There was a time I came late and walked into a class of ten,
while the rest were down for recess.
I had just gotten pills for anxiety and mild depression from a doctor I just met.
And in that moment, in the class, I just wanted to be held.
But you didn't see me, you were laughing at the back with a friend.
I couldn't contain my feelings so I turned around and tried to run,
but two steps out of the classroom, I fell on my knees and simply broke down.
The pain was so bad, I tried to stop it, but I couldn't.
It was stabbing at my chest and my tears were rolling down.
But a group of girls came around and they put their arms around me.
All I remember was wanting to scream, I was gasping for air.
They carried me up and walked me back into the class of only ten.
The cold air in the room just made everything worse.
Then again my tears rolled down but this time you saw the mess.
I looked up at your face, pushed people away and I ran.
I slammed the door of the cubicle, fell once again on my knees.
Then I heard the footsteps of people running, followed by the banging against the door.
They were asking the obvious; if I was doing okay.
Even a fool would know that was not what I needed.
I got out of the space after all of them left,
To look into the mirror at my swollen face and what a mess I turned into.
My eyes were red, and my heart was throbbing and I felt a fever coming on.
My ponytail a mess, my hands were shaking and I was still gasping for air.
I walked out like that, as everything was hard to bear.
And at the corner, you were there.
It hurt me so much cause you were staring, you saw for the first time just how weak I was.
But what you said didn't help, like the rest, "Are you okay?".
I was going to open up and tell you everything I was going through in hope that you could help me.
But I lied, and instead, said my grand was in her dying days.
I broke down once again at the words I just let out and fell into the arms of the person I just lied to.
I just wished you had held me without saying a word,
and gave me that warmth that I needed cause I felt so cold.
It was bad, it was so so painful
and if by chance you come to read this, now you know.
This is a true story about what happened back then. It was rough patch and I was searching for a hand to hold. But there was no one and I'm glad I got through it myself