Anxiety chomps and chews on what's left of my existence

And only time will tell
if I'll come out of this alive

I'm afraid of everything
everything that's important
of love
of responsibility
of commitment

I keep biting at my thumbs
and around the edges of my nails
Constantly tapping my toes
and I always hear a song playing in my head
that I've never actually heard before

There are constant bouts of doubt
gently resting in my head
Waiting for an opportune time to jump out and scare the pants off of me

I know what's in my head
isn't what everyone sees
But I'm persistently afraid
of what everyone else will think

I never really sleep,
and when I do,
I barely dream
Just the same worn out thoughts
streaming through my brain
again
and again

It's never enough
but somehow,
it's always too much

And I'm just not sure where one thought ends
and another begins

Oni Olusegun Jun 25

I wrote her a poem
She won't like it
I tore it--
Its not sweet, its wack

I did her portrait with ink
She won't like it
I squeezed it--
Its not her skin color, its black

I plucked her some flower
She won't like it
I dropped it--
Its not rose, its lilac

I made her a pendant
She won't like it
I broke it--
Its not gold, its brass plaque

I'm at her door with no gift
She won't like it
But I love her
To the moon and back

Sometimes self doubt just ruin what could have been a perfect show

If there's a word that you're holding back, say it.
If there's advice in your brain, let it out.
And if anything helps, then I'll take it;
But no man can assuage all my doubt.

I doubt that I'll ever quite make it:
I doubt that my dreams will come true.
I doubt night and day, but I fake it
In case they start doubting me too.

I don't think I can catch my breath now,
I doubt that this air will be clean;
Don't know if I'm close to my death now,
But alive? I just feel in between.

Come and steal away all of my guilt now
Make me sigh and admit I was wrong
For of all of the things my mind's built now
I distrusted self-doubt all along.

Alyna Loucine Feb 14
.

i am quicker to doubt myself
than i am to doubt anyone else
whether i know them or not
when it comes to others
i never think twice
there i am, always by their sides
somehow incapable of extending
the same kindness to myself

but i am a person just like the rest
struggling to find my place in this mess
there is no use being hard on myself

whatever

One day,
I mean to say,
one, spectacularly gray day,

I decided I’d stop-
stop following God.
And I walked slowly off
the other way.

But that didn’t stop
God from following me.
No matter how high
or low I got
God always seemed
To be
in that
same
spot.

So I said, “God?!? What is
this all about?! Why are you
following me of all people?”
God shook His cloudy head in dismay.
“We finally meet? And this
Is what you have to say?”

“Running away can wait
Another day…let’s try again
What do you say??”
So just like that...
second chance given
And God went ahead of me
listening to my rant as I walked
and talked.

Before I knew it, my doubts
and fears
were left
behind me
and,
apparently,
I was following God again.

Thankfully, He’ll
always keep me
within His sight.

gmw '17

The black sheep in me wanders still.
Robert 7d

I have been...
on more funerals than weddings...
Walking alive on the ground of a cemetery
is an odd feeling,
considering that under the same ground
lie the people who past away.
I get a cold shower,
every time I'm visiting my ancestors
by this dead silence.
But I'm aware
we have a reason to build these spaces:
To honour and remember the dead people.

I wondered about another kind of cemetery:
a graveyard of ideas...
To honour the ones
that didn't make it.
Imagine we walked alive on that ground,
in dead silence,
and could read
what the gravestones of the ideas say.
We would pretty much see
the same all over again.
"Killed by words of ridicule",
"He has been told it's impossible",
"The last words she heard were 'You cannot do THAT' ".
Or murdered by the undertakers' champion: Doubts.
A lot of ideas died straight after birth
or before their reached the puberty.

I wondered ...
how this world would look like
if we weren't so barbarian-brutal.
And instead foster the ideas
like gardeners their plants.
So that we can have
more weddings of ideas than funerals
and create a space
where ideas ... have babies.

Hannah Jul 15

I have always believed that when you're in love, you will know
But what if I don't know until I've fallen out of it?

It's scary, the possibility that after everything is said and done and people are moved on with their lives that the past will be the only determining factor that tells you yes, you were in love with them
And by that time, you can't go back to when you were

It's hard to tell myself I'm in love. I am either in it, or closer than I've ever been. I know I shouldn't doubt my instincts, because I will only hold myself back from embracing a beautiful feeling, but it is something to think about.

She came to him one day and said
That She wished to fly
He met her gaze and shook his head
And begged her not to try

Her lips twisted and brows knit
As She failed to understand
Just why He wanted her to quit
And be content on land

An oath, She made, to herself to see
The stars She would explore
Although He said no just let it be
And wished to hear no more

She asked him why She shouldn't go
And why He so loved the ground
For She dreamed of soaring to and fro
And living amongst the clouds

He looked at her, sighed and said
That this journey would only lead
To disappointment in the end
As She would surely not succeed

Encouraged by his stinging words
She set out to do even more
She promised to be just like the birds
To not just fly, but to soar

So for a time, through night and day
She tried again and again
Until the morn She found her way
And rode, gracefully, the wind

She glided, majestically, here and there
And also far and near
And so She told him so, with love and care
That He had nothing to fear

Yet, on the ground He wished stay
And still refused to go
So the two went their separate ways
She flying high, and He perched below

Through his eyes, his sorrows fled
His heart a heavy stone
Because He had known how this would end
With her free, leaving him alone

And He remembered the day She said
That She had wished to fly
For it was not She he doubted, but himself instead
As He had never dared to try

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