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Jeremy Betts Mar 8
Shamelessly flaunting a "good life" but never own it
They're only snapshots of good times and staged moments
You've only come across carefully selected, rookie opponents
Never felt how hard struggle hits
But...
What about when the floor drops out and a new rock bottom is found?
What about when the relentless doubt is the only thing registering as sound?
It's a generic cliche but a legitimate thing to say,
Who are you when judgment isn't around?
Do you explode in secrecy if to tightly wound?
Do you trust what stops the breakdown from happening in front of a crowd?
When you can't distinguish between right and wrong, when up seems down
When "elementary my dear Watson" proves too profound
When inner thoughts are unbound
When your own mind releases the hellhound
When you lose the comfort and security of solid ground
Control and reason give way to confusion and treason and all you can do is lie and say "change is inbound"
Would exposing the real you leave those closest to you confound?
See,
They say there's two sides to every story
I believe the same is true for every personality,
So I'm just asking around

©2024
My adoring stare
Loves you
Like I'm yours
But I stay behind
With my eyes down
So you may not know
For fear you may erase
Both our smiles
With the doubt
In your mind
Chances gone forever
Níla Feb 20
I am jealous
And contagious
And sometimes anger
Gets the best of me
I ruin things
Outgrow my friends
I ask myself
Too many questions
Doubt crawls along my side
Got drawers where my demons hide
And enough of them
ashw Feb 17
I can never do the one thing I want the most to do,
I can only - suddenly: fear,
Encroaching shadows.
Blindsided, I wish I could say. But no.
Not quite.
Doubt shrouds my intentions,
Like a cloud blocking out - no, an eclipse,
Predetermined intervals of near complete darkness,
A pattern of uncertainty, a seeming dichotomy-
But reliable nonetheless...
All the same.
Ordered chaos; predictable, unwelcome, regrettable.
Torturous, truly.
Light again, passing by, gone again-
Always.
Never.
I can never do the one thing I want the most to do.
I can only do the one thing I am wont the most to do.
And I am helpless to it all.
Lost to it all.
It is a cruel discrepancy.
Zywa Feb 13
I lick everything

and I still can't make a choice --


what I feel like now.
Composition "The Low Tone Orchestra: 9 Options" (2022, Cat Hope), performed by ensemble MAZE in the Organpark on February 11th, 2024

Collection "org anp ark" #371
Jeremy Betts Jan 28
Oh where, oh where is the puppeteer?
Surely he's moved on to another career
Up and left a lot of us just hanging here
Swung gently by a lonely gust of meandering air
As we masquerade as some fleshy chandelier
What could've happened to cause a reaction so severe?
No surprise to the wise that a why has never been made clear
Knowing nothing but to my right is doubt, to my left is fear
Needless to say, that's all I'm privy to hear
Day in and day out, long enough that it's easier to tally by the year
I was unaware that a situation could even be cavalier
I've held onto memories that now serve as an unwanted souvenir
And no one can know for sure, but I believe I just shed my last tear
But that doesn't mean the emotions disappear, no, they just blur and cohere
With a jump scare they premiere as unfamiliar in a mirror
But I have no desire, I don't have the will to explore a new frontier
Hey, look here, is that salvation or an end that draws near?
I'm going to stick around just to be clear on who's here
Cause I've been fool before by an imposter Paul Revere

©2024
ARI Jan 24
I’m not sure when it happened or even why
But one day I came to the realization
That I will always be the last pick.
Always be replaceable.
Always too much or not enough.
Problem is- I think it’s my fault.
Perhaps I’m the only one who finds
Such little worth in me.

-ARI
Joshua Phelps Jan 11
Tired of feeling
so down and sick

Tired of having no
hope,

Time has done nothing
but break my soul

For once,
I’d like to take
control.

Spent the past year,
Spiraling down and falling
flat on my face

Reliving the past,
Life in disarray.

It’s time I
pick myself up
and figure out

How to conquer
My life and shake
this doubt.
M Solav Dec 2023
It happens with all the holes and wounds: they grow their own face, mend their gaps, heal their rifts — those new skills of yours are but entities that emerge: to grant shelter, to stand guard, replace the old, thicken the crust, weather this human storm — through and through.

But will the skin ever return to its soil? It linger on forevermore. How tight its grip? How hardened its sappy brooks? When will it nourish those delicate roots anew?

These thoughts arise as doubt breaks free. It pours and flows as I gaze down and lower still. Shadows seep and leak as the wheel spins and drills the soul evermore hollow. Anonymous is our tree of life, but it keeps faces in store.

For it happens with all the holes and wounds: they bleed, they mend, they heal — and what don't they do as I stand here, as I bend, as I kneel — as I carve these seats in shapes of departure. Those skills thicken under my feet like growling tremors.

My past was but a dream — and I'm ready to slide like a crumbling leaf. My weariness is universal. My knowledge heavy. There cannot be a conclusion. I am growing thin.

Let me feed those roots anew.
Through and through.
Written on July 19th, 2023.

This picture was written to accompany a picture by Matthew Fertel (@digprod4). See the result at: instagram.com/p/Cu4uhxtOkYm


— Copyright © M. Solav —
www.msolav.com

This work may not be used in entirety or in part without the prior approval of its author. Please contact info@msolav.com for usage requests. Thank you.
Chelsea Quigley Dec 2023
Dare I say,
I take it day by day.

Moments of play,
Sculpted like clay.

But a thought to die
Pops up in my mind.

My mind,
Once flourished
Turns decayed,
Malnourished.

It captures my brain.

Perhaps I'm insane?

But on the outside,
I am sane.

No worry
To come my way.

All is well,
I know,
For that will stay the same.

It cannot change,
I CANNOT BE THIS WAY.

But alas,
I am.
I fall ill
In earth's hands.

For now
I carry utter guilt,
And blame.

What a shame.
So this poem is not personal to me, but more so to one of my best friends. We have known each other since school and he has always struggled with self-doubt and depressive episodes. He always tries to stay strong for others when that is merely impossible to achieve. We all should never feel guilt for how we feel. We feel what we feel and that is completely okay. Be kind to yourselves, sending lots of love !
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