I have my share of paranoid
close to vest, and in my mind
it may not be real, just imagined
but not, each and every time

Fears self checked and analyzed
realizations, of logic sound
compromising, that little voice
paranoia, coming round

Too many the ways, to fail
understanding the risks and chance
not stepping out of bounds
and trusting, true, romance

I'll plunge, into the waters
the liability, my own
absorbing every consequence
all the emotions, feelings
like a run-a-way cyclone

Nothing ventured, nothing gained :D
Oculi 3d

Her name was Suha
I'm not like Suha
I wish I wasn't like her at all
Dear God, I hate myself, let me fall
Why has this world cursed me so, oh, let me die

Suha told me it was okay
She told me there is a way
Why do I not believe her at all
Why do I think she's so wrong, let me fall
I'm old enough to want to leave so just let me die

I hate my body
I hate my personality
Why do I have to be like her all in all
Why was I born to be Suha, let me fall
I'm breaking my wings and jumping, just let me die

I am nobody
And love doesn't want me
Why is this fretless guitar of mine my all
It can't play any notes, just let me fall
My music will sound off in your head, just let me die

Mystery embraces my shoulder
Am I real? Am I not?
                                                I don't know


It hesitantly wavers to my cheeks
Am I male? Am I female?
                                                I don't know


My identity got forgotten
When the hands left me
                                                I know.

                                                I don't know

Oculi 4d

Get in your suit
This is your armor
Close your eyes
Fight for your life
You're not willing?
I haven't a care

I've dreamt of a world ever so beautiful
With attack ships on fire
Where beams could glitter
It was my first dream, and I feel so lost

I've run away
You have?
I mustn't fight
You mustn't?
I can't give up
You can.

It wasn't my decision, I was forced
This isn't me
This is my powerless last breath, let me dream again

Oculi 5d

I've got grounds to discuss this
For I'm utterly disgusting
My poor lungs must be busting
Under the smoke that's thrusting
I have filled them with dread
As I've filled myself
As the cancer tumor spreads
I regret all I've ever been

Oculi 5d

Dedicated upon a precipice
Like Perseus I'm merciless
Like Sisyphus I make a fuss
Like Helios I'm at a loss
I lose myself like Odysseus
And compare myself just like Janus
Like Hephaestus I'm a smith
But I make only my destiny
The rest is all useless to me
In life I'm like Callypse
Kalopsia, the mind's eclipse
But most of all I am the Lord's
Brother, who's thrown at the swords
Hades of the underworld
For I am all but of this world
Seeing Earth as lifeless mounds
Of dead, I throw myself to hounds

Wyatt Nov 8

It hurts me to know that tomorrow is a question mark. The good feelings I felt a few hours ago have morphed into confusion and doubt. I feel scared, I feel alone when everyone else goes to sleep. I feel so far beyond the path that I know I should be following. I'm weak and to top it off I never do anything about it, I lack the conviction that it takes to admit to myself that change needs to take place. Stuck in place, when I'm stuck in my head I feed into dark thoughts. I start to place less value on my life and more emphasis on how it'll end. I'm sure one day I'll get that courage to lay in my own deathbed and leave my troubled past behind in this world. I want to go to a place where I do not exist. I wish to reside in a world filled with no one, where I could be put out of my own misery and finally find peace and solace.

It never changes, I just find a new way to say it.
R Nov 6

Have you been praised recently?
Has anyone told you today
that you did well
or that you're doing your best
or that you've done so much for them
or that you deserve your rest?

Do you believe them?
When they thank you, do you ignore it?
When they reaffirm their opinion,
that you did something good
do you lash out against yourself?

I don't.
Not because I don't believe them
nor do I think they feign sincerity;
It's mostly just from my experience
that just as easily that they praise you
for such a remarkable ability

that they will turn around and say otherwise
at the drop of a hat.

I am not here to tell you to believe
those who mean well when they say
"Thank you."
I am here to tell you that
the one you should be thanking
is yourself.

So from the bottom of your heart, please take a moment
close your eyes, and ignore everyone around you.
Feel it within your soul, and say
"Thank you."

For living.
For breathing.
For being here.

Thank you.

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