She decided to drown herself
but as the water starts to fill her lungs,
a silver line of regret rush through her.

She wakes up with the white ceiling blinding her.
And realization starts to strike her
like a cold bucket of water
with the memories come flashing back.

And a little thank you Lord for another chance

In a minute,
I'm a *** smirk.
A shiny fang to show.
This pleasure, bundled
into nerves,
will decompose.

There isn't one chance.
Not one savior.
Evolution,
it still takes
its molasses-sweet-***-time.

I won't pray.
I won't wait.
As I am
& I shall be
the anti-divine.

I'm a literal *******.
I've long since comes to terms,
to terms with it.
I'm a depiction of the pits.
I've long since loved my worst,
my worst and best.

(...)

In a minute,
I'm a lost eye.
A stab wound, deep & old.
This sadness, bound
in my synapses,
wants me to know:

There is no escape.
No dissuasion.
Neurodivergence,
it wrestles
my ill logos for control.

I won't pray.
I won't pray.
As I am
& I shall be
funny chemicals.

I'm a literal *******.
I've long since comes to terms,
to terms with it.
I'm a depiction of the pits.
I've long since loved my worst,
my worst and best.

We watched and listened
as He prayed.
And we wondered
what it might be like
to speak with Jehovah
as He did.

So we gathered up our courage
and we asked.

And then, smiling,
He told us.
He gave us our prayer.
And, as if for the first time,
it felt real.
It felt like we had permission.
We had an invitation
to call Jehovah 'our Father'
as He did.

I couldn't help but smile
when I thought what the priests would make of this.

Child to Father.
Direct access. Forgiveness
without a priest.
And the simplicity of asking,
of feasting
on the generous Spirit
as He did.

Oh, how I smiled.

And later,
when the others were asleep
I practiced this new boldness
and smiled in a whisper:

"Our Father in heaven,
most holy be your Name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
here on earth
just as in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins
just as we forgive those
who sin against us.
And lead us not into temptation, instead, deliver us from the evil one.
For yours is the kingdom,
the power and the glory
for ever, Amen."

I smiled.
And I slept
as He did.
Closer to grace.

Things you won't hear from ***:

I'm sorry we are experiencing a higher number of calls than usual.
You may wish to call back later.
All of our operators are dealing with other customers.
We will be with you as soon as someone becomes available.
Your call is important to us, please wait or alternatively go to our website.
Listen carefully to the flowing options.
I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Did you say, "Help"?
Our office is now closed. Thank you for calling.

Things you will hear from ***:

"Welcome. I've been expecting you. What's on your heart?"

Have you ever had the feeling
while praying
that you've inadvertently
been talking
while *** is speaking?
Don't worry -
He wrote it down for you.