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Shall I begin to cry,
No one would look,
They would only stare.

The tension rise,
I can see my breath
In the air.

Trembling, i wish
That no one could see,
Hopefully, unaware.
I love all of you girls,
I watched you all fall in love
Met your partners
Cheered at your weddings.

I love all of you girls,
The fancy jobs you have
The places you go to
Smiled at the pictures.

I love all of you girls,
As I sit here
Alone at café
Thinking about the time when
It was easier, simpler and just us

I love all of you girls,
I hold your pain with dignity
Life seems silly when you are around
I guess, I missed out
You all caught the train
When I walked along.
Inside my fragile mind,
thoughts swirl like a whirlwind,
tumbling and crashing
as flashbacks build stress and fear,
and I am not strong enough,
as I plead for the old me again.

Yet I pause,
searching for the silence,
as I challenge my senses.
I let it all settle,
like dust finding rest
on an old sunlit
cobwebbed windowsill.

It takes patience
like pulling tangled linen
from messy cupboards,
slowly unravelling and refolding
all of the trauma and pain,
arranging them carefully
back onto their shelves again.

Processing 
one
thought
at
a
time.

What if this trauma reveals
no flaws, but stories
with each courageous step forward
on this discovery journey,
each moment a lesson,
blunting the sharp edges
of my harsh self-judgment.

A kind hand reaches out
talking and listening
as the healing cognitive shifts begin,
and the storm clouds slowly part,
revealing warm sunlight,
teaching me at last
that it is okay to feel.

Step by step,
we build upon the foundations
of the past and future,
finding anchors,
to ground my scattered thoughts,
as I learn to breathe easy again.

From my traumatic moments,
hope emerges from an open book
as my life turns a page,
revealing a fresh chapter
and a newfound strength
as my vulnerability now stands
free and fiercely proud.

We gather up
the scattered pieces,
and walls crumble down,
as an understanding dawns.
Life's chaos grows quieter
when faced with the truth,
and in each moment I found resilience
to this part of my challenged life.

Together,
We rode through the storm
to find the calm within its eye,
where clarity begins,
the heart and mind unite
and I finally realise
that we are all worthy
of finding peace.

©️Lizzie Bevis
i cant breathe, i cant think
i cant skate, because the rink
its too warm
melting ice
my one solace
my one vice
i cant freeze
freeze my brain
lose myself in the music
get lost in the pain
the sting of the cold
my movements bold
i cant sing
i cant swing
move my body
i cant move
i cant think
If you hate me maybe
I'll stop wishing the stars
will guide us together again
So maybe I should just let you
think what you need to,
even if it means
killing us in
the end

I selfishly don't want you
to hate me, not even a little
bit, I can't expect you to wait it
out while I figure out my ****.
Why couldn't you have
just been meaner?
Why did I give
in to my
head?
I traced my bones and begged for a sign
Still I haven't seen you
I think that's the sign
McKenna 3d
It’s getting loud—
Can barely hear
I’ve been drowning
In all my tears
Words convincing
They cut like a knife
I’m barely wincing
Another: girl vs. life
It’s my head that’s the problem
It knows what it’s done
I’ve hit rock bottom
And it’s no longer fun
I tried to drown it out
But it’s tattooed in my brain
And it’s making me doubt
And now I’m in pain—
It’s getting loud in here
And I want it to stop
I wish I could cry, but I feel no tears.
I wish I could try—just slowly speak my mind clear.
I wish I didn’t have to explain myself every time I feel fear.
I believed those who know me would understand—
but that was a failure.

Here I am, sitting in quiet despair,
while a stranger understands my dilemma—
and no words were exchanged there.
                                                                   -Asher Graves
I wrote this piece while reading a poem on Wattpad by lina_ledovskaya. Her writing really struck a chord with me—raw, emotional, and beautifully crafted. If you haven’t read her work yet, I highly recommend checking it out. You won’t regret it.
My hair is unruly,
I don't like my teeth.
I haven't seen my debit card
in three ******* weeks.

If I'm not early,
I'll be ******* late.
"Just be on time"—
my brain doesn't work that way.

I did three loads of laundry,
yet have four to fold.
I planned to make a salad
but the lettuce has mold.

The lettuce has mold?
The lettuce has mold.
I swear I just bought it,
I didn't think it was old.

What day is it?
Do you know the time?
I can't find my keys
but I'm thinking in rhymes.

Did you tell me the date?
I'm sorry—I forget.
I'm sure that you did.
I just haven’t remembered it yet.

A mile a minute
is how my mind goes.
Do you want to rearrange the living room?
Should we go to Lowe’s?

These boxes I found
haven’t been opened in ages.
I found an old journal
and sped through the pages.

I should throw it away
but I think I might keep it.
It’s treasured this way,
and no one learns my secrets.

I’m sorry I’m on a tangent,
did we have plans?
I’m sorry to abandon,
I live in my head man

I’ve got so much to do,
I couldn’t possibly go out.
Have you seen my bathroom?
I must clean the grout.

You can stay if you want,
in fact, I’d like that very much,
if you don’t mind my gibberish
and constant running amuck.
Is there cure to this chaos?
Am I forever lost?
Neglecting everything,
Until its covered in moss.
ash 5d
i don't like being stared at,
or glorified,
or looked at like i'm just a showpiece—
almost like a mannequin?
like i'm supposed to do your bidding,
or abide by your ideals.

i don't like being looked at
the way one would look—
when they're judging you for the smallest of hook,
the tiniest of details.
no, you're just aggravating—
there's nothing romantic about that stare.

kinda like—
the difference between being seen
and just looked at on the surface.
what is wrong with my brain,
why can't you seem to judge that?

i wouldn't despise it
if you were to give me the longing glances,
or the ones filled with care,
the kind where i know
they wouldn’t just drift top to bottom—
like fingers on a shiny sphere.

don't objectify me.
i know my worth,
even though i forget it sometimes.
it's a vulnerability
i intend to show.

i’m not the prettiest—
that still doesn't give you the right to know.
i hold the discomfort,
i hold my identity.
feels like shattering,
the moment a wrong glance or a finger
touches any part of my skin.

it's complex.
i don't think you'll understand it.
i'm a human—
not a model,
not an art piece
held up for judging.

you know they’d look at the one you love
the way you do at me right now,
when i tend to swerve.
the severity of it— you wouldn’t know.
what it's like to be criticised,
judged,
given looks everywhere you go.

i still don't understand
why i face them.
more than half come from lust,
and barely a few from the place of love.

i don't shake hands,
afraid of what i’ll touch,
what you’ll feel—
and later think about.
god, i shiver at the mere thought.
too much.

i could be worshipped,
held by the right hands,
but the wrong eyes,
and the wrong views—
they almost always
**** up this land.

can't walk,
can't talk,
can't laugh,
can't show.

if i'm to exist like a stone,
why can't i hurl back
and simply clone
all that you’ve done
and all that you’ve said?

i've got those stares creeping up my skin,
like slithering worms underneath my shin,
smothering me from the inside, like being smoldered in heat.
i feel like i might melt, or worse, fade away into nothing.
perhaps it wouldn't be so bad of a choice, if i'm to disappear.
for it is this feeling that sears, within and carries a scream.
sheer mockery, provided the serenity with which you return that gaze.
i hate you, i hate each one of you that's made me feel bare,
and not the way i'd want to be emotionally with the one whom i hold tender,
but the way— the way— the way—

oh please, let me just disappear.

don’t look at me
if you only wish
to see me as an object.
anxiety strikes me like a sudden glucose spike. bloodstream is gushed with nothing but the thrill of a chase. the nerves though, not doing so well. my reality is going to be more distorted than usual.

when anxiety strikes, they don't knock on the door. they come with a bang, and hang in the air like an acoustic foam. you know, train of thoughts and stream of sounds can wander anywhere in the room, but seem futile to get across time and space. they can only travel so much in here, in a vacuumless vessel. a deafening silence, a chaos in a stillness, and i think it best describes it. i can look composed and pour you a glass of water, and i won't even realize if it overflows.

when anxiety leaves, i don't think you know it left. you would question its existence, why isn't it with you today.  it might feel like a weight being lifted up on your shoulder, but you don't feel any lighter. it feels heavier because of its disappearance. you are so used to its presence, because anxiety keeps you busy in your head. and when you finally have a moment of peace, you self-doubt yourself if you have stopped living your life.
written @17:44, 27th Feb
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