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Johnny walker Aug 2019
I believe I saw heaven In Helen dimming eyes a light that was fading away from this world free now from her Incurable pains and her poor quality of
life
I no It was heaven I saw In her eyes she was saying good bye to me for Helen journey was already starting a one
way ticket to heaven no coming
back
I saw heaven In Helen's eyes
a light that was dimming fading away from this life if I make It to heaven I no she'll
be waiting If I should get lucky and make It
there
it’s november when
the meds kick in, it’s
december when i feel
human again. (or maybe,
for the first time?)

i lack less.
found an appreciation
for something or another
dug up in the front yard
by a half-blind dog.
appreciation for
the living
and the
quiet
small
moments.

i used to know empathy,
used to take her hands
between mine in
cut scenes
but those were
   trembling eras
    of seconds,
    caught between
  an intensity i’ve since
        given     away.

an inferno.

of being
in love
with
wheat
grass bet-
ween
high
ways
and

last bit
of clouds
eating sun
like nectar
in the rearview:

or sweet talking
directly into his eyes
at midnight, hearing
a smile in the smoke
that separates our
houses.

cats with twigs
and dirt swimming
in their bellies.
ghosts in the
woods beyond
my car,
yowling at
the full moon
as if they
were born
to.

i now know
the silence and
warmth of
sleep.

i exist alongside
unfamiliar calm,
a quaint silence
that does not
burn at the
                 touch.





but

the world is
almost softer
            almost
                       lighter   --

my skin is
held to-
gether
with
some
thing
more
than
glue.

     (maybe
      stitches?)

i wonder
if i was
human
the whole
time.
re-wrote a poem i wrote half a year ago, i'm turning it in for a poetry class portfolio. honestly im gonna edit it again but this is the first edit for now. if i change anything major i'll probably put it here and edit it or maybe rework entirely.  who knows~~~
Johnny walker Aug 2019
As time passes on and memory with age start
to fade, and you
question
Was that home I lived and the girl that I loved was she for
real
Or was It all just part of an elaborate dream perhaps created In my head through
loneliness
That saddest thing about loss of memories through growing old you
question
was that I remember was that for real or just part
of some elaborate
dream
The saddnss thing of growing old Is the fading memories you start to question the love you lost the life you lived was
that for reel, or part of an elaborate dream
Johnny walker Apr 2019
As time passes on and memory with age start
to fade, and you
question
Was home that I live and the girl that I loved was she for
real
Or was It all just part of an elaborate dream perhaps created In my head through
loneliness
That saddest thing about loss of memories through growing old you
question
was that I remember was that for real or just part
of some elaborate
dream
The saddnss thing of growing old Is the fading memories you start to question the love you lost the life you lived was
that for reel, or part of an elaborate dream
clever Feb 2019
getting high without you isn't even getting high,
just feeling down because i know i'm at my lowest point.
but two wrongs made a right. at least for a little while.
Johnny walker Dec 2018
Since my darling passed
away what I was to
what I am to what
I see I'm only
half the man
I used
be
Since Helen's been gone feel only half the man I used to be
The half went with her
Mach my words, that time travel aye
foresee (rather than being
     at a stand still, nee frozen
     analogous to cry

oh ja hen nicks, or more particularly
     going backwards)
     this chap doth espy
great breakthroughs,

     asper similar advances this guy
   i.e. myself witnesses quantum leaps I
learn (reading The University Of Penn Gazette)
     the Burmese doctoral
     engineering student Kai
     Sir Von Wilhelm Harris

     made profound advances within
     advanced combined research
     laboratory of rocket surgery
     and brain science set my
mouth ajar
     (with rivulets of drool spilling forth)

constructing a simple
     to assemble gizmo (avail able
common household materials
     rendered unto YouTube), and/or Cable

Comcast, Fios, Infosys, et cetera
     which accidental discovery
     automatically codified feign
     top secret "FAKE" news to enable
  
boot (simply for formality sake)
     code named Clark Gable
yet in reality (a faux veil of secrecy)
     to con Vince sing lee

     foster an inimitable
mystique, button truth
     for general public to unzip noble
     no red bull) knowable

handy escape to past or future
     and essentially unlocked laudable
simple "household solution"
     to become the latest craze

     (synonymous with an ****** - manageable
minus addiction, conviction,
     and excruciation viz zit operable
via needle marks of the masses

     within a fortnight necessary
     supplies sans quantifiable
while Das Donald Trump
     could enact legislation satisfiable

knowing majority being
     totally tubularly oblivious unalterable
measures permanently infringing on inalienable
     rights such as life, liberty
     and the pursuit of winnable pacification.
literary food for thought.
Self Mutilation
(ah bet thar iz an app for that!)
within unlit partial "FAKE abattoir"
   sans wardrobe alcove
   where dust bunnies didst allures
completing a simple task among
   my never ending (Matthew's) list
   of domestic chores

this undertaking engaged
   thankfully while completely clothed,
   and scrounging on all fours
nonchalantly picking up scattered detritus
   including food crumbs

   potential critters hors d'oeuvres
the spouse (ideally seated
   on this same swivel chair
   dashing off these lines

   linkedin with this Macbook Pro) -
   housing at least four scores
of word documents, she espied
   the cheeky opportunity
   that triggered many wars

within arms length the taut outline
   of me 'lil derriere - re: rear end
temporarily dormant versus
   when flatulence roars -

   posterior flank hie
   could not de fend
she playfully poked her finger
   that didst dis send
   within close vicinity of sphincter,
   where ****** turgid business height tend

(most likely this husband not alone
   getting ***** twerked) inn me own coal
less cents great movements got made
   jabbing ma *******

   while i happened
   to be "blindly" groping
   upon darkly cutout cubby hole
i.e. without wearing bifocals/ spectacles -

   envision a human mole
thus amply qualified her role
to be literal and figurative
   pain in the *** vole,

where much to my horror a flash
of red hot poker blind
   momentary rage, did lash
out at me, when aye espied

   a kitchen knife and acted rash
(how cutlery got in closet floor
   a minor mystery
   and potential topic de jure

   for another poem)
   to brandish sharp edge
   around abdominal area
grabbed handle with left hand,
   thence commenced to slash

rhythmically thwacking
   wrist of right hand
then quickly dropped sharp implement
(as like a man momentarily possessed)
   before rendering permanent harm
   with a river of blood to wash.
Childhood Campy Chimera Curtain Call

Arctic bitter dead of winter cold
polar vortex deep freezes each lovely bone
excellent existential prized memory
swimmingly recalls boyhood

listening to drone
of various and sundry
en deer ring fauna
extant amidst greensward,

where imagination hath flown
to imaginary Eden lifting
uber a maize zing ears
cocked towards
Mother Nature's petsmart crafted chorus

flushing out soundcloud
queen of happy campers
with bees zee winged
wonders as they hone

suite tracks unstinting
well crafted aural presentations
intended to entice
a mate opposite jejune

targeting their search
nsync with one or another
favorable counterpart, this buzz zing
destiny could favor a loon

or some other apropos biological entity
(or perchance if desperate to mate) **** sitter
another species including the manifestation
of microbes on the moon

whereat boys and girls bounding,
exclaiming, and yelping
joie de vivre asper when counselors
blow whistle call at high noon
hour of day iz lunch, thence resuming
their made up fun and par lore games
such as knight in shining armor
dashing off to save

damsel in distress signaling
sans SOS and favorite ring tone tune
of potential prince
where young love doth Flickr
oblivious to a similar situation, aye lichen
to avast Marcy's playground

such panoply a prediction
forecast by Doctor Punxatawney Phil
a blue oyster cult meme burr
thus, in lay person terms
six more weeks of winter for 2018 -

so stay warm to stave off feeling offal
bodes ill for species who clamor for warmth -
supposed tell tale shadow
spelt "N+I+L+L"
and remain in hibernation
if opportunities allow,
and be thankful for not bing forced to mill
around seeking warmth
(case in point a street person),

but ye and the big or 'lil
body of warm flesh adjacent to thee
(this day and age -
gender preference a moot factor),

or take stock, stock and barrel,
how other creatures great and small
burrow underground under a hill
or reef amphibians, mammals, reptiles...

instinct can remain 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
a fictitious place evoked by Jules Verne,...
hm...maybe he might breathe
courtesy of an atavistic gill
who would downplay brouhaha
to avoid any cavil.
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