Eat your shame
It doesn’t go away
Regurgitate
like you’re overweight
You need more meat
on your body to hate

She promised to **** him off
in a parking lot
for her drink of choice
She was far too young
for either one
but had nothing left to lose

Swallow your pride
It doesn’t go down easy
Don’t let him see you
cringe in disgust
You need more secrets
to hate yourself for

Cut your skin
This is a bloodshed hymn
Like nothing I’ve written
in a decade or more
I’m doing better
but I know you’re not, kid

Uncomfortable in her skin
unless it was naked
No confidence in
a word she said
unless they were slurred
So she ate her shame
every ******* day
She swallowed her pride
as she ****** him off
It all cut her skin wide open

it’s the feelings of embarrassment
shame
guilt
pressure
remorse
and
stupidity
I have felt this before
now it rearing it’s ugly head again making me feel small
Im the size of an ant inside
people always do this to me
they always say they won’t or that they didn’t mean to
but I think that’s a lie and it’s human nature instead
it’s those small power trips someone gets from putting another down that carry most through life so they themselves don’t feel small too

Upon the announcement of my arrival
my ancestors weaved brillant threads to make a quilt for my bed
with steadfast hands, they weaved themselves a plan
who i was to become, what kind of man
upon the days of my arrival
my ancestors fantastically wrapped me up in the quilt of blue and red
this quilt housed me for many seasons
itched me, pinched me, left me cold at night
bit me, tripped me, straggling my rights
the brillant quilt made to protect became my golden cage instead
their plan created my strife
their plan corseted my life
after years spent suffocating in the threads
i decided to break away from the plan
emerging like a little chick out of an egg
i chose to live my life today
still the foundation laid was unscathed
every trigger sent my heart into disarray
independence fortified, return to the egg
the quilt might be itchy, it might be tight
but it is easier than learning how to fly

That’s crazy
to know your intentions are
waiting on the decision(s)
I make- to hopefully fail,
just so you can say -
“I told you so!”