Why do i feel so dangerous
When i ask the simple why question
Its hidden and tucked and pushed
Just outside of my reach or should i say my mind
I want to like the me inside
But every glance of her
She simply spits and spats
In my direction
I think she hates me
I don't blame her
But again i must ask
The same damn question
Why?
It was a Wall I must've built
in one of those days I was not free
and they kept me under lock and key
A Wall so hard and thick
not even a hammer could puncture it
A Wall so high and deep
where it touched the sea beneath
and rose to Everest's Peak
many times I cannot bring myself to see it
or even just to think it:
that one day it might crumble down
and I can see its protected Crown
yet I still avoid it all the time
for it was where I drew the line
on that day so long ago
where my thoughts were my Foes
i'm mad at you.
because you vanished for five days.
you didn't apologize.
and you told me you knew that i would worry. that i would act out because of it.
if you care so much for your angel, why'd you torture her like that?
you've got this evil habit of leaving me on a cliffhanger. leaving me and making me scared.
you left me wondering,
"did he kill himself?"
"did he try and end up in the hospital?"
"did he get arrested for fighting again?"
"did he and his father argue?"
"did he get sick of me and decide to leave me behind?"
and eventually what made the most sense was that you'd get bored of me and that's why you would've vanished.
but you reappeared this morning. no apology. i had to ask for you to explain. you never told me you were sorry for scaring your angel. never reassured me.
yet again, i'm trying to make things work. giving you another chance to redeem yourself. i know it's hard for you. but it's not fair for you to scare me.
I can't breathe
I can't breathe
My mind is wandering
I'm assuming you have lied to me
Just like all the others
Why do I bother
Why do I bother
I can't breathe
all this anxiety
My mind is spinnin'
I realize I've been fooled again
right when I've surrendered
and courageously let you in
I can't breathe
You're ignoring me
why do I trust
so easily
I'm so angry with myself
panic is creeping in
when will I learn
I am merely here to be used
when love is what I yearn
I can't breathe
How dare you do this to me
For all the scars I have showed you
My throat is closing in
Tonight I will not sleep
I am never going to win
But I've begged you
please
to not do this to me
I lay in tears wondering
why I'm so worthless
and I can't breathe.
I barely remember the beach, we went there and
it was sunny at first,
but the clouds came and covered the sun.
I know I didn't wander off too far, but I remember feeling like
the world
was between me
and the sand.
As I walked, poking my head just above the surface, (I couldn't swim then, either) my feet sank down into a hole.
I've been through things and I've felt things a child shouldn't, (wouldn't I be brave?), but then it seemed as though the water was swallowing me up. i was scared.
i fell under, choking, my throat quickly becoming sore from the salty water. i managed to get back to the sand, but it feels like my soul stayed in that hole. i guess i grew up too fast.
I'm scared;
Feeling woefully unprepared
To meet you.
I'm scared
That all the moments we have shared
Are tainted.
I'm scared
Of the fact, in the eye stared,
That I might not be able to reconcile.
I'm scared
With the belief paired
That I don't know how to reconcile.
I'm scared
Of the words I said when I dared
And then ran away like a coward.
I'm scared
I cared
Too much
I'm scared
That you no longer cared
A long time ago
I'm scared
Of when reality will be bared
And I will know for sure.
But I know
As sure as there is a tomorrow
That things will never be the same.
shifting eyes i know they
are looking at me
I’m looking at them too
thinking
shaping
swimming in the pool of consciousness
everything is a process
chemical process
breathing
life
in and out
Someone told me when the war starts, and I'm there
they wanna break my body now and I'm scared
I'm not even aware why I dared
and I know that life is not always fair
but I see all this war everywhere.
You shift and turn through the night
Sweat and screams you left behind
You moved and scoffed as you hide
You were safe but he was was still chasing you in your mind.
.
All our lives grovel and moan - Discourse torn from the penetrated beauties undisclosed deep within a hollow tone - Do we breathe to live or live to die - Discovered only in the settling beat of an afterlife - I am he and he is I - Flesh wounds near - Besieged by a shattered sigh - Fly beside the torn down spectacle - Learn to spread wings fetch knowledge alone - Become solid bone stronger than stone - Often I sit down and write never really knowing direction or perspective - My eyes see deep - Deeper than I gather to observe - Am I just scared - Frightened to find something id rather just leave behind? Explore I must and try to make sense of what is happening - One day ill realize the whys, hows, whens, and mights - Sit back relax and realize iv always been here - right here at home
My home