The fullness my heart feels The unspoken genuineness The love human appeals My chest spills endless
The joy of the admired I reciprocated deeply Smallest thing’s all that’s required To make one truly happy
Having been longing for this My brain was always clogged But without any lack of his My mind’s fully unblocked
For genuine love in me Still lives deep down somewhere To know there’s still a piece My life’s restarting from there
For Keith, Fran, KF and BF
Relearning what it’s like to genuinely feel happy for someone. Not that it has never happened before, it’s more like I have never realized how genuine that feeling actually is, how intense I have always felt it for the people I love, and how people I love also have the same feelings for me watching me grow up and finally be happy.
I wait each night for a self. I say the mist, I say the strange tumble of leaves, I say a motor in the distance, but I mean a self and a self and a self. A small cold wind coils and uncoils in the corner of every room. A vagrant. In the dream I gather my life in bundles and stand at the edge of a field of snow. It is a field I know but have never seen. It is nowhere and always new: What about the lives I might have lived? And who? And who will be accountable for this regret I see no way to avoid? A core, or a husk, I need to learn not how to speak, but from where. Do you understand? I say name, but I mean a counduit from me to me, I mean a net, I mean an awning of stars.
Authentic City One of the hardest destinations To find Once found hard to stay at Unless you can find peace Not always fitting in Not always feeling liked Not always being treated equally Despite being aware of what’s not fair Or right.
To be seen for the first time; Your palm pressed firmly against my cheek but I felt it radiate in my chest. Watching your eyes gazing the horizon of my pupil. Getting lost in the breathless moment of our desire escaping. I don't think there are enough thank you's to be said about that moment. By now I would have already created an extended fantasy of this night turning into a lifetime, but not this time. This moment shall be pressed like lilacs in between my journal just as is. This time I don't pray this road leads anywhere other than where it actually ends. I could have said I loved you in that moment but I waited till after you left & just told the universe thank you. Thank you for whatever this transforms or ceases to be.
How I know you are my best friend: Everytime something good happens I want you to know I enjoy your company I genuinely love you When I go somewhere I wish you were there with me I have an unlimited amount of respect for you and you respect me back You want to help me and make sure I'm okay and I want to do the same for you You actually care. My mom loves you You want to talk about our lives and hardships and don't care if I vent Thank you for being my best friend. For being you.
Limbo I feel like I am on a never ending train. No next stop. All this precious time I’ve wasted. God, look how much time I’ve wasted. I have wrote of you twice before Once after the first “I Love you” Again after I knew you. And now after I’ve known you.. The raging fire once felt now reduced to a flicker. I can now see you without a glimmer So many misunderstandings we never planned No one would ever understand. Who are you? Someone I should know but it feels as though you are a stranger Gemini Destined to be two halves Your noise echos in my ears Flashing memories of laughter brought While your betrayal vibrates in my body Leaving my stomach in knots Am I to forgive you for wanting to be whole. Sacrifice myself for you to be whole. No. I’ve rebuilt my wall. Brick by ******* brick Every piece to so sadly fall My tears it’s unyielding glue Leaving no clue Of the destruction it’s previously been through Now I know the true lesson in love To love until it is forevermore For in hope of another life where may meet again As lovers with a chance once more.