Let's start off with this: I miss you.
Let's add: every day.
Let's keep in mind: we broke up 2 years ago and I have a new boyfriend.
Let's do this: get each other's numbers and make plans.


I have not been able to get you out of my head.
I have splinters in my heart.
I can still hear your voice, can still hear you saying my name.
I still get goosebumps at the thought of you.
What have I done?
How could I let you go?

We were good.
I was filled with giddiness.
You filled my heart with wonderlust that was uncontrollable.
You made my soul yearn for freedom.
I had never experienced that before.
I don't now.

My mom said that what we had was simply
"puppy love"
Oh, if only she could understand...
If only she could see my heart.
If only you could.

I want to show you my heart.
I have changed.
I am different; no longer afraid.
Let me open up my heart and show you the cracks I have left in it.

Fast forward.
My new boyfriend made me happy.
But he does not fill that void.
I am currently unhappily in a relationship with him.
But I won't break his heart.
I won't break another one.
I know I broke yours.

What is my punishment?
I have done this to myself -
I am breaking my own heart because I broke yours.
I am breaking my own heart so that I can avoid
Breaking his.

But wait.
I still need you back.
I still need you back.
Please don't shut me out.

Take me back...
This poem highlights my inner conflict and confusion about who I want - is it my past, that could possibly have been my first love? Or is it my present, that I am unhappily happy with. It's a paradox in itself.
Open to thoughts xx
I have nothing against humanity...
It’s just that, being human is more than just being alive.

I have nothing against the freedom of speech...
It’s just that, having something to say may not actually mean anything if I’m not entitled to an opinion.

I have nothing against your lifetstyle...
It’s just that, if I styled my life only on selfish ambition and gain. Yet, neglect sacrifice (the essence of human preservation) I neglect the greater world around me and create a self-centered exchange of narcism and pride.

I have nothing against social justice...
It’s just that, if justice calls me to become someone I’m not, by manipulating the law and intimidation, then we lose basic courtesy for life, respect for individuals, and true change that is only earned through courage.

I have nothing against policies and processes...it’s just that, legalities and protocols can often take the place of common sense, leaving us insecure, and scared to make any decision in an already fragile world that’s ready to tip.

I have nothing against being politically correct...
It’s just that, if we keep renaming, redefining and inventing new words today, we will lose trust in the language of life, the art of understanding and anything meaningful tomorrow.

I have nothing against a world gone mad...
It’s just that, it gets difficult to discern between the sane and insane when stupidity becomes the norm and wisdom is forsaken.
extreme change in mental surroundings
extreme shift in the desires I feel
extreme transition from the city to the town

the city has become a speck on the horizon
and I have become disillusioned with the old
that old environment that once surrounded me
when I was a child and had my genuine way
Where are the flowers?
She's glowing!
What a perfect moment,
It's Canada for goodness sake!
But i'm not ready, let's skip the ring for now.
Another tree is planted somewhere in the soil of my heart.
She’s not in Canada.
- know where your heart is before asking of someone else’s -
i miss you
and i don't know why
it's silly to miss someone who's soul you've only had glimpses of
it's silly to miss someone who you've only known for two weeks
it's silly to miss someone who you hardly understand
so why do i miss you?
am i just a silly girl?
am i just infatuated with the soft idealization of romance?
or is it fate that two spirits should meet and immediately know what song to sing?
or is that yet another silly thought?
Can I open up to you, can I confide the secrets of my lips have yet to be spoken
To conjure the words that express the thoughts of my venomous and destructive capabilities
Within the ocean of confusion I was submerged
Within that void I swam to the surface however I only venture further into its depth
Slowly losing my sanity
Unable to draw breath
Why when I open my eyes there is nothing but the sterile darkness engulfing me
Why when I close my eyes I see the light
Where am I
Who am I
Self identity is constantly changing
For am I the same person from the first line, the first word, the first letter?
Lost within my labyrinth of my mind is a tragedy
However it is sweet pain I love dearly

Darkness my brother
How pure of form and transcendent you are
So sterile the void is, a blank canvas whose nothingness brought forth creativity and inspiration
Devour the loving, glowing warmth of my heart and luminous nature of my kinder soul
Embrace me my brother turn me into the shadow of the night
Give me the primordial wisdom and piercing gaze
Even a fragment would keep me unrivalled by anyone but King Solomon

I can write another poem
However ink stained paper won't return you to me
I never understood why you couldn't love me until that night
I always knew that I was missing something you needed
Identifying what it was is what haunted me
From the very beginning I knew that I would never be enough
I was just bidding time
Your love was the most beautiful thing I ever felt I didn't want it effects to expire
Slowly dying becoming non-existent
However it seems such a thing was inevitable
I watched the gradual decay
Helpless I was but I knew my interference would only hasten the process
You grew distant and cold
To point I wondered did my existence even matter
For now I have the answer
I have tried to show you love
A kind no one else would
However you have proven unworthy
Ungrateful is your heart
I tried to make a vow
To return a soul that I thought you cheated
To return a love you were cheated
To remain unsullied until beckon otherwise
However lust consumes your very bone
You have no reasoning or compassion for me
You stab my heart repeatedly with your cold words
Your demeaning gaze
Yet I still try
A fool I am for that length of time
Bound by the shackles of hope and compassion
Blinded by illusions of visions
No longer has my heart become warm but cold
Cold and Empty like space
My soul return to reaper for it is only her who loves it as it was made for her
Thank You for freeing me
Thank You for never loving me
What was all of this for
The empty words that now I see have no meaning
The arguments of utter malice
What was my purpose in all of this
Was I merely a jester to keep the queen satisfied
Was I merely a placeholder in your game
I was told time and time again the prophetic ending we now embark
However I disregarded it all
The negativity, the malice , the inconsistency to remain in this delusion
When I say I love you who am I talking to
When I say I care for you do my words travel to deaf ears
When I tell you how much it kills me inside to have to ask myself
Do you even care anymore
Fallen Under The Moonlight
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