Man y'all **** me off
But I wouldn't trade any of this for any amount
And honestly sometimes I wish I would

the traffic in your mind must have been so busy lately,
i couldn't even cross it and still can't.

If I could only find a space in time to let you know what was on my mind
But I could only tell you what I couldn't find
I couldn't find the words to talk with
I couldn't find a way to not feel awkward
I said at the time I couldn't take any more of being morbid
But just couldn't find the strength to move forward
I couldn't feel the pain that I feel so
I couldn't believe that anything was real
I couldn't comprehend it all had to end and when I needed you the most
I just couldn't find my friend
I couldn't choose a life to take
I couldn't sleep so I stayed awake
I looked in this mirror
But this couldn't be fake
But this guy looking back
It couldn't be Jake
I couldn't detriate
An I couldn't even think what the **** I had done
I could think this was all just for fun
But I JUST COULDNT STOP
I couldn't keep it on the lowdown everything was on top
But if I hadn't met you
I couldn't of got what I got
But I couldn't cry
I couldn't laugh
I couldn't fight
I couldn't bath
I couldn't try another path
I couldn't ask
Because who on earth is there to ask !

I...
I dearly miss you
Not because loving you brings me to life
Not because you made me smile a little brighter
Not because I once thought we were meant to be
All these things made me desire your company
But I unspokenly wanted all your attention
If I had asked, would you have accepted?

Or would my greed and insecurities
have driven you away?
You knew my insecurities about
             my appearance
                       my family
                               my past

You took me as I was
But I never found a common ground with you
Keeping me in the dark about you
         Your attention
                  Your Patience
                            Your composure
                     seemed to all be a facade
I wouldn't notice thunderstorm in the background
   Of course, I notice
I always wanted you to be truly happy
A happiness that might not involve me
Sadly with a smile, correct myself
      Will most definitely won't involve me
              if I catch a glimpse
                  please let me smile and cry
                        Let me drunkly sing to
                          Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah

This will be my first Christmas in eight years without you
And it's nearly brought me to my knees
I waited for you
I waited
The one thing you apparently can't do
Everyone leaves
Everyone
EVERYONE LEAVES
but .  .  .
I never thought it would be you.

This will always be our season
Even though
You Lied, Love