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I look at city lights
in the distance
They flicker
but quickly come back
and I feel that someone
somewhere understands
while the night air
awakens my warm skin
It gives us hope
new life
I could be catching up on sleep, but the world sometimes needs to be admired
eden May 29
(TW: mention of ****, self harm, ED, abuse, relapse, addiction, drugs, my toxic ex who should choke on a filthy toe, etc.)

I need to write something


anything
to tear my
mind away from you
from your hands
your face
your voice
your smile
your eyes
god, the way
you trace
delicate patterns in my
heart

circles
irises
planets
solar flares
shapes that
haven't been invented yet
you carved them deep
you carved them carelessly
into my chest
so that I would never be able
to forget

I need to write something


I need to write
so I don't have to remember
how you ran up to me
the last time I saw you
as I was walking
towards hell itself
you gave me my
half finished
orange juice
that I was going to leave
behind
in the car
with your dad

you told me to drink it
that you were worried about me
that you cared,
that your father did too

something so simple
shouldn't be this meaningful
but to a relapsing anorexic,
it was


why am I cursed with
these painful
painful
painful
excruciating
memories
of fleeting and cruel
moments
I can never *******
return too?
why do you exist in
this cassette player you
hand built in my head?
and installed right where it hurts?

why did you put
every beautiful word
you ever dared speak to me
on repeat
on loop
a symphony of repetition
you knew that I would crave
just to walk away?
why would you
do such a terrible thing?
why would you
leave me to suffer
in your sound
if

you're gone?

absent.
that's the reality
so why then?
****.


I so desperately need to write something


I don't want
to think about your stupid
curly hair
your stupid dorky smile
your mannerisms
the way you speak
how you light up when
you start on one of your rambles
of something you're passionate about
or something you've been relentlessly
researching
out of boredom or
interest
it was always different
every time
you captivated me and
every time
you made me fall in love,
like clockwork
you let me down
made me bleed

your ''love''
I can't even count the scars that it left
they draw breath
all over my body
there are hundreds from the time
you cheated
there are more that served to
help me survive
the ****
why do I still think
it was okay, the things
you put me through?

you're the devil himself
I despise your mind games
I hate your temptation
I don't want to remember
such small details
I hate that I am tormented,
haunted by the
way my bed creaks
by the empty promises you made me,
for me
as you held me.
promises I thought
were made up of stardust
and real love

I found were
really just
******* and glitter
you got me high
made me ill
and I was too addicted
I was too sick
to give a ****
to want anything more
than your pretty
sparkly powder
that I inhaled
and overdosed from
time and time again


it's hard because,
I can never get enough of you
and yet,
the more of you I have
the worse I become


and
I need to write
because
I don't want
no, I 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵
*******
think about
the stupid
orange juice

anymore
I can't keep replaying
the good parts of the movie
and skipping all of the
*******
closing my eyes
fast-forwarding
whenever I don't want to see, or feel
but you gave me orange juice
and I remember kissing you
when you did
I watched you walk back to the car
and I wondered
if that was the last time
I would see you

I sipped on the juice
when my mom yelled
when the cops came

it kept me sane
I held onto the cup
like it was a life raft
in a tsunami

that was the orange juice
but you. . .

you never
once
persisted in being
something even remotely
similar to a life raft
if anything,
you were the tsunami
itself


and you gave me the means
to stay alive, sure

but just barely



eden
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
I got to know
some people nice
and gave me
the best advice.
Even though
I never see them
with my eyes
as close as I can feel
how cold the ice.
Indonesia, 29th May 2021
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
Randy Johnson May 28
People call him a coward because he won't use his fists.
But he's not a coward at all, he's a pacifist.
When he refuses to fight, many say it makes no sense.
But he doesn't believe in fisticuffs, he's against violence.
Because he won't fight back, a man picked on him and knocked him down.
He refused to fight that man even though he was knocked to the ground.
You can call him a coward if you want but it's not true.
He will not fight people and that is a smart thing to do.
People call him a wimp, they say because he won't fight, it's a disgrace.
But if there were more men like him, the world would be a better place.
George Krokos May 24
You can never contradict the truth with a lie
even though there are some people who try.
_______
From 'Simple Observations' ongoing writings since the early '90's.
George Krokos May 24
Over the past year or so I've become a little bit more extroverted
as I'm not meditating as much these days like I used to be
and this may not be such a bad thing if my mind isn't perverted
or led astray on the wrong path most of the world is we see.
But here again this could be just an admission of weakness
trying to justify the position that I now find myself to be in
along with the rest of the world experiencing a global sickness
in the form of the Covid-19 pandemic the result of man's sin.
-------------------------
The madness of this world has brought on this pandemic
and the underlying cause of it is systemic.
__________
Written in March 2021.
kinhanyon May 15
Give me your hand
I''ll give you hold
Give me your feet
I'll be your tread
Give me your eye
I'll become your perspective

Give me your hard
I'll promise wont be scary
Give me your heart
I'll make thousand of any
mind your own pleasure
xavier thomas May 13
don't let them just interview you
you interview them to

Put your life in a position
As a status that’s beneficial
Otherwise you’ll be another statistic in the system
Wasting God talent in a matter for -ish & giggles
VIKNEYSH RAJ May 14
Some people come, some people go;
Some do just come, to give you a blow.
Times will be hard, times will be tough;
Sometimes they make, people go gruff.


No matter what, some people stay;
Throughout the way, they dare not betray.
Some people come, some people go;
So stay with the ones, that give you a glow.
Evie G May 10
Drinking her is a terrible experience
The furious fizz fizzles on your tounge, insisting on its existence in your mouth
The facade of fun from the fucia bottle flickers,
leaving you with clear liquid suffering
It flagrantly fizzes around your mouth, flicking your tastebuds.
It’s funny she says.
Then the facade of fizz fizzles,
You taste hatred
A bitter thirst.
An acrid stench of fear, inflicted on others
An unrelenting
Slog
Of equal suffering.

I do not know who made fizzy water,
but i would like to have a chat.
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