Though I shouldn’t engage
I cannot help but to feel
The best parts of me
Encased in your seal

Like a bear snared in a trap
Wrenching in pain alone
I cannot remove myself from her
As her back slowly turns

What I wish will never be
For the times we shared
And eloquent words spoke
Forever embedded in my mind
As alone I begin to choke

As I watch you depart
I slowly burn inside
With the memories that remain
Nothing left to fear
But a hollow disdain

So haunted am I
In some mysterious haze
As I hear her glorious song
Though the taste is different
It never seems to linger for long

As stagnant as I am
I cannot look away
As you slip off to revelry
And violently swept into another’s gaze

So alone I am to sink
Violently into the night
Holding on to the dead carcass
As I seek what was never mine

For what I want to do I don’t
And what I don’t I do
A part of me is carried of in the distance
Left with the stunning memories of you

Bits of me leave a trail back to heartbreak.
Shattered like a broken glass dropped from above.
No relief from my perpetual ache.
But if I get to choose I still choose love.

Lost in a place so dark no need for eyes.
Brought down so low can’t see the sky above.
Trusted my heart though all it told were lies.
But if I get to choose I still choose love.

My soul gave up and left me just a shell.
Abandoned faith and by my God above.
Each second worse than an eternal Hell.
But if I get to choose I still choose love.

Lost everything except my beating heart.
My stubbornness commanded from above.
There’s no excuse to let these feelings start.
But if I get to choose I still choose love.

I hate coming "home"
To an empty house.
I cannot smell you anymore.
I can't taste you on my lips.
You left weeks ago
Without a warning...
Devoid of a goodbye.
My refrigerator is full of rotting vegetables,
An empty cardboard box
Full of cold air
That I can't bring myself to throw away.
I used to come Home
And wait for you,
Lying in my bed with my eyes closed.
My heart flipped upside down
When the door creaked open
And you said, "Sally?"
Every morning, when you left
Before I even had the energy to open my eyes,
I heard the door creak
And my heart sank,
But my head told me, "He'll be back,"
And every day, like clockwork, you came back.
But clocks stop ticking
And hearts stop beating
Sometime.

how do you describe someone's smile
in poetic words?
how can i tell the person on the other side of the screen
that i crave to see his grin again
which i now only see in still moments in time

how selfless his smile is,
although he is no superman,
he rescues me from my darkness
and returns me to my safe place,
which resides in him.

do i have peace in mind
knowing that he may be seeing this
in someone else?

no, i do not have the right.
our time has come and gone,
like the shifting breeze
and the changing tide.

yes, i will still feel the caress from his hand
on my rosy cheek.
time brought his heart to me,
and i to it,
similar to how it guided me away.

this is part of the journey that i chose.
a thousand more years we may have to wait
for us to love again.
maybe then we will not hesitate,
but for now,
we wait.

Once a stubborn streamline
through solid eyes of a stone heart
now beaming to the cracked heart of glittering glit
broken china
torrents pump out of unadjusted dreams
once clear and aglow
once for a reason battling
now battered war veterans, each
oh my shattered existence!
oh my evaporated blood!
Those lips of sincerity
which blessed soul is to kiss
and rob the truth away from?
O my wretched flesh! Speak
And tell of the fractured bones
countless nights of moon watching
and sun hugging awaiting his scent
that never arrived.
Burnt burnt throat of mine
and rapturous moments of his.
Aye God! Send justice.

Let us not waste valuable time
Wondering what we could have been
Thoughts go around for hours if allowed
Questions make head spin

There is no point in worrying
If my decision was a mistake
Too late to change it now
Dwellig does not soothe the ache

No good can come of "what-ifs"
We didnt, now we're done
Our love will forever mean the world to me
Even if you were not the one

Heart, please tell me why.
I'm still waiting..by my phone
Waiting for a message that'll never come
Sitting here alone
Just watching the time run

Do you remember how we used to be?
I wonder If like me, she's feeling lonely
This depression doesn't want to set me free
Heart, I'm begging you to cure me

Because time doesn't seem to numb the pain
The heartache when I hear her name
These tears don't seem to stop the flame
I'm begging you to set me free

Oh heart, you turned out to be a traitor
Let her go so we can save her
Knowing we'd regret it later
But her happiness was not with me

The past is where my mind now dwells
As I suffer here all by myself
Knowing her kiss now belongs to someone else
And now she'll never smile for me

Oh heart, please let her go
She won’t come back, we both know
And no matter how much we wish it wasn't so
Only she can set me free

I had a relapse
Last night I stayed awake
Staring at the ceiling
Seconds felt like hours
Half consciousness
was messing with my feelings
As hours did pass, all I saw
Were the shadows mimicking your features
A war broke out inside my heart
I was fighting my own creatures
I had a relapse
Just when I gathered enough strength
To stop thinking about you
Thinking of your eyes, so cold...so blue
Imagining your voice screeching out my name
Pulling at my hair knowing it's all inside my brain
I had a relapse
When I finally resolved myself to hate you so
To hate your eyes and hate your voice
The hours bled out and And all I felt
Was your absence made a hole inside my soul
And how I feared that I'd never once again
be fully whole.
I had a relapse.
I love you, and I always will
I love your eyes, your smile and voice
Your laugh still gives me chills
And I'm afraid that I cant run away
No matter where..I'll hear your name
And tomorrow I'll relapse again
And while I stay awake
Nothing will take away the ache
I'll spend every second wondering
if you knew
That I'd spend every night
For the Rest of my life
Still thinking about you

It should come to no surprise
That I'm feeling lost again
I stay awake all night
Trying to drink away my pain
I'm trying to drown all of the voices
From the demons in my brain
But nothing's quite as haunting
As you  whispering my name
I will fail...I know....that I'll feel pain again
If you came back into my life
It's only to make me suffer till the end

Why do I let you keep doing this to me
You're still a ghost haunting, never sets me free
Whenever you appear you only come to hurt
Drop me to one knee just to drag me through the dirt
Why do I let you make me hate myself
I'm begging you..don't let this heart become my hell
Why do I let you come just to do your harm
Might as well grab this knife and start slashing at my arm
Why the hell am I addicted to this pain
Why  do butterflies still fly with the sound of just your name
Tell me why I'll forever be in love
Tell me...god... why that'll never be Enough

It should come to no surprise
That I'm feeling lost again
I stay awake all night
Trying to drink away my pain
I'm trying to drown your voice
That dances circles in my brain
Keep trying to bite my tongue
To keep from shouting out your name
I will fail...I know that I'm all yours again
All my bones are aching
Wrapped around your finger till the end
And there's no point in hoping
I know you see this as a game
But even if you don't love me
Please continue to Pretend