I've never been so mad as I was that night. Never had so much anger in my body as I did that night.
I can see this coming to a close,
I see myself slowly letting go.
But I have to explain to you first.
Before I go, I must tell you
All the things about you that I'm going to miss, that I'll wish I hadn't let go of you for. But I have to.
The passion. That first night, it was electric, it was glorious and it was exciting. I've never felt so alive, so wanted, and I've never wanted someone so much. It was everything I've ever imagined, and everything I never did. As we continued I grew comfortable in your embrace, grew to long for your touch and desire your kiss. I was falling, though I denied every accusation of it. My heart would jump as you reached for me, my heart would stop when you let go. And when we both tried that one time, we thought we could make it through. But the month that we spent apart only infused me with more desire, more want and more love. He held me, but never the way you did, I thought his arms were where I longed to be, but everytime he held me I simply imagined yours arms around me. And then we broke. We wore ourselves down and gave in. The look in your eyes said it all, said you too did fall. As your arms reached for me once more, I surrendered and became yours. Time went on and I realized all I had missed; your scent which comforted me to no end, your bed the only one besides mine I could ever fall asleep in, the look in your eyes which desired me blindly, and the tv that made no sound unless Dawson's creek was playing. And the nights after my surrender started to truly end, the emotions had entangled us and forced our hand. You told me this was the last time we could ever be together again, that you couldn't bear to watch me hurt as you continued to deny me your love. You fell asleep and I stared at you, and for the first time ever I let myself admit it.
I love you.
But morning came, and your embrace weakened. For days I couldn't find my soul. But as I began to see why you continued to talk to me, I saw how much you cared. I saw how badly you tried to fight that you weren't in love with me when we both knew you were.
But now... It must really end.
I'm going to miss the full feeling my heart gets when I'm around you, when I'm in your arms, and I'm going to have to become comfortable with the emptiness it has reserved.
But somebody will fill it again.
Though I do not want it to be anyone but you.