"hat cross, and another hour or so doing self-mutilation. More flogging. I keep asking Father if"

Jesus Christ, 15 AD

Today was a good day. I sneaked away to the cave and lit a bush on fire so I could communicate with my father. I’m not sure why I even bother telling Him things because He already knows them… I guess I just like hearing his voice. Today I asked Him if it would be alright for me to start practicing my miracles… AND HE SAID YES!!! XD He says I need a lot of practice before I go taking it public because nobody would believe I’m the son of God if I screwed one up. Also, I’m pretty sure he wants to preserve his reputation… so I started practicing on sheep. It’s a good thing shepherds are already so far away from towns because if people witnessed what I was doing to these sheep PETA would be at my doorstep in a matter of days. For those of you who don’t know, PETA is an organization created by Satan for animals because he thinks it hilarious that they should have a place in heaven, too. HA HA SATAN, very funny…

So my first miracles were simple. I was to heal all of the injured sheep in my flock. This went over fairly well, until I came to the blind sheep. I tried healing her and her eyeballs melted right out her skull! REVERSE MIRACLE! REVERSE MIRACLE! I shouted as I waved my staff in a panic. Then in the background a bush lit ablaze, “Son, you know waving that staff around won’t cause anything to happen. Magic wands and staffs are pagan nonsense. Since your birth I’ve disabled all of their so-called magical instruments, so now they’re nothing but a bunch of ritualistic heathens.” Anyway, Father fixed the poor sheep’s eyes and I was scolded for harming the animal. He sometimes makes me flog myself…

Lunch: Stale bread and glass of water.

After lunch is training time. My father had me build a crucifix inside a cave hidden deep in the desert hills so that I can practice for the big day! I spend 2 hours a day roped to that cross, and another hour or so doing self-mutilation. More flogging. I keep asking Father if he’ll send me down a practice angel so that I don’t have to keep beating myself, but he said all the angels who were into that sort of thing migrated south… So here I am… alone… in a cave… fists full of blood and rope burned wrists. Heading home to watch my parents argue and maybe I’ll turn their water into laudanum so that I may have a decent night’s sleep.

might not be a poem... fuck it.
"You explained the science behind self-mutilation days before you left me on the clubs da"

You explained the science behind self-mutilation days before you left me on the clubs dance floor, a suicidal wreck.
You shaking your limbs to music I care never to hear again, music we once shared.
You told me emotional wounds pierce greater than knife blades, but to watch the self infliction heal is like a heart mending itself.
Over time as we suffer we go through stages.

You let an invader stand between our personal space, swinging her head to the side as she told me to 'Fuck right off'.
You let yourself get off your head, left me as though we never made love, like I wasn't even worth a gasp of breath.
All we went through was worth jack shit.
You danced the night away high on ecstasy, your back to me.

I soothed unnatural holes in my body, bruises your neglect thrust at me, left me with no choice.
Remembering the words you spoke like an expert.
Remembering when you handled me like gold, when euphoria struck me like a lightning bolt.
Nursing wounds I couldn't restrain, tears fall heavy for 14 days.

"Then comes the self-mutilation"
Johnnie Rae 

Starts with depression,
Then comes the self-mutilation
Then comes the day where you've finally had enough,
And you feel like your done,
And you want to leave this world,
With one quick cut.

how I feel right now...not very good. 4/21/12
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