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The desire to pick up
Run
Escape the earth I walk upon
Everything else has disappeared
Fate
Faith
Life
Love
Still carry on
Some things in this world are eternal
maybe i will
get to see the
sun rise
right before
my tired,
drunken eyes

sleep is
hard to
come by
even when i
need it
after a hard day
or a rough week
of constantly
changing masks
to be who
i need to be
when i’m
in certain company

i love that
i can be me
with you
no masks
no filters
just openly discussing
and drinking
and cussing
and occasional
fussing
about how badly
we want
to have a
bratty snuggle
between
two
benefited
*******
friends

i am sweet
but i’m
a ****
i love hard
with
time
and
work
and i’m
healing
from the hurt
that was
placed on me
from birth
still
trying
and dying
to know
my own worth

creativity
is both
a blessing
and
a curse
and i’m
not sure
which is worse…
being alone
or feeling
like every
move
i make
is rehearsed

i want
to know myself
i want to shake hands
and really
meet
me
for the
first time

i want to
know
you
in
the process
of
getting
acquainted
with myself
and i
want to
hold your
hand
once in
a while
as
i’m counting
stars
and
trying
to find
my smile
somewhere
within those
sparkling
lights
in the sky
i want to live
one day
without
wondering
why
i’ve been slipping
and sliding
down a dangerous
path
into a soupy,
sloppy pit
of dismissive
behaviors
and letting
part of myself
disappear

it’s so hard to explain
how this is so wrong
and so right
at the same time

it goes against
all i’ve ever thought
i needed
but these dreams
won’t leave
my mind
i’m trapped between
my heart
and
my
time

what happens
between
one eye
and the other
in my lil’
squishy
brain
is impossible
to explain

it all just
comes down
to one
simple
little
itty
bitty
thing

this stupid
little
flutter
in my heart
with
your name
etched into it

i can’t sleep
but
i don’t care

sometimes
poetry
is more
important
I cannot breathe,
My lungs are weak.
Tears sink
Softly down my cheek.
This isn't me,
My speech is bleak.
Shaking so badly
On my seat.
Oh doctor,
Please doctor,
What could this be?
He mutters a word
Too familiar to me.

Anxiety.
we’re just
two pieces
of ****
waiting for
our turn
to get flushed
down the toilet

two unhinged
weirdos
communicating
through poetry
and thoughts
that aren’t quite
complete

and maybe there
are still pieces
missing
and this picture
can’t be
fully seen
for a while

but ******
*******
or not,
****!
you make
me smile

and when i look
up at the moon
and he’s smiling
too
and it’s happening
while i’m
thinking of you

the fork in the road
makes me hungry
and i’m trying to figure
out what
i need
to satisfy this rumble
in my tummy
i can’t have
my cake
and eat it too
but i
don’t care much
for cake anyway
i’m more of a pie
kinda gal
there’s a thought,
or maybe a dream,
that’s caught in my head
and it makes me so sick
it’s like my brain
and heart
are being ****** dry
by a tick
and the little fat ****
won’t quit with the ****
he keeps trying to
**** me
and drain me of
all my blood

my fingernails are well bitten
as my thoughts are being written
i’m really ******* smitten
and i’m stuck
i’m scared
and i’m angry
and i’m running
out of luck

i feel like i’m
being pressed tightly
between two pieces of glass
and i see one world
from one side
and another
from my other eye
and i know which
one i want to explore
and know
and see
it’s just
not that simple
it’s not that easy
but i’m willing to
put in the time
and the effort
to make a dream
into our reality
It’s not about you. Unless your name is “Earitch”
Arlo Disarray Mar 11
i just want to live,

find myself,

and be loved

even if it’s just
little bits
of fleeting love
from passersby,
and then i want to die
while
i’m still loved

and before
the visitors
that
love me
realize how
****** up
i really am
i don’t want to keep ******* doing this
Arlo Disarray Mar 10
my lil’
pea-sized
mind
is in
yet another
bind
as i
tightly
wind
myself up
inside

locked somewhere
between
my hollowed
out heart
that’s been
scooped clean
and my
guts
and organs
which
only serve
to try
and keep
my bloodstream
from ceasing to be

i’m nothing
more
than
a jack’o’lantern
waiting
and
dreaming for
special
times
when it’s okay
to be seen
like
on
halloween
or
when
i
make an
old friend
that
i
no longer just love
and i
begin
to LIKE like

are
you
waiting
with
a grin
upon
your
adorable
face?

or
must
i
get
even
sillier
and
bleed
myself out
even more?

****!
what
are
we
even
waiting
for?
Arlo Disarray Mar 10
there are
no stars
in the sky
tonight

just a big,
open
blanket
of nothingness

i’m not
even here

nobody is

it’s a quiet
time
of empty
doubt
and nothing
for me
to shout
about

raw eggs
are thrown
and broken
across
my face

i am left
motionless
with a
bandage
wrapped around my chest
telling me
that regardless of the
pain
and confusion
i still
know
i
like
you best

take a swim
take a dive
take a little
look inside
and if you stay
nearby
and you don’t
turn your tail
and run…

well,
then,
my darling,
we’ll
have
so
much
fun

don’t
toy
with me
don’t
you
*******
tease

because
i will shake
all the jello
from
these
knees

i will
*******
up

because
i
have
already
been
******* with
enough

my heart’s
stitches
are coming
undone
as you try to
tell yourself
that you’re a man
and i am
who
i
am
let me
lick the little
lines
around your brain

give me
a taste
of what it’s like
to be
your flavor
of insane

let me
tear myself
apart
allow me
to pull
my rib cage
wide open
so
all my
gooey
guts
can spill out

give me
a kiss
on the end
of my nose
and let me get
a whiff
let me smell
what you’ve
done
and where
you’ve been

grab my hair
pull back my head
look into my eyes
and see all the
things
i keep
locked up
deep inside

i’ll let you in
if you’ll
let me
let you
in
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