a sip of yesterday morning's coffee reminds me of you
cold and bitter and "what else would you expect"; you'd say
i keep drinking, knowing i could and should drink something better
but i don't, i can't, and i won't
this is life how i choose to make it;
an endless cycle of coffee I'll never drink when I'm supposed to, but will always finish
the cold would send little snow drops
trickling down my spine
dancing and singing praise to the moonlight
gestures of repentance despite knowing my damnation I continue to sit there, looking for my salvation
But with the icy cold drops, that warm me
and a look back into my bitter stained history
i have released and accepted what has always
been known to me
that salvation and emancipation has only been a dream
I don't have any friends
I say im good with people
Always abled to communicate trends
You know, the stuff that's hardly lethal
But what about the stuff that matters really?
See I'm profoundly too scared
I can't express my emotions freely
Not matter how hard I try, I'll always use a laugh emoji or smirk and say I'm alright
But the thing is, I'm not
And I don't know if I'll ever be
And I don't know if I'll ever let them see
Hellopoetry is my salvation,
When I call my friends to tell them I'm hurting in portions
I can't, I pretend to laugh when they enquire
But cry so hard inside to my desires
I ask about their wellbeing and as usual,
I try to be their salvation.
But right now
There's a growing lump in my throat
Or in my chest,
I don't even know
But it hurts so much
That I'm naturally tired
Just too tired to be alive
Don't look at me like a perfect portrait
When my smile was sewn on
And my flaws edited out
As the lights covered my insecurities
And the flashes buried
The shadows of my demons
Within the vignettes of my life
Which were hidden in the depths of time
For no one else to ever see...
Don't touch me like I'm a masterpiece
When you weren't there to sketch my rough edges.
You weren't there to see my colors
Bleed through my paper thin masks
Onto the tile floor forever as cold as my heart...
Don't hold me like I'll shatter
When you weren't there to see me in pieces
Because darling you can't break something
That's already broke...
With the storm, it makes me less anxious and paranoid
About my own life and the uneven road it tends to navigate
because it reminds me of the wild, untameable world we live in
And how the fruit just keeps falling from the trees, it's unbelievable
How many ripened delicious feijoas get squashed and then they are swept away by this storm,
I should be out in that storm
With a raincoat, long enough to reach my ankles
Big enough to encompass my body in a cocoon of hopeful dryness
Some rain boots to protect my feet from the puddles and the branchy, sloppy, slippery and gravely path that awaits me.
I could've saved those ripened, mellow green and smooth feijoas
Or at least picked them up once I'd seen them on the ground.
But I chose to walk around them, ignore them, until the funky smell just subsided and they were washed away with the rain.
Next season I might just take them in a basket,
Sell them and buy myself some warm socks
until the storm subsides and I have
Made it through the winter.
Leaning by the window
I saw a cold figure spying
Shadowed by the darkness
Then I heard someone crying
Banned to the public,
This place was quarantined
Many lives lost mysteriously
But it looked well maintained
Wandering towards the direction
Of the awful cry, that I heard
I expected, a lost child around
So counted my paces and went ahead
A church bell rang from a distance
Not quite far from a wretched mansion
What's happening, my minds confused
Grasping high on my tension
A bright day, yet the darkness creeps
From the old mansions near the creek
Alone, I am...lost to trace
My body seems exhausted and weak
I stumbled over something
And caught myself sitting on the ground
Alas...I saw skulls and bones
Scattered all over and around
The brightness dimmed
And the gloominess filled the sky
Sitting with a blank mind
Letting the time fly
Upon darkness, I lay on the ground
Submerged with the earthly elements
Engraved on a stone, my name appeared
With few bones hung like ornaments
Certainly, I am far from home
For how long, I've been here?
I don't know the number of days
But it seems more than a year
Dead...I am, yet another failed experiment
Lost count over the years
For my body is no longer in existence
My tortured soul dwells in fears...
There's an avalanche miles above,
I can hear it. It was created
by my shouts of glee
cracking and breaking
the surface of the ice,
causing glittering universes to cascade
into the depths and extinguish
the fires of the damned.
The shadows are striping your body
into a silhouette, light hitting
nowhere, blind eyes gazing at me
There's a snowstorm inside you
and it's going to freeze
the chaos within me,
save me from them molten decay
burning its way through me.
I'm buried under decades
of ice, the brightest white,
healing me as the old sun
finally reaches my skin.
there was ice wrapped
around my h e a r t,
f r e e z i n g it shut.
& then the ice started
m e l t i n g away,
but i suddenly started
f e e l i n g cold.
cause this ice, burning
i n s i d e my v e i n s
has made itself home.
cause once this ice
crystallized, my heart
got f r o s t b i t e.
so just because the ice
is gone, doesn't mean
that my heart has been
s a v e d.