You left me broken.

Because of you I judged myself a little harder.

Reasons you loved me were now the things I wanted to change.

Out of all things, you used my vulnerabilities against me.

Kindness was used as a weakness, but you were too. My love was taken for granted.

Even though I still loved you for a while afterwards i finally realized my worth.

Not only was i broken, but i was growing. And the new me was glowing. And the part of my life without you i just couldn't wait to show it. My confidence was my new strength and I had you to thank.

All because you left me.

fists clenched with white knuckled force,
my nails pierce this skin and
blood trickles down fingers from these
perforated palms, and i can’t help
but to think how this pain
is nothing but a distraction.

— biting your tongue to stop the tears only goes so far

my wrists ache with desire and these lungs hitch
and heave with each sickening sob.
as my body begs to feel,
and my heart begs to not.

— to feel everything and nothing at once

the vivid pictures of raindrops tapping on windshields
have always been something to stay with me.
my raindrop memories of you were my most special
but as of late they've brought me nothing but sorrow.
the way your windows cried as we sat in our own euphoria,
shielded from the evils which plagued us
reminds me now of the way i had thunderstorms in my eyes
when you left.
i have an entire playlist of songs that i can't bring myself to listen to anymore
because every note reminds me of my fingers locked with yours
and every strum tugs at my heartstrings so hard they ache
there's no amount of pills in the world that could help me forget what your touch felt like
there's nothing on this earth that could soothe the ache in my stomach that arises when I hear your name
i thought of putting my pretty neck through a fucking noose once or twice since then
because i feel like i'm drowning and nobody knows how to swim
i can never be sure of how it feels to be shrouded in genuine happiness
because all this time i thought you were the source of mine
but how could something so perfect be so corrupt?
how could you take your once gentle hands and wrap them around my neck?
squeezing the life from my lungs while hot tears dance on my cheeks just like the raindrops on your windshield.

Turns my smile into frown...
Anxiety, I'm drowning deep down.
A voice deep within,
Another face that hides within.

Acceptance of the fact,
In denial of the truth.
Keeping thy self low,
Feelings, I am willing to throw.

My apologies,
If only I can put an end to this,
I can't find inner peace
With fate being such a tease...

I have so much respect for you
What I feel is true
All I speek is absolute
Reason for many to salute.

one night you asked me if I remembered what it was like to be in love with you
I laughed to myself because
baby
how could I forget?
you standing there, hands in your pockets
the smile whenever you laid your eyes on me
the t-shirt you wore under your clothes, everyday,
because it was once your fathers
the scar behind your left ear
that appeared after fighting for your sister
How could I forget?
dancing barefoot on the cold kitchen tiles
laughing so hard we could feel it in our hearts
smoking in your car, blasting music
making future plans to run away
I knew then I had it all
I know now, forgetting will never be an option for us
How could I forget you?
I could've sworn you put the sun in the sky and the stars in my eyes
there's no forgetting a love like ours

when my mind is quiet
my heart erupts emotions
it's pain erodes the mind blocks
and gives me whiplash
it subjects itself to neurons
and interlaces by craft
my heart befriends unspoken dialogue
and bears itself to my sensibility
it outbursts towards my brains game
in disparity
to be understood

it shreds
and snaps
and cripples

when my mind is quiet
my heart screams to make itself known