I am scared
And the only way to overcome
The deathly tales you have been told
Of the mountain pass where no mortal man goes
Is to face it every morning
and to face it alone.
So I strap my boots up tight
The shoelaces wrap around my shaking soul
A moment of fight or flight
I put my hood up against the cold
And take a step
the crisp white snow
Zoom in, zoom out
I'm wrapped in your protective arms.
Your touch lingers.
The feel of your soft skin still burns.
Your aroma drowns out any pain.
I hear your heart beat as I lay on your chest.
Slow and rhythmic.
Even though I'm not looking up at you, I can feel your smile.
A stupid, goofy grin on your face.
But as my eyes flutter open to look at you.
To study and take in every curve and shadow of your face.
In a cold and empty bed.
I look around for any trace of you.
I stare at the ceiling blankly.
How can dreams feel so real?
You have been down this road before
You know it like the back of your hand,
Nothing new waits here for you-
Every stone, every corner is just the same,
Yet you keep coming back to this path,
As if it has changed
and it's now spring instead of winter.
It's still winter here
And all the leaves are still dead.
So go back where you came from,
Cause there is nothing for you,
except the cold winter and dead leaves.
Blue and icy,
The colours I see.
The bright world agree.
When the leaves were by my hot tea,
The coldness I feel is killing me.
It's hot out there,
But it's cold in here.
The thoughts I kept to myself,
Is freezing in me.
Sometimes I questioned,
Why is it so cold?
Is it just me or is it the world?
I need the sun to melt this all.
But once it's cold,
It remains cold.
“i love you, but you make me feel cold on the inside. my bones start to ache; no, not in desire. they’re trying to warn me”
“- being alone like that must have been awful
- you say that as if i’m not still alone”
“don’t you understand that you won’t be happy until you love me? this is for you. all of this has been for you”
“i don’t have enough time”
“i thought it would be easier, you know? after all of.. this. i just thought it couldn’t get any harder, but like usual, i was wrong”
“the idea of us together makes me gag”
“what happened to you? you used to be so warm. now you’re ice. i’ve tried to thaw you out, but it’s hopeless. no one can help you anymore”
“this darkness is the only thing i can truly rely on these days”
“do you know how many times i cried over you?”
simply a girl
imagine being called karin ulbricht
imagine being a student
imagine being unhappy
imagine demonstrating in leipzig
imagine it was early november 1989
imagine being arrested
imagine girls separated from boys
imagine being taken to the barracks
imagine that this was east germany
imagine it was the cold war
imagine that you were fucking terrified
imagine you were defiant
imagine you wanted to change things
imagine that you actually did
imagine that you were just a girl
imagine that you were the girl
imagine that you are her
imagine that you stood against the whole communist world
imagine that this was you
imagine that you helped knock the berlin wall down...
High in the sky,
The sour rays scorch the drifting sand
which rubs raw against the lonely stretch of land.
It watches over this abandoned place
and listens to the splintering screams of the wind
which whirls the dust into the brown skies.
Lizards scuttle across the rocks that slowly cook
beneath the beams,
while snakes slide through the dry lakes
that shimmer and gleam in this hazy dream.
The evening sun trudges across the sky
and the tall stones of sand extinguish the flames
until pale grey turns to deep blue.
Stars scatter the sky like tossed diamond dust
while the moon tiptoes up, like a thief stealing the warmth,
breathing and freezing the burnt rocks below.
The owl cracks the cold with its call
and the Desert is alight with a fresh glow,
until the sun returns to defrost the night once more.
As her gaze was fixed somewhere
I can never be.
And her cruel words made
every sweet memory bitter.
Her words full of hatred for me,
but her action full of love.
As her smile never reached her eyes
and her heartbeat I could never find.
I looked at her
trying to find the one who loved me once
only to find someone chained to me by fate.
Who claims to love me
but never does.
I am her mirror,
Her love fed my love
and her anger fueled mine.
I shrink back to my own shattered shell
away from her accusing eyes,
away from her cold touch.
Not for revenge,
but to hurt myself before she could.
Maybe one day she would look at me
And try to find the one who loved her once
but end up with what I feel now.
Claim over someone, but not their love.