When songs become keys to unlocking memories
But I am only reminded of you
Lyrics shaped in such a way
There is nothing more I can do
But let my mind softly drift away
Somewhere lost and far
Sailing the oceans, drifting on waves
To wherever you are
Just a glimpse of you
Has awoken these emotions
Are now floating
In my subconscious mind
Bringing imagery before my eyes
I remember back to when
Once we walked these streets
Hand in hand
Talked about absolutely everything
I had so much love and admiration
For you
Never would have thought
Things would have ended
The way they did
Then again I was a naive kid

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

It’s been years since we last talked
I cut you off after being rejected
More because of the silent treatment
I was receiving
I poured my heart and soul into you
You couldn’t even give me a yes or no
And maybe I’m still bitter
But can you really blame me
After all that time
I was there for you
Through every heartbreak
I was the one who wiped those tears away
You couldn’t even take the time to reply to me

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

We’d been through a lot of up and downs
We always managed to come back around
But I stopped all of that
When you couldn’t take the time to
Write me back
I was done playing second best
Watching you date every other man
Still don’t regret that decision
I can’t help but think of you
Because when all is said and done
Still have love for you,
Even though you broke my heart
Just another song
now this is all you are

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

©2018 Written By Benji James
It's late April
The weather is more like fall though
Melting snow and dry foliage
Autumn reminds me of you

We celebrated Halloween together
Pumpkin farms and feeding goats
Themed parties that didn't go right
Streaming tears in your basement
And I knew exactly how to help you

Video games on cold nights in our onesies
You singing to me
Echoing across the practice room walls
Our song
It meant so much to you and I felt it too

Something changed when I fell in love
With someone else
I still loved you too though
You thought I had commitment issues
Maybe I do
Maybe I don't
I don't want to go there now

I still remember the good times we had
It hurts to think about them now
But whenever I'm in town
I hold my breathe because I'm scared to see you
I'm scared to look closer at our relationship
I panic when it smells like October
Because it reminds me of you
Of us
And I'm too scared to think about how that makes me feel
Memories float around
Aimlessly swimming through my mind
Sometimes they're so overbearing
That I can't even breathe

Lost love plagues my heart
A disease pumping through my veins
Every movement and every thought
Consumed in this emotional vortex
Fear, pain, regret, loneliness

How many times do I make plans
That suddenly change
In a way that alters my entire existence?

How many hearts do I break
Along this gruesome path?
Why am I so afraid to be alone?

Why am I so fucked up?

I need to let you all go
But the music brings me back so easily
How do I escape this demented cycle?
Just know that I think about you more than you know

Anyone I've ever been with
Has affected me so drastically
And they still lead the way I think some days

I'm sorry that things ended this way
Almost always because of me
These memories never seem to fade
So even though I may have hurt you
I still hurt every day because of it too
Aunt Kathleen died.

He'd known her since
he could remember.

He could picture her
carrying lino
on her shoulder
down the stairs
in the shop.

Or the time she let him
stay the weekend
after uncle Sidney died
and he went to some
religious meeting
up the West End.

Or when she met his mother
when she was going with him
for a brain scan
after the breakdown.

Or the day he went
with his mother
to uncle Sidney's funeral
and saw how broken up
aunt Kathleen was.

Now he was at her funeral
with family and friends
and he and his brother
sat at the back
amidst crying and weeping.

The coffin was on trestles.
Flowers on top.

Music played
and songs she liked
her daughter chose.

He gazed
at her surving sisters
except his mother
too ill to come.

Time had aged
them all now
sitting in the front row
each waiting
for their time to go.
R 9h
I was always the first one;
the first one to approach,
the first one to communicate,
the first one to understand,
the first one to appreciate,
the first one to apologize,
the first one to fix things up,
the first one to listen,
the first one to open up,
the first one to do something,
the first one to consider,
the first one to worry,
the first one to surrender,
the first one to care,
the first one to forgive,
the first one to value,
the first one to believe,
the first one to fight,
the first one to trust,
the first one to hold on,
the first one to fall in love,
and you were the first one who gave up...
the first one who let go.
If ever you forgot,
I want to let you know.
a not-so-deep but straight to the point poem
Aa Harvey 18h
There I am.

I walk on a razor’s edge with added violence.
One foot in the past, one foot in the wrong
And all is gone.

You want my soul to sell, but I regret these words are mine.
I give away the thought of it all.
If only you had to see your world through my eyes.
I have no strength left to fight, or climb the walls.

I cannot reap an empty field,
Where my tears of fire have salted the earth.
If I allow you into my heart, I will only decay;
For what it’s worth.

Inside a nightmare is where I have to live;
Visions all shrouded in mystery.
The hysterical cannot think of peace.
The path forwards is always through,
So come with me.

Seize destiny, if you care.
In the pit of despair, I gasp for air.
You are never truly there with me, so you cannot understand.
You only care, because I seem not to.
One of us is better at this;
You are all a better man.
I am nobody’s truth.

Rise above it; accept you cannot truly see,
The whisper’s that swim around inside of me,
From the pit of my burning stomach,
To the very edges of my finger-tips.

They gather in waiting, until one day they come bursting through.
They destroy all ideals, as I speak about me, not you.
I cannot live with such apathy.  I will never feel the same.
I love you now, but on a shattered bad day,
I will never to be seen again.

The person I was became invisible, never to be seen on your wave.
I become another person, with each and every face.
Life cells grow back to replace the old.
The only continue is my soul.  It’s all I own and all that I know;
But what do I know?
I am lost without your hope.

Lust is a word, like love;
These feelings come and then they go…
I stare into a hall of mirrors,
Wondering which one is the real me.  I don’t know,
Or care which one is true-self.
I guess I will never know.

(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Me Díaz 20h
of me feels, so very comfortably numb
But truth be told:
Everything hurts, just a little too much.

M•(e). Díaz
Just one of those days when everything hurts way too deeply in my heart, and I'm plagued by thoughts and memories, pounding my mind relentlessly.
On days like these, I feel a little too much.
Me Díaz 21h
When I betrayed everything I’d ever known.
When you begged me to stay,
And clung to my skirt.
And I felt my heart bleed,
And I felt my heart divided;
And I felt everything I’d ever known
Slip from the corners of your eyes.
And I gave everything up:
My morals, my hopes and my dreams,
And still that wasn’t enough.
And now that you’re gone,
I wonder if that’s something I’ll ever be.
And if my betrayal will someday be
Forgiven and forgotten.

M•(e). Díaz
Did I ever found my way up
From that half finished whisky in your bottle
About to be kept aside or drained as per your wish
Did I ever weighed more than the joint you used to smoke fervently behind the dark walls of the underground subway
I wanted to believe that maybe you craved me more than your favorite double cheese burger that fuelled your dinner every other day
But you heartlessly made me believe that I was just a gum that you used to chew when you got bored and coughed it out when the smell of delicious delicacies reached you
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