Always thinking... On the endless possibilities My endless journey of searching Mind you, I am willing to pursue the probabilities
Since the beginning of this The very first idea I thought of.. Day to day I seem to miss I havent really seen such purity first and foremost Met me, have you not, whichever the situation will be You will always have a special place, wherever it will be, .. in me.
I miss you all hours of the day More throughout long nights Curled up next to somebody else It just doesn't feel right I lie awake for an eternity Memories in my head Wishing it was me there with you Instead of her beside you in bed When finally my mind drifts off Expecting sleep to bring relief It is a blessing and a curse You always haunt my dreams
I hope that you choke on the promises that you made me. Every word, every plan, every reassurance that you'd always be there, every claim that I was yours and yours alone, I hope that they suffocate you the way that your misplaced love sits on my lungs like a brick, sinking deeper and deeper into my soul with every breath I take and every beat of my heart.
I'll miss you always, I'll want you always...
but I might just hate you always, too.
**** I know I can't have her and I know she doesn't want me but there's nothing I wouldn't give to be hers.
No words slip from my tongue. No words emerge from my fingertips as they race across the keyboard. No words spill from my mind, trace the recesses of my brain, leave my lips with the taste of butterscotch. I have traveled far and wide, from one pole to the other then so far west I'm back in the east, but I still have no words. No words to describe this feeling, the one at the back of my throat every time I speak, the one tingling at my fingertips whenever I press them against the keys, the ones zigzagging my mind from dawn to dusk and even after that. No words to describe the tightness of my chest, whether from the way she tucks her hair behind her ear or the weight of today on my shoulders. The thoughts -- I chase them, but they always slip away just as I can feel them in my grasp. No words, no thoughts, no way to finish this poem not when it's ever-flowing, ever-growing, ever-changing, ever-there.
This should have never started, you and I. Got lost in all the feelings and the moments of lies. Now all I ever know is the pain deep inside, I tore my heart open just to keep you alive.
I always put you first and forgot who I was deep down inside, drowning in the fear of letting go of what we could have had, we should never have happened and you know that I'm right. This love we had changed both of our lives.
Now I think I've learned my lesson trying to keep you by my side, I never needed you all along and lost myself in the process to make you feel loved and you're the one.
I blame myself because I knew that I deserved better but I kept falling for you and your promises of a happy life just because I wanted to feel a love that I never had.
I never thought I'd find myself again after I lost myself because of you, but now the fog has lifted in my head and I see the real you. Changes are made by the ones that want it, but you... I don't think you'll ever change yourself to be the best version of you.
Don't expect to come back again now that it's all clear and makes sense to me, I put you first because you just wanted to use me, now I know that everything that happened between us was just a way for you to cope... Because you needed my love to pick you up and make you high when you needed it most.
It all makes sense now the way you treated me... Was just a reflection of how you couldn't see, see your own worth and your ability to love yourself so you needed me the most as a lifeline to save yourself from your own insecurities.