In the shadow of water
I know your true face.
not in the shadow
but in the feeling of
being in it.

…do you understand?

there’s a coolness
that wraps around me
just right,
like when evening comes
and the southern sun
finally relents its strength of illumination
to the unknowing of night.

through the shade of a wave
opaque enough to dilute
the intensity of the light
but not enough
to stop it from reaching me,
I recognize you.  

who are you
that you should linger
in my inner sight
like a sunspot
staining my vision wherever I look,
changing colors
behind my closed eyes?

a stranger?

perhaps I’ve known you
in other lives.
maybe we were lovers.
maybe we were almost lovers.
maybe this is our dance.
we circle each other
like leaves in an eddy,
a brief swirl of proximity
before we’re shot back out
to the flow of the river
like children on a slide,
laughing in our innocence—
in our ignorance.

then comes the
inevitable separation,
the distance,
the peculiar ambiguity
we wear like a skin—
like a camouflage.

but I still see you,
from time to time,
behind the eyes of a stranger

and

I still feel you
whenever I am in
the shadow of water.

I hear whispers
on waters
that crash and swell
a calling
to my distant lover
who never returned
to lift the dews of my sorrow,
the fog is still there
and i wait, aching—
to be seen,
to be joined,
to be merged
as one

Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water

Yet both are the same if you earn her trust.

I am still her daughter
I still love my father
The truth couldn't be farther

And I'll still be here when the fences rust.

My love is thicker than water
My love is stronger than blood
My love could never be stronger

I am the last handprint you'll see in the dust.

I hate pools, oceans, lakes, rivers.
I hate the feeling of the current against my body.
The fight to stay in one spot when the water wants me to go with it.

I hate how it whispers let go,
Like surrender is serenity
As if I haven’t fought too long to be here,
On my own terms

The chill that wraps around my limbs
Not gentle, not kind
But insistent —
Pulling me into depths I never chose

I hate the weightlessness,
Not the freedom, but the absence of ground,
The loss of edges,
Of lines I can hold onto

And I remember the diving board —
Toes curled over the edge,
The sky too big
The drop too deep

The water below dares me to jump,
Like it knows I don’t belong in the air,
Like it can’t wait
To swallow me whole.

I hate the silence before the splash,
That breathless second of doubt,
When the world holds still
And I almost believe I can be free,
Free to fall.

But I never am.
I step back.
The plunge is not worth the drowning.

In water, I am always unrooted,
Always drifting,
Always one breath away
From vanishing

You are my anchor.
in this sea of confusion
i choose you.

no waves could ever weather
what we have
and what we could be.

for this love is time immemorial
more than the first bubbles that sprouted from earth
and created life itself.

and if poseidon compels me
to worship him,
i will not bow.

i have surrendered these waters
only for You to swim in,
my deity.

As I sit in my shallow pool,
every movement carries meaning.
I shift
a wave appears.
I touch
a ripple dissolves into silence.

In this still water,
I witness my connection to reality
and reality, in turn, acknowledges me.
When I force the waves,
push them with all my might,
they recoil and push back,
equal and unwavering.

As if to say:
all you do
will return to you
in equal kind.

So I see my influence
if not on the world,
then at least on this small surface of it.
My own lunar pull
on a body of water
that never needed the ocean.

I used to try to keep still,
to let the water settle,
to find some perfect calm.
But stillness, too, was a choice
a part of the dance.

And when I moved again,
the waves would rise.
The world would rumble.
And I would swim.

Water listens, acknowledging the pain
It washes and cleans the wounds lightly,
Soothes and calms,
Like a burbling brook to sit next to.

But blood…

Blood is thick and heavy.
It leaves a taste of copper in my mouth
Even after my head resurfaces and I can breathe again.
It stains and flows from cuts, tearing my stitches

Hot water lap dance
Feeling quite comfortable
Tide urges me onwards
Line fishes for something
Along edges of mountainous
Erupting horizons vapour dissolving
Passing clouds blue sky thinking
Revision of indignant existence
Not feeling much for a while
Pittance good riddance and guile
World revolving around the child
Locked inside away from myself
Disconnected coming up with plans
Sometimes prefer doing nothing
Just neglecting my health
That’s okay still alive to tell the tale
Now just need to execute in the name of sacrifice
Make the journey up to now worthwhile
For every moment of doubt and pain
Hope and distraught freedom
Despite the shame already
Would be even worse to waste
The opportunity have been given
So let the gift not be in vain