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mae 11h
you admitted to knowing
that in the end
you would break my heart
and i think
that is
what hurt the most.
when you told me the truth.
hello,
first thing,
I wanted to say I am sorry I couldn't
read between the lines
to save both of us
from my cowardly, drawn out,
self care of my so called
ambitious future
that taunted us so
and made you pick up
your love,
and walk away
and me, like the coward I was,
just sitting there
listening to your resounding footsteps
then turning back to
work on my
pathetic, lonely script of life

hello,
I'm sorry
I didn't smile at you
the last time that day
when it rained
and the sky
was the color of a
gray heartache
spilling out silver, translucent
tears for both of us
to soak up,
and the concrete was slick with
shattered memories
of warm hugs
and shared mugs of coffee
and the air was
heavy with unspoken words
and your withdrawn sighs

hello,
How have you been?
I know I don't have
the right to say this
but my god, you still look
like life when it's in a
great mood,
still sound like a voice
singing in the shower
I remember waking up to
with a smile
you still feel like
that moment when you wrestled
the long settled rose colored glasses
off my face
and made me see everything,
made me see you,
yeah, you could say
I took your moments for granted,
every laugh,
every smile,
every honest, caring word
I haven't worn the glasses
since then

hello,
I know it's not fair
for me to call you
after all this time, but I am
falling apart
and the only thing
I can recall in color
is the memory of you
sitting with me on the bleachers
watching the sunrise
warm up the cold, windy day
and paint golden our
intertwined hands

hello,
my name is sorrow and regret
and I like coffee
and everything else that reminds me of you
I've lost track of how old
the days are, but I know
there's an infinite number
of seconds and sky
between you and me
but, anyways after all this time
it's quite ironic to say,
but, I still have a dream
except this time, it's changed
it's now a dream where I
wake up to a world
where you are in my life (arms)
again

hello,
I swear I wouldn't take
anything (you) for granted again.
I'd answer every time,
any day,
any second,
any moment
you call.....
just maybe one day
you'll answer mine.
just maybe one day,
I won't have to listen
to a dial
and pretend that I can hear
you
say all the same things
back to me.
01/22/19
zsazsa 21h
Because of you I hurt another
Who could have been my first true lover
Perhaps if I could fit you in a jar,
no, a cage.
If only I could tie you down with ink to
a torn out page.
Maybe then I could forget you,
and bleed my last drop from this pen.
Maybe then I could forget you,
and let the paper suffer with you instead.
DG 2d
Someday you’ll look back
And you’ll see the mess you made
The path you should have took
I hope one day you’ll miss me
I hope it makes you cry
I hope it makes you feel just how you made me feel last night
Please don’t forget I love you
I hope every once in awhile, you’ll keep in touch
Because you’re the only person I have eyes for, and such
We use to talk of all the things we loved to do:
holding hands, lying beneath the stars, our conjoining of hearts

I believed I was in love with you and yet,
I remember the day you said goodbye like it were yesterday,
erased me from your life as if everything were nothing;
A swift kick to the curb—
the nerve

I’m glad to know it’s that easy to walk away from me
and that all the things I sacrificed for you
were as meaningful as the dirt on your shoe

Thanks... No, really... thank you

For now I know what not to look for
And that’s all the characteristics in which you possess;

The v i l e,
psychologically projected fear of loneliness
Along with your tendency to hide, lie, and be promiscuous

You and all your disturbances left such a bad taste in my mouth;
so much so, that I refuse to even utter your name aloud

but I will take with me all the lessons I've well earned,
and forgive you for all the disrespect that you so gave me

oh, and yet
be rest assured that you'll see what the **** it is that I'm worth
Now go ahead and ask me if I care what it is you think of me?
yup, uhh nope, not at all
But I do pray that you learn from your past discrepancies..

why you ask...?
well see, no other girl should have to suffer
solely because you can't ******* keep it together

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU
and not everyone can build themselves back up from the devastating destruction you very well cause

you should know
that every decision creates a tidal wave
that not everyone can escape the repercussions of
January 14, 2013
Leah 3d
dead air hangs heaviest on phone calls cut short
the static hummed like an ancient hornets nest in my head
deep imprints left from landline buttons on my cheek
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend plastic resembled the feeling of his face against mine
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend the static sounded like his voice in my ear

he told me once that he liked my skin
but what he meant is that he liked it better on the floor
i would have never guessed how quickly hungry hands could eat me alive
but i wanted their starvation to be my salvation
i always knew i was a better window than a wall
but I didn’t know how easy it was to see through me

seven syllables like bee stings
my throat began to swell like his words themselves were anaphylactic
and as i began to see stars i pretended i was in shock
he left me like a bullet exits a body and i guess that’s what i get for loving a loaded gun
but I’ve always been known to be the first to pull the trigger
roulette was just a way to pass the time between waking and sleeping

i was a phantom of longing and lament
i missed his hands even when they were around my neck
i wasn’t a woman
i was shades of blue and violet and unwarrented violence

the perverse pleasure of pain
left like a malady in my mind that spread across my nervous system
and seeped its way into my bone marrow
the only chemo i could find were empty beds and dark rooms
indiscriminately i handed myself to the radiation of sterile hands and nameless faces
i wanted them to rearrange my molecules
or at least help me shed the skin he had liked so much

etched into my eyelids in glowing persistence were the words he left me with
i hung onto them, i gripped them tightly, white knuckled desperation i clung to the sound of your voice rattling like a chain link fence in my mind
“you will never be enough”
i wanted so badly for you to be the cure i made myself love-sick
**** and limerence felt like love even when the landline went dead
i realized that corpses have a funny way of staying just alive enough to get through the day
Amaisha 3d
It is wreckage and salvation,
An absolute illusion
Of a perfect paradise

A symphony of heartache
A wretched game of pain,
Joined by melodies of tears
Along with notes of rain

It wakes the heart
Yet breaks the soul
An unwanted loss of time
In a wanted time of daydreams

Whether returned or ignored
It's uncertainty kills the most
Unable you are to walk away

From what is wished for
In the desires of the heart
But prayed to be forgotten
In the mechanisms of the mind
This is a poem I wrote when I was mad crazy over this friend of mine and the fact that I couldn't tell him got to the point where it was detrimental to my mental health (Panic attacks,etc.) so because of that I ended up confessing to him, only to find out he was in love with my other close friends. Stung like a ***** but I got over it so at least I can say I got a decent poem out of the experience :))
Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
alone.
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
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