MalakF 3d
Why can't you understand that talking to someone isn't going to stop these fucking voices in my head? Why can't you understand that I was born to be forever damned?
A single shot to the head
Bam
All it takes to be dead
i have anxiety
undiagnosed.
well that’s not true i’ve been to therapists, psychologists.
many, so many doctor appointments.
i have old medications for it, i haven’t kept up with
i don’t like the way they force my brain
to conform to the usual and to feel a certain way

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with an overflowing amount of crumpled paper balls
piling up crowding the available space in my frontal lobe
the things i never said, the things i should have never said,
the things that someone never said to me.
that special someone that holds hands with the prettier girl
about two feet away from me.
she’s a better fit for you. i guess
the grade that i got on my last math test but really don’t care about
because by this point i’m habituated to the sting of failure.
i sit in my room and cry by myself because my nerves feel like they are ripping apart
or maybe it’s the sensation of exploding
similar to the creation of a star, or i guess in my case,
the painful closure of a life well lived.
of a time far too stressed.

my brain feels very full while simultaneously existing almost on empty.
i wake up from a drowsy late afternoon depression nap with
my neurons firing too fast for me to catch up with and a weirdly powerful
and persevering sense of anger or maybe it’s frustration.
i feel like i’m stuck in a crevasse between the cliffs of successful and beautiful
but maybe i’ve always been here
living in the pits of my insanity stuck under the weights of my anxiety

all of these things are written on these crumpled pieces of paper
there are so many of them, i used to be in control, not anymore
the world feels as if it’s tumbling out of my hands
rolling down the hill and crushing my motivation with it
there are so many things on my mind
right now that no more would be able to fit 
in my brain, it’s overcrowded like an LA rush hour
with time speeding by, with me just sat there working from my tower.

i have reached maximum capacity
and yet i can't stop thinking things,
i can't stop saying stupid things,
i can't stop wishing things. 
i sigh, i reach up to my forehead and i swipe away remnants of exhaustion
and bend down to pick up my backpack that weighs far more than it should
with my shaky hands caused by a high intake of caffeine
that i now require just to stay awake in class
i’m tired but as i sit here avoiding responsibilities
and the anxiety that often travels along with it

i'm hoping that one day when i get to this place
of unbearable tensions in my shoulders
and stress that pulls the insanity directly from my mind
that translates to unrelenting tears falling from my eyes.
the top of my head will crank itself open
and all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts and worries
will pour out into a neat little pile
on the floor 
and disappear
at least for just a while.
that would be nice.
as my arms let go and the tension falls away along with my body
letting go of the stress and the pressures of
holding those pillars together
and fall through the sky
just so i have enough time to
take a truly deep breath.

here’s to a peaceful ending,
a crumbled paper ball fate.
May 9, 2018 2:22PM
During AP Week/theatre performance show of course.
Kat Jul 14
It's a wide sun
who's light travels
from my silly head
to my stubborn heart

And back again
and back again
it goes in burning circles
and yet never fails to shine

If you look closely
you might be lucky
and catch a glimpse
of my fiery desire to be

Since I have little
but I have as much
as the sun gives in warmth
and I'd as such
give it gladly and settle
to heat up your cold arms
Makenzie Odom Jul 13
This pain that is inside me
Makes it hard to breathe
Don't you see?
It's not you -
It is me.
I have created a monster
In my head
Destroying my life
Slowly.
I can't get away,
It brings me down
Every word
Every taunt
Makes me want to scream
Get out of my head
I have had enough
I can no longer live like this
Riley June Jul 12
if i spoke the words in my head no eyes would stay dry,
my silence is protecting you from the venomous bite,
please don't ask me to speak to you.

let me disappear into the background where all are safe,
inside i bleed from wounds carved deep into the soul,
please kept away from my mind.

choking on tears is the only sound that can be heard,
doctors put band-aids on bullet wounds,
please ignore my bloody body.
right now
I sit and look out the window
in one's head

I'm all in a sweat
very hot
and summer roast in the head

the water in the head
the water is making it's way
hell

but where is the river

river by the window
in the form of a hot summer
and again in my head

27.06.18
What would you call the home which sits,
simple, in reverence of fiction, sits in reverence,
on two knees and a nose sniffing pubic bones?
What would you call a thing which makes,
a thing which creates meaning, much less,
than it sucks the meaning away?

The past ushers futures inside that my parents
made, and their parents made, and their parents,
it seems I'm younger than I think. B o r n,
i n t o a w o r l d o f d e t r i t u s . b o r n,
into a
worldoftrash.

Happy. Happy. Happy.
My body will carry use
once I am dead. I
think I taste the dirt.

Happiness in head.
Sanny Jul 7
I lied.

I am afraid, like for real.

The empty promises from the past are haunting me.

Destroying this.

Biting my tounge, to not question.

A constant battle in my head.

The insecurities are there to remind me.

That no one ever stayed..
Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Im walk on the rain
Im saying stupid thing about me
Okay
Im walk on the rain
Im saying stupid thing about me
Okay

Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head
Rain rain raindrops on my head

Ooh rain
Ooh rain
Ooh rain
Ooh rain

2016
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