So much laughter, anger and secrets are hidden in my walls.
From a time that is no more.

I can still hear them sometimes, like a tape playing.
Taking me back in time.

So much love, anxiety and tears engraved in my pillow.
From a time that is no more.

I can still feel it sometimes, when I'm in a confused moment thinking you're right beside me.

So many smiles, hugs and stolen kisses my mirror has witnessed.
From a time that is no more.

I can still picture it sometimes, but the face staring back at me is filled with pain.
Swollen, from the tears that won't stop falling.

I write when my chest gets tight and it feels like I can’t breathe
And for (what feels like eternity) everything I’ve worked so hard to keep down comes

crashing.
down.

Imagine being in a wave pool, going deeper than you knew you should and getting knocked under,
and considering the possibility

maybe

that you might not come back up for air;
now imagine that feeling everytime you open your eyes.


Poetry about happiness?

I’m sorry, I can’t help you there.

my tears are floating upward,
dribbling into the ceiling.
they're sizzling against the
flaking, cracking paint.
i don't know what to do.

i've got cotton in my ears
in a house full of people;
i'm blocking out the sound
but there's nobody around
and everything's too

fucking loud

I swim in a sea of troubles & worries,
My every move is calculated.

With my breathe straggled, I fling my arms and thrash my legs about hoping to fly out of the deep dark sea of my anxiety.

You knock on my door,
But I can't seem to move my feet.
I am stuck to the couch like super glue,
But all I want is for you to be here with me.
You yell for me,
You bang on the door,
You try to pry open the window.
I cry.
I want you to stay in my life forever,
But I'll keep pushing you away because it's just better for me to be alone.

I need to go to the store,
eggs
cheese, why do we always run out of cheese?

I texted my best friend 3 hours ago, where is she at?
Good thing I have her location.

I didn’t really understand a single thing in math class today,
but this is college algebra and trig, I go to a good college I should be able to pass

without. help.

You used to be smart and not this stupid. What made you this stupid.
How did YOU even get into this school? You’re too stupid.

You shouldn’t have worn that dress that night. And those heels?
Those were some pretty slutty heels.

You probably shouldn’t have been drinking either,

milk,

tortilla shells,

canned corn,

You could just step out in front of this semi truck, it would be quick,

cream cheese,

tea,

honey

Others would care, but honestly at this point, would you?
I mean look at you, you’re a mess.

eggs,

cheese, why do we always run out of cheese?

I live in my personal hell

Which I created
A life full of regret, pain and grief
No human has to be put through this
Through his or her personal hell

To me, I feel like I'm drowning in an
Open space, my heart and soul is dissolving,

Friends and family do not mean anything to me.
Under the sea, I suffocate - I
Can't swim up, like faith is some sick prank for
Kicks. Everybody despises me.
I want to disappear and I wish I
Never existed, I am a ghost, and will be for eternity
Ghosts haunt people with pain. I do too.

Death isn't that far, right?
I pray everyday that some sort of god will take my life.
Even the living envy the dead

Well after midnight, dark out, rise at seven am.
Metallic bangs and piercing whistles going off in my head.
Sleep is like the memory of a kindergarten toy,
Once loved, but disappeared among the trials in between.
Getting up tired for the fifth time this week.

Robotically dress, wash, eat.
If I can stomach anything.
No real thought process forming,
Nothing going on but everything crashing together at once.

My head has a dull ache, not pain.
My limbs are cramped and lethargy rages throughout me,
Muscle and mind.
I try to think of something to look forward to.
Nothing seems worth it today, but I will fight again tomorrow.

Saturday morning, I awake at 7am, so much for the lie in.
Joyless prospect of tolerating those around me I do love.
My friend who is not my friend,
Is beckoning me down into the thoughtless mire
I’ll go on today.

And start all over again tomorrow.