It is in the midst of strife
when the burden weighs most heavy,
your innards writhe and twisted;
the discomfort tugging at you so intensely
you cannot help but feel the tightness in your throat.
It is in the thick of this black mist
when your hands pick and pull
upon the wisping thread inside your head,
unraveling the rabble of cowardice voices
which spill like venom on your thoughts.
It is the unsettling notion
you are alone in a vast and empty ocean
sinking, suffocating and claustrophobic,
your mind is brimming, overflowing,
afraid it might just crack right open
It is knowing
these thoughts which come pouring
from that fractious bore inside your skull
seethe with undisclosed emotions
and their exposure to the air could crush you whole.
Will you allow this shameful wave
to crash atop you with all its galling weight
and drag you under grain by grain?
Will you battle back the coming storm,
standing above the surging tide
a rampart refusing to forfeit a single inch
of your distinguished shore?
I say battle.
Battle with the erosive waters rising inside you.
Battle knowing fully at first you are destined to lose.
The hero must be humbled
before others see him as the hero too.
So battle damn it, battle you glorious fool!
wired with worry I got tangled in a chaotic world of fear,doubt and Sigh,
Anger went down so smooth like red dry matured Merlot sip cuddle my heart and nourish my brain with nothingness but blame and regrets.
I have been missing you, needing to align my cords, untangle my soul, for you to breath life in me and kill negativity, he was here the other day teaching me all things that start with what IF?
What if it doesn't work? what if you are rejected? what if you fail? what if this Is the end of a start? what if we can't be?.
Carelessly you have disregarded my heart, carelessly you broke it, carelessly you missed the point.
The same love you pored you spill, confusing are your intentions, in front of my love door they are grey and blurry, I lack vision of who we are or becoming, swept by strong missdirected winds. Was I ever ready?
I feel the thorns piercing
Like my heart trying to be free from the grip
And my mind pounding yelling it to stop
But it remained unanswered, unrecognized.
Not a single thought of doubt has escaped
All imprisoned in my mind
Played by my neurons on repeat
Until even my own my mind is sick of me.
The screams are getting louder
At the back of my head, no silence
It rings until I go deaf
Until I go beyond just simple self-doubt.
....What are we?
His head tilts slightly
Feet stop where they are
I ask again lightly
What are we?....
He lets out no confession
To the floor his eyes drop
Once again I question
..What are we?..
His response comes slow
Eyes meet mine
"I don't know."
Weave through the crowd
shoulders back, straight posture.
An opening ahead
light seeping through.
Like a moth to a flame.
breath in, breath out.
Surrounded by silence
than by darkness
the first tunes strike.
a broad smile
jump and mesmerize.
Tunes fade away
applaud is roaring
the smile fades.
Do I dance for myself or do I dance for validation?
If you asked me late last night, I'd think things are hopeless
If you asked me an hour ago, I could still be easily persuaded as such
If you asked me 5 minutes ago...
I'd tell you that I'm more sure of myself and my decisions
If you asked me now...
I'd tell you I've never been more sure of anything in my life
I refuse to let this happen again, I will fight to make it happen and I will not give up till an exact conclusion is made
Either we are
Or we aren't
My fingers sometimes feel like they were meant for more.
I close my eyes and feel the realities clashing against each other.
A myriad of choices drowned out by the distance of a universe. I can see a trillion different fingers gripping pencils in different ways.
Watch from a billion pairs of eyes as my brain trickles art into the air in a billion different dreams. Count the infinite variations rippling out from each song I sing.
Each tune never played writes the outlines of the sketches I've only felt. The rings of possibilities never to pass pull themselves back into the pond. Memory retracting light from infinite universes.
I remember it's just me. In the dark writing words that don't seem to gleam like all the things my dreams wish I could be.