If weakness is unveiled

Would a foe be a friend?




If your skin read like braille


Could that friend be a lover?

Though I'm not in jail it all just feels the same
Waking up depressed told just not to complain
A shotgun to my head i feel like Curt Cobain
Not a literal sense, but the context sustains
I don't want money, success, not even some fame
I just want to learn to play this game
Each day it gets hard i just keep  breathing
Wondering how the **** this happened, it feels like treason
From a comical skeptic to a reliable source
I question the water that was gave to the horse
Viewed as a sinner but always in doubt
"Read from the scripture and figure it out"
Nightmares keeping me awake like a proxy
SO many bad thoughts I wish I could get off me
Do your 12 steps Bob, everything is kosher
Yet I wake every night screaming still sober
A stranger does the same, and everyone wants to know her
A technicality set, a glimpse for closure
Different from most but related to some
I feel alone but second to none
Shaking again always be the **** up
"drinkings a sin" Always press my luck up
Some things I will never understand
But if it doesn't change I will be ******

covered in confusion
and blinded
by excitement
trying to find
the middle ground
between
complacency,
enlightenment,
and
always
being frightened

it’s crazy to
think
about
how much
yet
how little
i’ve seen
and done

to think about
how much better
or
worse
i could’ve
become
but where’s the fun?
that **** is gone
it’s charred
beyond
well done

now is real
and here’s the deal
this is how i feel

let’s be us
and don’t fuss,
i just mean
you be you
and i’ll be me
the we
we’ll be
will not
keep us
from being free

but we can
make new mistakes
to share
we can know
each other
if we dare

we can be there
when the other
needs someone
to care

and when
the day
shines
its light on us
when we
look into
each other’s eyes
with your face
next to mine
i hope
we’ll flip each other off
at the same time
so we can laugh
again
about how
in so many ways
we’re the same person
but we could still
teach
each other
a few lessons

and if things
should worsen
i’ll be here
to listen to you cursin’
and however i can
i’ll help you
lessen your burden

freedom is what
we both seem to crave
i’m trying to take the steps
forward
i’ll try
to be
brave

and if you end up deciding
that this is all too exciting
and your current reality
is where you want to stay
and i don’t quite
fit in
to what you
have planned
today
i’ll stand back
and fade away

i just don’t
want to be
in the way

the street signs
are all blurry
and i’m not
quite sure
where i’m going
in such a hurry
but my brakes
are out of order
and i have no choice
but to
keep
moving
forward

I need permission
To break through this invisible forcefield,
To give you a hug,
And make it not ******.
Yet...
We both know
It not to be true.

i wish i could just live for myself
and nobody else
i wish i didn’t have to love you


***

to want is a human emotion
want is prevalent
yet with want comes guilt
why?

**


Connect through the disconnection,
What else is there left to say?
What lies ahead is imperfection
Don’t tell me I’ve doomed the day.

***

I am stuck
Perpetually in one place
I am unmoving
Through time, space and aspirations
I have not changed, I have not been allowed that luxury
Nor do I think I will ever change
This has been forced upon me
This burden is unceasing
All I have left are my dreams
And my poetry.

Surmise too often, likely a sheer redundancy, unduly supposition went south I'd slump it from high.
Curious? I'd throw down the gauntlet; fathom me out throughout the time of hesitation.

You are an undefined illusion
That adds to my confusion
There will be no resolution
But you cannot disguise the truth
Of your tender smile
And shining eyes
And a faraway voice
Of what could possibly go wrong?