I’m lost
I’m scared
I’m afraid

but what I did deserves to be punished

I‘m trapped
I’m locked up
I’m afraid

But it could be death
I’m chain up
and afraid

It goes something like this:
You spend years clawing through the hearts of men, one drunken night at a time. When you wake up in the mornings, you kick them out with one last kiss, and pretend you haven't forgotten their names already. You walk into the kitchen, pour yourself a cup of stale coffee, decide caffeine just isn't going to cut it, and crack open a beer instead. You stare blankly at the dust particles dancing around in the sunlight and wonder how long it would take to count them all.
One-
Two-
Three-
You get to one hundred and give up.
You spend the rest of the morning wondering when things got this bad.

It goes something like this:
You get in the shower. Shave your legs. Wash your hair. Conceal your imperfections, coat your lips bright red. You look in the mirror and realize you don't know the person looking back anymore. That is your face. Those are your green eyes. Your crooked teeth. But it is not you. You stare at your reflection so long that the room around you becomes a blur. Your heartbeat begins to race but you cannot stop. You keep staring. Keep analyzing. Keep wondering when you became a stranger to your own body. When you finally snap out of it, you decide to run.

It goes something like this:
You pack your bags. Some socks. A pack of cigarettes. A bottle of whiskey. Just the necessities. And you run. You run and you run and you don't dare stop to look back. You don't want to change your mind. It's four in the afternoon and you're supposed to be at work. You almost feel bad for not showing up. Almost.

It goes something like this:
You get to the edge of a town that hasn't felt like home for years, and you take it all in one last time. You can't help but smile. You're finally free. You put your thumb in the air until an unfamiliar face stops. He asks where you're headed. You tell him you don't care where you go, as long as it's beautiful. And this time, you promise not to forget his name.

Some fear the night;
Scared of monsters in the dark
I prefer the darkness
The only demons I fear
Are the ones inside me

Toby 1d

As soon as I walked in,
The mood changed.
It was because of me.
I tried to bring it back.
Nothing I did work.
You said, "You're emotionally unavailable."
Then the sadness crept back in.
I tried to take my mind off it.
While you sat and did your own thing.
Found you on the floor saying, "whatever" to all my suggestions.
Then you up and left.
Probably wouldn't have said a word if I hadn't asked.
I'm constantly asking myself: should two people with mental illnesses be together?
I guess the answer is whatever.

You never want your daughter to have to go through what you went through
So you tell her, "do not party, do not drink, do not hang out with those people, especially him, do not sneak out of the house, do not get caught up in drugs..."
You tell her that how mad at her you will be if she does these things and how disappointed you will be for her disobeying you
Only because you are trying to protect her from what your mother could not
Not because you don't understand her and why she would and all the temptations and fun that could've happened, but did not
You scare her so much that when she does go to that party and drink too much, or when she gets caught up with that boy, not a man, and he uses her home as a hotel, or when she experiments and goes too far with a drug, with something to take away reality
She will not come to you
She is too ashamed of the disappointment and too afraid of the punishment
That she will not come to you
So her guilt and depression grows like a weed until she cannot house it anymore
So what do you do and how do you protect her from what your mother could not

Alex 2d

I am naked.
Not physically but emotionally.
Please don't do this.
Not right now.
Please don't look at me.
Turn around.
I am hideous!
Don't you see these scars?
My mind is broken.
My heart is scared.
My lungs are hardly working from all the cigarette air.

.

This has been the most
TERRIBLE
poem I have written yet
Amber 3d

Your voice used to warm my heart.
The sound takes me back,
All the way back to the start.

When my body was brand new,
Freshly developed,
I truly could not see through,
Others' facades.
I always let them have their way.

I said no,
And you pressed on,
Hearing me,
But not paying much attention,
To my pleas.

Other protests went unheard,
Never escaped my mouth,
The lines were always blurred.

I thought I was loved,
But that was untrue.
I was being shoved,
Into a small dark place.
A place where you could do,
All you desired to.

I let you have me,
Before I knew who I was.

Theres a disconnect right now from me and my relationships
But its just me
Its always just me
Its always just my head getting in the way of everything
I can’t be happy for too long before depression misses the stage
I can’t be calm for too long before anxiety decides to shine a light
And I can’t ever focus because adhd is just bouncing around
I’m incapable of thinking and feeling happiness
Because every time I do
I just shut it down
I’m so scared of new feelings and I’ve had depression my whole life
My depression has become my sleeping blanket
Its black and soft and darkens my world
But I keep it because my mother gave it to me when I was young
I used to be young
I used to see a future
But now all I see is a funeral for a girl who aged 20
Barely made it through university before deciding to take her life
Life is just so hard and stressful and I’m only 17
I’ve had depression my whole life and growing old just seems like a waste of time
Everything is a waste of time because even me breathing is a waste of breath
Everyone says that I shouldn’t deny the world of my greatness
But what if I lose the fake smile
What if I lose to ability to get out of bed
Because its 9pm right now and I already don’t wanna see the morning
I haven’t written in a month because my boyfriend is just always around
But now that its winter and he’s busy, I write again
I write about suicide
I write about depression
I write about anxiety
I write about adhd
But writing or talking or cuddling will never make it go away
My family will always be in the dark to how much I wanna die
My boyfriend will always push away the thought of me dying and avoid the topic because this actually scares him
My friends will always be worried when going to bed, that I’m not going to say ‘good morning’ the next day
I am just a burden
But I’m a burden who’s trying to stay alive but I think I’m failing

I'm not too proud of this one but I like it enough to post.
Bella 3d

Hold my hand
sit near me
let me sink into your lap
just please don't leave me alone with my thoughts
or lack thereof

You see,
if you leave.
my head will not scatter into a million deadly shards
it will do quite the opposite
it will collapse

whatever you do, don't leave me,
not now.
you see if you leave
I lose my sanity
I lose my restraint

the second you turn your head and walk out that door
my eyes will well
my heart  will lose its rhythm
My hands  will shake
and my breath won't be able to claw its way up my throat anymore.

You don't have to say anything
you don't have to do anything
just please don't leave
I'm scared of what happens when you leave --
please don't leave...

Alex 3d

I'm scared you'll run away If I tell you what is wrong
You can not promise you will stay
There's a pattern and I'm starting to catch on
You see, you'll act like you care
Everyone always does
But when you are needed you won't ever be there
So I turn to my drinks to feel that familiar buzz.

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