I was practicing a filling technique
(I'm a dentist so it's okay)
And it got me thinking about you
A T R A U M A T I C
It certainly doesn't hurt now, does it?
R E S T O R A T I V E
I definitely packed all the material in, didn't I?
T R E A T M E N T
Oops... I can still see the caries. And I think I filled it with trash.
I'm not a good dentist anyway.
Maybe I should fill the void by writing?
There are words that can't reach me from here
If you simply pluck them from there.
I need to know a person like you exists,
not about what other people say,
not about what you do in order to be like them,
not like losing the one thing you can't have back
in order to become higher than me, not about
breaking yourself for others because you simply
can't fix them.
Once in awhile, someone needs you to be you,
and sometimes, I have to be me to be me.
Let someone know you can be yourself, and it will all be fine. And being fine, is simply alright.
She was drown to superstars
Fast lives Slow hearts, materialistic worshippers
Loud mouths, voice yelling hand clappers
Just to get a point a across
Attitude filled reality stars
She idolized, visualized and internalized
Just to end up losing her own identity
Consumed by what she idolized she forgot to open her eyes
Blinded by perception, while dying to gain acception
Here I am knowing that this is all wrong
That there is just not a chance to get along
but I sit here with you in mind
No one around, no one to find
Wondering if things could rewind
To the time where love got left behind
But what would we have done different
That didn't have us so spent
Living off toxic fumes from the past
It's no wonder we couldn't last
Let's dye our hair and lie saying we don't care
That life sucks and isn't fair
But you're stuck on the objective to compare
If you want your hands through his or my hair
Swimming in the shallow of demise
I simply know it's not wise
But it's different when you realize
That your tainted feelings are real
I'll use this drink to soothe how I feel
I know it's the last time I'll kneel
To help someone that saw me as a meal
I found an error with Google recently,
It had defined conversation as
‘A talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people,
In which news and ideas are exchanged,’
Last time I had a conversation with someone
To exchange ideas,
I was snubbed, ignored, neglected, wasn’t listened to,
But that’s an everyday struggle,
For who doesn’t face,
People thinking they’re better than you,
Because they were born earlier than you,
Because they were born to elites,
Because their names have a legacy,
Which makes them ingenious and worthy of everything,
Because their skin tone is lighter than yours,
Because you’re someone with boobs and vagina
And so, you should send pictures of it only, not words & ideas,
But that’s an everyday story with more than half of the population,
The part where I found the error with Google
Was the part where it had listed synonyms of conversation,
There was, ‘heart to heart’,
Last time I had a conversation that was ‘heart to heart’
Was in my mother’s womb,
After that it’s been a finger-phone to your finger-phone,
Or my tongue saying what my heart would’ve never said,
There was also, ‘head to head’,
The only ‘head to head’ that I had last time,
Was when someone’s head suddenly had banged on mine,
And I had to bang it again because otherwise a black dog would’ve chased me,
Or maybe horns would’ve grown out of my head,
I don’t remember if horns was for head banging or for cursing,
But anyway, that’s the only ‘head to head’ that I’ve ever had,
Otherwise, it’s always someone’s South Head nodding at me,
Or just words to words,
And there was, ‘talk’ typed there too,
But the only ‘talk’ that I have these days is,
‘Hey, how are you?’
‘I’m fine. You?’
‘I’m fine. What’s up these days with you?’
‘Nothing much. You?’
‘Same here too.’
And then the awkward pause resides,
Followed by hesitation to text that person again,
I spotted, ‘exchange’ there too,
The only exchange that I have these days is
Of favours & help,
‘Can you please do…?’
‘Will you help me with…?’
Either me with those questions and fearing a no,
Or someone else asking it & confident that’s there will no ‘No’,
I find myself refusing to tell what I want to,
Refusing to refuse to tasks I know will disturb me
But to stay in the circle I agree to whatever comes my way,
I stand with whatever others say,
Because I’m aware of what happens when you stand for your own voice,
It gets contained, shot, hanged, accused, persecuted, isolated, banished & exiled,
I don’t know now if the error was with Google
Or with me,
Or with all of us.
What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?
"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."
"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."
No one does......
"Ok but can someone love me like this please."
An instagram post.
A post about the kind of love everyone hopes to have someone feel towards them.
A post that talks about how when you meet her you'll want her all to yourself
how you love her laugh
how she'll always tell you how she is feeling even though she likes to deal with things on her own
she'll make you smile when she walks in a room.
I loved you in a different way
A way that was too deep to ever write on instagram
A way where the beat of my heart pounded hard enough
To make me feel like it was going to break through my skin Whenever you got close enough to me for me to reach out and put My fingers on your face
My heart became my body
Pumping through every part of me
I loved you so much that I would think about your lips as i kissed my (ex) girlfriends
I loved you so much I drank until I was passed out on the sidewalk in my own piss and vomit
Because I couldn't accept the fact I will never feel you next to me
I loved you so much I ignored everyone else when they told me you would never be mine
I put my love for you ahead of the truth
I smiled when you told me you fucked someone
Because even though my heart felt like it broke more and more every time i took a breath
I wanted you to be happy and if he made you happy
I'll take the pain
I loved you so much
That I wrote your name over and over on a piece of paper until you couldnt even decipher the word I had written because it filled the entire page and more
I loved you so much that even though I still wanted to die
I regretted trying to kill myself because it meant I had to be in a mental hospital and I couldn't talk to you
I loved you so much that I would stay up a little later after you fell asleep to hear you breathing over the phone
Just so i could smile even while knowing I will never hear that same breathe next to me in bed
I loved you so much.
My love for you was not put in an instagram post
Because it was not beautiful
It was real
Have you felt the pain in my city yet ?
Winds on a surge,
Houses and minds overturned,
Life's taking an unwanted turn.
You can't be surprised,
This hurricane has no soul.
These roads leading to your path of destiny
Been cracked by too much debris on main street
The president isn't gonna do too much about it,
He's too comfortable laid back in his seat.
How can america come together in a nation wide crisis
When we can't come united to solve the real everyday problem ?
These power lines and houses been falling
Flood levels in Florida and Texas are rising
Didn't this world learn about broken hearts in New Orleans ?
Keeping your life in order
As the ones that love build on pain to peace
Only if you see through the rain, life's tears, a world's need.
Have you felt the pain in my city ?
Born to think,
but I know no more
than I used to, I just must
love to waste my time.
Born to dream,
but I ain't no closer to
making it real.
No, making it real is hard.
What is this adding up to?
How do you
Keep from living wrong?
Born to see the good,
even when others
don't see it in us.
We love to waste our time
So what is this adding up to?
How do you
Keep from living wrong?
I want to know better
What this life is teaching
I've known it all along
How to keep from living wrong.