Hate me cause I’m scared
Hate me, I’m unprepared
Hate me because my heart is heavy
Hate me cause my eyes are red
Hate my circles bruised and wet
Hate me because I can’t scream and say
Hate me cause you can’t relate
Hate me, you’re scared to give me a break
Hate me because you never learned
I need help, not hate.
What if I'm not actually who I always thought I was?
Maybe that means I can be better than who I thought I was.
When I met you I thought my life would change
I thought my life would have meaning
I thought I was becoming a man
When I met you
My life changed
Not the way I expected though
I stopped doing drugs and smoking
I found love and loved it
I found friendship and cherished it
Friendship betrayed me soon after
Love sent me on my way
I became a party animal
And drug addict
When I met you
I thought my life would have meaning,
But my thoughts were deceiving
I was blind to what I was seeing
And lost myself
Tomorrow I'll send you on your way
And there'll be no way to make me stay
I'll never forget you
I'll never regret you
I'll never miss you
Tomorrow my life will change,
But wasn't that how all this started
Just frightened about leaving home and joining the military
The thud of my body echos in the room.
The impact takes my breathe away.
The cold temperature of the floor welcomes me.
It brings me back to the surface of reality.
My lungs try to draw in air with no success.
My gasps are short and empty.
I can feel my heart race.
It jumps out of my chest.
Before I can recover, I feel the second blow.
The sickening noise bounces around room.
I know you are just getting started
I know it won't be my last.
Your foot connects rapidly with my body.
I can feel your toes individually.
I can feel the flex that they make against my ribs.
Your nails cut my skin like butter.
I can feel the pain spread like a wildfire across my body.
The flames sink deep into my core.
It shows me no mercy, as it scorches my body.
With each lick of pain, my screams increase.
My screams are a melody to your ears.
They mix well with the chorus of your yelling.
Everything blends with the bass of my body.
The song encourages you speed up the rhythm.
Eventually time seems to stop.
The world becomes silent.
The picture frame begins to blur.
Darkness has chosen to draw the final curtain.
I have this backpack
every time I want to cry
or scream or yell
I take the feeling and I place it in a jar
and I zip it up in my backpack
its amazing really, how many jars
this one bag can hold
see, I've never emptied it or
even set it down because
I'm afraid if it leaves my shoulders
everything will spill out
and all the jars I've sealed
will break open and I'll hear it
I have this backpack
and its getting heavy
So depressed, life is just a constant stress,my mind cant rest... pain in my chest,its either this or death.. Dreadful rest...
Is this God's test,
Or is my life that big of a mess..
This pain in my chest..
I constantly live inside my head, the boogie monsters not under my bed, hes inside my ******* head, I cant escape him,i know he ain't fake man, theres nowere to run to and nowere to hide. I look in the mirror and I'm forced to look him in the eyes . ...
I begin to cry, tears rolling down my cheek, my knees get weak.,I cant speak please god set me free from all this misery ...
When I open a door with eyes closed it always take me by surprises
I either fall down in a deep pit or i fly high in the sky
I might not know
Until i open the door
Until i open my eyes
But I wonder....
Would i be able to open the door with my eyes wide open
Would i be able to take a step ahead with my eyes wide open
Would i be able to enjoy those surprises
Would i be able to know if i were going to fall down or fly high
Would i be able to know what do i like more
Whether it's falling down or flying high
I might not know
Until i .......
Until i take first step
if i am scared to open the door
I close my eyes
Open the door
Don't step back
Go ahead and enjoy the surprises life has to offer me
In the last hour I dealt with a lot
My own definition of why I look dour
Memories I hid six feet under the ground
Came emerging, grasping, and clawing at me 'till I'm found
Saying what's good for me, but my thoughts aren't considered
Ignored by a mother, a father, a neglected child
A child that mimicked Rapunzel locked up in a tower
A child that had gotten their smile devoured
Each day they get thinner, all hopes get hindered
Clouded thoughts, faded scars, and their music gets louder
A habit to cloak emotions, not being able to shed a tear
Refraining from going to beer, avoiding others out of fear
Consolation comes through rose lenses,
A gun held to their head but not packed with powder
I wrote this short poem because the deadlines in my life on top of dealing with emotional trauma and having no time for myself all at once ******.
She lives in the past, a time she spoke little about,
a world that does not sit with the present,
confusion swarms her fragmented mind.
Memories, once treasured, faded slowly,
now they come and go beyond will, stripped
of control, her worlds an opening and closing void.
She knows what is happening to her, but none of us
really know why. A decaying fate beyond our control,
no matter how much we want to reverse it.
© Richard Duffy. All rights reserved
Observations of my Mother's journey with Alzheimer's
i lie down in my filth
hair falling onto the ground
my skin has ripped at the seams
nothing will not remind me
can’t stop thinking
everything is subjective
no one can truly say what it means
please melt away the
wrongs in me make me pure