In process of knowing who I am! In process of recalling my memories! I found an empty space! A space I can’t remember! A space I struggle to belong to! A space I questioned my belongings in this world! A space I realized I’m forgotten!
I remember the naivety It was like swimming in an ocean
The waves prelapsing onto my skin Freezing cold But I stayed.
I stayed in the water allowing my nerves scream Screaming for warmth. Yet my body filled with **** told me to stay. It began to become warmer So I stayed in longer. I had hoped it would fill the vulnerable space I had open.
I let it fill me with salty cold water.
The skin on my fingers and toes began to fold. Whispering upon the folds worriedly 'Enough'. I resisted 'ENOUGH' the folds screamed.
My legs begin to move towards the oceans shore. The water droplets trickle down slowly but surely My face, My lips, My *******, Now exposed to what used to be welcoming air.
The air now filled with angry wind, whips my body, Harshly shouting 'Why, o why?' 'Why have you given your body to the ocean?' My lips, unable to move shiver against the wind's whips.
'Guide me back' my hair says trembling with mercy, damp of water.
The wind's whips weaken. 'Follow the path', 'Follow the path of rightousness'
The wind forgivingly breathes into my lungs Gasping, finally giving me the warmth and sweet taste of air
I know you. Sometimes you say things, expecting that I won’t understand, and I think it’s strange because I know you. That’s what this is. I know you, And I want you, And I care about you Anyway. Don’t want no one else. You might not know me, The stanchions you use to prop yourself up eating all that I have fed you, In the darkness, In the night, But I know you. And I want you anyway.
When I look upon my life and ask what It's all about I look upon my childhood of abuse and ask the question why I look and see only a life of struggle just to survive each every day I look upon photos of my wife no longer with me She who gave me hope and and a purpose In life I was so unsure of but, It was fate that bought us together And was fate that took her away a fate that gave with one hand an then took away with the other And left me to face this world alone still asking the question why to were I believe there Is no answer
Questions still I find myself asking but knowing there are no answers
how am i to breathe? without knowing every breath and every second that comes with the one after the next for the absence of expectation is nothing but fear when every moment could be sacred and could be known to the millisecond
i am precious with your time i count the steps you take and the ones that will come with it for i don't know when you will next step with me there to count and for me there to think about your every precious inhale and exhale
Inspired by T.S Elliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"