A girl sees herself as,
Ugly, broken, worthless
and most of all no use.
Her life feels all alone.
She need to make a choice,
but the day she decides to to
take a risk-
One complements ca make a difference
She is flying sowing feeling
One day at a time she takes life
Beautiful, happy, with so much
This is how others see her.
I can tell you my crimes so let me shoulder your pains
You looked at me funny and said
"Do you know what you're saying?
Jacob this isn't a game
I can't be feeling the same
I told you not to fight for anything there's nothing for you to gain
And now things are harder between us
Because I don't feel anything for you
There was a wall for a reason
Please, stop trying to break through
You told me you love me, and it's been on my mind
I know you're lying every time you tell me you're fine
I met him before I met you
Trusted him before I met you
He's still on my mind even after I met you
But what can I do?
Because I think you're still not getting it
A few months earlier with you and maybe this would be different
Maybe you do really get me,
That's the thing that upsets me
I want him, I'm in your mind
I think it's best you forget me."
Maybe you're right, I think I'll never get it,
Love is making me blind
I picked up the phone and I slammed it down
I realized, who am I to go around ruining the happiness you found?
I went and told my friends, and they told me I'm dumb
I'll be drowning in alcohol until my heart goes numb
Until I can realize I'm fucking done
"You know my heart wants more"
I say that, thinking you wont break it again once more
You can tell me I'm wasting all my time
But I've been looking for all the signs
And I've been finding it in you
You know I'm used to building up walls
Used to finding someone then I go taking the fall
I told you many times, "I'm fine, don't worry at all"
Nights I wanted to pick up my phone just to give you a call
Caring less and less around me, all my time has been around you
Let you inside my world when you told me not to
Told you many times that I got you
Ocean in your eyes, I've been lost at sea
Drowning in my thoughts, it used to be you and me
But I can't seem to find a single silver lining
I tell you I'm fine, but I'm lying
My heart can't wait for the right timing
Don't you get it?
There's a reason I met you, you don't think I get you?
You ask me why I'm trying so hard, because I think you're special
Embedded in my mind, it's only you and nobody else
Yet you said so many times, "There's somebody else"
But you still pick up my calls and you still reply to my texts
Told you "I love you" and that was a fucking mess
The cracks in your heart just look like mine
You and I were broken around the same time
Beautiful smile with all the pain in your eyes
You have a love so deep, you trust the wrong guys
And I understand it more than anyone
That for now you're not looking for a connection with anyone
But what if I told you I'm the better one?
Spilling all my heart and I'm going to let it run
My mind is saying leave you but my heart says no
You made your choice, but I can't seem to let this go
Thinking of your voice in a world so cold
I'm breaking down now but I won't let it show
And even if I may seem crazy it doesn't make this wrong
Wonder what if you're thinking "What's going on?"
I've been lost in my mind, but like always
I'll tell you nothing's wrong and everything's fine
What's the point of finding you, the one, if it was the wrong time?
I know you feel that no one can ever relate
You had a best friend but your best friend turned out fake
You got used to having nothing more to spend in your bank
And you think no one but your ex when you're drunk
I'm not the type of person to ever judge
But I know you still got feelings for him hidden under the rug
Your dad loves to drink, I guess it runs too, in your blood
But your mom and dad couldn't make it, so you gave up on love
You never seen it for what is was
You didn't have anyone to ask
So you gave it to any guy who was chasing your ass
You don't want to hear it but these are the facts
I was never the one to look back
But everything I see in you is everything that I lack
I lack all the positivity that you have living this up
I lack knowing if there could have ever been "us"
I lack in dealing with the pain and I use you as a clutch
Why do I write letters about a girl who had my heart crushed?
I guess I'm looking for some love inside a one night session
I can't numb this pain I feel with your affection
I dont regret loving you
But I do regret the things we did
I hope you regret what you did too
I know things were hard between us
But we can fix them
only if you want to
I love you then and I love you now
and Ill always love you
Like they say, you never forget your true love
It will stick with us even if we find someone else
your my true love
I just wish...that God didnt use you as the lesson I need
I wish it was someone else because I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life
I seen a future with you
but now thats slowly fading
yes things were hard
But I dont regret loving you
Im glad you came into my life
I just wish you stood
I want us to be ok again one day
I hope that your still the one
I will be waiting
But I realized that most people dont end up being with their first true love
and Im scared
because I dont want nobody taking your place
Yes we are different
But right now we're just not ready
I love you
and I dont regret loving you
I'm scared to know that I'm wasting my time
I'm so scared to realize I'm losing control of my life
I'm scared of commitment, of calling anything mine
I'd be lying if I told you "I'm fine"
Wiping these tables to put some food in my stomach
I'm tired of hearing my folks say "Don't worry, it's coming"
My heart is racing, I'm running to anything other than nothing
Drowning in depression and I'm trying to pull myself above it
I need someone to tell me everything will be okay
Tell me why did everyone I love, went up and faded away?
Am I crossing your mind? Because you've been all up in mine
But I bet if I saw you, I wouldn't know what I would say
Instead of being together with her, I need to get it together
Instead of writing these letters, I want to live to remember
Am I better from my past?
I wonder what I would know
Haunted by a nightmare when I really need let it go
I guess things happen for a reason
Should I have left these things to chance?
My grandma is getting sicker
And I'm never there when I should be
Feeling lost, I guess it runs in the family
Family told me, dreams and passions should always be plan B
How could you judge me if you don't understand me?
Right now everything feels like a do-or-die situation
"Who am I?" Every day I ask myself the same question
You call it nine to five, but I call it suicide
I rather be heartbroken and broke than be labeled as happy
They don't want to understand me cause no one can stand me
It's always the outsiders and not the real friends who end up standing beside me
You can't force this on me anymore
There's nowhere to go back
To that light of yours that was so appealing
I don't want to get hurt again, I'm begging you
Just forgive me, and I'll be leaving
I'm sorry, I can't feel it too
I've been waiting for you for so long
I'm sorry that I got used to being alone
Finally free from the hands of loneliness
You were the one who said,
"Everything is over between us"
You only cared about yourself
Just to get what was enough
Please don't be upset
It's better that I'll be the one to leave
As such, carrying no regrets