you know that feeling that you get often but not often. you feel parts of it constantly but only sometimes do you get the whole effect. that feeling that starts in your stomach- feels similar to a punch. it takes the breath out of you for what seems like an eternity of time, and before you can remember to breathe again, you become focused on this punch. it's expanding now. up your esophagus and all the way down to your abdomen. you can almost picture it as a big deep thick dark fog just spreading throughout your body. you fall to the ground gasping for air while blinded by all of the warm salty tears that snuck up on the back of your eyeballs ever so subtlety
it's the worst feeling i've ever felt.
I can't stop feeling this privileged pain of existing
I wouldn't be alive without it
This anxiety that clings to me
Reminds me I'm breathing
I'm a child of the night
And with that beauty comes the fright
The pain and heartache felt in my universes afterhours
My mind towers over me
My stupid-smart brain making me think of non-reality
This feeling, this love, this ache,
Has always been a part of me
I claim I am no stranger to lost love or heartache
And everytime I think of this I feel my heart break
Oh how boring it must be for those who simply leave, or never felt the need
Summer is ending. Along with the world.
I told you this long ago,
You probably don't remember.
I retain information to a fault,
And I always find fault in the information I retain.
I've said it before,
I'll say it again, I,
Am no stranger to pain.
No stranger to 'less than friends'
Changes without compromise
I feel like I've wasted my entire life.
I feel stuck, I feel broken.
I haven't enjoyed each moment carefully,
And haven't found one moment of clarity in my teenage diary,
My thoughts aren't on the edge of extinction,
But our conversations might be.
I don't think we realized how much we fucked each other up until I tried to love again,
I tried to make new friends.
I'm defensive and bitter,
I've never been a quitter
So sit your ass down!
And lets talk about this.
Its late and I'm tired.
But I miss you
And hiatuses make me realize i do.
And maybe I don't mean anything to you,
Not anymore at least,
But the least I deserve is an explanation,
Make time, pull your reservation and give me your damned explanation!
I don't care if its an exageration.
Maybe I care,
But I'm tired, and alone with my thoughts,
And I usually make a point not to do that.
But sleep escapes me and so does time
And I might not be 'living my best life'
But only I can be this insane way,
Have you ever met anyone else like me?
I pray you haven't,
My mind says I'm easy to replace.
But lets ignore that and assume my psyche is lying to me.
It wouldn't be the first time that happened.
I am the lost hum of dawn in a bachelor's room
Who lies awake with tired eyes
I am his calm and faltering discontent
That blooms with the watering of his hidden cries
I am the spots he overlooks in the mirror
Made by the fists of his hands that never clean
I am the river he steps over on his kitchen floor
Spilt by a bottle he used to drink away his dreams
I am the collared shirt at the back of his closet
That his mother gifted him when he went away.
I am the tag on the shirt and the noose around his neck
Waiting for him to admit he is not okay.
Opposing points of view
Trapped within the same mind
One, hardened by experiences
The other, fragile and forgotten with time
Fear consumes both perspectives
In many different ways
Manifesting an actualized identity
That rules without dismay
No thought is ever cohesive
Which burdens the wayward soul
Creating a perfect storm
For angst to spin out of control
Internal rifts knock you sideways
Catching the senses completely off guard
Realizing irreparable destruction is at hand
Unless true-self takes a unifying charge
mismatched socks and doubled up knots
wrap tightly around my
my days are merely dreams,
but I feel the pain
like I'm a real boy
maybe I'm no longer made of wood
and my nose won't grow
when I'm lying
through my teeth
the only strings being pulled these days
are the laces on my sneakers
and I'm in control
of which direction they move in