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Hannah Anderson May 2014
I wrote a poem for my biography to a special person about Adam, I thought you would like to read it.

Blue Heart

You were 18, so many years in front of you.
It felt like a dark eternity, you didn’t want to go.
I saw it in your sunken eyes.
The vacant stare and sad dark eyes.
I saw when you were sitting around the table prom night.
So much going around but you were too calm
too collected.
too inside your mind for us.
I knew that blank expression from experience
All too well.
You screamed for help
silent and loud
I reached for your hand
but you
f
e
  l
   l



You were poised and calm
Broken but full of love.
All I wanted to do was help you.
you were standing still when the world went on
and it did go on, it did, without you.

When you were standing there at the edge
I wondered about you, all in my head.
We were short lived, a friendship that was fast.
You came, changed me, then you left.
it came and went in a flash.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not cross with you.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no


Your color was blue
Blue heart, blue veins
Blue is the color of our planet
from far far away
we wore it proud it was all for you,
a blue solemn silence.
and the world spun fast and
all the people hurried fast, real fast
and no one ever smiled.

You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Meeting you was bitter
you put me through stress, anxiety and heartache
you put me through shame and shock
All I wanted was you by my side,
and you there was not.

Meeting you was sweet
you gave me smiles and laughs,
good music and thoughts
you gave me a feeling of friendship and care.
All I wanted was you by my side,
but you were not there.

You were poised and calm,
you rubbed off on me.
I was hyped and excited
you called me “ADHD”


You drove an old red beater with water bottles everywhere,
with **** in the glove compartment.
but you didn’t care.
Your drove with sunglasses and the FM radio loud.
You drove in silence, thinking no doubt.


You loved the sun but you would hike for the shade
when we were together you took me away.
I didn’t think, I didn’t have nerves.
We talked about the world
We talked about life
You had a life you thought you didn’t deserve.

Whoever planted that seed
had some **** nerve
you wrote like me but I wrote for myself
you wrote for us when there’d be nothing else.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no


When you were gone
I read
and
I read
i wanted to know exactly when
you felt what you felt.
You called me your jav friend
you called me your angel

You are up there watching over me
I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.

I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you


I only see you in my head
Dreaming once and a while of your smile,
of your eyes
but they are never dark
they are never sad
they are never empty
The vacant stare is not there.
your hair is a giant mess
and I freeze that moment right there.


You said you were alone
you said it was a secret
you asked me about my darkest
and you told me all your secrets
I have never been in that much peace knowing I kept you there
It felt like moments when it was hours and you were gone too **** soon.
tomorrow came too fast and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Now I wear a band on my wrist
and pray for your peace
that is all I have left,
but you mean so much to me.
I hope you are happy,
I hope your journey has ended
and you found what you wanted
My heart was once broken
but soon if all this is true
it will be mended.
This is about my friend who committed suicide on 5/19/13 the anniversary just passed and I wrote this for english.
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Captain Scarlet
Had a weakness for harlots
Who always wore scarlet as well.

This could sound
The death knell
For the show
Thundered Gerry.

It's so deleterious
I'm deadly serious
Less of the hoes
And more Thunderbirds Are Go.

Captain Scarlet's
Favourite starlet
However
Was no harlot
Even though
she always wore
Scarlet as well
But it was quite difficult to tell
That she was not so
Even if one was very clever.

Unlike Bobby Shafto.
Kaye B Anderson Apr 2014
Break-
Break free--
I am pulling at these chains, though in return they're pulling me.

I am stuck-
Suffocating-
I am choking-
        I'm stuck!
How could this be?

Young children running down a green pasture-
Dreams so large, so real, so fierce-
I was there-
       That was me!

Look now-
Look at me now--
Can you see?
An adult lost at sea.

Stuck, Lost, Confused-
In a kingdom so large.
So many others-
       yet still feel alone

Searching for the 'free' in freedom,
Though cornered into fear,
All the rules choking me in,
The 'free' will never be near.
Children have less fears and more dreams then adults... As we mature we face reality and know it is a scary world we live in. Searching for freedom, though never let free.
Kaye B Anderson Apr 2014
Could it have been the self concious views?
The lack of choice- No room to choose?

Could it have been the need for emotion?
The outbursts? The commotion?
Were the cogs rusting? A lack of motion

The cogs of time rusting...
Time not moving with the speed of light?
Could it have been that one was moving faster, then other-
Timing not right?

Like a Cheetah and a Deer holdings hands,
Could it have been tempting chance?
The chance to be amazed at the beauty of this picture,
Then not be surprised with the outcome- An act of nature.

Mesmerized with lies that are there to charm.
Cheating fate, Causing harm.

Could it have been...
That you left me because I was no more an object of your desire?
Or- Could it had been that all along,
I was *playing with fire?
Kaye B Anderson Apr 2014
Normal?
What does it mean to be normal?

What is normal?
Normal to you, may not be normal to me.

From the life of the simple,
Formal, may not be normal.

From the views of the formal,
Simple may be looked down upon,
Frowned upon.

Judging one another based on normality,
A life created on formalities,
Complications, Discrimination.
All because of our definition of normal?

Definition of
normal-
           1.  conforming to a standard; usual,          typical, or expected.

"Usual?", "Expected?", "Typical?".
Hypocritical!

Normal?
Does it even exist?
Why do we persist- to have our definitions of what normal is?
And what it isn't?

Normal-
**What is it?
Everyone is different. That Is the beauty of life. Though the beliefs of normality in some people lead to discrimination,  bullying, war etc.
Kaye B Anderson Apr 2014
We were once so close,
What happened?

All the secrets shared,
The lies told for one another.

The memories we made,
Were they all for nothing?
Something-
Something happened between us.
What was it?

Best of friends,
Souls searching the wonders of this world-
Together.

Together no more.
Sad, hurt - Unsure
Sure- Sure we had our times.
Downs and Ups.
Trial and Error.
Now, Nothing.

Nothingness is still Something.
It's that thing you are doing now-
Nothing.
It's the absence that you choose,
You chose-
Nothing--

Through everything,
There's Something-
There's Nothing-
There's what you chose for us to be.
All lost through Nothing over Something.
Souls parted, Hopes flattened-
Hearts saddened.
**What happened?
Kaye B Anderson Apr 2014
Uplift me
Take me
Make me
Break me
Take me to another world.
Give me a night like a love song,
Where nothing goes wrong.
Where all that can be, will be.

Hold me,
Write to me,
Sing to me,
Break through my squirms of disbelief,
When you touch me - *Where no one else has been.



Your lips on every part,
Every shadow,
Every groove,
Hands gliding through every piece of hair.
Hold me, guide me, teach me.
Those eyes - That stare.

Tell me, Don't stop,
Tell me how you feel,
While you touch me,
Your body, Your soul-
Free--
To love me,
To show me,
A language of love spoken by your eyes
When you look at me,
A language only I perceive.
Write me poetry - with your glare,
Those eyes - That stare.

Taking me to that place,
Ecstatic,
Dramatic,
Mystical,
Amazing,
In reality it is silent,
Moments of our lives pass us by,
Without a care,
You make me think of nothing,
Though a thousand worries there.

You allow me to drift-
             I'm drifting.
  *Uplift me
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