I don't really know where to start with this. I feel like I need to write and express, how I feel.
I was forgotten, maybe even hated but I spent days trying to search for you.
I spent days loving you when you forgot to love me back.
I spent months after that crying to myself at foot of my shower.
I spent months pounding fists into my pillows, screaming words of bitter vile at those who actually cared for me.
And the hardest part was accepting you didn't.
You left and I didn't know what I did wrong but all I wanted to do was fix it! Fix me!
You somehow became my anchor to this reality without me even knowing.
We had created a world I could survive in but without you it all just fell apart.
My heart, my mind, I wasn't me.
Maybe you'd love me now because I do things I never did back them.
I smoke a joint with my friends and get drunk everyday but the weekends.
I sit in my room trying to think about something other than you but my cold heart is frozen on the subject, it refuses to beat away from it.
I no longer eat. My diet consists of a 32 glass of H2O and a hand full of pills that's supposed to make the fat go.
I'm worthy now I promise.
But somehow I'm never enough for anyone even me.
And if you could look in the mirror and see what I see you'd have taken your life long ago.
Too many people end up hurt over the loss of someone that they don't really know.
They say I'm so happy and that I'm doing fine
But they don't even see what I don't let show!
My world is insanity and my mind won't stop thinking!
My heart just stop beating. Not physically, just emotionally.
I decided if I can't really die I'll just die in another way!
Let me tell you death is a funny thing.
People claim to love you and people claim to care but the whole fucking time they were completely unaware!
Of the thoughts that literally eat me alive and the loneliness I constantly feel inside this ugly fucking shell I'm left to take care of, because the girl that I was is gone.
I can't handle the fact that I let myself down, I let myself drown.
Because you were my anchor and you wrapped around me as I struggled to breath. You disappeared into the depths of my tears that created this sea, and then you were gone and I was left drowning.
The water froze over and I couldn't break through, I just watched everyone watching me there, acting like the couldn't see me or that they didn't really care.
I wish you would come and rescue me, like I'm a damsel in distress from your favorite movie.
But I keep sinking further and further from the surface each day, and I'm so sick of everyone telling me that I'm okay.
If you were my eternal truth
I would not seek for the heaven
If you were my salvation
I would not be afraid of savage
If you were my each dawn's sunshine
I would not fear the dark clouds
If you were my vast ocean
I would accept me as the silver sands
If you were the colors of my forever's happiness
I would fight with the darkness
If you were my blue sky
I would be the brightest star
If you were the end of my tears
I would hide my smiling face on your shoulder
If you were none of these but stayed loyal
I would love you with all of my heart
And so man had been where few were
And I, a tiny stump of nature once heard
Shall say little as the boy and girl of today say
Hey not a thought means more in a horse hay
And so it were fools scarce and beams a plenty
Not a tidal of hope for those who've a plenty.
Smart was my first girlfriend,
Open minded she was a friend.
She was my 3rd crush,
Often she would blush,
Forget I'd all the rush,
The bosom of hers was so plush.
Why I remember our third kiss,
Ended it so sweetly in a bliss,
Royal caramel chocolate I miss,
Enthralling was her soft hiss.
Her memories I remember sharply,
Exceptional was my every reply,
Really my kisses were never haply.
Lies never ever appeared among us two,
In fact she wanted me to be her Mewtwo,
Penance she was my life number two,
She wanted to kiss me but atwo.
I traveled to a city where the buildings kissed the clouds and the streets were so loud I couldn't even think
but in the midst of all of the beautiful chaos I still managed to think of you
we weren't even talking at the time and I thought of you
I thought of how you'd admire the city with your excited eyes and squeeze my hand every time something caught your interest
I thought of how we'd walk the streets and parks for hours and just talk about every little thing
I thought of how we'd lie awake at 4am whispering sweet sleepy words
I thought of how I wished you were mine
I was in the middle of such a beautiful city
everything was so new to me
and all I wanted to do
was share it with you
sweet to hear you voice again
i miss the nights where we'd run to the park
swingin' on the swings
tryna reach the stars but would only end up falling
falling for each other
smoky skies and smoking cigs
that is who i am
but you didn't care as you held me closer than anyone
and made me yours to keep
damn those ocean blue eyes
my baby, i would gladly drown
if it meant i could taste
those lips once more
you were my first don't you know
in more than one sense of the word, oh boy
once you sucked my lips dry of all my worth
and stole my beating heart
tangled yourself in the arms of another and forgot my name
did you finally realise what you lost?
'baby where you goin?'
'baby please i'm sorry baby come back?'
walking away wearing your jacket, smelling cheap aftershave and cigarettes
smells like this love
Thoughts about you
What does one do?
Goodbye to the moments
With your gripping
Intended to hurt
Loyalty were just words
Leaving the mouth
With cracks, revealing to everyone around
Closed eyes and numb
To what's going on
Closed eyes and numb...
Closed eyes and numb
The eyes of the world have looked upon you.
So sad they only saw your pouting lips.
If we were ...
if we were in a same bed now ..
i would be waking you up ..
and asking for sex right now ..
even every night will do ...
will asking you for a hot nice sex ...
yes sweet bird mine...
i want to make you happy ..
with every night ..
i will make sweet lovely love ...
you will never know ...
even you will never imagine ...
how it would be ...
craziness through craziness ...
as my feelings as well as me ..
will take you as you need ..
to my great crazy world ...
my world and it craziness ...
which you love and desire ...
your desires that never get stop ...
until you get a tire body ...
with a sleepy eyes ...
but even ..
will never stop ...
will keep making that love ...
even when you dive into dreams ...
will keep making love with you ...
all kind love ...
even a dirty ones ...
just to make you happy ...
my sweetheart ...
just pray to be together now ...
just pray sweetheart ...
that we are in a same bed ...
hazem al ...