Dharker 19h

Thoughts about you
Gone wrong
What does one do?

Goodbye to the moments

So relentless
With your gripping

Intended to hurt

Loyalty were just words

Leaving the mouth



With cracks, revealing to everyone around

Closed eyes and numb
To what's going on
Closed eyes and numb...
Closed eyes and numb

This piece is a song I wrote during a difficult moment I was going through in my life. This was a starting point that many songs followed after. When I write music, I try not to write anything too direct. Yet, when writing this one, I couldn't had been anymore...over hinting to the subject. It is direct in every way possible, but because of this, it gives a true raw essence of its time and what I was going through.
Emil Jun 19

If you were
the sky
i'd be the sea
and when
you shined bright
it would reflect in me.
when you're at rest
i am steady.

Paul Jones Jun 15

The eyes of the world     have looked upon you.
So sad they only     saw your pouting lips.

15:00 - 15/06/17
State of mind: concentration; focused; thoughtful.

Thoughts: from thinking - about an illustration I saw from art & philosophy's Facebook page. It was a criticism of the modern, narcissistic, selfie-taking culture.

Questions: How can we design working environments that makes laziness difficult and productivity easy and enjoyable?

If we were ...

if we were in a same bed now ..
i would be waking you up ..
and asking for sex right now ..
even every night will do ...
will asking you for a hot nice sex ...

yes sweet bird mine...
i want to make you happy ..
with every night ..
i will make sweet lovely love ...

you will never know ...
even you will never imagine ...
how it would be ...
craziness through craziness ...
as my feelings as well as me ..

will take you as you need ..
to my great crazy world ...
my world and it craziness ...
which you love and desire ...
your desires that never get stop ...
until you get a tire body ...
with a sleepy eyes ...
but even ..
will never stop ...
will keep making that love ...
even when you dive into dreams ...
will keep making love with you ...
all kind love ...
even a dirty ones ...
just to make you happy ...
my sweetheart ...
just pray to be together now ...
just pray sweetheart ...
that we are in a same bed ...

hazem al ...

My best memories are not with her,
And I will forever remember them,
The reason I built my imagination,
Till my childhood was there to stay,
Enjoying the imaginary car crashes,
Less than an ambition it was never.

How clearly I remember myself,
Often playing with glistening toys,
They were mostly cars and tracks,
When my mind drove 'em like an elf,
Healing my loneliness with their jumps,
Eyes glittering with the picturization,
Ears hearing the imaginary blasts,
Love was simple & objective then,
Seemed the best life to a kid me.

My Mattel Hotwheels toy car collection used to be the biggest in the city.
I wonder if I still have it in the store room.

My HP Poem #1550
©Atul Kaushal

Just two years ago,
I was so happy!
And what about now?
Now I am just hapless.

There's no hope,
Vanished is every joy!
And guess what?
You took it all away.

You had brought it in,
Now you only snatched it!
And what now?
I am searching for happiness.

I search it within myself,
But have had no success!
And what reason?
Addicted I had grown to you.

Everything screams your name,
I had become too much attached!
And what keeps me?
A small hope for the future.

My HP Poem #1539
©Atul Kaushal
Brian Hoffman Apr 29

Guarded we were kept in rooms like cages
It felt like prison cells for us to cave in
Screams burning our throats and lungs with spit stumbling out of our tongues in which burned like hell
The constant reminders that it's suppose to heal and help
But medicated up we were and I don't call that any sort of help
Lab rats we were the test
Pills and pills pour out over and over again
Our rooms guarded at night with little freedom we were locked in
And when we were allowed out we were constantly mistreated
For me I was misdiagnosed not once but several times which made me feel so defeated
After a while my mind went bleak and I lost track of time
Day in and day out everyday felt the same and I couldn't break the endless cycle it was a strain  
And being said everyday felt like a constant struggle to get "better"
But how can you get better when you're inside locked not able to see the nice summery weather
From what I remember my roommate clawed the walls like there were chains and shackles on his hands
He tore open his knuckles trying to break free but there was no escaping so we laid in our beds hopelessly
When it came time of night I got to call home I was high
The pills they had me on were not right
So I slowly broke down in my mind
A place to help one heal but it took so much time
I was scared shitless worried that I was finally out of my mind
Because I knew I was not in the right state of mind
One bad slip could have cost me my life
But when I was sent here it was all a lie
My mom told me I was seeing a new therapist, but here I lay institutionalized
The unfortunate Bipolar chaotic mind of mine
Once I was set free I thought I felt fine but
Weeks later sadness and depression yet again overcame me
Some pills and whiskey tried to take me away to heaven which I'll see some other day maybe?
That's when I sent myself back to actually try and learn something this time around I wanted to find my solid ground
At first it was hard because me and the guards watching us all didn't get along  
When I tried helping others there I was shamed for it as if it was wrong
How wrong can it be helping those who hurt and are helplessly unhappy like me
The guards were always pretending they didn't see a damn thing
People cried and screamed on their knees, snorting pills, and cutting themselves with anything they could reach
So broken so reckless so helpless one should pity
When we sat and discussed things in group therapy we were judged and mistreated
But I myself came to learn and grow
So from broken fragments I was able to rise which did feel better than getting high with the people I once called friends that after all this left my side
I didn't let things get to me I sat I listened I spoke dearly
The bullying of others didn't help me along, but I knew I'd get out sooner if I was nice and acted happy and didn't play and edge them along
There were constant fights which I had to split up
Some of the others didn't seem to care nor give a fuck
But luckily for me and the few friends I made we worked together to better ourselves and get out of this place we found to be so shitty
With the right state of minds we surly flew out of the cages we all grew
One by one we were set free
Hopeless birds we used to be

Bipolar drugs metal hospital fly high
V Apr 24

if you may now my dear, let me speak
because my words are a dead language that only you could read
my thoughts are prisoners and only you could set them free
and my god it makes no sense and i was never yours to keep
but somehow you manage to look through me so mesmerizingly
my dear, I wish I wasn’t but I’m in too deep
and what truly upsets me is the fact that
we never meet
except every night
when i see you in my dreams

somewon Mar 30

take one minute aside
& just think about your inexistence for once

the fact that you weren't born at the times of WW2
or in 1900
& 1432

we weren't there yet

but where were we?

Tay Mar 27

What we once were
Running along the beach
Hand in hand
What we once were sneaking out for a midnight kiss
What we once were secretly dating
What we once were walking hand in hand into the sunset
What we once were till you left

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