Let me just be honest with you,
writing this down and thinking it through
Shit, I fuck up
No I didn't fuck up
Shit, I fuck up
There my be rhyme or some reason
but the ones you loved should be banned from treason
and yet here i am breathing
while she holds her breath praying I'm seeing
I don't see all that well.
Writing a poem, reading a book, this is my hell.
From experience I most certainly well
This either ends great or he or she's going to break.
The optics of illusion need to be focused.
Not bred in us for lazy purpose.
Fuck, this is my mistake.
She doesn't even ask for something simple as a birth cake.
And this is the girl I'm throwing away?
What has she done to deserve this fate?
Who am I to behave this way?
I know that I must pay for my mistakes.
But know that at my core, my heart beat harder when beat yours
I can't stop what is coming. The table's are turned and the question of me is finally asked:
Now, what are you going to do?
I am not sure if comprehension can be achieved in this reading. But this is how I have been feeling.
My fears feel quaint and strange these days
I remember a time when my head was filled with dreams
Yet my creativity has gone done the gutter
Losing it like a rush of blood to the head
And yet I’m far away from the one I love
A distinct summer that is warm and humid
Yet in reality is cold and bitter
Again, a rush of blood to the head
I’m not sure if I have my eyes on the prize anymore
I wanted to make it so big
Those dreams have faded away into the dust only at 21
I find myself craving different tastes
I want to find myself in comfort, want to get by
Have a kid or two or three
Make some money
Teach in the long hallways
Simply live a life with my wife
Yet I remember the years of high school
Thinking I could be better than everyone else
Maybe not be another family in the suburbs
Yet all the sudden I want that
The thing I supposedly wasn’t crazy about
Is this a bad thing?
Or simply replacing another thing with another thing?
Or did my old dreams ever want a chance of seeing the light of day?
Maybe they did not
All I’m asking for is one more light
My questions may be answered then
For now I tend to a garden
where I cater to my simple hopes I hold onto in this day and age
Everything else faded away years ago.
woke up to the summer rain
we are suspended in the haze
of alcohol, tans and laughing
heard you don't wanna leave
this moment, you cried when
you felt it, a high you never
don't you know this boy's bad
for my health? i'm avoiding him
cause his body could talk mine into
just like I'll never get a drink of
his lips, i won't sip a lick of shots
or an inhale of balloons or i'll get
with the thought of his face close
to mine, his tall body stooping down
to hug me from behind while his hands
beyond lines and planes and I'll feel
nothing but him alone and so will
weed do this to mind, an ecstasy
always will be looking for it
though i love him but i could
never destroy myself by getting
I know I won't do it. It's a trap and I see you but you don't know it. I've fallen for you and you're about to reveal it or destroy it. I'm obsessive and I've already quit coffee and pork and chicken. Don't let me fall into alchohol and getting high too. Thought you had my best interests at heart but all you say is do it for the experience. That's where you caught me because you know me and yet, I know you too. Now, I don't know what to do.
I keep looking for an exit;
hoping and praying that all these confusions;
be straightened up and give me clarity.
I hate having to make up stories in my head;
that all the things you do for me;
you do for true love.
And all I ask;
is there an off switch for this?
because my heart's fed up;
with false hopes and broken promises.
There is a hand in the air.
Even this seems distant.
For the need to trace it to its origin arrives.
And even though.
The limb is your own.
The fact that this surprise.
Doesn't raise alarm.
For not even the cold in the air has come to greet its guest.
To even grasp the concept.
One finds alternate ways to stimulate the so called sensors.
Yet what is found.
Only seems to bring more nothingness.
Questions and answers alike.
Because there can be neither.
If there isn't anyone to present them.
Having to deal with two minds is company enough.
Sooner or later.
Perspective takes hold.
And the relativity of problems and solutions become one.
Sadly there isn't much else to be done.
When the answer is there.
But its contents.
Are what began this venture.
Give me strength.
Or give me freedom.
Free me from this icy prison so that..
I may wake in the dream.
At least there the picture remains.
Is this a beginning
Or just a beginning of the end like all the times before?
An ending before it began
Beginning to fade
Before we could make
The end stop taking this beginning away
I never knew when an illusion was real
Too many illusions that looked like a dream
They told me a future of uncertainty
The only real thing was watching these visions get me
Too many blue skies for a confused mind
Does love make you see or does it just make you blind?
Or does it depend on your own state of mind?
A lifespan of memories that never existed
An imagined life lived in polaroid pictures
Going in circles until our ways cross
Two lives forever waiting across
A distance of misconceptions
Good things take time, without exceptions
He is not my boo
Except he is being Naive
He keeps nothing up his sleeve
Not to mention his ugly tattoo
To new ideas,he rarely submit
Like there is nothing in his head
But he is extremely good in bed
That, I must not but admit
Did you ever truly look to me with fondness
With pure intent in your heart
Can you no longer see the universe in my eyes?
Or merely the hidden truth they impart?
For, when they reflected your warm gaze
You'd beamed like the sun's rays
A photonucleic effect suffused my skin
Longing to be eternally ruddy and flushing
Just a bushel of roses beneath stone slabs
Aching to bask in your glory
I’d first be trampled and raped and maimed
Before there'd come a single day
That I didn't somewhere reach for you.
And though you cannot feel it now,
And though this sun is burning out,
You will always be the prince of the stars.
For, they laugh in your voice