Dad,

           are you still flooded with pride
when you hear or speak my name?
there's certain feelings i tend to hide,
and i know you feel the same.
        
           lying was never in my blood,
how'd this hate get in my heart?
i came here in search of love,
and now i'm not sure where to start.

           i love you all so greatly,
please tell mom i miss her too,
but the reason i'm writing lately
is that i feel i've failed you.


- your pride & joy

Chan S 2d

I apologize for blaming you.
Because I can only blame myself
You see, all along it's been me.
Me allowing you to treat me the way you've been treating me.
Me allowing you to take my voice away.
Me allowing you to touch me in the ways I did not appreciate.
Me allowing you to hurt me with your actions.
I should've spoken up, used my voice long time ago.
Then you would've known my words now, are not for show.

I apologize for crediting you for my life's work,
Because I can only credit myself.
For all my pains in all my life.
For all my claims and all my strife.
For all my "shames" others call trife'lin.
You see, all along it's been me.
I should've spoken up, used my voice long time ago.
Then you would've known my words now, are not for show.

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eternus 2d

Why did you
message me
call me
meet me
fuck me
if you had another
waiting for you
yearning for you
caring for you
loving you

We were done
We were the past
Not the present
Not the future

Why did you
make up lies
about
distort the view
about
paint a false picture
about
your "man"
unclaimed man
poor man
innocent man
for over a year?

That gentle creature didn't deserve this.
Because of you, guilt won't silence its rage in me.

He worshiped your essence. He dreamt of today's and tomorrow's with you. You lied about him, as if he was a terrible guy. You pretended to be single just because you were ignoring him while he fought for you. You cheated on him with me. I feel like filth.
Brianna 2d

I have tattoos all over my body but you can't see them all.
They are the words that everyone has ever used against me permanently embedded into my skin.
The judging stares and wandering eyes that make me want to cover my body and hide away.
If you could see them you wouldn't look at me the same ever again.

Heartless- Bold and Italicized across my chest.
Regret- Hidden behind the back of my neck
Fat- Underlined across my stomach
Desperate- Beautifully written between my thighs
Lonely, Pathetic- split between my wrists

The words you keep saying, the words you pretend you don't mean are covering me.
The hatred I feel towards myself can never be fully seen.
If I even opened myself up just little more for you too see you would look away with pity and shame.

Remember this the next time you tell me you regret having me.
Remember this the next time you tell me I am heartless or fat or ugly.
Remember this the next time you tell me my self esteem has ruined my relationships.

Because just beneath the surface lies the art that isn't shown to the world.

You burdened  me with your guilt
You burdened me with your shame
You filled my Dwelling Place
With your accusations,
But there ain't nobody home
No more.
The person you hated is dead.
He has has been destroyed
By the forces
Of self-recrimination
I'll pay the price
For my involvement with you.
But if you look in my Dwelling Place
And search for me there,
You'll find
That there ain't nobody home
No more.

Prisoner of Guilt
     I'm a prisoner of Shame
Prisoner of this World
     life's a sick and twisted game

Prisoner of Lies
     I'm a prisoner to Deceit
Prisoner to my God Above
     just a prisoner to Defeat.

               - Graves -

3/9/09
Seema Aug 10

These eyes get all teary
Thinking about the past memories
Sitting hours, staring at the mirror
My eyes, shys away in shame

A deep breath and a true feel
That, love is nothing but a cheat
Unnecessarily, taunting my own fate
Why this bleakness haunts to greet?

As these eyes cries and sees
A reflection of you in the mirror
My hand, rises to touch
Whilst remembering the moment, you left my side

©sim

*Sachi Ehesaas*
Inn ankho mei nami cha jati hai
Jab beetey waqt yaad aati hai
Ghante baythe, sheeshe ke samne
Meri palkein sharam se jhuk jati hain

Ek gaheri saas, aur ek sachi ehesaas
Ki, pyar ek dhoka hai aur kuch nahi
Bewaja apni kismat ko taane dena
Ye berukhi akhir kiyun satati hai

Abh rotey hain ye ankhein humari
Sheeshe mei maye hoon, ya tasveer tumhari
Chuna chaha magar, tham gaye the haath
Ek ilzaam dekar, tumne chor diya tha saath

©sim
Jacob Waters Aug 9

I know you are here by
the crack
of your palm on
my cheek,
by the sting of
our sweat.
The second slap tugs at
my skin
with the stick of
the gin.
You scream through
the heat,
above the ambient rumble
of souls,
the unholy truth of
it all
spat with the cadence
of hate.
The cackled delights of
the night
and this pitiless death in
the streets.
The horror of your bones on
my bones.
I can still hear the muffled
bass beat
and the staircase-crashing
of feet
as you carve the word 'shame' in
my skin.
There is hope in
your hate
as you cry out
my crimes.
There is hope in
my pain
as old futures implode, and
this life
is replaced by something
quite new.

It was actually vodka, but that doesn't rhyme with 'skin', so...

I hate those human moments
That take you unaware
A news report or passing siren
unheeding brings throatlumps and sudden blinking tears for unknown people
I awkwardly brush them away with redfaced embarrassment
and hope no-one noticed
that for a brief moment I felt empathy for another human being.
Its not the done thing.

elise f Aug 1

This
is
me

Hiding from the truth
Destroying my youth
Trying to ignore
Hoping it would be no more
Pushing it aside
Crushing my pride
Covering those scars
Locked behind bars
Denying the pain
Attempting to contain
Now filled with shame

Thanks a lot
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