I wouldn’t ask You to forgive
if I thought that I was worth it
Shut You out, turn around,
I do my own and I feel worthless
But I’m holding to the promise
that I know I don’t deserve
You sent your Son to pay the price for me,
and knowing this has changed my world

Yet it’s not a one-side deal;
Christ washed the blood that I have spilled
but You require that I follow
and obey, to know your Grace
You came to make me not condemned,
so You said, “Go and sin no more.”
If I can’t turn and follow You,
then what was it all for?

Why can’t I give you just a speck
of the wages that I owe
I could never pay You back
I’m a sinner, and You know
You didn’t come to heal the healthy
You didn’t die to pay the wealthy
You came to heal a sinner’s heart,
to wash all sin out from the start

One thing You ask in return,
one tiny little payment:
that I would repent from the life that wasn’t life
and cast it to the grave, spent
That I would rise anew and worship You
That through You I’d be remade
So why is it that I refuse
to give back some of what You paid?

When does apology lose its taste?
Like this I’ll never see your Face
Lord see this darkness in my heart
Cast it out with shame
Fill me with your holy light
Take my lust away
and renew me,
restore me today

|Written Saturday, March 24, 2012|

© 2017 A.D. Sifford
I'm okay with you sharing my poems, but I ask that you show courtesy. Please be honest about the authorship by attributing it to my name. Thank you,
- Sifford

My heart lurches.
I feel the jitters coming on.
Can you taste the acerbic air?

It's so cold.
Your eyes are frozen.
Locked beneath the hull of your anger.

Hit me.
Don't flinch.
The words cut almost as deep as my unkept fingernails.

Apathy rings loudly.
Empathy has yet to resurface.
I choke.

It's over.
Jitters have passed.
The footsteps fade.

Almost there.

There was so many reasons to be scared, so many reasons I never talked to you
I never knew how you would react if I told you how my heart was desperately seeking you
So scared of rejection, this path I already been through
But Everytime I looked back, I thought there could be a way to work things out with you
I didn’t mean to aggravate, I just meant to explain the love I once had
Frozen in time when you asked how didn’t I know that
How did I not know that you would hurt, and that it would be hard to communicate with me?
But it was just my mind seeking out for you so desperately
My apologies from deep within, my mistakes listed above
Procrastinating about getting you back, when you was the one I loved
Fighting for the reason you smile, fighting for the reason you look forward to waking up
But trust I’m no longer in control of
Like a bee stings its prey, like a thief in the day
You never know how much you love someone until they go away

I got to stop procrasinating, and being scared

So many lies I tell myself late at night
So ashamed of my past I cry
The fake smile like a sweet lullaby
Late night thoughts drain every part in the inside
How could I disrespect you in such a manner?
Why did I ever give a kiss to such a stranger?
Didn’t stop to think, that’s what put our love in danger
I know you could never find the answer to the question
Why did I lie just to skip the discussion?
I kissed her, I walked around like I was right
My conscious ate me up, I could never cover up what’s right
Long day thinking, late night dreaming
You’re away at a party, and everyone’s feening
You made a decision, so much trust I put in you
You said “I’d never do anything to hurt you”
The reason you never portrayed me
The reason you stayed so true
In this lifetime I never did anything to deserve you
I made that promise to fulfill your needs
To ashamed to say I never did a good deed
I made a promise and I told you your hearts safe
Why did you believe me?
So disturbed by my ways
But to this day and next to the other
I wish I could’ve loved you
Instead of portrayal for another

i regret so many things

Shame comes with fame,
And she realized that she had tarnished her own name,
She gave herself another chance to carry on;
Again and once again,
But it was all in vain.
She tried to make everyday seem better,
And laugh along with all her friends who were bitter.
She knows that self harm is a waste of time,
And isn’t willing to repeat that futile crime.
She probably discerned the fact that hell is more peaceful than earth,
And planned of making a trip to hell hoping it would be worth.
It might be awful to see your daughter dead!
But sir, you haven’t noticed the tears she shed.
Also please don’t check her browsing history!
Let the reason behind her sudden death be a mystery.

This poem is written in third person as I didn't want to burst into tears at  the park while writing this poem.

Loneliness is;

Being surrounded by a wealth of people
Forever feeling so poor.
To observe and have so much to say
Communication a chore

The gulf of distance between two friends
Despite being so close
The desire to celebrate and entertain
But nobody to host

To be sat in the warm glow of the fire
But feel so bitter with cold
See life going on all around you
Never truly in the fold.

To know of your family's embrace
But never be held.
To understand the beauty of colour,
But only see grey.

I am here,
Can you see me?
Do I matter
To any degree?

Peter Balkus Dec 7

The real name of this country
is Shambles And Shame,
nothing United about it,
nothing really Great.

Politicians, their careers
is what really counts to them,
they don't care about you
standing in the rain.

They don't care about you,
sitting on the bus,
stuck in daily traffic;
they don't care about us!

Or when you suffocate
on the underground, squeazed,
they don't think about you,
they don't know you exist.

They never worked hard
in their glamorous life,
they never lived to survive
on borrowed money and time.

And when they have a chance
to make a change, help us all,
they sell our souls to the devil,
saying it's their souls.

Shambles in the newspapers,
shambles on tv screen,
shambles in Parliament...
shame that what's shammy wins.

The real name of this country
is Shambles And Shame,
nothing United about it,
nothing really Great.

misty Dec 5

out of everything, what was fair ?
the way you lied or the way you were never there?
nothing i could spot, to justify the pain
but you had nothing
to alleviate the unavoidable shame

Bina Perino Dec 5

I threw up on your door step,
and I apologize for the mess.
I didn't think about it much,
but my stomach was burning.
I was holding down thick, hot
guilt, and nauseous from shame.

Sometimes I wonder:
how did you clean it?
What was it like?
Was it warm when you
got to it? Could you feel
the shame? Or was it
cold? Did it dry
on the concrete
and lose its acidic burn?

I threw up on your door step,
and I apologize for this apology.
Sometimes I wonder: could I live
with such an illness scorching my gut?
If my stomach was strong enough,
I wonder: would it be worth living with?

Shattered dreams become
glass shards beneath our bare feet
on roads we must walk.

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