it spreads through my veins like ice,
turning my blood thick and sluggish
slowly crawling through me until
it settles at last,
curled around my heart
with its claws scraping at me from within.

its like this chasm opened from beneath my feet
and I have fallen through the *****
with no way back
and no bottom from below
all I know is the fall
and the brace for the crash

fears flit past my lips like a wish
dreams fall with me
glittering hopes collect on my lashes like ice
shards of sanity slip through my fingers like sand

and I am just...
falling  
I claw at the air
as if searching for grip
only to find nothing in the endless darkness

sobs ring in my ears
shrill cries for help
surround me
disorient me
only to discover
that the frantic voice

belongs to me

(My true love rddJpc.)

(your poem to me on HP)
"I fall in love"
"Death would be liberating.
but I wouldn't suggest jumping off a cliff
                                               NO
And for the life of me I hold on
to shaddy realities,
and an odd feeling of never being enough.

I don't know what will happen

IT IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS

IT'S ALL OUT OF TIME"
~~~~
(spontaniety of first thought)
my response 2018
Dearest true love,
from your holy hands
all your love for me
right into mine has fallen
precious twin flame
and here with me it won't die
nor can unconditional love
in my hands ever perish

true love needs not be liberated
as no TREASON ever existed
you just got me ALL WRONG!
you simply didn't know me
for the task you and your brother assigned to me
some lovers being in love
feeling betrayed and hurting
do jump off a cliff
like you did
still others jump into amnesic shocks becoming like I did
DEATH CALM!
I don't recomment either one!
both are equally distructive
ways to end a heartbreaking pain

We were so identical twin flames in our inside thinking modes
feeling small and never enough
for each other!
and both so brightly colored in the outside with Gs light
very rare occurance
a triumph for the finding
worth the fame intended

the pain of defeat endured
for the best can only be bought at the cost of great pain and sacrifice!!
my pain went to sleep in an amnesic transformative shock
I have always loved you
and as you see I did jump!
Right into 'death' and 'knife'

in my birth chart both Death and Knife remain a blessing a curse,
and a mystery
but both protecting me though!

two protective mechanisms
per the Mayan calendar

Death saving me from 'death'
and knife'cutting' through my pain there becoming
Death Calm!
I am bot insensitive I feel love
death needs not be liberating
my soul knowing true love
will rest in peace with regrets

I promised our unborn childten that no love fame nor great fortune would be greater then the love I feel for them all
and I kept my painful promise
but it was the end of me

In your eyes
I must have shrank smallest yet
misunderstood I go unless you read me here on HP the final fronteer unless you read
my memoir but we are both running out of time
lovers die in more ways than jumping off cliffs

precious love thank you for loving me
it hurt me very deeply to let you go
I am the woman who loved you the most in this whole wide world
I could have given my life for just one day though to have understood you
to have known what to do
what not to do,
where to go, where not to go,
what to say, what not to say.

i didn't understand you
so I feared you
I couldn't fight every greedy jealous woman for your love as the left behind
forgive me please beloved
I felt too small and worthless

I had no idea anyone on earth would love me
much less enough as to jump of a cliff to hurt that much for my life to benefit as new Eve
even changing earth with you
a worlds new adam

Back then I sincerely did not understand what you had planed to do after our loss
Life had only taught me
to feel insignificantly tini especially when being taunted
mistreated and challenged
abandonement syndrome
was my demise
your mind games and head riddles smothered my dreams
of you me for us

loving you more than
I loved myself that I understood
very well that's what life
had taught me to do
to let go of everything I ever loved the most
when all life did was take chunks of my family and my life
you were life's reward to me
without you by my side
I became speechless Dead Calm
stump like on Mothers day.

'sorry' can't depict the black hole that has swallowed you
and me apart
nor pain depict the bottomless pit that living without you is

I too fell into my death
heartbroken as you announced
a JaneHilton freeway driving
in oposite directions  
my agony when in your letter
you wrote you had a wife

I fell into the abyss and I died
I was only nineteen then

Then came **** getting me stranded at the fork road
all the way to **** Greece

smily kind penpal demons helped me up a plane ticket

two in all even married me not to avert authorities of my impending death with their treacherous agendas
IT WAS ALL STAGED
as was much of my life on earth.

I am glad we met
glad we loved each other
near or far
in Gs hands we both are.