I long to weave my thinking into phrases,
before the account of nostalgic moments ceases.
I wish to pen every moment, each picture that I've beheld
and I want to word all of the yearnings withheld.

what is this madness, this endless chase?
to record on a thin sheet all that took place.
Happenings and incidents I try to compile,
is this meaningful or just futile?

For sometimes it feels they'll crawl out of me
and without a glance back, run free.
and I'd not have the strength to stand,
on my wobbling legs and stretch my hand.

I don't know if this feeling's a little gray
I know somethings that have to stay
will not require me to hold tight
yet losing them builds a fright

Just know, it's not your fault.
No, It's not your fault .
The Mind betrays the heart.
But no, it's not your fault.

It's not like you could know.
Paths you were meant to walk.
All paths will over grow.
Being lost is not your fault.

Your human form stays lost.
The soul will pay no cost.
It's created to bathe in light.
No darkness is your fault.  

Oars ****** you toward a call.
You'll get weak, and you'll stall.
The sea will never calm.
No struggle is your fault.

Know that it's not your fault.
Your heart takes all the shots.
It's running from your mind,
And no, It's not your fault  

For, all will over grow.
The sea will never calm.
And no, it's not your fault.
Just know, it's not your fault.

©

Derek Abraxas

"The Quantum Bound Poet"

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To long for something knowing you'll never have it the way you want?
(Because you did have it didn't you?)
Never enough to overcome the tremors of fright
Never enough to be Cinderella for more than a night
And is it so bad that it'll never be the way you want it to be
Is it so bad that the cause of all my ruin is me?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To long for that feeling of being longed for?
Knowing that the thought of it is terrifying
Knowing it'll always leave you crying
And is it so bad that despite the fears i'll get drawn to it
Is it so bad that i'll hang like the pendelum but never quit?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To be considered "it" for just a guy?
When you're supposed to be "chill"
When you don't "fw labels" you tell him
And is it so bad that he'll still ignite a raging fire within
Is it so bad that drowning in ***** is what keeps it burning?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To experience the unrequited love they write about?
Smiling under the sun in beach's paradise
Smiling into his sheets when he makes that sound i like
And is it so bad that i'll cry when he gets down on one knee
Is it so bad that i'll still say no when he proposes to me?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To get teased by my friends for having a boyfriend?
Going to his games and cheering him on
Going to his place when the day felt off
And is it so bad that i'll leave him stranded in the storm
Is it so bad that there will be a blank box on my baby's birth form?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To have someone to watch TV with candles around?
Giving him an attitude when he gets me fancy **** he knows i despise
Giving him my favorite look when he takes a portion of my fries
And is it so bad that our story will never be a rom-com
Is it so bad that i won't choose him when he asks me to prom?

Is it so bad to want what everyone wants?
To have his haven become my heaven?
Have all the late night conversations and cuddles
Have all the intricate moments and snuggles
And is it so bad that after the *** i'll return to my bed
Is it so bad that i'll write a poem yet still call him a good friend?

Diseased
Sores bloomed on my soul—
a garden of pain,
thorned with worry,
tended by doubt.

Anxieties gnawed the edges of my mind,
each thought a wave
crashing against fragile faith.

Diseased.
I exhaled despair
onto the ulcers
that blistered my skin—
a silent cry only heaven heard.

Then,
His Spirit gathered me
like a wind gathers ashes.
In the hush of His Presence,
I was not condemned—
I was cleansed.

My spirit, once bound,
now shouted:
Victory.
Freedom.
Peace.

The sores on my soul
simmered into silence,
their fire quenched
by mercy.
I emerged—
clean,
pure,
whole.

My mind, once a battlefield,
now rested in light.
My soul, once silenced,
began to hum its healing.
My spirit realigned,
cradled in the rhythm of grace.

La, la, la—
my spirit danced.

Li, li, li—
my soul replied.

And my body—
once weary—
now moved
to the tempo of testimony:
Hallelujah.