Jay Lewis 18h
There's pictures that I never did take
Memories I just can't erase
Your jumper still holds me when I need you most
I gotta keep it close
Even though
you passed away a long time ago.
Sickening thunder in an emptiness
That you cannot quite place.
Shuddering in the parking lot smoking a cigarette almost unable to support yourself,
Your father looks at you with melancholy eyes
Tear stained yet he never cries.
Stricken.
This is not an ocean or waves this is a sinkhole
A sudden tearing of the earth so forceful it knocks it off kilter.
The world feels off
Something is missing from us.
Letters from his family that will no longer have his name on them and people are never gone
Only lost.
Like you and me.
Grief.
A sudden loneliness that never existed before
A different strain of loneliness for every person that ceases to exist in this reality.
"I miss you" sounds horrific because this type of missing requires never coming back.
Please, come back.
All I hear tonight
is the cry of a lonely tree: atrophied, desolate sigh
echoing with the vintage song in my mind

I was distracted whilst writing fo hours
A hazy gaze with numbness sights
where stars shining high

Not the dripping colors of gel pens
that left a mark on my hand but the
colossal raindrops entered through  the lifted curtain of the window
to my notebook to my visible blue veins with a gentle touch that reminded me of you

In another corner
of the wooden balcony the seashells plumb that I got the other day after the walk by the beach dancing in rhythm
 Waving gesture to the lonely tree
Waiting to leave the roots
 The earth-shattering bond  
 Heart-on strings playing
  Withered, astounding beats

I asked my self :
am I not even a tree with strong roots: don't I belong to "you"?

Meanwhile
the tears flew from my eyes to my throat with the rising winds which chose to swaying with the gleeful wild grasses
with panoramic peace

I was still remembering your dark adjectives that you gave me mercilessly like fire what you knew can burn the secret garden you adore but never appreciated the warmth in your cold ....

The nightingale
started singing
I came back to the
forgotten Lonely Tree
in my mind
 amid the rusty life
   I would imagine
   Love is not that far
   No less was this romance
   With bittersweet longing
  just like the dreaming
and perpetual hope
that make lives complete
I was not writing poetry
this time but
A letter in hand
  Blue envelope
     very known address
    but never going to post
since the life ended
before the beginning
in unknown distant land....  
       Where I never belonge
 but deeply rooted
unlike the Lonely Tree

I am left
with the Letter in hand
      Deeply Blue
Lily 1d
Your stomach coils and knots,
Your hands wringing in your lap.
Will they have missed you as much as you missed them?
Will they remember the fun times you had together?
Your palms start to visibly sweat,
Your entire body heat rising.
Will they actually be back?
Will they have changed?
Your heart pounds,
Your breathing quickens
As the hands of the clock tick,
And you wonder whether they will be
Gone forever.
mt 2d
u used to like the way i listen u liked it more when i'd speak
i'd fall asleep to ur voice and find heaven in ur heartbeats
missing u hurts my core, makes me think feel and cry
tell me if my hands didn't shake when i see u would u allow urs in mine
still miss u
I saw an old house
windows shut , doors bolted up
Colour of daylight

I stood in front of
the house trying to figure
out why i was there

Took a while for me
to acknowledge my moment
of past yesterday's

Was a nice old house
Now ready to be knocked down
For new memories

Living in the past
makes you miss out on today's
So today's need care

Today is lovely
The spring sun is smiling wide
Making the sky smile

No more tomorrows
need to be lived in today's
Today's matter more
Living in today's is very lovely I didn't think I ever get there but I did and it's so nice too xx
My thoughts were touching
the warmth of the shore under the pristine sky
There was no hatred in love, only mistakes there;
the very same way no bright Sun without the Midnight darkness
can be whole

There was no unchanged depth of your love
unlike the ocean's surface: the waves changed the direction
with the wind you feel from the Avon Bridge
whilst I was waiting with each passing dawn
with the vague dreaming
not knowing I was missing out something
called compassionate interpretation

I was not misunderstood
but waited too much endlessly
trying to build a little paradise on sands
when my inner well-being was like illusory contours

I waved my heart into pieces
across the sea for you
to the fleeting Monsoon cloud
that was only mist .....
Listening to : Sigur Ros - The Nothing Song
       Loving : Jonas Blue - "Perfect Strangers" ft. JP Cooper
:Kygo - "This Town" ft. Sasha Sloan
You ask for help
When you are blue
And have no clue
But you also left
When you already received
The help you want
I know its selfish of me
to ask you
To ask me
For my help, cause I dont mind
I just dont want you to leave me behind.
Pls, you have trap me and im craving for you but its sad cause I know you dont need me anymore.
You all seem to be
functioning perfectly
without me.

I'd be happy for you,
if I could make myself flash a few smiles.
But for these hundreds of miles,
I just can't do...

I'd be happy for you,
if I could pull my head out of the gutter,
and make myself happy without you.
But instead, I'll run on a weak heart's sputter,
and I'll forevermore stutter,
when I claim to not be lonely.
But each and every one of my friends, you, are one and only.

I feel so forlorn without your smiles and your voices,
although I am sure for you life is full of rejoices,
because I am gone now and there is nothing to long for.
But, what could I want, apart from my past? Nothing more...

My past lays within a wetland,
just choked out by fearsome storms,
and hardly justified but also incredibly made up for by people I long to see.
Still, for myself nobody could wish to meet.
04-19-2018 22:57

i miss my dad, my friends, my home...
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