Oh your suffering is always greater than mine
And then you claim your fears are bigger
Whine your feelings are better than mine
And insist my feelings are simpler

Try to laugh my feats away like a joke
But my will is more forward than yours
Now don’t expect any warmth from me
My spirit won’t be ignored

You think you can quiet my defiance
But I'm used to standing alone
Still these ego trips never get old
They only reinforce my resolve

So you timidly try and silence me
Then make excuses to escape
Cause your wits won't handle me long
I’m the one you can’t sedate

ambient 22h
ill

it's friday night
spent in the room
again,
covers pulled
high
over body & face
and curtains
drawn.

same old, same old;
only this time I'm
dying.

oh come on, man
get a grip!
why bitch about
the week's
burst seam,
ripped tights
and this?

unlike in the East,
they aren't
contemplating
the dropping of bombs
quite yet —
it's only flu.

so,
delight in the
granted privilege
of this moment
while it still
lasts.

9-22-17, 18:20

the moment i knew it was
over and
 your love for me
was slowly fading—it was summer,

but it felt like it’s winter
when i’m with you.

you’ve changed,
and i’m feeling more pain than 
happiness.

she doesn’t let them see her laugh
she never gives them their praise
and as soon as they hurt
she looks the other way

she’ll mock their broken things
and thinks it's okay to shame
she coldly spits them out
deliberately cruel everyday

acts like she doesn't need them
calmly claims she doesn't care
so every single day ends
with her treating them unfair

she sits smug on the high ground
she knows they won't knock her down
but inside she feels nothing, and
can barely manage a frown

Blue tinted lips,
Curved round at their edges,
Not quite candor,
In what they choose to convey

Blue tinted lips,
Growing frost in the bitter cold,
Lifeless yet living,
A mask for your purple corpse

Blue tinted lips,
Drowning thoughtlessly,
In the indigo ocean,
Surrounding your burnt out head

Lights out,

The night does not reward rebellion,

Feral creatures wait in your heart,

Lights out,

No end will raise your rotten form,

A monster is what you are,

Lights out,

You cast aside the eyes of man,

Buried your body before you ran,

Lights out,

Now close your eyes little demon,

For you dance with the devil tonight,

Lights out,

You are beautiful
Naked and chapped
From the wind
I see your boots
The silk laced up
Heavy, hidden under dark fog
In dry mornings
The mist chokes like two palms.

I miss the innocence
Full blooded and the milk
Draped skin of care
Being able to make decisions
In dimming light
Wet thumbs suffocate the day
On our aphotic walk
You tread like jelly

I look to hold
you like a new-born
make the bed
to keep you outside.
It doesn’t look right
Now, searching for a substitute
For clocks to turn
Or to cheat light.

DCgirl 4d

its the middle of the night
im afraid
when
through the glass i see
a face; two eyes
a nose
chapped lips
unblinking, staring back at me -
im afraid
when i see them move in dis-junction;
the eyes stay put
the nose retreats
but the lips separate far enough to inquire
'will you come with me?'
you step out on the frozen lake
and tell me its fine
you have a new helmet
and you want to be free
but im afraid
because i never learned how to skate
and
the ice is thin
and im afraid
that i weigh too much
that just one step
will sink you down below
where my rope cannot reach
so i stay back
watching you slide
with a gleeful smile from your lips to the cheeks
that never makes it up to your eyes,
its beautiful irony-
but i cannot waste time;
i have to keep you safe
so i push you to my peripheral vision
as i busy myself tying knots in a loop
wide enough to fit your waist in
just the right amount of stable-
i plant my feet firmly on the ground
wishing that they dont give way under me
when
suddenly
a breeze flips my hair around
i clear it out of my face
to tell you how wonderful it feels
but somehow i know.
im afraid-
when i hear it whistle,
turn into wind
storm
hurricane
spinning everything around in circles
knocking you over
picking you up
beating you down like a leaf
whisking you away from me
my wish was too strong-
like the ice
i am frozen in my steps
i curse at the wind
try to throw a loop around your waist
but your arms are flailing far from me
i bargain with the playmakers
'i dont care how solid my strides are
just set my body free!'
surprisingly, they listen
with jelly legs
i jump on the ice;
but the cracks only grow wider
and i gasp in horror
as the ice splits
a stinging reminder of how i went off my diet-
im truly afraid
at what my eyes see;
a helmet
a pair of skates
bobbing around in the water
a pair of unblinking eyes
staring back at me
im afraid
i went too far
and not far enough=
im sorry i was too stable
im sorry its too late
to make me see
that all ive ever needed to do
was take skating lessons,
build a raft,
carry a lifeboat-
or just learn to adjust the sails
to keep the wind
from bringing you down with me.

Mono 6d

Sometimes I just want to be the sun, be that someone who gives warmth and light to your dark and cold world. Then again, why should I be something that would give you so much and you could never directly look at, the same way I would look at you.

Yeah... why should I be your sun?
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