I guess my mentality is jump or don't, you can't just stand there on a cliff forever. You either can turn around and walk away or run and jump. And when you hit the water, you can swim and enjoy the ocean for awhile or go find a new cliff to jump from or a new ocean to swim in, if this one doesn't suit you.
The future is unpredictable, why stand on the edge forever debating ever tiny thing and waiting for perfect conditions? Nothing is ever going to be perfect.
(Nobody is going to be perfect.)
And if it doesn't work out, get out, dry yourself off, and try again. But don't stand there waiting for perfection, because no matter what cliff you stand on or what ocean you want to jump in, it will never ever be just right.
The water might be freezing at first, but could you get used to it? Or maybe the water is warm and perfect.
Perhaps it's too choppy, but give it time and the tide will slacken and the water will calm.
Yes, there is the potential that the waves will be too big and try to pull you under, but you can fight and swim out if it's too much.
But there's always the chance you learn to swim and it's beautiful and worth it. Worth the fear of jumping, worth trying to figure out.
But you'll never know for certain if you just stand there. Waiting.
I'm not the type of girl to hesitate on the edge and wait. I either jump or leave. I'm not telling you that you have to jump with me. I don't want to feel like I've made someone do something they don't want to do. But I can't just stand here unsure. I've never been that girl.
I've always either gone after what I want, despite every obstacle in my way, or it's not something I want badly enough and I won't follow through.
And if you're waiting for perfect wife conditions and contemplating the high and low tides and thinking years from now, you're going to be on that cliff for a long time. And you might miss out on some fun waves and warm water. The sun might set and it will be too late. But here's the thing, I just know I won't be waiting around for a long time.
We've had a nice long picnic on this pretty little cliff darling, but now it's time for something different. I'm on the edge and ready to jump. Question is, are you?
I look at your eyes and they
remind me of my despair over
Many days of late, I find myself
truly pondering whether or not I
am cut out to be a human being.
It seems my flaws are too many.
To quote Jesse Lacey, "my bright
is too slight to hold back all my
I wish, I could write poems about
how I'm getting better, but that
isn't the case. My emotional
life feels like a downward spiral.
I feel like I'm building toward
something. i don't feel I have
any happiness in anything I do.
My default is numb. It's so rare
that I experience happiness anymore.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is wrong with me.
I don't want to live like this.
I guess at this point in our lives the world looks so much scarier. Especially when you're only a seventeen year old, sitting in high school classrooms, only seeing the world from a tiny photo on our phones.
Then right when you think you're getting a grip on your life they push you out into this whole other part of our universe you never expected you would get to. The grown up part. The getting a job part. The paying taxes part. The finding the perfect person for you part.
Its all thrown at you at once when you're seventeen.
To be honest if you've survived through the 5 years after high school you deserve a fucking trophy.
Because its scary man.
There out there
they crowd the streets
and alleys and malls
and buses and trains,
she wanted no part of it
any more wanted to be away
from the rush and push
and shove from behind
and in front and and above,
she lies on her bed
hears the hum of traffic
the song of birds
the echo of chatter
on things that do not matter,
she muses on her plight
of that dark day
this dull night,
her father captured
in the claws of cancer
her mother unstable
unable to cope
behind a door
thought her weak
bullied her night and day
until just now
with her father's gun
she blew him away.
Days past before they knew I was really gone. It wasn’t my fault it was hers. She reels you in with her false hopes, I try to ignore them but her whispers morph into eccentric thuds and before you know it you’re drowning.
She Sits in my belly distant yet close. The old tedious Lady hope.“Just give me a chance” she begs I glare at her in disgust. She questions me “Why do you keep me here if you aren’t willing to listen to me?”. I freeze and stare at her. She knows why I won’t let her leave but she just wants to hear it. I refuse to give her the satisfaction. I like to think that I don’t need saving, even if I do.
She keeps her distance and for good reason. She’s an old acquaintance, she isn’t fond of me and nor am I of her yet she doesn’t often leave me. She knows deep down that if it wasn’t for her I would be alone and unprotected. She whispers words of encouragement and only speaks of optimism. I constantly discard it.
She whispers to me sweetly “you’ll escape you will be someone somewhere”. She tried to escape yesterday so I locked the door. She’s grown tired of me neglecting her.
I pushed her too far and with that she was gone. There I was unprotected. Alone and Vulnerable. Just waiting to be sucked into a whirlpool of my own troubles.
“One day in town at the edge of the world the tide went out and never returned. At first people were little more than puzzled. A desert of unbelievable magnitude was forming before their very eyes”.
It swallowed me whole took me right out into the ocean. We both vanished without a trace. Not a drop to be seen. She had left me for good.
Hope ran away but truth soon replaced her.
Truth was always blunt and never held anything back it made me miss hope. I realised that you don’t appreciate something until it’s gone.
Truth would try to manipulate me and play me like a puppet. Truth liked to play God and watch me suffer. I was trapped because with truth came all the lies that had been hiding it. The lies are what hurt the most. Perhaps their intentions were good but the outcome wasn’t.
Waves washed over me attempting to cleanse me, help me, push me up to shore. Hope had returned but she was too late I had already drowned.
People began to notice the empty seat in class and the oceanless beach. The ocean had left and taken me with it. A sudden eruption of panic and despair trembled in their voices as they searched for the ocean and I.
It was for certain that I was gone. A melancholy shadow swept the whole town. Once the adrenalin had left, everyone was overpowered with fear.“They had no choice but to face each other in their loss together and alone”.
Our memory faded quickly, everyone began to grow comfortable and fill in all our ugly holes. It bothers me that I was that easily forgotten then again I didn’t exactly try to make my mark because all I wanted to do was leave. I guess this was just a different way of leaving.
Yesterday is a waste. Tomorrow is a haste.
Today is all there is, and it's the last of them
I am a lost girl, overlooking dimensionless depths
The sea sings it's subtle songs,
The sky bleeds blues into oranges, reds into purples
And the cirrus clouds streak the sky like scars
Evening embers tinge the edge of existence
Reality retreating into it's final resting place
Tainted flower of fragile fights well fought
A lost girl, staring at the shining sun of sorrow
Knowing full well there is no tomorrow
They didn't give me a decision,
I get no say, no control,
I'm just their tool,
Their tool for incision.
They know my qualities, my strength,
My body's like steel,
With an edge that could kill,
Don't approach me at arm's length
Or you will get hurt.
But I don't want to hurt you.
I hold too high a virtue
To wish for your place in the dirt.
Alas, I'm not a factor,
I'm just stuck in slavery.
And no matter my bravery,
I can't kill my captor.