What must it be like to fully exist? To take shelter fully under one roof and not be left a page torn in two One secured by love and hearth the other too gristly printed cast to rainy dew and soaked to bone I should never know. -I Am Only Half
I'm trying to act like a normal person. I'm trying to act like my mentality is stable. I'm trying to act like I am happy. I'm trying to push away depression. I'm trying. I'm getting nowhere. Is my trying good enough? Our am I not trying hard enough?
The first time it happened, I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour. I cried, desperately washing away at the blood that was streaming from In between my legs. I cried, desperately trying to put myself back together With concealer for the bruises And pantyliners for the blood.
The second time it happened, I picked roses from the garden And cried at the altar of Christ. It was at this time that I knew there must be no god, As no deity that claims everlasting love Would allow for the heartache You put me through.
I didn’t understand what had happened to me. I didn’t know what my body was responding to. I couldn't apprehend why I was leaving scars on my skin And changing every aspect of my appearance to Make my body my own. I didn’t understand how you could do this to me, To someone who did everything to protect you.
I've had a lot of conversations with myself lately, At night. "Who told you to?" "He made me tell myself." "How do you know?" "I don't." Me, myself, I. All different people But all the same. The contemptuous person behind this glass that i can't see because i'm desperately trying to see what i can't be. I really want to know, Who this person is i'm talking to.
And so the shoe drops, Easily, easily It’s much easier for you to wound me, than wear your human mask over lizard skin. You gnash your teeth and flail your limbs, like a ****** ******* lizard person. How hard is it to check in when you’ve said something so worrying? How hard is it to speak? Or is it just that words don’t issue, from betwixt your lizard beak?