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Why aren’t you here?
I feel like screaming
If I ever had a chance the words would disappear,
You’re never going to be close enough to hear me,
You must have blocked me out long ago
And now all I’m doing is disrupting myself,
Maybe it’s you that’s giving me ill health.

It’s okay, I don’t mean it,
I could say I know it’s my fault
But then something stops me,
The fact it is not,
You left me, you deserted without ever existing to me,
Yet I have to exist just because you decided?
I don’t care how you put it,
You weren’t there and “nothing being fair”
Is supposed to make that all okay again.
It was never okay to begin with.

Maybe I could have been enough,
How would you know?
You never gave me a chance to try,
So when I feel like trying, I push all this distraught energy upon myself,
I doom myself to days of playing to lose,
Because what is the use?
I blame it on you, then I blame it on me,
Even though deep down I know it’s not really
My fault because you did this to me,
How could I have hurt you?
Just some innocent cells that you’d already decided
Were too much for you.

Or I make different scenarios,
All of them painful and none profound,
So I can spread this blazing blame,
Across two people who
Will probably never feel shame about it,
I let my mind drift to an alternate universe,
Where maybe you could’ve been good,
Just a little, although I feel ashamed
To let myself immerse in such pointless activity,
In an alternate universe I wouldn’t be deserving anyway,
But it’s all pent up, and I say it’s how you’ve made me feel,
But what if it’s just me?
What if the whispers are right and it is my fault?
Maybe you were always better off
Without me and that’s why you’re not here,
Because you should never have been weighed down by me,
So well done, congratulations
Because you know you never were,
You must’ve got your happy ending,
While I’m still here waiting
To feel like I can love someone
Even if your ever there space may have broke me.
Poetic T Jul 16
You still hold my heart
              around your neck.
Chained like you own it.

I,m empty without it,
          I never wanted you to go.
its like if you didn't

                                       want me.

But though I want to love again.

          I feel nothing, because you still
have my heart noosed around your neck.

Beating close to you, but you just squeeze it.
             And I feel pain where there is nothing
                                                                ­     to feel.
Millie Jul 7
Everyone round me was crying
But my voice remained steady
My emotions remained vacant
As I watched myself live
dadens Mar 27
as spring awakens
so does my heart

it's been packed away for
the cold of winter

but now my heart is thawing
the soil is softening
and i need someone to plant
their flowers here

because my heart is ready
to be nurtured
to feel nourished

and to flourish into the
beautiful blossoms
that deserve to grow
in my vacant heart
© d.a.dens
Rowan Elizabeth Dec 2018
empty and abandoned,
the house sits alone
quietly pondering
the flowers that grow
in the cracked floorboards

rickety and tired,
the house sits alone
swaying with the wind
that rocks the
nearby dogwood

moldy and stale,
the house sits alone
admiring the beauty
of the sound of the rain

abandoned and empty,
the house sits alone
quietly pondering
if there were ever to be
any more visitors at all.
jee Oct 2018
the lights are buzzing
and my ears are stuffed with pollen
yet i can still hear the hive of bees in the ceiling.

the lights are buzzing
strobing against walls of alabaster and tiles of ***** white
neon and drunk off of the ticking of the clock.

the lights are buzzing
they carve out slivers of eyelashes
and slide flickering fingers to rest along the chin of despondency.

the lights are buzzing
their uneven beat is perfect melody
to the crying in the hall, outside waiting room 23.
they keep me numb, an empty shell with twitching fingers and vacant eyes.
Madison Greene Nov 2018
every time somone has left
I've gotten a bit better at loving myself
there are lessons in the losses
and I've found solace in the vacancy beside me
I don't mean to refute my feelings
I still pray for someone to stay
but I won't let anyone feel as though they complete me
no one can disturb the peace I created in solitude
Bartholomew Oct 2018
She don't live here no mo’
She left me lonely n cold
She took a part of my soul
The only part that I know
I look in the mirror, reflections unknown
Cuz I don't know who I am, hope I don't lose control
Drugs got me addicted
love has been evicted
From my heart that's been afflicted
Got my Chest feelin constricted
Ready to fight
Feelin hella defensive
but really I'm jus defenseless
Livin’ life jus like a misfit
Sinning to live, got wisdom to give
got these jewels that I drop jus listen to this:
Love will get you killed
blood will pour and spill
and thugz will mourn but still
The pain will resonate
the drugs and all these pills
will turn change into hate
And all the love you feel
will die and slowly fade
turn numb from all the crime
Somewhat like doing time
cuz ur trapped behind bars cuz love left, said goodbye
It's just a stranger
closely kept by danger
and this anger will alwayz linger
locked up in cages
unleashed in stages
random; cannot contain it
no one will understand it or feel how the pain is
so loves is gone
packed up, left me alone,
no one home
and I'm asking where did the love go?
and it shows cuz I ain't the same
tryna hide all the strain
Feelin trapped in my brain
smoke these blunts for the pain
it's kinda hard to maintain
cuz I'm supposed to be strong with no one else for the blame
Random thoughts
Dee Sep 2018
Pink socks, quietly walking into the spacious room.

Wondering around the vacant house wasn't something
she planned.

It just always happened.

The room affected her, In ways, she did not like.

It brought back memories she wanted to forget,
but never could.

Nevertheless, she liked it there.

For she always got letters that reminded her she wasn't alone.

That she wasn't forgotten. That they remembered her, for all she has done for them.

She was locked away with the same darkness that was in everyone.

She just decided to make it consume her.

She wouldn't fight a battle she knew she couldn't win.
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