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Bhavani 2d
is the problem me;
i have many talents;
monetisation.
Not sure why can't I make money with my writing and voice over talents.
sometimes i wonder if i‘m just another someone
stepping into another someone’s footprints
a placeholder for a someone you can‘t let go
even though the years have passed
and the people have too

i compare myself to a someone who is worthy
of poetry,
of words so beautiful and soft,
i can‘t fathom you thinking them about another someone,
me

it is not about that, i want to deny
speaking the lie so softly to myself
because i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘m worthy of colorful words and shiny metaphors
or if i‘m just another someone
who‘s stepping into another someone’s footprints
if worlds we spun and lives we lived aren‘t enough
compared to the someone who got away

i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘ll forever just be someone who isn‘t her,
who‘s just enough,
just isn‘t her

a placeholder

i wonder if one day
a someone will return to you
and i wonder if that day
my passing will leave footprints too
H AE MZ 6d
I drive myself insane, a spiral of doubt and fear,
Second-guessing every move, every word I hear.
Self-sabotage, my constant companion by my side,
Holding me back, shrinking my spirit, an unending ride.

Weary of voices whispering I'm not enough,
Relentless comparisons that leave me feeling rough.
Yearning to be someone else, escape this hollow shell,
Ensnared in a cycle, a never-ending spell.

I long to break free, to matter, to be seen,
Not an afterthought, nor a choice between.
A priority, the first pick, a sure bet,
Cherished and wanted, not left to forget.

From mad, I crave to matter, stand tall and proud,
Silencing critics, shouting my worth out loud.
I have worth, I have value, I am unique,
Deserving of love, to be someone's peak.

No longer will I settle, a mere backup plan,
Refusing to be an option, a grain of sand.
Rising above self-doubt, shattering chains in my mind,
Mattering to myself, my true worth I'll find.

So here's to moving forward, a fresh beginning,
Where I matter to me, my light brightly shining.
No more self-sabotage, no depths of self-esteem lows,
Embracing myself fully, watching my confidence grow.
Capturing the frustration of battling inner demons and the overwhelming weight of comparison and self-sabotage. This poem is about the search for validation, both from within and from others, and the desire to break free from the cycle that feels impossible to escape.
Zywa Sep 1
Of course I love him,

but still I am not happy --


Can it be true love?
Play "The Servants and the Snow" (1970, Iris Murdoch), Act One

Collection "Unspoken"
wake me
               shake me
out of this febrile trance
furtively pilfering my heart's ancient treasure once guarded
by comforting spirits
of warm hopes and
beliefs held beyond reason.

never questioned
by the minds tribunal--
the jurors seated
in the cranial court.
knowing eyes silenced
by misguided faith's rhetoric.

never minding
the persuasive muzzle.
often ignoring serpent's retractable tongue.
always turning from
the dark corridors--
light banished
by modern-day pharisees

cloaked in mantles of treason
patronizingly diluting
what can only remain pure.
painted with pious platitudes.

away
         far away
i must sail from this folly--
an orphan of mystical doubt.
the frost and cold tempest I feel.

cautious sensibilities
a tenuous guide
through these gray
realms I traverse.
                      
trembling hands
grasp transient hopes
striving to shape
deeper meaning.

disciplining lazy traditional beliefs that hang on like phosphorescent spiders
in the dusty lofty rafters of memory.

deceptive iconic silhouettes
fading       misleading
superimposed on a
human-made landscape.
a beautiful picture
gold frame and all!

absence of religious
pop-culture faith
eclipses peace.
i shudder at the prospect
of this purge.
preparing for burial
what must die.
the end of an age
burned in effigy.

a raging wilderness
I now pass through.
i stumble by many
a familiar and
unfamiliar fane
longing to be clothed
with a mantle of peace.
                    
a vulnerable yet
strong spirit I guard.
let not trivialised faith be
my misleading guide.

and if it is all meaningless--
alas! it may be--
still I must forge
ahead to the sea--
ever mindful that rivers
never return to where
they have been
separated at birth.

i often hear roaring waves
crashing and gentle waves lapping on shore--
but a body of water
is not always the Sea.

--Daniel Irwin Tucker--
no matter how long
and hard the
journey has been--
i take back what i lost
i take back what i wasted
and i take back what
was taken from me
whilst in a universally
human, functionally
spiritualised trance.

i take back my hope
i take back my faith
i take back my peace
i take back my joy
i take back what
was taken from me!
Jeremy Betts Jul 23
Seeds of doubt churn with streams of hurt
Leaving it's mark from brain to heart like ruts in plowed dirt
It all collects and pools, a bottomless oddity here
Who's the capture, who's the prisoner? That's never been clear
Up to the moment life boils over the razors edge
Ribbons of crimson spill quickly, careening off the ledge
You had to have known it's all hollow, must I follow?
Must I always question while you threaten the finality of every tomorrow?

©2024
Arlo Disarray Jun 14
i try to open my eyes
and realize they are
nothing but buttons
i try to spread my wings
and plummet
to the ground
it’s all been a lie
and they’re only
made of cardboard
that gets soggy
and falls apart
when it rains
outside

can anybody hear me screaming?
or is it all in my head?
doesn’t my false smile
tell you the lies you want to hear?
masking my tears
and living within a façade
to blend in with the crowd
trying to make sure
i’m not crying too loud
my mind swims
around
in a pool
of self doubt
and i never even know
what i’m
so depressed about
I S A A C May 27
without a doubt
i should be walking out
all the images we painted
are embers on the ground
without a doubt
we can bow out
the best performances around
ephemeral frowns
I.
There are no pillars of fire to—
gather around; the clouds, they
deluge the prayers to and fro.
The deafened rumblings racing

the pouring torrents, as they
try to reach out, to answer,
and frown like morose protests,
like restless tantrums; and I—

I can only gasp for air.

Like salvations and unmet counsels.


II.
Remembrance follows ever-dearly;
shuffles carelessly amongst hasty—
coronations of dusted amber,
of dubious prints on the sand,

and it comes along, lavishly.
Esperance creeps tauntingly:
I wonder if it’s within me,
to reach out and sear the weave—

with conjoined hands, praying for air.

Like revising sextants and astrolabes.


III.
Dread is a candle in the dark,
nestled tightly into the fingers
and burrowed deeply into—
hands; they choose to hold on.

Blessed are the hands that harrow
and lean to the curtains of twilight,
to the lenses of hindsight:
merely debtors, to the fealty of morrow.

I can no longer grasp for air.

Like rainbows after a downpour, like chrysalides striking an impasse.

.
Holding it in.
Zywa May 21
He's a loving man,

he will be worthy of me --


when I am ready.
Novel "Shalimar the Clown" (2005, Salman Rushdie), chapter Kashmira, § 2

Collection "Low gear"
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