four thousand thoughts
trying to make sense of
four thousand thoughts

one simple meaning
trying to become
one simple meaning

constant chaos
trying to organize
constant chaos

thoughts thinking thoughts
thinking thoughts about
the thinking thoughts

stop.
but don't.

You never thought you would feel that way about another person
All you feel is guilt and torture
You don't believe in god, yet it is the biggest sin
All you know is that you don't deserve to be loved

You never thought you'd feel a rush go through your body over a simple touch
All you feel is confusion and stress
You don't believe you care ever do this, and his eyes make me crutch
All you know is love is not easy

You never thought the warm would consume you just from a look
All you feel is stuck and uneasy
You don't believe someone could make you feel a thousand rushes at once
All you know is you can't leave him

You always thought you would find the right person
All you feel is betrayal
You  believe that you could never love another man
All you know is that he does mean as much as the first

allie 2d

i lean into the Depths of my Counterpane.
the White lives of soldiers Float around Me
crying whispers Hide in the dark Shadows
frozen Bullets cry along the Gusts Of wind
rivers filled With ice Flow Along the banks
dancing Feelings trot towards The melted Dreams
and in Sorrow thoughts Come the Thawing memories
of Fire and Hail covered in black And white Slush
-------------------------------------------------------

I'm feeling the confusion so here we go.

I don't know
How to write
Poetry.
I don't know
How to
ORDER
My words.
Should this word
Come before that word,
Or should that word come before
This word?
I don't know?
I'm confused.
I don't think I'll ever learn
To write poetry
Very well.

oni 3d

its always there

sometimes
i get so happy
that i find myself
sad
again

how is it
that two things
that are so different
are so connected?

to it  I'm getting used
traveling back and forth
the echo is confused.

It seems as though I am confused.
I am confused by our situation;
confused by you.
But to tell the truth,
it would be an over-simplification
if I were to say that we are just black and white.

I find myself competing for your attention
while you sit and browse through your lies
to figure out which one to tell me.
And when I finally come to terms
that you only want to terrorize,
my mind inside tells I'm just insane.

But when I tell you I am through,
and when I start to get over you
that's when you come back around
and you confuse me to no end.
You make me want to come back again,
and my loving, to you, I send.

originally written 4/17/17
bryn Apr 13

wondering
wondering
wondering
thinking
thinking
thinking
confusio­n
confusion
confusion
sadness
sadness
sadness

no
please
­no

g o o d b y e

Light pollution
Plus my shitty camera
Means you cant see the sight i'm seeing
Yet,
It also means the sight i'm seeing isn't all that it could be
I just want to StarGaze

Yet,
Sitting here,
Staring at the stars,
It reminds me of how lonely and sad I really am.
No one to hold-
No being held-
And if it happens-its short lived-and in the end-what does it mean?!?
I want it to be something its not
its because i'm prone to rush into things
and then...
...then, its just sad.
Because while hes being a normal person
I'm off on some spaceship
Willing?
Willing myself to believe
Believe in what isn't
Being extra and non-terrestrial
Making something out of nothing
-well not much-
And debating with myself in my head
I let my wants and realities kill each other


Now I float
No more *overthinking
No more over-hoping
Just going with the *flow
, until I float upon some foreign and beautiful shore

Its about a boy. I think i care too much, like him too much for the amount of time we've known each other.....so im putting a cap on my feelings. Im being irrational. Dont tell me to tell him how i feel, itll just scare him away.
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