Plus my shitty camera
Means you cant see the sight i'm seeing
It also means the sight i'm seeing isn't all that it could be
I just want to StarGaze
Staring at the stars,
It reminds me of how lonely and sad I really am.
No one to hold-
No being held-
And if it happens-its short lived-and in the end-what does it mean?!?
I want it to be something its not
its because i'm prone to rush into things
...then, its just sad.
Because while hes being a normal person
I'm off on some spaceship
Willing myself to believe
Believe in what isn't
Being extra and non-terrestrial
Making something out of nothing
-well not much-
And debating with myself in my head
I let my wants and realities kill each other
Now I float
No more *overthinking
No more over-hoping
Just going with the *flow, until I float upon some foreign and beautiful shore
And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories, I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying "she loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I destroyed her."
There's a lunp of coal on my chest
And i'm afraid it's catching sparks
I'm afraid it's getting heavier
Filling my lungs
And i'm coughing black smoke
Cause your memory's been evoked
And now that you've been invoked
I can feel the spark ignite
Oh how it brightens the night
Oh yes i feel it lighting me up
But I feel heavier
I feel exhausted
I can no longer hide
My beaten side
Drained from my cries
So now all i have is a lump of coal
And a memory of you
And a body catching fire
Have you ever felt a loneliness that suffocates you?
Like a demon pushing on your chest
Have you ever felt an ache this deep ?
Like a part of you was missing
Have you ever felt a numbness so cold?
Like you're a corpse
I have and everyday it tears me up inside
Like a cut that just won't heal
Forever on my soul
Have you ever felt like this ?
There was an old saying that used to always slip through my mind from time to time
And although I can’t remember it now,
I can remember what I used to see when I thought about it -
But then I’d be lying.
That’s not a good way to begin a conversation
Lying. Such a fickle thing.
My thoughts are always flowing, always surrounding me
As they translate into things around me -
And I etch my fingers across it,
But there’s nothing there.
An empty vase is not a metaphor
For a heart without love completing it
Can do damage
Their thorns against the pure glass.
Just like empty thoughts and verses
Can damage the human soul
A singular soul
& simply dissipate
Into the vastness of the void
Empty and no less barren.
Here today, gone tomorrow
Praying for your smile to come back
Even as a ghost, even as a shadow
I can't help myself but missing the good days of yore
I never saw a trace of that kind of pain behind your eyes before
But i can see; around you there's darkness and nothing more
Now i suffer from a constant ache, an ache without a cure
I can't help myself but endure
I ran out of tears early
Can you believe that i was on the verge of never seeing you again, daddy?
Please don't go, you are the best part of me
Please don't be sad, your little girl's still here and she love you more than anything
Respond, respawn, reproduce,
Recite remember and recall.
Like a dog of the war machine,
Obeying as dogs do for owners.
Man slaves all day,
for monetary gain.
To make his future seemingly better.
Yet his future
Will be dedicated to making more.
The same future he had hoped to make better by toiling away.
Is also sacrificed to the eternal flames,
of human society.
Memories of moments
so long ago--
I look at old photographs
and wonder why
I still ache for you so
that surely you are now
free from all pain
and if I could have one wish
I'd wish for a spring time rain
to wash away these tears
falling from my heart
down my upturned face--
I miss you dear one,
you're not in your usual place
but I know that you're surrounded
by love and light
and that's what I'll cling to
as I go to bed this dreary night...
I'll always love you, you know
and always wonder
why, oh why
you had to go...
©Pamela Rae 03.07.2017