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Reign Aug 21
12
12 well my love what can I say about 12
In astrology there are 12 signs in the zodiac
Though the 5th and tenth are my favorite
When you add 10 and 5 you get 15 minus your favorite number 3 we get 12
That’s not all about 12
Jacob has 12 sons in the Bible
Jesus had 12 disciples
Moses led his people out of Egypt and twelve tribes were started
Let’s not forget In English, twelve is the largest number that has just one syllable.
While time is precious and we hold so dear the analog clock has only 12 faces to depend on
12 my dear has been the number of miracles
Phenomenons and amazement In all of mankind.
But with all of that, the greatest 12 that will go down in history is today’s 12. The twelve years I got to enjoy being married to you, the twelve years of memories we share the twelve years of me getting on your nerves and the 12 years of you not having it any other way and neither would I love neither would I
Happy 12!
Happy 12
k e i Aug 15
the date reads november 18.

there's 6 days before our anniversary

-i think i've finally gotten it right now.



the air's crisp with that autumnal scent of dried leaves. the coffee’s what keeps me from losing the last of my grip on this cold morning, indifferent to the iciness of our early days i currently heed through.



my forgetfulness had its way of having us spiral down to endless fights-our anniversary was one thing for instance. petty back and forth bickerings resolved with my “i love you's” met with eyerolls failing to cover up the smile that slides it way on your face. heated stares and suffocating silences. “i'm sorry, i'll make it up to you's” soon lost its charm. conflicts hung with one of us walking out. compromises wavered, melted into emotionless pleas to end it all-us saying "**** it" to the rings glinting on our digitus quartus.



the day we've chosen to surrender it all true to life inevitably came, that september 7 five years ago. if i force myself to stop thinking about the specifics, i can brush it off as our homage paid to the same day i was first made known of your existence as you passed by me in the campus grounds, the day we scratched our angst upon a match box-little did we know it would become the same fuel that extinguishes all the embers we've lit aflame. that year winter followed but it simply couldn’t come up with blizzards raging with more cruelty.



autumns ago we gave up on being each other's stressors and stress reliever. we’ve turned out to be the boulder rolling on all the spaces we shared, flattening the dreams, the dayfalls, the vows we’ve exchanged and wherever it was that we’ve only quite reached the middle of;



our midpoint turned out to be our ending.





for so long this wondering nested in the crevices of my hollow. have we done or not done some small thing, done or undone it some other way, would the course of things have ran differently for us?



maybe they’ve been right all along,

and their fingers pointed to our temples were justly served.

maybe they were right and we were just two kids unsuspecting of just how much an involvement of forever would cost us.

such hasty entanglement, infinitely falling unto acts of impulses yet again.

maybe we should’ve saved all that trouble of gown and tux thrifting and cake tasting and tying the knot until the years proved ripe with stability.

you should've said “we should talk about this first.” instead when i got down on one knee five months after we’ve gotten our degrees.



you could have offered a spillage of precarious uncertainty instead of easily giving out that hearty yes, flinging us both on top of the world only to be mercilessly pulled six feet under, forced to breath still.

you would’ve stomped over the shards cut out of the shape of my heart but at least i’d eventually come with an acceptance. we wouldn’t have turned into ten years worth of grief.



i know you’ve always been born for higher things, always been on the lookout for greater pursuits. that’s what made me drawn to you in the first place after all. you were someone who knew where she was headed to despite the fuckedupness of all that surrounded you while i was some beaten down misguided boy who needed that pulling uprooting force of a direction.



maybe you should’ve gone off to medschool and i with working my way for a promotion before we dealt with rent and bills and threading on the line of what it truly meant to be parents.

i’ll always thank the heavens for having the thorns leave that part unharmed, our daughter cradled by peace, swaddled in the softest of petals, later on forging the steps where wildflowers bloom; it was only right we named her after one. celandine.



she’s got your doe eyes, the exact tinge of blue. i can see how much she looks up to you. she told me how she wants to be a doctor when she grows up the last time i picked her up from the place you both live in now. during the drive, she was humming to the chorus of that old nirvana song, you know, that one we repeatedly listened to. i couldn’t help but have my heart swell, nearly tearing up. it felt like a memory the three of us shared like her first nights at that house. her loud cries quieted down as you hummed that alt song into a lullaby. she’s very inquisitive for her age though she’s still yet to ask questions about us or why her parents don’t live or spend time together or why she only gets to see her dad during the weekends. but i think for a five year old she somehow understands.



i can imagine you scoffing, a cigarette dangling from your lips just like the old days where you’d light one whenever you couldn’t help but be annoyed. your belief that regret is stupid and what if’s take you to a drive to nowhere still stands strong. but baby for a long time the what if’s have kept me going, as with all my unhealthy coping mechanisms-when we peeled off the last of the wallpaper, pulled out our clothes from our shared closet, even still when i gunned my old corolla to ignition.



we lost it all.

to our fights. to their i told you so’s. to the vows we’ve memorized since our dates around the college park. to the milestones framed. to autumn and winter and spring and summer.



it's years later and we've managed to unstuck ourselves from the rubble this marriage has become like how adults are expected to deal with everything else this sorry excuse of a life hurls at. but hey, maybe you were right. maybe us separating was necessary to **** off the beasts that tore past the skins of our monsters in unison.



i know you don’t really regret any of it. i know what we’ve birthed from the sadness that trailed down our tailbones patterned from dysfunctional upbringings held out to be intentions pure, offered for a ravaging love. i saw it, felt it the years that led us to the altar and the years witnessed by those housewalls, those fall afternoons the three of us napped in the same room as a family.



there’s 6 days before our anniversary and i’ve finally got it right.

10 years too late.

forgive me for longing, but i think it’s only right that i make do with what was saved from the skeletal framework of bruised years;

the gold ring i’ve strung on a necklace.

the state magnets from our old refrigerator.

the photo album filled with pictures from that white sand beach on our honeymoon.

the pinstriped tie you made me wear on my first day at my third job.

even the way you used to hog the covers and how you’d tend to burn the breakfast eggs.



there’s six days before our anniversary and now, i’ve finally gotten it right.

10 years too late.





“our relics are still yet to meet their grave. but their epitaph would read happy anniversary”.
He did drugs for many years and he finally had to pay.
Because of his drug use, he died one year ago today.
He overdosed last year and sadly, he could not survive.
If he would've had the courage to say no to drugs, he'd still be alive.
When he first started, he smoked *** and later did worse drugs like ****.
He grew up around the wrong kind of people and that caused his eventual death.
On June 3, 2019, his family and friends had to say goodbye.
If you also do drugs, stop it or you will also eventually die.
DEDICATED TO JOHN W. BROWN (1970-2019) WHO DIED ONE YEAR AGO TODAY ON JUNE 3, 2019.
you are
my sunshine.
my love.
my rock.
my protector.
my big spoon.

you are the reason
for my smiles.
for the laughter through my tears.
for my sweet dreams.
for my hope and optimism in hard times.

i can't wait to marry you
Makayla Jane May 15
You are like a star, beautiful and unreachable; the brightest star in my sky
So lovely in moonlight,
That even the stars want to know your name
They watch you carefully, jealous, of the way you shine
Though all in all the same,
The stars would be so proud to know their atoms created somebody like you
To my handsome baby,
Happy 1 year anniversary sweetheart~
I'm proud of myself and I have something to say.
I quit smoking last year on the 3rd of May.
It was one year ago when I smoked for the last time.
When it came to spending money for tobacco, I haven't spent a dime.

I was coughing up phlegm and I quit smoking because of my health.
My uncle died of lung cancer and I didn't want to do that to myself.
Because I was able to quit smoking, I know others can too.
If you smoke but decide to quit, it will be an excellent thing to do.
I am
so unbelievably
in love
with someone who actually deserves it
I wish I could think of
the right way to say
I love you...

It's like there's no possibility.
My vocabulary is far too limited
  The love I feel is far too complex
              And I am far too unimaginative
to give you something that hasn't been
Said a million times.

      you would certainly find a way -
      youve always been fantastic at words
      and i wish i could borrow
      some of your genius...

Every combination
Every language
Every time I try
I can't figure it out

You have made me feel like...
Like the solar system revolves around me
Like death could never take my life
Like I know the Name of the wind

      ... no ... i can do better
      i want to keep trying
      i need to keep trying because
      if i cant figure it out
      im going to implode

You deserve a special
I love you.

      something to mimic the special
      you make me feel every day
      i yearn to give you that
      so bear with me while i paint you
      a written picture instead and
      hope it can convey some semblance of
      i love you:
------------------------------------------------------------­
You are a city.
And that city, in my head,
Looks a little like... well

it's under constant construction, the
scaffolding where you expand
the buildings - your knowledge.
and despite what you might think
it's a comforting presence

between them run roads, so many intersections
all leading to different interests
but those streets have potholes - your past
experiences - and there isn't enough tar in the world to fill them.
not that it matters, because your traffic never stops and the
streets are never still; potholes and all

zipping around on those roads are cars
that get you from point A to point B - your responsibilities,
when you really need to stop for gas. it's admirable
how dedicated to those pit stops you are, and
that you still really love driving

fortunately, despite pollution - the toxicity dumped
by other people - your city is still eco-friendly. you wanted
fresh air, so on each building you install solar panels - you
never sit back and let people ruin the world

so people sit on their porches and listen to music you pipe
through the city streets, via loudspeakers you installed
because you want people to enjoy themselves - and they
absolutely love it. they show their appreciation through
smiles and laughter. how could they not? nothing can compare

In your city
I want to be a window washer
                      a maintenance woman
                      a taxi driver
                      a gas station attendee
                      an ecologist
                      a musician
I want to be someone involved with all you are.

You're a constant inspiration
So call me selfish, but I relish just being around you
And lavish that I get to be special to you

You deserve more than these simple three words
but for the sake of concision - your favorite, I know -
I'll simply say
I love you
I love you so much
in my heart of hearts
Know that.

One of my greatest fears is losing you
and sometimes I feel the time has come
      too much distance
      too many differences
that you're ready to leave

Not many things make me
     as sad as that does
Very few things bring me tears
     like that does

If I could make you feel
the physical sensation of
I love you -  I would.
It's visceral

I feel my heart warm up
knot in my chest
and in my throat
butterflies in my stomach
and tingles on my skin
Only just begin to explain it

I love you
with every fiber of being
Please
don't give up on me
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