doll me up and fill my heart, i know you'd mess me up from the start.
so take me on ride.
first gear, second gear, third gear, the feelings change.
now everything's a blur and the breaks won't work. the pedals refuse to push, just like you as i stare.
shifting, shifting, fourth gear... then, back down, down, down. third gear, second gear, a sharp right turn.
we'd don't know where we'll end up.
I watched a family fall apart today, and it wasn't mine.
I watched a mother lose her son and a father lose his blood.
Something inside me broke today. I'm not exactly sure what happened but my soul feels awful empty.
My girlfriend lost her brother today.
I have three and I barely talk to any of them.
I watched a soul leave a body today.
And I have scars that represent daydreams about destroying my own.
He was two years younger than me..and It took them five days to find his body.
How dare I complain about confusion in my twenties.
A warm summer breeze
sends clouds of dandelions
to swarm around my body.
They crash and glide,
spin and collide,
until they find their own way
to the ground.
Despite the heat,
my limbs are frozen together,
locked into place, while
my mind explores this empty town.
under the drifting shade of the dying oak tree,
watching me from afar,
waiting until I can see her sunlit countenance,
until I can know her.
the one my mind searches for
in the darkest alleys and
the jutting cliff sides of
my cavernous heart.
She lies in the shade,
just waiting for the moment when
the glimmering sun reveals her
my persistent mind attempts to
distinguish characteristic features
within her impenetrable
But it can’t;
It never will.
When stubbornness and impatience
search for love,
only chaos breeds
like fire in this lush, illuminating field.
The ash chokes the life
from the flowers before
they even get their chance to bloom,
and the deadly smoke lifts
to destroy my only chance
at beginning a life
with the one I love most,
my only chance
to understand my emotions enough
to see your beautiful face
Whoever’s it may be.
Why do you always do this?
Pull out last minute
Say your heart wasn't in it
How do we get through this?
When you won't walk beside me
When your eyes can´t find me
Tell me what to do because it's out of control
You go from a hurricane to nothing at all
If I overstepped then please let me know
And I´ll leave
If you want me to go
Why do you always make jokes?
When I´m bearing my soul
Like it's your limelight I stole
Why do you see fire when there´s no smoke?
Will you help me put it out?
Or will you keep running out?
Tell me what to do because I'm losing my mind
You tell me that you love me, but regret it each time
If I crossed the line, then please let me know
And I´ll leave
If you want me to go
I don't know
how to say
how it makes me feel
except that it seems wrong
sitting deep within my stomach
the realisation that
whether by choice
love has an expiry
and the heart clenching
and lost passion
I translate to anger
in a futile effort
to protect myself
from the mortality
When you feel like you matter to no one, you become irrational.
People think your crazy because they dont understand the pain you feel.
You see your friends going out, but youre never invited, when you say something well youre outta luck
They say "You're overreacting"
It wouldn't be overreacting if they knew how it felt.
But instead Im the crazy friend who needs help.
Im the toxic friend and I need help, but instead I damage those that can't understand what I felt.
I am attached to completely submitting to my desires
I want control.
maybe control comes with less heartbreak, the will to live for something more than the way you smile when you speak to me, when you question it, my answer will always be " because you're beautiful " and you tell me to stop and I tell you that I'm not doing anything, so anything you're feeling is there because you feel more for me than what you'll ever let the world see.
Flying high in the clouds
And my body begs for you to touch me
But the second you begin to explore my pale skin
A voice in my head calls out
"You know she's not ok, right?"
"She doesn't want to do this"
"She only feels obligated cause it's what you want"
I disconnect as you ask how I am
I'm not sure how to answer that one
I know my incessant worrying bothers you
But these thoughts are not my own
They're being thrown like knives
Piercing the thin layer of my consciousness
Bleeding until it's bothersome enough to ask you
And you say you're ok
But they say you're lying.