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“2:36”
says the clock on the wall.
with  
every
passing
minute
time  
slows
and
my thoughts  
drift off
into
another world.
a sly pain
creeps up
the ridge of my nose
and trickles
down into  
my eyes  
i blink,
--once--
--twice—
a frail attempt to
push it back,
her eyes filled with
sincere concern.
she asks if i'm okay,
snapping me out of my daze,
i blurt out,  
yeah, i'm fine,
it’s just a headache.
offering her a  
small smile,
in an effort
to calm the dull ache
i press my cool fingers
over my eyes
and move my thumbs  
in tiny circles
along my temples
a rush of relief  
washes over me,
but it lasts  
only a few seconds.  
suddenly
waves of pain
flood the space between my temples
and course
down my neck,
piercing  
into my shoulders.
i nestle my head
into my arms
muffling
the shouts and roars  
around me.
slowly
i lift my head  
and peek
at the clock  
“2:41”
at last
my suffering is over,
for today.

but  

there is
always  
tomorrow.

-Tasnim Uddin
I get really bad headaches all the time, this the best way to describe it.
As children, we are told to be a Beowulf.
To be brave and to put others before ourselves,
To be the strongest and the best,
We are told to be the perfect hero.

In this day and age, it is never really okay to make mistakes, even if they say it is.
We have a drive within us that being the best and the strongest is our only option.
We put the pressure on ourselves to be the Beowulf, which only causes us to wake up the Grendel.

But the real problem is, we are ashamed of that.
We are ashamed of fear, which causes us to act out and create evil.
But when you think about it, what is bravery without fear.
Because the truth is, no one is ever going to be one-hundred percent a Beowulf.

All of us have a little Grendel inside, it’s called being human.
We yell, we scream, we scare each other,
We lie, we cheat, we judge.
We are vicious and hurtful with our words.
At times, we see no light in our hearts,
We let evil win.
We are often so far from perfect.
In fact, the Grendel in me is sometimes more prominent than the Beowulf,
But we have to realize that sometimes, that’s okay.

You see, if not for the Grendel in me, the Beowulf wouldn’t know it’s true strength.
For the Beowulf in me, within all of us, would not fight nearly as hard, because it would have nothing to overcome.
The point isn’t to be ashamed of the Grendel within,
The point is to keep pushing through so the Grendel doesn’t win.
Do not isolate yourself and hide away in the depths of darkness when you can’t seem to find the light.
Find the Beowulf within yourselves,
Embrace it’s fierce loyalty and drive to destroy evil.
Welcome the light within you,
If you do that, you will win the war within yourself.

To all those out there desperately trying to be the hero:
Accept that losing the battle sometimes is okay,
Try your best to win the war,
But do not take on that army alone,
Because the person who fights with no one by their side is bound to lose eventually.

Because how can you be a hero, when you have no one by your side?
Beowulf vs Grendel, war within yourself
All alone in my house once again,
tears climb down my face.
The sight of a family makes me weak.
I miss the warmth of one.
I miss the safety that it has.
I cry like they’re dead.
I cry like they don’t exist.
I find my self searching for one in the wrong places.
I’m not entitled to anything, but I wish to be loved.
As I have loved and still love.
I wished that they would just leave me alone and stop stressing me out.
I got what I wished for.
Most of the time what you want, isn’t what you need...
Try 1d
we got it one way or another and we all got our own way of dealing with it,
yeah everyone has their way of
everyone has their way of
dealin, dealin, dealing
with the stress.
some freak out, some take deep deep breaths,
hobbies, crafts, some cut and self mutilate,
it doesnt make you weak, you got strength, lots of strength, hard times come hard times go, yet everyone has their way of
yeah everyone has their way of
dealin, dealin, dealin
with the stress.
I don't think anybody knows how stressed i am, how ******* tired i am, is it because i'm to good at hiding it or is that i'm so obviously stressed and tired that nobody wants to hear about it

I used to have a friend a best friend that understood and listened and helped me through my day, i guess i just got too annoying, i constantly burned all of my energy to stop them from ending their life with a dull razor blade i never really realized how much damage i was doing to myself until this year when a lot of things went wrong

Now i have a significant someone and I've been constantly thinking about how badly i want to press my lips to her, but this beast in my head just won't let me, everytime i put it to sleep it wakes up within a week ready to ruin everything again

I don't think people understand why i am who i am, im that one kid who always acts like an idiot the one kid who looks so perfect but is scarred on the inside from trying to escape himself, the kid who wears “edgy clothing” and nobody wants to talk to, the kid who apparently looks good but is to much of an outcast for anyone to like him, the kid who tries his hardest to better himself but no longer has the motivation, i'm the kid that relies on his girlfriend to get him up in the morning, to tell him to live for her, to never give up

I don't deserve to have someone like her im my life if anything she needs it more than me
She always tries to motivate me but i never listen cause my ego is to big to listen to someone else's thoughts, i wish i listened to her i wish i wasn't so ******* difficult

She doesn't deserve to deal with how needy and how ignorant i am i just want to be with her forever and never worry about if she's losing interest in me again, but this all comes around to what happened in my childhood that made me this way

Ever since i was 6 years old...6!  i was the really annoying kid who couldn't focus who couldn't learn unless it was in a certain way, the kid who was so annoying that almost every lunch he would sit alone and eat waiting for someone to come sit with him, the kid that only wanted to have a lot of friends but couldn't even talk to the other kids without being told to go away cause I was too annoying

Every day I'm smiling a fake smile because i'm actually trying to stop thinking about what she's doing at this moment, thinking about if she's okay,  if she made it home okay, thinking about if I'm good enough for her, if i said something i shouldn't have and made her angry

Sometimes I wish i could live a life without all of my problems and just enjoy being in the present and not the past i know a lot of people are just going to say that all of this is worth pushing through but if it's worth it then why does it stop me from getting anything done
This is more of a spoken word poem but i wanted to share it anyways
Hailey 2d
Listen I get it
Adults have work
But so do we
We meaning teens
When we say its stressful
Sometimes the adults tell us
We are "lucky"
That we don't have an office job
Yeah, I get that
I get your job is hard.
But so is ours
You were there.
But the teaching system has
Gotten harder
And harder.
Sometimes we go home and work on homework
Longer than we were even at the school
Yes, its stressful.
If you are an adult
And have children
Or you are an aunt
Or an uncle
When that child says they are stressed
Don't say that you are too
Reassure them that the stress will go away
And once they are done they will
Feel a relief.
From finishing that work.
Instead of complaining aswell
Give sympathy to them
You most likely went through the same
So give them the  advice
They need.....
WNDL 2d
Why are you so lonely?, Death asked me

You will going to experience me soon, Life replied
I couldn't put hopes and dreams of theirs in my life
It ended up jumping on conclusions
School is wrong
But not meaningless
Nothing is meaningless
Not even a summer day without ice cream but
School
is WRONG

to be continued...
8pm
Now 8pm feels like 4am
I'm running off of nothing
Dark blood bleeds from my face
And the twisted thing is I'm too far gone to care this is the way i am
Im so tired im working so hard trying ro get better and its getting worse the nose bleeds wont stop they go on for so long my body is weaker everyday and i just hope i die
Nothing is ok and never will be again
A quiet room,
Tucked away,
An oasis from the crowds
And the noise.

An odd assortment
Of chairs,
But without the stress
Of the other rooms.

A safe space
In a place with no security,
A warm space,
In a cold building.

A little room,
Hidden away,
This is my safe space,
This is my room.
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