I once held you so close, like a promise I vowed never to break, something I truly believed even time couldn’t steal. But now, all I feel is the silence stretching between us, and I can’t help but wonder what you’re really thinking. You say you just want to move on, like the love we shared was something disposable. Like I was just a passing moment, easily overwritten by something new. You’ll meet someone else, and he’ll get to see that look I used to dream was mine alone. Just the thought of it twists my gut. I know I won’t forget us, not really, but you’ve already turned our story into something you file away as the past. So I’ll laugh with the guys, play my games, maybe even mention your name like it doesn’t ache,but when the clock hits 3 am., I’ll be wide awake, haunted by questions I no longer have the right to ask. He’ll buy you a drink. You’ll smile, maybe even laugh like you used to at my jokes, and in that small act, I’ll start to disappear, washed away, bit by bit. I don’t think I could ever fill the space you left with someone else’s name. I can’t blame you for trying to move on. But, it hurts knowing you might be doing just fine while I’m still here, burning in the wreckage of what we used to be.

I loved her more fiercely than I ever intended to love again. Not because she asked me to, but because something within me needed to. As if some part of my soul recognized hers, and begged to give her everything. Like an angel descending into the ruins of my heart, whispering to try again. And so I did. I gave her pieces of myself I’d sworn I’d never share again. My aches, my trembling truths, the wounds I thought had long since closed, but she kissed them open. I began building a future with hands still shaking from the past, tracing blueprints of us across her skin. I told myself this was safe, even as the ground cracked beneath our feet. I tried to be careful, but she made recklessness feel like hope. I let her too close. Now, where her love once lived, there’s only silence. She left, not like a storm, but like a sunrise slipping away before I could hold onto its warmth. Like a page torn from a book mid-sentence. Now I sit here, love still blooming with nowhere to go. It hums in my chest like a song with no singer, a fire slowly fading without fuel. I never meant to love again. Never meant to need again. But I did, somehow slipping through the cracks. And now, I don’t know how to stop.

Don’t tell me you love me if the weight of who I am makes you flinch. If the fractured parts of me send you running instead of reaching. You say your heart is mine, but only when it’s effortless, when I’m glowing, when I’m easy to love, when I’m bleeding quietly behind a proud smile. Where were you when I shattered in silence? When my eyes pleaded for even the smallest reason to stay afloat? You’re in love with the idea of who I could be, the version that doesn’t question, that doesn’t ache, that asks for nothing. But love doesn’t live in words. It lives in quiet hands pulling someone closer when walking away would be easier. So don’t say you love me if you can’t stand still when the fire starts. If you vanish when things get real, it’ll hurt less to let you go. Maybe you never loved me, just the echo of someone I never was.

My fingers
Interlocking with yours.
For the last time,
You'll never know you won't see me again.
Ever.
I'll be gone.
F O R E V E R.

I refused to let you go
I know that if I did
You'd be gone forever
But you promised
Always and Forever
And I don't want a life
Where promises didn't exist

I grip the stained pen....
trying to stay in between the lines.
my hands are shaking, palms sweaty.
pressing the metal ball down towards the crumpled paper, pressing and pressing but nothing comes out....
a tear falls from my cheek as the dry cartridge remind me of you.
stall notebooks lining my book shelf.
I need the ink to bleed from me as you did
but the words are gone since you left.

I wish I had told you that you were my best friend
Come to realize that fact now
After your life met it's end
Nothing said or done could ever bring you back
I still beg unseen forces to reverse your passing and unfade surroundings from black
Your death hit like a bullet straight through my chest
Here on out I'll continue bleeding every sentiment left unexpressed
I can't help feeling bitter towards the world turning round and round
For taking my heaven-sent angel and burying her in the cold ground
I wake each heavy morning and barely face the sun
Swept up in a hurricane but I seem to be the only one
Driving down an unpaved road no signs saying yield
Rain is crashing so hard I can hardly see through the windshield
And know if you were here you'd be encouraging me to keep fighting
I ****** myself bit by bit
Demise I'm expediting
I'm stranded on remote island surrounded by ocean of my fears
Beach shrinking as tide rolls in
Helplessly watch as all land disappears
It is not fair you deserted me in a barren expanse of loneliness
Wilting I long for the familiar warmth of your caress
Now aching hours are blistered by regret and rage
Heating shaky hands as I spill my story onto this page
Ready to give up what is there to continue breathing for?
Nothing lasts forever and I admit I simply don't want to anguish anymore
It's like I'm held underwater by a dozen unbreakable strings
Lay in bed when night falls tormented by sound of your laughter as it rings
How is it possible to be dead as my pulse simultaneously races
Feet exhausted from sprinting in circles over the same four bases
I once was aware of my worth
Moved with purpose and care
Presently time warps wasting away as I navigate this nightmare
Drinking nostalgia like alcohol
Enjoying shot after shot
Intoxicated with reminiscence
Drowning in love I have no longer got
I caught cranium on fire in attempt to warm up insides
Pursuing this glow your presence no longer supplies
Beneath sheets I roll until my limbs become a tangled mess
Dreams only location where I am briefly unshackled from distress
Speak to you sleeping then expect you to remain
Once eyes open you are left behind in another domain
Then experience you parting to the point like it was new
For one second I forget that there is no more you
And everything comes tumbling around me in a blink
Dire circumstances are slowly nudging me towards the brink
Trying to gain some distance between me and the edge of this cliff
Spent enough energy wrestling with two words
"What if?"
To taste that state of carefree bliss bathed in as a child
Unharnessed love shadowed me before innocence was defiled
Wrapped in an insatiable yearning for arms laid to ashes
No bandages or stitches are able to close up emotional gashes
I should have savored sweetness of your affection while I could
Every last bit of maternal nurturance is gone for good

I’m striving to write a poem, yet the words elude me, as if every letter has crumbled to dust within my mind. A spark of poetic fire ignites, but when I reach for even a single syllable to shatter the silence, each nascent line dissolves into emptiness. I battle on, though the will I once possessed has faded like a flame doused by relentless rain, leaving only wet coals behind. I wander into the void of night, my energy dissipating into shadows, each effort emerging as a desperate plea that the void mercilessly swallows. Still, I stand at the edge, peering into a vast sea of forgotten verses, watching the rhythmic ebb of lost words. I know that soon, I will gather the scattered strands of my thoughts and awaken the dormant creation within.