I could speak all day on how I have faith
Yet
Truth is,
I don’t have faith
I would like to believe I trust myself
Yet I barely put an ounce of love on that shelf
I don’t have faith that the right person will come and take my love
Because I am scared
I am scared that if I gave into anyone
That if I even trusted my love with you
That it’s just going to hurt that much worse when I let you go
I’ll have that much less faith in myself the next time I even try to love
I’m scared that you’ll say all these nice words to me
And possibly mean them
But I won’t trust myself
And blow the only chance I had at loving you
I’m scared that if you saw who I really am you’d leave
And want nothing to do with me
And in all honesty I really couldn’t blame you
Yet I could blame myself.
I could have faith that all my friends right now are loyal
That they would never talk about me behind my back
I could trust them with anything
I wouldn’t even be ashamed
Yet I have been played
And most of yall just sit there and smile in my face
It’s like getting on a plane ride
And trusting in the pilot to fly me safely
But then the rumors come like birds flying into the engine
Then down goes the plane
Because there is the same flock of birds flying back my way
Why won’t they just stay in their cage?
Don’t any of you realize
You’ve made me this way
Do it again lie to my face you’ll be another bird ruining my plane
The true friends are the pilots
Trying to guide me out of the bird’s way
Yet instead they get brought down with me
My real ones don’t deserve this
I’m the one who need to take the blame
I have a couple of parachutes
Hopefully they’ll escape while they can
I’ll stay though because the day this plane finally crashes
I hope those little birds will finally realize their damage
So much for flying this plane to heaven
I could have faith in myself
But I am not going to lie to you because I need you to have faith in me
I have been hurt
The kind where you stay up at night
Wondering what you did to deserve this
What is your purpose
Do I even belong here
Does anyone see my tears
I loved and I trusted
And that just got me here
Questioning everything
Everyone
I know I am hard of hearing
But it seems like I’m not the only one who can’t hear
Or do you choose not to listen?
These are the same people I’m supposed to have trust in?
Have love for
Tell them everything every little sore
If you could see my heart
You’d ask
What’s that little clump on the floor?
Where’s yalls heart at
I don’t see them anymore
All I hear is she’s this or he’s that
All this makes me mad
Why can’t we just love each other
Is that so bad?
Is it so bad to accept each other
No matter ***, straight, bi, or trans
No matter the color of skin
Not matter what music they listen to
Or if they fit in with a trend
Can’t we all realize
Everyone needs a friend
Everyone needs to spend
Just a little more time seeing who I am
Who you are
Who he is
Who she is
Who we all are
Because that is what we need
To be able to have faith in each other.

Sometimes I wish I never met you
That I let the pain ease when you left first
Sometimes I wish I never blew this bubble
So I'd never see it burst

It's so fragile, so encompassed
in the way it carries through the wind
It knows the resilience
The way it knows no sin

It knows not where it is headed
Nor does it care to know
Bending blindly to the breeze
That sways it high and low

–So arbitrarily
Careless in its endeavors
Every minute an admission
Of an invisible forever

Catching light in its reflection
Shining 'til the very end
For a time, at least...
You had me smiling like a child
And waving in the wind

have you left your legacy?
on the land with glimmering hopes
have you ever breathing normally
knowing that you can't even left your footprints on wet sands?

there are two ladies running on the field
cheering each other for many reasons
they had their roughest days

they lived once in the kingdom full of kings and queens
all of them had their own crowns
but most of them had stolen

aimlessly wandering
looking for nothing
that heart was empty
but there's no room to fill

"do you know where the hope is?"
said these ladies to the dark blue ceiling
but nobody's answered them

As you were before
You stood out of the crowd
You were just the way you are
you never stood still even for a moment,
you didn't stand about.

Your my friend
Your my friend,
And I saw you falling
broken both your legs
on your way down.

Your my friend
Your my friend,
I never had a doubt
Stood up again and you reached out for another time
You clinged to me
you didn't even cry as you stood up again and set a limping foot in front.

Your problems had gotten worse
The light felt cold from your eyes
I tried to make you laugh but you couldn't even make a smile.
You didn't stand out of the crowd and you had blended unwillingly into the mass.

But then again
But then again,
Time heals everything
just not magically.
Eventually I saw your eyes
light up again.
Your breath didn't turn cold
as I was lucky to have a friend again.

A precious treasure just waiting to be uncovered as I am so fortunate.

As you fall
As you fall.

The sound of your head cracking
On the pavement.

It broke my heart
It broke my heart.

You went dark for a moment
Screaming on the ground.
Hitting everything around you

Your life was hard and your body was scarred.
Your breath turned toxic as you cursed your surroundings.

You slept for a while and slowly
But suddenly you became something that I can't describe.

Pain turned to love.
Suffering formed into joy
I couldn't even comprehend
What you had become.

Your my friend
Your my friend,
You challenged the world that makes you bend over
Never surrendered.

Yet you had risen
Yet you had ascended
You paved your own way
Across the globe
You tore down those walls
The cage of your own
Which you had became.

Hey there my friend!
I see you've become what you always had wanted to be
I stood by your side and it made me realize.
I was just like you all along.

My patience is running thin.
I don't say any of this as a threat,
just a warning of what's to come
I no longer know what I'm waiting for.
What will come out of this?
I thought it would be love,
a connection,
a friend,
someone to care for me,
but that's just all hopes and dreams.
Right now I need someone by my side.
I'm not emotionally stable.
I looked at you to be that person,
to show me you cared and help me cope.
A solution to my sleepless nights.
I need to bring myself to reality.
Constantly asking myself the same question,
what more does he have to do to show you he doesn't care?
I've given you your space.
Now I guess I'll just leave you alone.
It ***** that I can't help it,
but I still feel the same about you.
I still want to be with you,
I still want to cherish you,
I want to be the one that motivates you to do better.
All that is weightless now.
What I want doesn't matter if you don't want it too.
If you find yourself missing me just hope it's not too late.

I need to get back, back to yesterday, back to before, back to when I remember.
When I remember what it was like to feel calm,
Even when my mind was filled with overloading memories.
I need to go back to when a smile felt real and wasn't an expectation.
Back to when I look at the world for new opportunities, not for the ensuing disappointment that is bound to happen.
I need to remember, when loving myself wasn't a chore and an impossible task, but a hobby because it is so easy to do.
I need to remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel,
And I need to go back to the day I would take a step forward without going two steps back right after.
I need to remember my smile is pure and my will is strong.
One day, will I remember?

when you are quiet for long enough that the squirrel thinks you are part of the earth.
when you have whole-heartedly experienced the death of a worm.
when you spend $6 on a stone to bring the luck you don't believe in.
when the zinnias turn indigo and the indigo withers to dust.
when you begin to envy the worm.
when you don't want to bore the trees with your problems so you sit in silence.
when you listen to love songs and pretend to understand.
when you watch an oak leaf drifting in the current but it's actually you drifting and it will only take one red currant to be happy.
when it becomes painful to dream.
when 4.568 billion years doesn't seem so long but how is it only 1 o'clock?
when you wish you could be a comb jelly and float transparent along the black depths.
when you feel the earth suspended in nothingness.
when you can feels yourself suspended in nothingness.
you must wait.

© Donna

The past is the past for a reason.
That is where it is supposed to stay,
But some cannot let it go.
In their heads, it eats away

Until all their focus becomes
The person they used to be,
The mistakes they made in their life.
Oh, if only they could see

That you cannot change what happened,
No matter how hard you try,
No matter how much you think about it,
No matter how much you cry.

What happens in your lifetime
Happens for reasons unknown,
So you have to let the cards unfold
Let your story be shown.

Don't get wrapped up in the negative.
Be happy with what you have been given.
Live for today not tomorrow.
Get up, get out, and start living,

Because the past is the past for a reason.
It's been, and now it is gone,
So stop trying to think of ways to fix it.
It's done, it's unchangeable, move on.

Gathered together to gather scattered memories of things past
We scramble, claw at the stuff of memory that seeps through the gaps of our fingers
Smoothly gliding over our palms
Falling onto the ground
Like water on tar
Gone too quickly before we can mop it up
In desperation, in attempted swiftness, in failed efforts
We try to chase sand thrown into the oceans
Longing to feel the feel of things past
Long blown away by the winds of time