I'm lucky that I'm an Arab girl.
It's darkness that, I'm a girl in this Arab community
Yes, it's my family and local community.
Please, don’t get me wrong
It’s the not really right traditions that chained us,
here in my family and community.
They all say, we're open minded,
But they're not, really no.
They all say, girls are not oppressed,
But they are.
They all say that no one infanticides girls anymore.
But it still happens, even if it's not literally.
We’re still being bullied here in Arab community.
So that's why I'm going to say these bad things-
It's sad enough that I'm single,
I am unmarried, 39 years old!
I have no husband, no kids,
I'm not an Arab girl now, and I’m an Arab woman.
I have never seen the hunter lion in my jungle of sin.
I cannot even play with myself
I just do something around
because I should to keep saving my virginity
If I want to get married ever.
Truly I'm still virgin.
I know it’s a sin, a great sin!
But just I don’t like this backdated community,
these traditional rules and over rules
these just belong to family pride.
Does it support our religion?
Even does it like civil society?
Truly, it’s not fair, it’s inequitable to me!
I want reality, I want to get free!
I want to be happy, I want fair!
I want truth, I respect my religion.
That’s why I want my rights!
Marriage between cousins has been part of the culture here in my societies for centuries,
largely as a means of securing relationships between tribes
and preserving family wealth.
My parents are both first cousins.
Maybe I have to get married a close relative.
The society expected it and it is still common here.
Nowadays, my family allowed to get married from others families.
But, here in my society has some family status,
Level-1 there are some families are there and level-5 like these.
Level-5 cannot married from level-1 or others in some family
Level-1 can marry from level-1 to 3.
Level-3 can marry from level-3 to 1.
But evel-4 and 5 can marry from each other only.
It is like that from past family tradition not for wealth shit.
I am from level-3.
Some guys came to my parent but they’re not my family type
and some are not my level
I have some close relatives but they’re not good guys.
My parent doesn't like them.
That’s why I’m still single.
I got back from supermarket and maybe I will go to the mountain tomorrow
Yeah my country becomes green in these mountain
But other gulf country they very hot.
No I can't driving, I will go with my father or my brothers.
I have had a relationship with an Arab guy
we had met each other at my university when I was 23.
We had been talking over phone and a social media.
And it’s hidden from our families.
But he cheated on me,
He did not come to my parent,
and he did not discuss about marries.
Hell, he wanted to see my looks and something like shit.
That’s not good for me and my family. It’ unreligious.
If my parents knew, I was wrong
maybe they will kill me with him.
Talking to someone is not allowed here
I can talk to only people who I know.
Some Arab girls are get married British citizen
But depends on girl’s family, will accept or not
and other thing is religion.
The girls were studying their only
No levels for them
I know a girl who has just completed high school.
She will go to England to study
and she is looking for someone to get marry…
Because she’s lose her virginity in 13.
Her parents know it all.
They don’t want to kill her.
Hell for her that close relative.
How I will be married and I am not virgin!
If I make love before marries or do something like shit
Then my husband will tell that I am not good
The community will talk about me
And my parents will not talk to me.
They will slap me
All bad thing will happen to me
I will be neglected.
And I have to go back to my family
my family will kill me.
Maybe other punishment also, like these
Not going out of house
Not talking to people, friends
Not even married in life.
I have to stay alone at home
And no one will talk to me if I am alive
Then I should to go out of house forever
Really, a girl live alone after this bad thing,
Yeah, can do work, but It is impossible here.
I know Arab girls have to war at my first night
and their weapons are their virginity!
That’s why I’m still virgin.
Sigh, I’m about 39.
Pencil tips are like
Gently swaying to the music
Gliding on frosted marble,
Drinking in the purity of
Pencil tips are for when
ideas form words and
words form complexity
Scratching into notebooks,
Translating concepts into
Pens are too forceful
Pencils can be erased
Just like every memory stored
Within a coffee can
In a homemade time capsule
The priest said God is pure
But when he made us,
He used pencil tips,
paper thin lines
Tracing and retracing
Imperfectness is perfect he said
Created with brush strokes
Evok-ing pictures of marvelous queens,
Elegant ballerinas, and
Pencil tips created these fantasies
Grandiose mirages fold and unfold
On top of tissue paper bibles,
Delicate taut skin
How do words create overbearing tears,
Infidelity infested ignorant bastards,
breathtaking wedding bells?
Nung ika’y umalis at lumisan
At ako’y iwanan ng tuluyan
Tanging sinabi sa sarili ko
Kaya ko ‘to
Nung nalamang ika’y nag-iisa
At ako’y pilit na nagpapakasaya
Sambit ng pusong nagpapalakas
Kaya ko ‘to
Nung bawat sakit ay pilit bumalik
Bawat pagkukulang at bawat pasakit
Tinibayan ang loob at sinabing
Kaya ko ‘to
Nung sumagi sa isip ang bawat alaala
Sa bawat ngiti at bakas ng ligaya
Pilit kong pinagiisipan
Kaya ko ‘to?
Nung ika’y hinahanap ng puso
Sinisigaw sa bawat pintig nito
Naguguluhan na ako
Kaya ko ba?
Nung nakikita kang masaya sa iba
At sinampal sakin ang katotohanang
Hindi ka na babalik pa
Kaya ko pa ba?
Nung napagtanto na ika’y mahal pa
At sakin ay ayaw kang mawala
Gusto kong isigaw sa mundo
Hindi ko kaya ‘to
Nung sa’yo ay nagsusumamo
Nakikiusap na muling maging tayo
Ngunit tuluyang binitiwan na ako
Hindi ko na kaya ‘to
Nung ika’y masaya na sa kanya
At ako’y nilimot sa pag-iisa
Tanging lumabas sa aking paghinga
Ayoko ng ganito
Ngayong tuluyan ka nang nawala
Bakas mo ay pilit hinuhugasan
Ngayon ko dapat isiping
“Kaya ko ‘to”
Sana’y makabangon na sa aking pagbagsak
Tumungkod sa sariling mga paa at ituloy ang landas
Pilit pinapaalala sa pusong nasawi
Kakayanin ko ‘to
Babangong muli sa bagong umaga
Gigising sa katotohanang wala ka na
Lalakad ng mag-isa kahit masakit
Lahat ng ito’y pilit kakayanin
with a door set forth
it lay open in his mind
with his hand he waited
it never opened to his eyes
fantasy rules in our heads
when inaction enforces tyranny
upon mortal hearts and souls
dying with every blink
we are just mortal yes?
why do we think actions will fail
when no one will remeber them
they fade as everything does
Live life to breath
And breath to live
My the devil take his hand
From out of my scarmbled brain
So I may choose
With a new foucus to fuel me
I will not be bogged down
By my missed opportunities
all because I am blind
to everything real in front of me
i was living in my head
never outside it
for it was safe...
One More Wrinkle On The Upper Lip
One more wrinkle on the upper lip!
I quip you not.
It came this morning
Like a ship on the horizon, showing up
A shapeless form from out the blue.
What shall I do?
I’m much too old and used to lines
To be the type that whines;
Too old and worldly wise
To be one who modifies a truth.
“You have no longer youth - the truth.
You can’t expect a skin youth-smooth.
Be glad that you can see reflections
Looking back at you
I left the mirror on the wall
And went to yoga.
Be thankful that you can see it, said my friend".
One More Wrinkle On The Upper Lip 9.1.2017
Circling Round Wrinkles; Circling Round Aging; Circling Round Woman II;
In a broad kindred of spirits collide,
Too each is each to own and then we reply.
For where art thou darker days? Tucked behind us, spread like paste. Beneath a new chapter is where it lays.
A folding eyelid above beholds.
Temperatures swell, tempation creeps, weather is cold.
Are we not our own or do we just do as we are told? Again into the fold, clouds gather ahead, I clinch tight to my soul.
It's just that Im really not a good person. But I keep following this glow. Into the dark again I go.
A strange connection between what you consider real or make belief.
A thin rope dangles above from the fall that balanced and centered me.
For all that I appreciate and sense to be. For life finally making sense to me. Im circled by Death, teaching me something I have yet to be.
Echo knows eternity. A perfect gift from me to you from the lights of which you were meant to be. You are to your ability, able to be. Deep within your reach is where your meant to be...