vines growing in the garden of my heart
Twisting and turning such a beautiful art
Every junction, an estuary of blood flow
A brisk of good feeling makes my heart glow
The garden is healthy yet empty from inside
With shades of red it covers from outside
For people who dared visiting this place
Always seeked love and left their trace
A few entered the garden with lust intention
And left the vines dead to bring me to attention
Since then the garden is fenced and locked
Some predicted it won't work but were shocked
Today the garden blooms with healing vines
While I water it everyday with tasty red wines...
This was the collective
the riddle of life.
In memoriam, I
light― tens of millions
of candles for each departed thought.
Ahead were hard times
of darkness, I wanted to
view the world from a cadaver eyes
after being cheated, robbed
to be born again with
a blank book, as a white sheet
on dust-ridden toes.
Nobody will know
that a father was coming home
to seek the unborn children.
Take a walk in the rain
Sounds relaxing right?
But it's not
Not when you've been stuck in the rain for seventy-two hours
The sound is soothing at first but slowly drives you crazy
You can't hear the music
You can barely hear anything
It's just you, the water, and that irritating sound
Then the real thunderstorm starts,
The skies darken,
There are bright flashes of lightning just out of your reach
That almost look... happy
The rain pours down in buckets
Your rain coat no longer works
It stopped working a long time ago
Finding your way back to the cabin is the worst
You want to leave and head back but something keeps telling you to stay
Then you go a little crazier
You stay a little longer
When you do get back the cabin is cozy
Hide in some blankets and wait out the storm
Thunderstorms are terrible
But you can't have flowers without the rain
It's a strange feeling
Hard to identify
It starts with butterflies in your stomach
Then comes the giant down hill on the rollercoaster
It's a total mix
One part Adrenaline and two parts caffeine
Makes you search frantically for the right definition
What is the answer?
But your mind is in the clouds
Slowly, but surely falling down to earth
I'm falling and
falling and falling
You are hit with the brick wall of realization
But the crash is the absolute worst
you feel crushed
like an ant on the sidewalk.
I see you coming down the stairs to meet me.
Did you see this, you ask, and you slam it down on the table.
How can you live with yourself with these grades, mija, you say.
I know what's on there. I flinch.
You go on and on and on about them, and I sit and nod numbly. You ask me a question you think is impacting, God, do you even want to go to college
I sit and nod numbly,
You spit, then try harder,
And stomp up the stairs and slam your door.
You think that's it. Maybe I'll shape up now.
But mama, mama, that's not all
I've got so much resting on the tip of my tongue
And the back of my mind,
And it stirs deep inside my soul.
At this point,
I want to say,
Mama, how can I tell you that all I want to do is do stupid things and claim it all in the sake of life,
Get drunk and wake up with a new tattoo?
Mama, how can I tell you that all I want to do is climb out on the roof of a building and tell all of my darkest fears to my friend at the height of the witching hour?
Mama, how can I tell you that stability is useless and no fun, and that I'd like nothing more than to take off on a one way ticket to nowhere and not come back for years?
Mama, how can I tell you that I want to hear languages I'll never speak, and speak languages I'll rarely hear?
Mama, how do I tell you that I want to fall in love with a stranger on a subway thousands of miles from here, and do stupid, meaningful things with him in the twinkling lights of a restless city?
How do I tell you I want to be both a heartbreaker and be heartbroken?
How do I tell you I just want to retire to the ocean, that deep blue vivacious void that calls me across endless land, and disappear in its siren like folds?
How do I tell you I want to find out if God exists?
And if so, who?
Mama, please, tell me how I can tell you without you ridiculing me.
Please, mija, don't be silly. You need to be stable, don't be like your father.
But he's happy.
Happy doesn't get you anywhere, a degree does.
But mama, mama, listen to me,
I'd rather be your definition of nowhere than unhappy,
And if that means living day to day,
And that means couch surfing and doing what needs to be done and being labeled a hippy and a worthless punk to get tattoos and kiss strangers and get drunk at two am with the closest damn friends I've ever had and hear music I'll never hear again,
Then mama, mama,
So be it.
'Cause I want to live my life the way I want to,
And letters on paper don't mean
A damn thing.
It's been a while since I've seen you
We never really talked, though
I know that you've forgotten me
You have better things to do with your time
Like getting pregnant at 17
Doing drugs and OD'ing at 25
Leaving your son and daughter without parents
Not that I care all that much
I guess you were nice and cute back then
But you're really just trailer trash now
If we met I'd probably avoid your gaze
I'm well above the level you seem to have sunk to
Anyway, have fun getting high on meth
I'm sure you'll lead a great life
You exemplary citizen