The red flags she wore
Never hung this high before
what's the beauty of love
when it's the pain you endure
I ask why doesn't anyone love me
then what is love even to me
It takes people with issues to love hard
or maybe not at all
it's love & be loved
but love is nothing at all
but memories left a scarred
The scars yet a blueprint to my soul
The lowest of my lows
The torture I had to go
So I give my heart as a whole
or maybe it's all parts
how love still struggles to erupt from these scars
But how can I love you
when no one has loved me
& how can I love you
when I don't even know how to love me
is the love I even show you
just what love is to me?
because love is nothing but a devastating memory
so I apologize & warn you in advance
for all the misconceptions I come with at hand
Because the constant distress you see
followed by your unconditional company
is what love is to me
searching for someone,
only butterflies came
yearning for some love,
only buzzing lies weighed
worsening feelings shun,
i was only left with pain
cursing at the holy sun,
i delve in and inhale novocaine
numb to the pressure,
numb to life's swirling blend
enjoying life's pleasures
as well as being
numb to each one of them
It's angry eyes and snarling face,
running towards me at such a quick pace.
It's white canine jaws,
I was tackled and held down with its razor sharp claws.
I was in pain,
the dog bit my arm as my eyes poured down rain.
My bloody wound was carved in deep,
I hear a voice call out in a terrified weep.
The pain decreased,
when my arm was finally released.
Why do I keep checking my phone for a message I know I haven't received
I do I keep waiting for something that is non existent ?
Why do I keep hoping for a miracle ?
Why do I keep loving you ?
Why is it when I want to move on your always there with an outstretched hand drawing me back to you ?
Why is it that whenever you call I keep running back ?
Why is it that whenever I'm around you my face that usually says nothing is like an open book ?
Why is it that you can see through my soul?
Why do u do this to me ?
Why do u make me hurt ?
Why do u make me think ?
Why do u make me cry ?
Why do u make me angry ?
Why do u make me jealous ?
Why do u make me feel ?
Emotions I'm not used to cause I've been emotionless for years and haven't realised
Why are there so many unanswered questions when it comes to you ?
I've never been to the city,
but I've spent a million nights
lost beneath the starlight.
I used to dream of subway stations,
lively streets and crowded bars,
but after wandering through forgotten towns,
and sleeping under starlanced
I could never live in the city.
I've never felt peace
like I have at the shores
of a perfectly still creek.
I wouldn't find that in the city,
not between the mugger's,
and people yelling in the streets.
I thought I wanted the city,
but after traveling across the country,
I know what makes my soul happy.
I want sunrises after 12 hours of driving,
with no direction,
but towards the setting sun.
I want nothing,
but the security of me and you
moving along with the current
of our nomadic souls.
Before you judge me
Look at your own reflection
Make sure you're perfect.
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a midget
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's dirty little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name
A tongue needs no bones
Mine is lemon and honey
Prickly by nature
I have what you don't
A balanced filter for two
For sour and sweet
A tongue needs no bones
To cut in and wound someone
So, wield your sword well
My father never drank when I was young. Never a bottle in the house. I would be proud to boast "My family doesn't drink"
because I knew my grandfather was an alcoholic
and it tore the family apart
and I know the families in town where the father is an alcoholic
and slowly it all falls apart
but when I was in highschool my dad started keeping beer in the house
which turned to vodka
only once in a while
only to relax
only on the weekends
we all laugh
"It's like you take a shot of the chaser and down it with the vodka!"
When he started drinking at two in the afternoon on vacation
we all laughed
no big deal
It's just to relax
but what i'm afraid of
is that this is how it happened with his own father
that it was all fun
until it wasn't
and it was no big deal
until it was
and they lived in separate houses
and he drank himself to death in a little house alone
When is the line where it all falls?
How do you fix something that is just a joke?