As I stumble over my words
choking on my memories
pleading to forget...
I realize the beauty in it all, the fall...
To know that everything was not here just to be forgotten
But that there was more to this story
Every risk I can take
...I awake with new scars.
Barbed by life's cold wisdom
Trespassing it's sacred ground; death.
I attempt to transcend into the depths of darkness
I'm in hope of a light and warmth that shall surround my body...
I am unstable
The robotic empathy humanity embraces as sincerity
Yet here I lie empty...
I don't want your pity...
Though why do I want you to help me...?
We are connected, but we have a short.
A pause in our power
The problems that segregate us from blossoming like flowers
Can't you see why I cower?
I can see something many choose not to see.
The choice to watch others suffer and stumble
That is something I can see.
I just wish someone would say that it hurts.
This pain, this short, this darkness.
Humans are so heartless and yet we march into the next day just to restart it.
This is NOT a game....shame that some would disagree.
How can you plea with someone whose truth is but depravity.
This is why we live in tragedy...
All I want is to be free...
But that'd be too easy.
I need my connection.
The people I grew with.
The destruction and constructive.
I need you and everyone else...
Without you, without all of you...I'd only have myself.
Thus is why some crumble and others flourish. The true flower was killed for the artificial one
My throat is aching with the words I cannot fathom saying to you
My hands are shaking because I wanted to hold your hand so fucking badly
My eyes cannot see straight because all that I am seeing is you and your bright blue eyes
My heart is racing so fast and I cannot catch my breath because you are making me laugh too hard
And then I stop
And then I remember I am not the one
And then I remember there's a beauty at home waiting for you to text her goodnight
And then I think about how she went to sleep alone, and I got to have your attention to myself for once in seven years
My voice is shaky as I tell you about my family and hold back tears because things are getting just too damn personal
My skin feels hot as I sit there and wait for you to touch me back
My legs quiver a bit as I hike my dress up higher so you can see the black lace on my panties
My smile forms a smirk as I think about you actually taking the bait and grabbing my face tightly and kissing me
And then I stop
And then I remember "just friends" do not look at each other like that
And then I remember "just friends" do not touch each other that way after dark
And then I remember how you're going to break her heart the same way I broke yours seven years ago
we met and bonded
in the holes dug
by our own shovels.
Creating parallel lines to our enemies
but as we sat across
two sides divided--
I could not help
but chuckle at the thought
of us being parallel.
Meaning we had
to have at least one thing in common;
explicit we built tunnels
exactly the same way,
I knew these were people
heading in the same direction
that we were never able to meet.
they were no better than I
they are my true brothers
and having to kill
was a tragedy.
you crave for the original
you want the latest edition
you beg for the rarest
or the most real
but the only thing you're ever gonna get is
and you let me go like a wave tossed onto shore and pulled back in
i thought you wanted special
i thought you wanted love
you told me you craved attention
but all you had was a broken heart
I have been the thunder
tearing through life with a heavy heart
drenching my soul with sorrow
as if in a dark cloud
I was surrounded by my own grief
over not living the life I had always dreamed
afraid of the wind ripping my roots out of the ground like flowers in a thunderstorm
not realizing that like the sun,
I will always find my way back