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I missed my class today
I was in attendance
But my mind was far far
Elsewhere

I focused my eyes on this girl
And my pen on this paper
And before I realized
Twenty minutes had gone by
And I had drawn her likeness

And then it occurred to me
How wonderful it must be
To be so beautiful
That you inspire art

And how horrible it must be
Each and every day
To be so beautiful
That such intimacy is stolen from you
Beckie Davies Oct 16
This secret is hidden
Under piles of ***** laundry
Only you and I
Know where it is kept
secrets that I only shared with him
dailythoughts Oct 15
the moon burns brighter glaring at me
shamelessly shying away on your name
my only wish
dailythoughts Oct 15
the moon burns brighter
glaring at me
shying away on your name

while I shamelessly
hide in my misery
of your poisoned
pillow talks  

but

                                                               ­                           the moon sees it all
                                                             ­                           even under my skin
                                                                ­                     even over my pretend
                                                         ­                                     truly wondering
                                                                ­                               how I am doing
I continue to pretend
Broken Echo Oct 14
Im sorry. Its realy all i can say. I cant do anything to change it. I did everything i could to prevent it tho and it happened anyway. So i guess this is what was meant to be. Im losing my whole life. My whole family. I can only blame myself. I can spend all day saying i should have done this or that. But it realy makes no difference now. Whats done is done. Im upset with the world and with everybody in it. But im mostly upset with myself for letting down the people i care for. The people that have trust and faith in me. I couldnt be the person they expected me to be. I couldnt even live up to my own expectations. I failed. I let everybody down. I know in my heart im a good person. Turns out im not very smart. Now im left living everyday with guilt and regret. Maybe i learned my lesson. Maybe next time ill do better. Maybe. But i doubt it. Because i am who i am. Im destined to live a life of misery. Even if its self inflicted. This is the life i know. Im sorry. Its realy all i can say.
Im sorry
Dan Filcek Oct 6
Dig beneath the surface
Despite best intentions,
You’re probably going to feel guilty.
You’re going to make mistakes.
Regret can make you better,
Part of learning
Much more damaging:
harmful thoughts
feeling bad at the core
“What kind of monster am I?”
“I am worthless.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“I don’t deserve this.”
A destructive effect.
Want to hide from others.
Keep it to yourself,
Anger is turned outward:
Sharing our worst selves,
with the ones we love.
Always an underlying problem,
    fear or hurt,
“That’s just the way I am.”
Get frustrated and walk away,
Unaware of deeper emotions.
Ultimately - powerlessness,
Much tougher to face.
“I can’t make them happy.”
“They might leave.”
Inadequacy is often intertwined,
Fear of judgement.
A stereotype that has lingered
“I feel inept”
Slow to identify vulnerable emotions
People know no other way,
Take responsibility for how you feel,
And begin to unravel it.
Reference - https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/parent-shame-guilt-stress-men/
When I say I love you, do you hold your head up high? Or do you hide face.
Don't let the others see, it's a shame.
I want to be something you're proud of, not just another of the same, lost in the crowd.
I told him,
sometimes you look at me like you hate me.
Maybe I do
He said.
Not taking a moment to breath in between his thoughts.
Sometimes you look at yourself like that too
He said.
Maybe I do
I said.
--
Maybe I do.
Margaret Sep 23
How do I mend my relationship with my body?
How do I hate myself, less?

How could I?
How dare I?

The world doesn't.
It tells me all the reasons why I shouldn't.
                                                                           I mustn't.

I must hate myself.

I must hate my body, that is what I deserve.
What my body deserves

Love is reserved for the thin.
                                the beautiful.

The beautiful.
I could never be beautiful.

It's a lie,
when they say it.
It's a lie.
when they say I am.

I am beautiful from the neck up.

but you'd never use that word,
                            designate it to my body.
                                                             to the rest of me.

The rest of me should be tossed away.
                                              discarded.


Please sir, can I keep my head?
It's the only place I live, the only place I am allowed to be.

I am not allowed to be beautiful. not allowed to be thin.
that was not the hand I was dealt. not my lot in life.




I exist in the world with my shame exposed.

                                                              On display.


Do you know how that feels?




No hiding.


No escaping.


No pretending.




I am fat.  
My body is fat.



and from first glance, you can see my unworthiness.

                                                        My lack of deservedness

It's always there.
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