I was once Beautiful and Wise- but I'll settle for being Decent and Senseless.
I once considered you Handsome and Loyal- but I'll settle for you being Ugly and Dishonest since we know that suits you best.
Please remember - I don't need your permission to be lonely and sad sometimes.
And Please remember- I don't need your approval to find myself again.
Your words used to cut through me like knives and I would run to nearest bar and drink my sorrow away while I cried to strangers.
Until I remembered that my worth isn't measured in what you think about me.
So all aboard the Heartbreak Express we are headed straight into traffic as we dissolve all memories of you and your ugly words.
The time has come to leave the past in the past and move on to the future full speed ahead.
I'll drink to the memories we shared- they weren't all full of pain.
I'll drink to myself! You're not all that bad most of the time.
I'll drink to my people- thanks for sticking by me when the times have been rough and the going gets tough!
I used to be Senseless and Decent - but then again that was all in my head and I am better than that babe.
You used to be Ugly and Dishonest... oh wait, you still are.
i'm too sad to be sad
a funny sentence in itself
clutching a can of cider, i'll have another sip
feel the bile rise in my throat and wonder
maybe if i'm sick it'll expel the love that wraps itself around every inch of my being
every thought that breezes through my brain
leaving scars so small and meaningless that even i struggle to realize their existence
should i nap?
no, that wouldn't work
for you see, my dreams turn into memories of you
a shared joke, drinking a pint or two
whispering sweet nothings into my ear
playing me for the fool
because i thought i could trust in this
again, i was wrong
but only now do i see its truth
still chasing a broken dream in which happiness exists
in which i belong
i sat there last night
arms wrapped around the toilet
longing to be enveloped by your arms instead
longing to breathe in that scent that brings me so much reassurance longing to be in that place where i feel right
yet these arms remained pressed against white porcelain
cold and sterile, like the words you used to say goodbye
told me this was a mistake
watched my heart break
and not a move did you make
to help these tears dry
Saw you on the street tonight,
you were walking my way.
You were with Arnie,
I knelt down to play.
You tried to pull him away from me,
Like I was a stranger passing by.
The excitement in his little body, made me want to cry.
I asked you if you weren't going to stop,
You gave in and paused.
I got dirt all over my face, from his little paws.
Everyone thinks their dog is special,
But Arnie actually is.
He has a lightness about him that makes you forget the world isn't sheer bliss.
You looked at me with such disgust and asked me how I was. Hoping it was bad.
I said I was good and asked you the same.
COULDN'T BE BETTER!
I LOVE MY JOB!
I GOT A RAISE!
I'M SEEING SOMEONE NEW!
I said that's great and i'm happy for you.
You pulled him away from me soon after that.
Our little puppy grown up. He wasn't coming back.
I hope you know i'm actually happy for you,
if any of what you said is true.
I wish no ill intent on you.
My only upset is for the girl who comes next,
and the coldness she will one day receive.
I gave parts of myself to you I have never given to anyone.
We shared a dog, a home, a life, for over a year together.
Yet, you act like i'm a stranger on the street.
I get it. We all get mad and say things we shouldn't in fights.
But it has been a month since you've seen me or talked.
So how can hate be the first reaction in sight?
The lack of kindness in your eyes was inhumane.
You are a soul sucker who has moved onto his next victim.
Tossing losses to the side.
You said I was dead to you.
Guess what fucker.
Nobody sees it here, but
falling apart at it's made-up seams,
bringing life to an orifice
sits my heart, breaking from within,
tearing to shreds as
I go on about my day
It nauseates me, your happiness
I want to release my insides from their
hiding place, whenever I think of you
loving you makes me sick
what used to give my heart
warmth, now brings it nothing but
ice, releasing a cold frigid sensation,
numbing the world around me.
Your world keeps on turning,
as mine was frozen in your storm
the snow enveloping me
in a pit of empty glee
my patience is wearing thin, of
how I've grown too accustomed
to your form of love.
Love isn’t always feeling free and butterflies,
Sometimes after we lose one we feel like the light dies.
The world seems dim and the curtains close,
Locked in a room with no place to go.
Love at first glance probably doesn’t exist,
But honey you do and you don’t want to miss:
All of the times with your friends and your daughters will grow,
And watching yourself kick ass because you’re tough, this I know.
Love doesn’t turn out right and the days pass on by slow,
While you’re suck thinking about the dip-shit who had you walk in the cold.
And though you’re still caught in the hole that he dug,
Don’t let it be your grave because it’s been dug without love.
Love isn’t love without two people a-growin’,
He obviously never did, and you have a hard time a-knowin’.
And you’re traveling to the wasteland, where diamonds don’t belong,
You’ll find him there, so you know this place is wrong.
Love does exist, and you’ll find it one day.
He wasn’t the one, and for now that’s okay.
You’ll find another and he’ll be in the wasteland,
That you’ve come to, yeah wondered, and you’ll be out of it then.
Love never comes when you decide to look,
So he’s just a heartache that doesn’t have a hook.
A stupid self-centered, insecure fuck like him,
Doesn’t deserve such a precious, bright gem.
Born of dead matter, heat and compression,
Comes one of life’s greatest self-taught self lesson:
A diamond is beautiful, valuable too,
And brilliant and glistening and hard as hell too.
Diamonds were once dead and diamonds were once buried,
Diamonds were once a big blob of bitter nothing.
But if you look now, after all of this time,
If you listen closely and you hear this rhyme,
You will understand that people are diamonds too,
And if you followed closely, that diamond was you.
In a culture where reading is corny
Writing is even worse.
How do you explain child hood.
If all you had was a stuck of magazines.
At so tender an age.
Life looked at at a different perspective.
A beautiful perspective.
How do you explain.
That childhood can be books and stories.
How do you explain that its okay.
To not play in the hot afternoon sun.
To not mingle with the neighbourhood kids.
Because Beckham looks better on that magazine cover.
And you prefer to understand every bit of his wedding.
Is it wrong to grow up so fast.
Is it wrong to know about the world at 4.
And explain it better than the teacher...
Because you've read the story over and over...
Is it wrong to try to understand.
Actual things apart from dodge ball and running.
Maybe knowing is the greatest strength.
A gift open to readers.
Whereas others were born to live.
Others were born to do much more.
To spell life out.
To record moments.
To write down history.
And to proudly read it out......
To remind the world of a beauty they are too busy to record.