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Do you know how it feels to be scared of yourself?
- I do.
Do you cry yourself to sleep?
- I do.
When people ask you what you want to be when you're older, what do you say?
- I want to love myself.
How can someone so smart and funny be so depressed?
*I don't know. I may be the broken crayon.
Faith 3h
The way he acts
It makes me scared
The way he looks
At us, it makes me nervous
The way he talks
Makes me sick
The way he moves
Horrifies me
The way he is
Is not the way it should be
kiana 4h
with the use
of my blood
I blindly grew
every single rose
I gave to you
what I thought was true love...
I fear living for someone
centring someone in my universe
I fear not not wanting to be alone
constant noise in my silence
I fear wasting my time on someone
putting my life on hold for them to leave
I fear a lifetime of small talk
being a product of their routines and races
I fear not finding belonging
not being in control
I fear the prison of my mind
never finding the person I don't fear with
I fear not being special in the insignificance
never being not afraid to be vulnerable
I fear only existing
ab 2d
exhaling the faith i had
in myself is nightly

neither of us allow
conversation to linger
and it's sickening

we're blindly pulling at
bedsheets for answers
neither of us want to acknowledge

i don't know what's happening

each day is different,
i can't tell if my unease
is with the assumptions
or with myself

i think i know what you want
(at least partway)
but my mind wants to resist
losing interest in fingertips and
the mismatched cues

your body tells me you
need the closeness

mine is afraid
of taking this further

i don't want this to become
another bad joke, laughing
in hindsight but doubting
my intentions, i just don't
know myself well enough

and every time i mention
i am unsure, you explain
that you can't tell nights apart

texts at midnight
with questionable wording -
we have to be alone for this
to work out like you'd expect

but at this point all i feel
is a little bit sick and somewhat
concerned for your sake

because i can't be a rock for you

i am overwhelmingly sorry

there's something different
about this time for me

something goes through me
that i cannot interpret

you told me that you try
to live life to the fullest
because you might not have
the fullness that others get from living

i almost wish you hadn't told me

because my eyes start to fill
when i think about you and
i wish i knew what to say

i know what it's like to hurt
so fully and deeply, to doubt
your days and know your clock
to be shorter than some

and to have to pull it together regardless

i want to tell you so badly
that i'm scared too,
that there's so much more
than what i've told you

i think i'm afraid that
we're too much alike
~i don't know what to do about this
i feel like i'm still holding so much back
i'm sorry, i'm still too scared to get attached

Haydi 3d
she changed.
the person she is today
is monstrous
she scares the butterflies
in my stomach
it makes them escape
through my soul.
Riptide 3d
I want to love someone but I simply can't love them.
What happened to my emotions?
I only feel numb with sadness.
I want to be happy for those who see me as a friend.
So I lie,
To myself,
And them.
I refuse to see the truth because I am scared.
cupid 4d
i used to be scared of people
scared of what they could accomplish
scared of what would happen if they forgot me
my mother forgot me “once”
she scared me with her armfuls of scars and screaming
i think i scared her with my sharpie-filled walls and notebooks
my brain surface to surface coated in horror
i get scared by loud noises now
and i scare others when i make loud noises
i have become all the things that scare me
i now embody many of the things i hate
i scare myself
what i am capable of
is terrifying if i dwell on it too long
i suppose anything is if you think about it for long enough
oh no
i thought for too long
im scared of writing this
i dont like capital letters, i find them incredibly angering
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