rather than check
the forecast
for some reason
i think it enough
to merely
look to the sky
for a cursory
ten or so seconds
to observe the drifting
of weighty clouds
the overwhelming of
any strokes of blue
that might remain
being diminished
by the shifting greys
of approaching rain
before surmising
whether or not
a coat or umbrella
might be needed
at some point
in the coming hours

I am drinking coffee,
and it's not the best cup of coffee in the world,
I must say.
But I am not complaining,
I had it worse
and in comparison,
this one is just okay.

And I remember
when I couldn't afford a cup of coffee.
Not long time ago.
I thought it was impossible for me
to go broke.
But well, in life
you can never know.

And I am grateful
for the one I am just drinking now,
though maybe it's not the best in the world,
it's not that bad!

I love how you find
comfort in my voice.
Thank you for trusting me
in your most vulnerable state.

I wish you could feel the warmth of my voice
through these airwaves and thoughts.

I wish you could feel how tightly
I am hugging you right now through my voice.
One day...
it will be more than this voice

but a promise
of eternity that

you and me will be one body!

I’ve gone over tiktok, then instagram, then tiktok then
facebook and no sign
no sign of you, this is odd that you would
after a year of dumping me with no contact,
saying you are happy with her,
that you’d stay gone, today as well.

Oh I know .
I know one does not love like I love if one
has not got damage, you feel so sweet in my
head; in real life, I might push you
away, in here you are mine, forehead pressed
to me, mine, I keep
your heart in the palm
of my hands, like
a baby bird, I keep it
gently, I could
break its bones
real easy, I would
never,

in real life you hold my head,
a sickly child all over
again, I cannot
hide my eyes and pretend
I am invisible like I did
then, I know

you have seen me, you have seen me
and you will not say the words;
when you do not
speak them, I want to die, you
call me friend, in real
life you frighten, you
do not want me, or that’s
not what you said, you said
you want me but

can’t choose me over her, said
you were happy, now here
I am, here, it’s been so long
you’ve crushed it and still,
somehow it
pumps, I

dreamed briefly of
crashing into rocks
instead of you, not

for you, for men,
all lovers betray,
I still have the note,
sits hollow and quiet, in
my google docs, IN CASE
I **** MYSELF, I edit it
sometimes, add people, it's
in comic sans, just to
**** with you all,

but days like today I imagine
I imagine you and forget you are
not coming back ever,
ever, not as a friend,
not as a lover, not
ever
not coming back, ever

I watch videos of me imagining
your reaction,

look at angel numbers, google the meaning, and
twin flames,  

when there’s nothing to hold on to -
I invent it. I hate that I am like this,
it’s why I survived.

I hate that I am like this,

how I love you is not
normal, one should
not love like this, It's
okay, I just need
to **** the hope, I need
to make the hope stop.

Somewhere,  out there,

There's a place where

I belong.



Somewhere, out there,

There's a face that

Sings a song,



To my mind,  

And it's mine,

And it's something

Meant for me,



'Cause somewhere,

Out there,

Must be a one

Who waits for me.



But deep inside,

I'm feeling blind,

There's so many things

That I've left behind.



I've loved, and

I've lost,

And still have

Yet to find...


But somewhere,

Out there,


Like a dream I

Can barely recall,

I know there's hope,

Even for somebody


Like me...


Broken,  insecure,

But somewhere out there

must be a cure,



Somewhere, out there,

Till that day,

I'll endure...



All my loss and my pain,

And the fear in

My brain,



Till  I find he who

Reminds,

Me of that joy,  again...


Somewhere... out there...

I hope to dream again...

Hold on tight

Hold on to the memories

Even if it takes centuries

Tomorrow is another day

Tomorrow is a better day

Tomorrow you will shine

Hope has no boundaries

Tomorrow is a new day

it turns out
Mother Nature is
just as indecisive
as the rest of us
it seemed that
she had finished
with her winter
her day-long frosts
and biting winds
no longer the need
to cocoon oneself
in protective layers
when venturing out
for nothing more than
a bottle of milk
of down-stuffed coats
and twice-wrapped scarves
woollen hats
and thermal socks

it felt like
we had moved on
our spring had arrived
just in time
we could enjoy
the brisk early mornings
despite their chill
safe in the knowledge
that the gentle touch
of afternoon warmth
would shortly follow
the biggest setback
to be expected
was an intermittent
morning-to-evening downpour
dampening our anticipation
though only temporarily
of any plans we had made
until the puddles were dry
or had drained away

it may have been
a false start
but i'm loathe to say
we were tricked
or call it
an outright lie
those brightened days
were a welcome change
enjoyed by all
we were simply
carried away by
the primaveral allusions
lulling us enough
to forget the cold
and its significance
catching us unprepared
and exposed
like those delicate flowers
so recently bloomed
buried for now
beneath this weight
of snow