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Nat Lipstadt Jul 2018

you think you are done with it.
but the notion potion returns with your stolen free will
taunting and tearing, sealing and then dissolving
the seals

no retirement in this world from where human means pliable
and pliable means capable of being twisted; nay, retwisted...

last we left you,
we were weeping on the concrete sidewalk of
Third Avenue, the police, giving you a move on command,
as Jean Valjean earworms one into the incapacity of movement  because of the audacity to request to bring him home

such is the sorrow of the lost child; it comes with irregularity
yet, never failing to return, the child lost, the residual, resides
within like a violin adagio reaching the punishing silence
after a crescendo that  pretense promised momentary relief

we struggle to keep any and all keepsakes,
polished and fed; rust and time, no polish in the five & time dime
that does a good enough job,
but you buy it anyway

well aware that fate will inevitably rob you, it’s so purposed

twist you, retest you and re-will you, to never forget until
you have no need for forgetting but the peace of
constant remembering when all on that day
molecules and nucleotides
collide in the atmosphere,
dog licking, cat weeping purrs, meaning hallelujah home

the endless sadness of the lost lad-ness, dimly grow the recollections of the first word, the first delight, the confidence complete
that your babe is non pareil; the violin sweeps you along and the genteel tide still too string strong to resist

the woman comes into the room;
the reddened eyes no hide
the weeping outside and in the centerpiece of a soul;
why she asks, not surprised for she’s seen it
too many **** poem-times:
my Adam, I answer;
suffices and wisely
leaves me to
compose and decompose simultaneously
weeping weeping forever weeping even when not

furious eddies rock smashing,
curious they splash me with taunts
"you want for naught!"

but naught is the only possess
that owing it makes one impoverished

perhaps he will email me, ewail me,
does he know I am at the
Wailing Wall, Jerusalem,
insert parchment prayers for his safety

oh my Absalom, oh my Adam, my favorite first born,
come sit next to me on the sidewalk so close to where you live,
comfort me as in the days of your youth,
now that we are both
so very much older

sleep well all you lads and children,
never mind these unstoppable tearings,
never mind the heaviness,
for it has passed
as the tears shed
enlighten my embodiment

7/16/18 prone and alone
for my kinship
Arrow May 19
I look around and all I see
Is an endless world of blue
And I think,
Can I sail to the world's end ?
But then I realize
It is an endless world
The earth ain't flat
And life ain't myths.
Q Dec 2016
People look for the fountain of youth
But I am a fountain of words

I wield them like weapons
They slip from my grip
I spend them like bills
They steep me in wealth
I tuck them in my pockets
They spill from my lips
I give them as gifts
They stick in my teeth
I kiss them on cheeks
They slide down my throat
I stack them on shelves
They pile at my feet
I pack them in boxes
They stain my sheets
I burn them to ashes
They pow-

I hope you get it because
This **** is endless and
I forgot where I was going with this
Lone Luna Nov 2015
I remember how deserted that road was
My journey into darkness and stillness
It creeps into my core
Afraid of the endless void.

But then there was light
Accompanied by glitters of the night
It enveloped my doubt with desire
And showered my fears with fire

Til the time I wandered through
*the endless void.

My life is filled with endless apologies

Sincere and heartfelt promises that are shallow and empty

It's not a conscious thought
The words aren't spoken with known deceit or intentional mal-intent
But somewhere in my brain, buried in my subconscious, I know...
A self-sabotaging automated programming constantly running
And regardless of my cognitive actions or conscious thoughts, desires and intentions
My automated programming will find a way to inevitably run its code, follow its routines and execute its prime directive

And that's not a cop out
They're still my actions
Conscious or subconscious
Actions resulting from subconscious "thought" are those I'm too ignorant to see or too weak to change in that moment

I don't know what's worse
The subconscious lies and heaps of horse fertilizer, day in and day out, I shove down the throats of those who cross my path
Or the incessant feed of regurgitated words, phrases, thoughts, ideas and worst of all.... hopes.... that is being forced through my digestive track only to be excreted by my body and re-absorbed by my central nervous system


The worst trick of all

And it always works. Without fail
Because it psychologically and emotionally preys on everything I want to be
The Hope that THIS TIME I'll get it right
All those things inside of me
All of my
This time it won't be wasted
This time I'll come through. You can count on me!
I promise!
This time I'll be on time
This time I won't be late!
This time I'll meet expectations
This time I'll EXCEED expectations!
This time I won't let people down
This time I won't....
                                    ..... let



The saddest and ultimate cruelty of lies
Created by the Devil to prey on the weak and gullible
If Hell is living your worst day over and over again for eternity;
Then repeating the same detrimental behaviors over and over again for life, sustained in this perpetual motion by something so simple and harmless looking as "Hope" must fall at the Devil's hands

A wolf in sheep's clothing sprinkled in fairy dust
The worst of thoughts and beliefs are kept alive by Hope
Hope is a disease; a psychological virus
A damaged idea spreading from person to person, hijacking their system, and infecting their thoughts
For Hope is not a singular idea, isolated in seclusion, yet ultimately wrapped up and packaged out with other ideas
No, Hope is the vehicle that all thoughts that follow must ride in and by which be delivered
It is the Uber for ideas that follow
And like an unscrupulous and unpitying Uber driver,
Hope takes your brain to a secluded spot against its will and does as it so pleases
But unlike survivors of such horrific events
I, like a wide eyed doe in the headlights
I continuously expose myself to the exact same scenarios
over again

But not to worry

Hope will lose its magic
And the void created will be filled



And worst of all,


Denial is Hope's evil twin

The not so secret malicious trickster who, even though wears his emotions somewhat more clearly, is still capable of a lifetime of successful pranks

But unlike Hope, Denial doesn't always reveal his trick if the tricked has yet to become aware of the ruse
Instead, Denial will let them build
Stack upon stack
A colossal suspension bridge built and supported on Denial
And when I, with blind faith, cross that bridge
Putting everything and anything on the line, without question
That's when Denial delivers its reckoning
And in one all encompassing swoop it swallows me whole and any resemblance of "life" with it

Hope and Denial
My Atlantic and Pacific Oceans
and Me, a tiny island
Flanked on either side by the endless majesty of each
And like this planet,
I too,
Am a sphere spinning
A tiny island against the enormities of the the deep blue
A shipwrecked survivor
Floating on the driftwood of my subconscious
Left to the will of my environment
A helpless passenger on this ship of life
Constantly spinning between Hope and Denial
Some days calm and serene
Others, tormented by storms
Monster waves,
Flashes of lightning,
Ear shattering crackling explosions of thunder
And howling winds so fierce they must be the breath of God

And regardless of what scenario lays before me,
I'm left repeatedly with the same "choice" and same action

Enveloped with fear,
Hanging on for dear life,
Like a helpless and horrified child.....

On the verge of soiling my pants
Written: May 28, 2018

All rights reserved.
Spenser Bennett Jun 2016
On the bank of an endless river
There is no money to be saved
All the waste of life is washed and clean
Presented to the future still dripping
And you are waiting there for me
And I am waiting here for you
On the bank of an endless river
There is no change to be sought
All the days meld to nights sewn seamless and neat
Stretched taught over the space between birth and death
Where you are waiting for me
And I am waiting for you
On the bank of an endless river
Secret-Author Mar 2016
I cannot move
I cannot be
Sailing alone
On this sea
Towards who knows
Or who can say
Oh so lonely
Like every day
Frost Jan 21
You grabbed
The rope and chair

And hanged yourself
In the air

You listened to
The voices and their pleas

As they celebrate
Your death with glee

You closed your eyes
As they smiled

As they partied
Like animals, so wild

For you have commited
A sin they craved

That has sent you
To your grave


You opened your eyes
And so far as you can see

Is an endless void
That you did not forsee

You regretted the decision
That you have made

But it is now
Far too late
First ending to the poem "Insanity"
emily mikkelsen Oct 2016
you drift through my mind
never truly disappearing
behind my thoughts you stand there waiting
to take my hand at night
you run through my dreams
with eyes so full of love
what did I do to deserve you?
my constant lover
my missing pieces
my endless dream
oh how I wish you were real
Karson Rodgers Jan 2016
What are you thinking about right now?

I wish for a second you could hear the things that cross my mind
I never rest from my troubles, fears, or thoughts
Constantly do they rip away at my tired heart
Zipping away in my mind making it impossible to know
Impossible to know exactly what thoughts to hold onto
That is, if I can catch onto one
I wish you could hear the things I have to say
But the clamor inside makes it impossible to speak
So when you ask me what I'm thinking
And I reply, 'everything'
Know that the tangled mess of thoughts are endlessly,
miraculously, neverendingly about everything.
Endless Thoughts Restless Mind
nabila s Sep 2016
You should (probably) stay,
A couple more days,
Or hours,
Or minutes.

A little more longer.

Maybe i should've asked you to,
But i didn't.

Since i knew,
That you would no longer
Stop a single second
Just to stare.
why not
Umi Jan 2018
Hellfire do not go out!
Please just stay as you are
Once in the flames I wander through an answerless world
All the embers burning all the people are turning, trying to get away..
Hellfire do not go out!
Please just stay as you are
No matter how much they walk, no matter how far...
In the end they are consumed by these merciless flames
Burnt away, until not even their names,
Are remembered here, in this world full of shames
As the fire burns I ask myself wether this is a nightmare or not
And as it consumes my very soul and makes me then rot
I begin to then understand my very purpose, my destiny
Just being fuel for that fire to burn is what was planned for me
Oh Hellfire, will you go out ?
No, once you are about to go out, you just keep roaring loud
Come back hotter, more painful than I can take
My body is burning up, I think my mind is going to break
And as this torture goes on
I wished I would be gone

~ Umi
Q Jan 2017
The words I take from my left breast pocket
Come out like silly business cards
The ones I pull from my front jeans pocket
Come out like a nuisance, spare change
But the words that come easiest by far
Are the ones that spout from my heart
They glitter like gems with unending shine
So I give them quite often as gifts
Humble and pretty
Wrapped as brown paper packages
Tied off with a rhyme of twine
I gift them endlessly
To all and any
Without a thought of return in mind
It was suggested I ought to continue, so I did :)
Lexie Jul 2018
I matched the look in his steel colored eyes with my own gaze of determination

The angel Uriel descended in but a thousand broken moments woven together with the distinction of bliss

And he bade unto me in my slipping consciousness...

I could not tear my eyes way even for an eon, the sight to my eyes was a breathe to my lungs - as is a beat is to my heart, to be everything at once,in turn to the nothing I was but a lifetime ago

Could you kiss my soul?
In the way music breaks my heart
Could you sing a song at the footsteps of the eternal himself

His ways
, higher

I think I take too much, you say I take too little, still you give as generously as you have before

What is this
That I would bare
My soul to you
With solemness, your eyes
Find me in the dark
Still you see me as I am
But a child
A fragile candle wish
Blown among the known
And wretches of night
To weep with the mindless

How can I return unchanged
To that which bore me
It leaves me in anguish
That which knew me
It let's me go
To those who see, but know too little
Reach with tendrils of hope and fire

Further still you lead me
Through loneliness I am not alone
Alan S Bailey Jul 2017
The past
It's always on my mind
The grassy backyard I grew up in
This and that-memories of
Halloween, rabbits, fall, you.
All the things that pass in time.
I pick up this notion that
One may recall what happened to
Them when they were a young kid.
The balloons touching the ceiling of
My pre-school, the quiet time when
We supposedly slept but never did.
Like the color yellow, how I loved it,
The '89 earthquake, being shocked by it.
Songs in Kindergarten. Art, pictures, music.
Summer camp, exploring the wild, love, light,
And wind. I remember my brother
And I playing tag as the sun went
Down in the first house I moved in.
Running along the fields in the day,
Swimming, or memories of the
Tumbleweeds performance,
Being In the play.
All of the times I would always
Watch the sun on the swing as it rose
In the morning. I remember the vast
Wheat fields, a sense of calm quiet,
As if there were no place more peaceful.
Climbing my favorite pine tree in my back yard.
But one thing I remember more than ever
Was being on a field of my own.
The sky is filled with clouds always
Floating off like they
Were from an endless world of tranquility,
This warm sun, this was and-I forever remember
It to be-my one true home.

But that is another story...
Well, at least I tried!


the same
Ainnoot Mar 4
Your episodes are seasonal
Yet here I am with you
Can’t you see
you’re my favorite show?
You always make a scene  
and give me every reason to go

Your life became a movie
and I was never given a role.
I was hooked since our pilot
Ironic how we’re crashing
You silenced my words
because I questioned your actions

I know you’re happy but
Look at me and this melancholy
These series of events
led to our finale.
I channeled these feelings for you
but lost them as quick as I do the remote.
FIDELITY?  I've always been a strong believer in fidelity until i met him.
He was nothing like the other men, there was an aura about him that pulled you to him, the man was an enigma, sexuality had never been so portrayed by a man but this man was special!
ADULTERY! This man had charmed his way into my life and boy did i not know what i was in for! He was married yes, i was entertaining young men yes but i was overwhelmed by my feelings for him that i embraced it and loved the fact that he was married and i had a man, men? i really didn't care.
*******! The first time he took me was on his office table, we didn't make love, all we did was ****, he was rough and would say the nastiest things, i felt like a ***** and i loved it. he wouldn't even bother closing the door, made it more intense. we would be at it for hours but still, i wanted his filthy **** after we were done, plunging in so deep, filling me with his seed, spending time in his office in the pretense of working. Well he was working me and i was rocking his ****.
LUST? Lust was all i felt for him, it wasn't love. i wasn't so gullible to think so because when i woke up i couldn't even remember his name. maybe it was a dream showing me how the other half lived.........
Heavy Hearted Apr 2017
When I sleep dreams please take head
I’m not accustomed to this speed
spliced with music art and ****
this rhyme a warning and a plead:
Many men look back at me
their eyes memorize silently
I trade in who I used to be
degenerating empathy.
Friends no more are there as well
waving constantly farewell
who they are now I can’t tell
heavy water stains still dwell.
Though no longer what you were
your name a prayer spoken unsure
Instills the fact there is no cure
clear direction- violent blur;
I am a man and I’m a boy
both utensil and a toy
immoral morals, high decoy
let flirt with death, young cold and coy..
So please I beg you, dreams of pain
let sleep consume me, peace sustain
let night air fill my broken brain
through the wind myself retrain
        Let me wade in water deep,
    let my faith forwardly leap
worry sow and disdain reap

Troubled Poppies for Endless Sleep.
Winter Child Sep 10
we stand on different grounds.
with oceans too wide to cross.
out of sight but never disappear
so i beg—
i beg for you to never let me
slip off your mind
when i am standing parallel
to wherever you are,
smiling from ear to ear.
arms heated always ready to welcome,
drenched in blood fighting with distance.
and i hope—
i hope you do not forget me
—though they said, i am a universe away.
Deb Jones Sep 2017
I don't want to live rooted in fear.
I want to look at the world and marvel at the mystery of my mere existence.

Imagine that of all the gametes and zygotes that could have been. I was the lucky one.

I was born for wonder. For joy and love. And for endless hope.

I want to seek truth and meaning,

I want to acquire the wisdom to appreciate that I have no one or anything to blame for what my body is going through. That I am not being punished for anything.

Every moment of my life is filled with profound meaning. If I don't treat it meaningful, then I am wasting time I will never get back.

My life has value. Every life has value. What path I choose to take every day is filled with opportunities.

I can choose to make someone smile by something so simple as a deserved compliment. Acknowledging they are important to me. I see them.

It's so easy to make someone's day brighter. It's harder to say something snide or mean and make them feel unwanted, unwelcome, unloved, unappreciated.

Sometimes, just being silent. The void that silence makes will be filled with thoughts of malice in some people.

Being unkind is heavy. Being unkind takes effort.
I try and keep that in mind.

I love words. They shape me. My words shape others. Kindness comes easy. I try to fill the silent void with appreciation and love.

Even if it's just a touch. Or a ****** expression. I am communicating. When I smile at a seven week old baby and he smiles back at me we are communicating.

At that moment my little corner of the world is brighter. I vow to find something to laugh at every day for the rest of my life.

How wondrously wonderful we as human beings are. How lucky we are to be here.
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