Glimpse
Faltered Catchings
As fate was renewed
In spoiling of ink and songs
The clawfootings nest, awakes
Spirited joy
Gambling and dancing
Mischievous nuscance's
Joy filled pander

A French ladies girlhood
Jestering with courtship
And thievery

Her handed change
Spills of galaxy
Abandon of Greece
Partner of romance
Wonderous mortal boys torment
Goddess of folly and treasure tears
Fall at once
Capture my Irish play
Off with your heathen again
Grab the thatches and begone


Hangle and Lie
The devout of tomorrow
Belie your desire
Blankets of spite await in my idioms

The kitchen smells like a secret I forgot to bury.
A peach gone soft, skin splitting like a bad promise.
The fruit flies know something I don’t;
they’re the last priests of a dying faith,
and they’re waiting for me to leak.

I tell myself I’m healing,
but last night I dreamt I had to eat your heart to survive.
It tasted like burnt sugar and nail polish remover.
I woke up gasping,
your name soldered to the roof of my mouth
like a curse I didn’t mean to cast.

I call it the trick of wanting:
how I keep looking for your fingerprints in places you never touched,
how I flinch when someone says my name in the dark,
how I let the mirror watch me shatter
and pretend I’m a stained glass window.

Here’s the part I shouldn’t post:
I liked it when you lied to me.
I liked it when you said this isn’t about love
and I let you mean it’s about power.

The fruit flies keep coming.
I pretend they’re a sign from God.
I pretend they’re angels. Or demons.
Never both.
I pretend they’re a reminder that sweetness
is just another word for rot.
I pretend the buzzing is the sound of my name-
fermenting in your guts,
putrefying in your chest,
decomposing in your memory like abandoned fruit.

I know I shouldn’t write this.
But I do.
Because I want you to see it.
Because I want you to flinch.

Because I want you to know:
I am the girl who would eat your heart if I could.
I would peel it open with my teeth,
lick the blood off my lips,
smile like a god in a red dress,
and call it love.

And you’d believe me.

Christ is my head
And heart and meekness.
I am His softest part:
I am His weakness,
His shortest length.

I am the *****
In His armor,
The weakest link
In the chain mail
That he favors
Lest it fail.

But His weakness
Is stronger
Than the strength
Of men.

Amen.

"I a-washed the world to get rid of the sin.
My mistake was not letting it all flood,
including Noah and the animals,
I should have started it all from fresh"

" Sin is worse than it has ever been, the powerful
prey on the weak and the desolate"

" There's no saving a tree once the bark has been
totally stripped of its distinguished features"

" I should have realized free will is desirable,
since the apple's been bitten, there's left a black core
of all the thieves, black hearts and the ******"

" The sun gives raise to the tripping over the homeless.
The night gives birth to the terror of home invasions"

"Free will is the sin I myself will have to answer to.
My crime is above those of the subjects I unleased"

The roses grot, White doves fluttering by
Endless dreams in the sky
Untouched though, never taught how
Summer air and drenched leaves
For thou is not to teach
The dreams were never reached

The wind gliding through my soul
Little clouds flowing along
A melody of god's way untold
A repetition to understand
Listened once, forgot again

Grief they say is the last form of love
Being clawed away are these yearnings for more
They trim the leaves, water the roots
Maybe new buds, new petals, will bruit

To be god's fool, color blissful deeds
Petrels coot slandering lies above the water bed
Sent out to ramble of helpless needs,
in the blue canvas, never dead
When will the bluebirds coo?
Will they too
paint their sins, close to the dunes?

What if god is how you describe
with caressing hands and gentle eyes
You say his name so attentively
despite the one syllable Melody

When will her eyes glow for me
And not the being who took her loved
Simmering is a prayer on my lips
that is authored to no god.

[shadow:]
dear God,
lately,
i’ve forgotten how to be a person.
my hands feel too heavy.
my skin, too loud.
i keep failing at something
no one ever taught me.

my thoughts unravel like cheap thread,
and i keep trying to knot them quietly—
so no one sees the mess.

some days,
i’m just too tired of carrying
a soul that doesn’t sit right inside me.
like it was made for someone else.

– V


---



[light:]
"you keep track of all my sorrows.
you have collected all my tears in your bottle."
— psalm 56:8

"the Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit."
— psalm 34:18

"so do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
— isaiah 41:10


---



[shadow:]
i feel like a ghost,
pretending to deserve
food,
touch,
rest.

i move through the world like background noise.
i hurt when i’m supposed to hope.
and i run when i should reach.

i shrink from love,
because part of me still believes
i have to earn being seen.

– V


---



[light:]
"you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life."
— isaiah 43:4

"come to me, all who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest."
— matthew 11:28

"even to your old age and gray hairs I am he;
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
— isaiah 46:4


---



[shadow:]
i can’t tell anymore
if the numbness is mercy,
or judgment—
or maybe just You
not knowing what to do with me.

– V


---



[light:]
"before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.
before you were born, I set you apart."
— jeremiah 1:5


---



[shadow:]
i don’t want to perform
my way into being lovable.
i don’t want to be worshiped.
i want to be held.
softly. quietly. without audition.

‘i don’t feel like a person today.’
but i still talked to You
for an hour
on the highway.
and even when i ran out of words—
You stayed.

– V


---



[light:]
"for I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us
from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
— romans 8:38–39

"my grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
— 2 corinthians 12:9

[light whisper:]
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
— isaiah 43:2