I hate when the my thoughts go there
And I sit and stare
I hate when I get tempted to do that
And I do and regret
I hate when I do not feel content
As I haven't lived a sad life.
I hate when I do not know what I resent
But that feeling controls my life
I hate to see that I am not what I wanted to be
i wanted to spend time with you
i wanted to cook for you
i wanted to dance for you
i wanted to dance with you
i wanted to cuddle with you
i wanted to hug you
i wanted to grab and kiss you
i wanted to hold your hand
i wanted to play for you
i wanted to laugh with you
i wanted to be right beside you
i lacked in action because i was afraid
Hello my name is pure
My purpose is unknown
I do not exist
My name is faith
No one believes in me
My name is honor
No one lives for me
My name is peace
There is no such thing
I am impossible
My name is evil
I rule the world
My name is hate
I live with everyone
My name is death
I am wanted
I came upon the page and thought to write of who I am and who I was.
I thought it best to explain the things that people saw when they looked my way.
How I came to be what I see in my own reflection.
I gave benefit of doubt that they would or could then have some understanding. Perhaps naivety was my flaw?
The more I wrote the fewer looked.
Is it simply me or the openness that makes it so?
Is it what they see or the not wanting to really know?
Could it be that honesty is a frightening thing?
Am I better off to keep secrets and carry a facade?
Would then perhaps more be interested in who I am?
Would they then have the time to stop a while?
Or is it simply having seen they see no value?
And yet it is that I still need to fill the page...
and to hope someone will see me and stop a while.
To be noticed. To be known. To connect. Not by some pretence... but for who you are... not what they gain.
And just like that
I am back to being everything that he wanted
Except for the fact
I am not with him
He does not get to see
This better version of me
Mature and clean
Because he had his chance
And didn't see
All of my potential
To get out of my dark space
And be in a happy place
So I found
Someone without any doubts
Who cares and loves
More than he ever does
And just like that
I am back to being loved
By someone thats not just mean
Is this not what you wanted?
Is this not what you meant?
Sorry, oh my,
did you want a compliment?
Actually just no
I’m not sorry, and I didn’t forget
I’m just not sorry
because you broke that part of me
that could feel regret.
So I don’t,
and for you,
I wanted everyone to like me
without giving them a reason to
I wanted them to like me
without even trying to change their view
I wanted to be good,
without doing a good deed
I wanted to succeed
but to grow,
you need to first plant the seed.
You didn't know you didn't know what you wanted
Wish I could have known that we were over before we started