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Madness whispering loudly
Floating on winds scented breath, I can hear it's seductive call
Blindly leading me down mazes within my uncharted mind
Sanity has misplaced my blue print to a glittered life
In my broken heart it no longer reside

Hatred combat ready, It's fully armed to the teeth
Speaking in oppressive tongues
It craves for me to greedily taste and admit defeat
Chiseling relentlessly at my positivity
my cool resolve alone withstanding the heat
The air around me is toxic and choking  
Constricted
I'm still grasping to breathe

emotions screaming to break free
it no longer wants to suffer in silence
even it's prayer is cloaked within a plea
waiting for this clouded smoke to dissipate
so finally the world pictured i can truly see.
Madness consumes the idle minds
lets not be blind
we all have those days
when we questioning if we living right
just don't give up the fight
never back down to any strife
if the clouds is all that you see
then lets get creative
and cut this thoughts with a knife.
***
poetry is so ******* ***
write about stupid **** no one cares about
i must be a ****** because i always write passages
**** those butterflies
cut off its wings
earings
earwings
emotions just a waste of chemical signals
neutralize my brain chemistry for joy atm
just one of those days hahaha


It's ok to
fall apart.

Tacos fall apart
and we
still love them.


Right?

Also, I'm just a bit hungry...

It's ok to make a
mistake.

It's a
mistake
not to try.


I sit here....
I      sit      here...
I                 sit               here...
Procrastinating
p
   r
     o
       c
         r
           a
             s
               t
                 i
                   n
                     a
                       t
                         i
                           n
                              g
until one day, I................................................................­.......................die
having done absolutely  N.   O.    T.    H.    I.    N.   G.
and I regret <dfihbadflhbfihrefbiuwfiuhfihifiufiwief> everything.






Wasting
Every
Minute
pretending to be busy instead of doing school work
As summer fades
Fall has begun
Our once bright days
Now setting Sun
Uncertain what the future holds
Just know that I am getting old
For youth one does not get to keep
Through window blinds of life I peek
A path that's been filled with mistakes
I've walked alone but chose to take
My baggage with me where I went
Much money earned; much money spent
An epic track that seemed to reach
Earth's corner's as I searched and seek
For happiness with love and joy
These things I lost when just a boy
Were taken; someone stole from me
No safe to crack; there was no key
Defenses were not set in place
A child who had yet to face
Like Adam when bereft of sin
Attack that had struck from within
Where body fully left in tact
A shattered mind you won't get back
And over shoulders look for pieces
Equaled grains of sand on beaches
Traveled much, went far and wide
Blind to the circles spun inside
If challenges aren't met and faced
One can't expect to win a race
In life, with loss comes also gain
For cost brings lessons for our brain
All adding up to wisdom learned
So as time goes we can discern
This is the trade for youth with age
In our "life book" we write a page
Our bodies start becoming meek
Not equal outlook that is bleak
As faculties get old and fail
Some ways our vessel is a jail
The footsteps made are less and less
But minds expand an endless breadth
A question though of great concern
is, What if someone never learns?
They pay the price; accept the cost
But in return there's only loss
There's no trade off or benefit
An idiot who is a twit
You'd almost feel some sympathy
For one pathetic and who's weak
Unless of course you realize
The suit he wears; tried on for size
No twisted arms; he was not fooled
All info given; went to school
Just sat and stared off into space
So much potential he would waste
Break-even point, where are you at?
Is it still forward or way back
There comes a point, true with all things
Sometimes it hurts the heart and stings
We realize the end has come
There's nothing more that can be done
All effort from here on, a waste
The money spent is better saved
Don't think of it as giving up
More simply that one's time is up
Life is a journey that's for sure
But may be one that is endured
Instead of riding off in glory
Constantly are saying "sorry"
Trying to right each mistake
There is no life; an endless chase
A dog who tries to catch his tail
An nonstop game of "try-and-fail"
You ask "Why should I even try?"
Pathetic tears to say 'goodbye'
I have one choice that I can make
That will erase all my mistakes
If I'm not here I can't ***** up
Forget "half-empty", there's no cup
The disappointment and the shame
No longer need to play that game
Sure people might feel bad at first
But don't forget; somehow subvert
In closing I can finally be
What all expected me to be
A hero or a champ who "wins"
Not loser who just fails and sins
So tears don't cry (and you may not)
I'd say that I had fought the fought
But you know that is one more lie
Don't need to add; just say 'goodbye'
Written: September 2019

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Tetrameter Format]

I wrote this poem as a sentiment or feeling but I am not actually contemplating suicide. I would never actually do that. I don't want to harm myself but sometimes the sadness, desperation, and despondency bring me to a place where it runs in my my mind not as an actual act but more of a thought of sympathy. So, I am in no way making light of suicide or trying to be coy. This was written from an honest place inside but I am not in a dark place or thinking of hurting myself in anyway. (Just to be very clear in case anyone might think that or be concerned). This piece is more of a perspective piece (and an honest one) but not one I share in any true or meaningful way at this time. =)
The hopeless dark of the world is slowly swollowing
me
It's attempting to posses my numbing soul
Lustfully beckoning like a lost lover's embrace
Whispered honeyed voices calling screamingly
Ive Searched every locked prism within my mind
Behind every burning thought
Sadness and loneliness is all that could find

My happiness is shedding sorrowed tears
Stained by the fight of life
Drowning in oceans of hidden fears.
True feelings with every step that I take
Knowing it brings us closure but not devoid of hate
Bede Sep 26
I will keep trying
I don't know why i am
I forgive myself
I guess
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