there has to be some defect inside me
to only attract people
who do easily can leave me
without a fight.

I'll mask these feelings
in alcoholic drinks and cigarettes
in dim lit bars and busy coffee shops.
I am left to accept kisses from just as lonely people that I have never met
and never will have the chance to.

No one shows you the inside anymore.
It's all about the exterior
because as I've learned
the second you show the inside,
they leave and it hurts more
than it did when you were alone.

I hope it doesn't stay this way forever
because God knows we all deserve a little favor
and a little better than what we've been given.

i love living life in late night,
or you call it early morning?
i love peoples in early AM,
they are honest yet more real.
i love the situation between light and dark,
cause' i could feel both cold and warm.
i love midnight conversation,
when people are on their vulnerable side.
i love the feel of quietness,
when ego didn't taking control inside.
i love the night's silence,
cause i could feel myself fully.
i love the time of day changing,
cause it reminded me to keep moving on.
-
i love feeling the midnight.

i started learning calligraphy so i could get a feel of how it feels to be in control and manipulate using a pen and a few words.

you put me in my place though you should be sat on your place - a ceramic throne anticipating a wooden stool. rocklike feces stuck in your bowels. no wonder why your face is always looking so constipated.

i am a piece of meat a vegetarian turns away from and rejects. I've been hardened by formaldehyde, my fetus and barely developed insides were forced into a growth spurt by hormones you injected.

like taffy pulling on a hook, i have been stretched hands and feet into a grown up world but a six year old is still stuck inside my body and i have been overcompensating - to speak a little more mature, wear makeup and look older, to walk a little taller and to communicate my feelings a little less childish (though that part isn't working).

i still scream out my demands (inside my head) and i still cry when you make me feel i am not good enough (inside my room).

Notes: The truth is that this is a recurring problem - a never ending battle with yourself. Sure, you can blame others for putting you down. You can call them thieves who stole your self respect and dignity. You can curse them and lay in bed for days being miserable about your stolen confidence but in the end, it goes back to you. You can't change the situation but only change how you react to it.

tingles in your toes,
looking up and
seeing the same moon,
a form of disappearing,
taking a holiday
to a tropical place,
falling at your feet
because it hurts
so bad,
"hey, this song made
me think of you,"
a melody you want
to play over again,
the sun rising
over the Mississippi,
finger tips traveling
down your back,
a canvas with
different shades of violet,
drowning in a foreign body
of water and struggling
to breathe,
conversations in a
parked car,
tears streaming
down your face
like an ocean,
freshly dried
sheets,
a warm embrace,
the twinkle in
your eyes
when you talk,
saying goodbye
when you'd
rather say hello,
a flower
that just found
the strength to
bloom,
a fall day
with a slight breeze,
the sun shining
on your skin,
realizing it's
okay to let go,
white lace on
your skin,
the strand of hair
that always falls
in your face,
apologies that came
too late,
the leaves
changing colors,
the silhouette
of the person
I thought
you were,
chasing a shadow
I'll never catch,
the sun reflecting
on the water,
a path I wish
would never end,
drinking to find
you at the end
of the glass,
a flicker of light
in the dark,
smell of coffee
in the morning,
touching hands
for the last time,
a slither of sunshine
peeking through,
a summer storm,
grief that felt
like a mountain,
drunken kisses,
driving with no
destination and
losing ourselves,
the book I never
want to finish,
the roses you gave
me withered away,
the grass turning
green again after
a long winter,
brick roads
that lead to nowhere,
restarting that song
just to hear that
part a second time,
transforming into
something I never
thought I'd become.

all kinds of love in the world
but never do you experience
the same kind of love
twice.

If I had to choose it would be you
You're the one I will always belong to
Though now I must move on
Faking true love to another
She will never know my sorrow
Bottling it up and hoping it's never unearthed
You were my sunrise
My perfect start to my day
Until we meet again
Goodbye my love

They by no means should be!

Yeah

But it's what our lives become!
That awesome unity we once called us❤️
We lead these busy lives forgetting how dear it is!
Truth is is in that survival and need to provide we almost loose that so precious to us, and sometimes sadly do!
As cat Stevens sang~
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not.

How apt lyrics are to our hearts desires, some never expressed
But none the less.
But I need need to write my own!
Providence sang~ "My Dream Is You"
I write from deep within and my closet lyrics so apt ~
"My dream is us"
Yet we pass each other by
On life's busy road with little action taken and given even less fuss!
So I'll write you a love sonnet
Maybe with a bit of a dare
I'll muster up the courage
And even share
Oh yes in a perfect world
My dream is us
I'll shout it out
No more I'll let us pass each other by!
Our love won't just be another whispering secret
Oh no!
I'll shout it out!
No roof tops high enough!
This is real!
This is love!
This ain't a bluff!!!!!
Yeah my Dream is us!!!