The final call
Breathe,
Slow and gentle,
Like your trying to make a candle flicker,
The darkness shifts shapes,
In and out,
(how else would you breath?
Up down?),
Smile,
Practice your face,
Carefully control each muscles contraction,
Tightening,
To create a (forced) relaxed face,
You spiral your hair around your finger,
Wind and unwind,
Twist your fingers around each other,
Tangle into bending shapes,
Stop,
Smile,
Just be normal for five fucking minutes.

Curtains up
The act has started,
No mistakes,
The shell must be maintained,
No cracks,
‘I’m fine’ (I’m breaking),
‘everything is great’ (everything hurts),
‘I will be okay’ (I want to die),
Look carefree,
Sylphlike.
Your cracking,
Your (pretending to be) tall,
Holding the space,
The room,
As much as your (small) body can,
Your actions exaggerated,
Slowed,
They see only (the fake) you.

Curtains fall
Just in time.
They cant know,
No muscles in your face contract,
This is you,
Dead eyed, dejected you,
The candle has blown out,
Smoke rises from the wick,
Curling,
Choking you,
Until you convulse,
Until your reflection shatters,
Lines cut through you,
The pieces fall on to the floor,
And you are empty.

Black,
Bleak,
A shadow.

Curtain call

Utterly breath-taking,

Haunting, bittersweet

Poignant and Gorgeous

Life matters

Love is everything

they say love will always start with illusion
but as we had made our way home
the streetlights had shined on
what was really on the inside
it shined on your soul
and its shadows covered
all of the doubts
that i ever had

it was almost an instinct
because when i had looked over
and saw you in the midst of
your tranquility
you beamed and bloomed with colors
that i swore i’d never seen before
everything had gracefully clicked
and fallen in the very right place

i had promised myself, then
that my love for you
would go on until the end of time
even if yours didn’t
even if your love was meant
for someone else
i had devoted myself to you,
i wanted to give you all of me
and i wanted to be the one to give you
the love you had always deserved

in that moment
was a compilation of every other moment
that lead to this one
that lead to me realizing
that it was you
who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with

pain is temporary... just like life.

— n.y | t r u t h

Feel the heavy the sharp
life that twists and turns
battered and bitter loss
unholy rage unfettered
takes without a given
heralded forever alone
with walls weeping
deep wounds in my spine
how does one continue
when the final page
was three chapters ago?

appreciative
of this brief lull
in my engaging life
something i don’t get so often
i cling to this moment
and turn silence inward
letting my thoughts go
by itself
dropping my mind
and just listen
to the quiet splendor
around me