For the last time
i tasted a memory
for the final time
the odd ice-cream flavors
we made over phone calls
and i would get them
straight to your house
the very next afternoon
perhaps you have forgotten
perhaps you have forgotten
the taste of my lips
with odd tasting ice cream
i tasted it one last time
and it was intoxicating
more than any wine or vodka
it hurt a little too
maybe because i couldn't taste
your lips with it
or touch your cheeks
or call you mine
while i claimed this flavor to be ours
nothing is 'ours'
and what the fuck was
this word called 'us'
you had me thinking it meant 'infinite'
only the red and black
that you wore that night
has etched itself
in my memory
also that smile
oh and the way you looked
straight in my eyes
and how it was so easy for you to say your byes
perhaps i wasn't black enough
or maybe i wasn't popular
enough to be called a celebrity
to make you stay
it hurts oh fuck
the remnants of that night
in the flavors of almonds
straight from your lips
and in black & white
pictures of you and me
dancing the night away
under dim lights and
well how sad
this was the last sip of the 32nd flavor
and never again will this be
for there never will be an 'us'
which ever again means 'infinite'
We're getting there
Slowly and surely
Carefully picking our way
Down winding paths
Making things difficult
When it's really very simple
And were getting there
But I don't understand
Why this isn't enough
Why aren't we there yet?
This is my everything
And I can't give any more
Without giving up
If life were like Internet history
I wouldn't be here
And neither would you
I'd have deleted us from my history
And never seen you again
If life were like my email
I'd have endless lists of friends
Following me everywhere
Asking how my day was
And being "always there for me"
If life were like Spotify
I could hear what I want
And skip what I don't like
A song for the day
To carry me through it all
If life were like Facebook
I wouldn't be sad anymore
And you could move on
Once it all becomes "complicated"
Afterall, I can just delete it later
If life were like a video game
I could be the best
And you the worst
Because I couldn't fall for you
If you were only pixellated
If life were like an avatar
I could shape you up
To be the perfect image
And when I get tired
Just delete you like you did me
If life were like a video
Your voice would play on and on
Forever in my mind
Until I eventually realize
You pressed pause and I never knew
We were perfect
The best two
But you don't look at me like you used to.
I melt when you touch me
A beautiful fire burning inside you
But you don't touch me like you used to.
Home was never a place, it is you
Your arms are my walls, my safety
But you don't protect me like you used to.
The lights close at 10pm, we go anyway
First kiss bursting with love, I feel tingly
Water flows beneath, glowing lanterns
But you don't kiss me like you used to.
Long drives at 3am, coffee & donuts
Kisses at stop lights, holding my hand
But you don't enjoy me like you used to.
Hot tubs at midnight, steamy mirrors
Sexual thirst, unraveling into each other
But you don't crave me like you used to.
Early mornings with coffee and cream
Tired eyes, good morning kisses
My plaid shirt half buttoned & nothing else
But you don't admire me like you used to.
3 hour coffee dates, getting to know you
My travels. Life. My story. It interests you
But you don't talk to me like you used to.
Your beautiful eyes, your paced heart beat
Laying on you, you are my comfort. Mine
Your nose stroking mine, our cloud kisses
But you don't caress me like you used to.
I'm your sweetness, your lover. Yours
Pine tree flavored kisses, butterflies rise
But you don't treasure me like you used to.
"I love you." to "Love you." to "Love."
What have I done? You are everything
You push me away. What do I do?
I ache for you, I am in pain. I am alone
But you don't love me like you used to.
Ignored, unloved, untouched. Me
Alone, depressed, lost. Me.
Now I don't love myself like I used to.
You have to be strong.
Because me, I'm weak,
I've let them break me down.
You have to be wise.
Because me, I'm confused,
I've let them cloud my judgement.
You have to be loved.
Because me, I'm despised,
I've let them change who I am.
You have to be far from me.
Because me, I'm a sickness,
I've let them destroy the good in me.
I've let them turn me into something I
Don't recognize anymore.
I've become what they always wanted.