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Lumi 5d
i miss the way you
would let me ruin you
and take advantage
of your vantage points
and use your skills
to **** myself slowly
and you never knew
what i was doing
what plan i was brewing
because if your did
you'd never let me out again
and i've only just been set free
from my cage
SMS 5d
Almost there- but I can’t
wrap my tiny fingers
Around the top of my arm
Maybe in a week or so
Then come the thighs

Almost there- but I can’t
Wrap my two tiny hands
Around the top of my thighs
Maybe in a week or so
Then comes the waist

Sorry sorry Ana I know I’m slow
but I’ll get there
I’ll get there again
And again.
Cinching my hands smaller
Each time
Until I’m as small as my worth
Only way to be happy
I'm sick of being tired,
Tired of being sick.
I create this negative atmosphere,
The air is polluting and thick.

I can't help but see the negatives,
In everything I seem to contact,
Relationships, friendships,
Its like their only here under contract.

I feel like no one wants me,
To be around, even for a chat,
"Get the f*k away from me,
You ****, hairy, fat, tw
t"

I know its all in my head,
But reality distorts in there,
I know people love me,
And people truly care.

But the wave of darkness,
Surrounds my skull,
I'm scared I'm loosing this battle,
The void might swollow me whole.

I try to be the light,
That makes people smile,
But I'm hidden behind this light,
I've been hiding for quite a while.

The face is a broken image,
But broken on the inside,
I don't want people to see this,
Thats why I hide.

Please, if you know me,
Just talk as if we're fine,
Ignore any insecurities,
They're not yours to deal with, they're mine.
Spooky Babe Oct 9
It all began in dance class
When I first felt small
Standing in the back of the lines
Where no one could see me at all

Fast forward to middle school
Where the girls who looked like me
Were never the topic of conversation
Like I always dreamt to be

Even when highschool rolled around
It was still never about me
Always some other fair skinned beaut
Who i’d constantly compared to thee

And when I finally did steal a heart
Guess how it began and ended?
Another girl came into the picture
Which whom I had to contend with

My history of love & relationships
Definitely isn’t one for the books
Just painful memories I try to wash away
Because I never had “the look”

That’s the reason I’m always triggered
Because all my life I’ve had to compete
I just want someone to look at me and think
“**** my life is finally complete.”
October 8 2019. 10:26pm. Here we go again **
Laura Oct 9
Visions of ****
And burglary
Dance around in my head
As darkness creeps over me
And I turn on all the lights
In my empty apartment
When you're not here
I toss and turn
Through the night
Popping sleeping pills
Just to catch a wink
Daydreams turn into
Night terrors
As the dog barks
At every little noise
Making me aware
Of all the scary things
Outside my window
Someone knocks at my door
But I'm not expecting company
Even with the deadbolt
I don't feel safe
In this big empty bed of mine
As I sleep alone
School? Tsk...Tsk...Tsk. What a spectacle.
I hear the bell chiming already- ding...ding...ding
Then sick and scowled, we'd walk right to were we were meant to be. "Meant to be". Heart pounding 'cos if we were late!? Or in the wrong place or mixed up the wrong dates!? No...no...no that was trouble. "The bell is the voice of God"  The priest(s) would say, each day, "and when it rings you must obey" A bell? I thought, the voice of God? I chuckled.

I remember the shadows of the seminarians watching.
The irate stare and feign smile. Weren't these men of God!?  They came in new and good, but give them a day or two and...and my God!!!
There were rumors of bizarre things that happened behind closed doors, no one "saw", but walls. I know someone was there. Had to be! When the last bell rang, and the lights faded out. People became monsters. It changes people. And it would, you too because real monsters are in the light and you too are one of them.

The mass either left you hungry and empty, guilty and filthy or just feeling good about yourself for no good reason because some preacher said: "Hark, all worries will be left behind, and all disappoint too, will be gone forever..."  It was the same thing, day in and day out. One man's crime was all mens'. And our tongue just clung to our mouth because who would dare raise a finger in anger to a priest? God's delegate.  There were rumors.  

There were rumors no one would admit they saw until dusk when the light-out hour came and we streaked together muffle and scoffled about everything. It was either that or we tried, however, we could to get food. Some even looted goods, black and white was the code and we hid it safe as gold. You won't get it. Sometimes people would go as far as...sign  

****...****...****
Heavy eyed and tired. The bell snaped you from your dream back to this hellfire. And before you blinked you were in class
Then smell of dry papers and ink, sound of pens screeching and then you see.
Students hastily walking to where they are meant to be? "Meant to be!?"
Teachers, few, pretty as rose and others old and cold. All claiming they had gold to impact on us. Most times, the men, well tucked, some tall and maybe bit lanky.

The priests were like ghosts. Some went as far as saying Godly. Their bellowing white-blue cassock whipped by, and while some would sigh, others would hush and some would rush to where they were meant to be. Meant to be. Now ghost quiet, staring from somewhere was the priest ghost silent...



.
serena Oct 7
hounds chase foxes
round and round
hearts locked in boxes
safe and sound

trees grow skyward
loving the air
my heart's falling wayward
and now i'm scared

what do you do
when you fall for a fox?
no one's got a clue
because that love's locked

secrets and sorcery
and tangles of hair
i don't think she loves me,
but i know that she cares.
i fell in love with a fox
Brad post Sep 28
“I don’t know what to do”,
she says quietly.
“I know it sounds paranoid,
but he’s following me.”

“I talked to his sister,
she said he’s out of state.
Supposedly in Ohio,
cause he needed a break.”

“But no one’s heard from him,
since I got the P.O.
He always said they were useless,
just false safety for show.”

“Well of course he isn’t,
he left this last night.
He has the only spare key,
and I know I locked up tight.”

“I’ve never seen that picture,
but I still have that dress.
He bought it for me,
and it’s the one he liked best.”

“But turn it over,
and look what he wrote.
It’s ******* filthy,
that part about *******.”

“I’m just really scared,
because I know he’s watching.
I constantly have the feeling,
someone’s following me.”

“Would you do me a favor,
and stay with me tonight?
I probably won’t sleep,
but if you’re there I might.”

“Thank you so much,
you are such a great friend.
Just having a man there,
makes a difference in the end.”

“I’ll see you tonight,
thank you so much again.
He always hated you,
even though we’re just friends.”
.
.
.
.
I watch out the window,
as she climbs in her car.
She doesn’t suspect it’s me,
at least not so far.

She didn’t ask why I was sweating,
or see the dirt under my nails.
Thank God she was upset,
and didn’t notice the smell.

I keep watching,
till she drives away,
touching myself,
as I play out the day.

She was right about one thing,
he’s still around,
but he won’t leave my basement,
once he’s in the ground.

Maybe I’ll get lucky,
and she’ll wear the dress.
He did have good taste,
cause it’s the one I liked best.
This is a piece I wrote for a “stalker” challenge.
refresh mesh Sep 27
i write poems when im lonely
because they remind me
of what i am

i walk into the street at night
in nothing but my ******
to greet my friend

i play stories in my head that i remember
of the people and places
which i'll never see again

i stand like a tree and gaze into the mirror
relaxing my breath
and holding my hands

i stay up late worrying for myself:
what will happen to me once
everyone's dead?

i wish i didnt love my family or my cat:
could i ever be happy
and alone in my bed?
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