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Kimmie 7h
It's has been a hell of a ride
Goes a lot of downshift
Love ones bid forever goodbyes
Had to let go of things I wanna stay
Accident that almost took my life
Never ending stress and anxieties
Nightmare after nightmares
Hell no you can't make it they said
But here I am...
Hell yeah still fighting
i found myself stuttering over your name in conversation

it was almost two months ago

although i keep wondering if it happened for a reason
maybe to prevent the eventual sobbing that night
doesn't mean i don't kick myself for it

i constantly feel the weight of your ghost
maybe it's selfish of me to notice the consistency of you
or to assume it is always you

or is it low of me to think that you wouldn't be there

i've held onto this thought since july

and i'm just angry you're dead
On nights that bleed their way into early mornings-
I’m long past giving my nightmares space to dream
Anger has given away to panic
as my fingers weathered and creaked
try to trade in the tidal of emotions for the memory it belongs too
yet I can never calm down enough
to reach what’s waiting on the other side for me
Standing before dawn
all of the remembered mantra's
I’ve spent weeks collecting
slip right through my hands taking everything with them


- The white out of everything else
Ozuru 2d
A memorized murmur again in my mind,
And once more, it wasn’t at all kind.
I could feel the water in my eyes,
And now, It’s all gone, my disguise.
It’s the same tears that
I felt all those years ago.
In my skull was that retained frozen photo,
A memory, too difficult to remember,
To this thought, I once again surrender.
All this was, was another ticking time bomb,
That was going to blow when I was once again calm.

I can’t escape it,
I’m trying to run away but I’m too unfit,
Right now I’m captured and I’m not sure how to escape,
Maybe I should stay here and just wait,
For something to happen or nothing at all,
At least here there’s no wall,
To what is real and what is fake,
And from all this pretend I get a tremendous backache,
From carrying the weight of trying to seem okay,
Because that fantasy is all an act as if I was on Broadway.

If I stay here,
I’ll do what I feared,
To end my life,
Over some silly strife.
But won’t that mean the memory won’t repeat?
Won’t that mean all my suffering will be a deadbeat?
No longer will I have to feel pain,
That goes around in my stupid old brain.
All I’ll feel is peace,
But who will find me?
That’s the missing puzzle piece.
I don’t want to traumatize another soul,
Because that was never my goal.
I just want the pain to stop,
Not for it to be swapped.
I've got spiders crawling inside my head
They've got me like a moth struggling against their webs

And it's so hypnotizing the way I suffer
And it's so comforting the way I punish myself
I've got spiders crawling inside my head
They've got me like a moth struggling against their webs

And it's so hypnotizing the way I suffer
And it's so comforting the way I punish myself
The proximal end of my soul is no longer safe
Decay has dilapidated the space
The raveled fragments fester
Leaves wilting with vinegar burns
Where I have tried to **** the infestation
And found I was only killing myself.

I can remember when my mind was softer, but not safer,
Hiding in the hallway to the den
Watching the scene of the desperate father
pulling his dead son from burned rubble
My child mind imagining
Blooms of orange around my bedposts,
tendrils of cinder and smoke,
Placing my hand against the back of the door
To feel the phantom heat.

And now I hold the matches to my own bed
The quiet comforter can only stifle them for a moment
There is not enough weight to press
These dreams out of myself
Maybe I still crave heat because it is the pain that is also comfort
It is the fear and the foment, the ailment and the aid
It is my body asking for enough feeling
To know it is alive and safe
While my mind is screaming fire
in a crowded
theatre.
Jane 3d
What is Perfect?

Hitting the 1800.
Remaining between the 400-600.
Using the 1/2 and the 1/4.
Because I will never be 1/1, fully complete.

What will define me? What can define my worthy?
In guarantee, undoubtedly.
Like an object, priced and tagged with money.
Value through digits, simple, observable.

How can someone know if art is worthy of display?
All beauty needs an audience.
Beauty in solitude, is wasted potential.
All beauty, needs, an audience.
How else can you differentiate average, from a masterpiece?

I want to be a masterpiece.
Perfect for every eye.

My eyes see perfect too.
In 1/4, in a 1/2, in a 1800.
In the symmetry of the X, and the curve of the S.
I am eXtra Small.
I am a 53.

Numbers are simple, precise and perfect.
They aren't beautiful, they simply are.
Beauty is abstract, it's grey.
I don't like grey, it's uncertain, unsure.

Grey has room for error.
Grey can't be controlled.

I don't have room for error.
I can only control.

I want to be undeniable.

Perfection, over all else.
Nyx 4d
When anxiety comes
It whines and groans
Like a coursing river
The sour feelings grow

Cursing and screaming
Within your head
Doubting your reasons
You're better off dead

Like a pack of wolves
Howling in the night
It only worsens as it’s
Accompanied by moonlight

Frantically run as you may
Not a single thought on track
turning every corner
With each you’re attacked

By nothing but yourself
In your Head, going circles about
Silently you lay there
As your chest bubbles with doubt

Panic isn't all but external
Crying and screams
Sometimes it's quietly
Pulling you apart at the seams

Muted by a clogging
Suffocating feeling in your throat
Scratching and clawing
It won't be long before you choke
Will you croak?
Sometimes tears
don’t come from grief
or sudden pain,
from moments moved
by others’ stories
real or sharply imagined

Sometimes it’s just the steady
incessant
tap tap tap
of life that just won’t pause
for any cause or reason
for any chance of respite

We’ll often deny those tears
as weak
but listen as they speak
or they will never, ever stop
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