Feel (April 21, 2016)

Today I feel like I'm not here.
I take in my surroundings and think to myself,
They are not mine to take in.
Am I really here?
It feels as though my very being could be waved away with the simple swing of an arm.
I feel, but the only thing I feel is the overwhelming inability to feel.
Today I feel unreal.

I found this in my draft's. I haven't been on here since 2016.

What am I supposed to be?
For all I am is what I've been

I've never been what I am to be

Don't think I'll have the chance again
Written: July 14, 2018
Karijinbba Jul 8
I have two fathers one biological anotber spiritual and God closed those two doors and opened another I had two Mothers
One birthed me another a spirual Mom a Mommy dearest who bought me from a nun for a thousand dollars but then adopted me gave me a great fortune a dowry because
I wasnt greedy. Her biological daughter was and she arranged her own Moms death on a Mothers day in May out of jealousy malice and greed her daughter assassinated my character and God closed that door and opened another I was my fathers little queen of the forest indigenous race Purepecha our people were enemies of the Aztecs who took our peoples hearts out as sacrifice to the Gods   we owned city size land grow food farm life our land horses there grew pine trees willow trees too then the Feds came to steal our land killed every one in front of me I was five and God closed that door preparing me to meet the man I loved and always will. Oh Lord how much I lost just to love a twin soul who told me to go marry the Greek if I wanted marriage because he wouldn't marry anyone in twenty years. spontaneously I thought oh my God I will be old by then I wanted now to get married now to have many children not when I am old! I lost him because he didn't hear me speak my thoughts. Today I blow Silence to a dust what's better late than never. How can we ask to merit earn the heart of our loved one when nobody wanted to earn or merit my heart. My lover would have had many brothers and sisters for Kelly had he married me. He would have healed with me I would have promised to never cheat on him lie nor steal. and that if he ever cheated on me that I will forgive him x70 but to never leave me. He was handsome intelligent smart creative poet he was in love with me he was the love of my life I never knew how beautiful in and out too I was until I thought of just how many treasures I lost in him that drowned in silence. He gave me money one day I almost told him "I don't want your money not like this I needed 3 vaccines called Rhogam I am devastated I cant even cry I feel like I am dead I miss our baby i know you wont believe me but I love you."
When someone seems troubled speechless, and has no ID don't assume she hides deceit. or is a criminal. Ask questions say how shes making you feel. Use love kindness ask "why" how, instead of assuming she's a cold hearted slut aborting for birth control don't think so cruely medical advice to end a life is not murder no matter how ugly it seems there is good in all even in evil. Perhaps you'll find she loved you more than she loved herself to let you go. the woman who loved you most in this whole wide world. Gentleman in your youth give the woman you love respectability your name if you want a family with her dont leave it all up to chance even if you are rich just one night to remember you say to her that you want her for a wife she will wait for you forever baby and all.
Jack P Jul 7
and all these gods are in one place
conspiring and -
all your efforts are misplaced
whining like an -
off-key note in a seraphic choir
lamenting a -
weekend's bitter aftertaste.

here's a thing you can't avoid:
a war of worlds on a bedroom floor
the house is kept unlocked at night
and a crosswind billows through the door.

...and all his questions are ignored
he chipped his teeth cause he was bored.

we wrote missives to a shallow grave
dug with musicals we rearranged
to fit the arc we fashioned here
as we waltzed atop the sinking pier.

...I am prone to switching off
So I will never turn you on.
this is a song i'm writing, have a draft
I am underwater
No breath to be found
Encased in liquid
I am death bound

So deeply encased in water
I think I'll just swim down
Feel the pressure build
As I slowly drown
Cjf Jun 26
‪I'm at my highest with you‬
‪feeling so unbalanced without you.. ‬
‪but for you its a wall of chemically made malice for you‬
‪It's because of you‬
‪Why I feel like I cry most with you‬
‪You're the person who could make me die with you‬
‪But you're hiding too‬
‪You make me confide in you‬
‪And I feel as if I am one with you‬
‪But you‬
‪Are you only alive when your inside of me?‬
‪When we're laughing.. do I make you feel that comfortableness to reside with me?‬
‪When you hold me do you feel like we're one in two?‬
‪Or am I just here for you?‬
‪What am I to you?‬
‪You have the darkest sides to me‬
‪The sides no one is ever allowed to see‬
‪You have all of my secrets I trust you to keep‬
‪But is my vulnerability ‬
‪Too much of a responsibility ‬
‪That makes your passion into passivity?‬
‪What can I do..‬
‪To make you not alone..‬
‪To be more than just your play zone..‬
‪What can I do?‬
Lakhwinder Jun 10
At 10:30,
Silence Dispersed,every edge withdrew with dark,
The moon  is pale,  still brighten as diamond spark,
At the tree, an owl hoots, at surface dogs barks.
I heed,   the sound of footsteps appears from the street,
exults my isolated heart.
My soul sing, my body dance,
the longing ends, desperate for having my lover's glance.
O! the perfume of him that mingled in air , I feel ,
O! the sound of his gentle cough , I am acquitanced.
O ! The heavenly night with him, that I will deal.
But O despair heart , you knit the misassumption.
The perfume you smell, the steps you hear ,
Just fictionary dreams and false perceptions.
Oh ! Control your glistening tears.
Yet, loose  you satraches arm , blink your awaitful sight ,
The lover of yours , cannot reach here in the darkened night.
This poem is eulogizing the anguish or malady  that arouse from the unrequited love. The girl or beloved hope for that her lover will come in the darkened night . But at the culmination she comes to know that she knits the fictionary dreams and it gives her pain.
Seanathon Jun 10
Quiet is the honest whisper
When all the distractions are at an end

When your head hits the pillow
Your heart hits your ribs
And your mind's eye opens
To these inevitable ends

How we seek to wear ourselves so thin
How we think the future is better than
This present moment known to you

But the quiet whisper knows no lie
The honest whisper knows the truth
From the Sleepless Feet collection.

And I'm not commenting on depression here. This one is about the frailty of humanity. About the inadequacy of human works which are devoid of the Lords blessing. Because all we do that's for ourselves, will hold no worth beyond this world.


A fool
I'm a fool
With a beating heart
Throbbing lungs
And a brain that is a highway in new York
I am useless
I have ears that hear
A mouth that taste
Yet I'm useless
I walk long roads with no direction
I read long books with no meaning
I speak with people who will never understand a word I say
I'm a fool
To think you would understand
To think you would be the next person
I'd hear
I'd smell
I'd see
And I'd taste
But you weren't
And most importantly
you didn't listen
So I'm back where I started
A fool
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