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Robin Lemmen Jul 2018
When you smile I come undone the threads of these carefully picked out lies start falling apart and it scares me to give in when for so long these wounds have kept me busy and occupied so I did not need to worry about living life too constrained with keeping them clean hung up on survival my rearview mirror guiding broken bones set on mending energy spent tired eyes shut life, passing by.
punk rock hippy Jul 2014
I want to hit it hard, not romanticize about the blood ya feel me?
As you read that first line,
when you cross over to the second,
your nose will start to bleed just before my fist connects with your face.
I often dream about it, being feared.
The only reason that you're on the ground is because I put you there.
Quite frankly I'm fearful of myself.
My throat still holds the ache of the alcohol going down.
I swear to you I'm doing better.
I swear.

I can't swear in this house hold so I will talk so quickly creating run on sentences without punctuation or breath because I'm panicking over nothing in particular.

******.

Add some shakes to your vocabulary and you've got it right.
My medication puts stray dogs under my finger nails, that's ok because dogs are happiness.
That's supposed to mean I'm happy.

I made myself write this, its horrifyingly scattered just like my head.

That's not right.
That's wrong.
Something is terribly wrong so I must fix it.

That's what I do,
I fix.
I'll just look at this as art.
Some persons trash is another ones treasure.

I'm too scared to write anymore.


This is garbage.
Nothing turns this angel down
Excellence, in the flesh
And if they try, an evening gown
In satin works the best

Is beauty deeper than the skin?
Surely she'll impress
Instead of showing what's within
She forces you to guess

Eyes of gold been tarnished brown
By tears that have been wept
Dark and shining locks abound
Make up for shades not kept

Sin runs red in times of blue
Every angel's seen
Temptation's there to carry you
When you have lost your wings

Consider but the outside shell
For that is most well-known
Appearing to be straight from hell
To garnish feelings shown

How could she be so mean, you ask?
What makes her be so spiteful?
Why can't she see it's not a mask
That makes her feel delightful?

Lies frozen, held through time
In silent desperation
Hiding at the scene of crime
A ****** confrontation

To free the memories from her head
Would unleash such a fear
She'd rather end the night instead
As not to feel him near

Ah, here's the one; the big bad wolf
That's haunted all her dreams
Whom proved too well by wearing wool
All are not as they seem

But I am ****, but skin and fur
And showing her my core
And telling her the parts that hurt
While donning nothing more

He's changed her mind, she's cast astray
But I could be the shepherd
To keep the hungry wolves at bay
As countless dogs endeavored

One light can only shine so much
Before the flame has died
To reignite it just a touch
Of love might satisfy

Surely there is nothing worse
Than feeling left to dry
Entrapped within a lover's curse
And never knowing why

Well, in defense of self-defense
I must admit it's snide
To hang a face upon the fence
Until you've picked a side

It's safe, my friend, just be yourself
Strip down to nothing hidden
And let emotion feed your health
By eating the forbidden

A heart must be coaxed from its hide
With tenderness and passion
In order for the passersby
To notice what has happened

From way out here it's hard to tell
But underneath a soul
That liberates a girl of twelve
Longs for a soul to hold

To hold would mean to carry, too
When harsh times rear their heads
To be the one to follow through
When love needs to be fed

But most of all it means to dress
With confidence or loathing
Just make sure you can impress
A saint in Sinner's clothing
Brain pictures
Bella Jul 2018
Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness
where my eyes can see
but it's like my head is just pitch black
and I almost wish I couldn't see anything,
like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while

sometimes I get stuck in this space
and I feel like my tears and my thoughts
are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat
blocking my airway
suffocating me from the inside

maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment
that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat

maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings
that don't take over my mind
crawl through my head like little worms
eating away at my brain
my thoughts
my skin

have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again
felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind
Shiver through your body
like it was a demon you let in through a memory-
through a word

maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed
because I wasn't strong enough
my depression fills me to the brim
fills my head and my chest
my arms and my fingers
I can feel it moving through my body
I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me
every last vein, nerve, *****, and tissue
how can you expect me to have the energy to fight
how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone
to open my mouth
how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel
I feel so worthless
in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything
it's taking everything but my skin
and it disgusts me

can you imagine the feeling,
having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately
It felt like you needed to be cleansed
like you needed a shower
take that feeling
now imagine it being under your skin
imagine, every muscle ***** vein nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you
imagine all you wanted to do was to
GET
IT
OFF
and you can't
no matter how hard you try
you can't scrape it off
you can't claw It off

imagine you're scared of spiders
now imagine you're covered in spiders
and someone's holding down your arms
so you can't get them off
imagine them walking on your skin
in your mouth
crawling on your open eyes
in your ears
you're cringing at your own skin
You can feel them going down your throat
Their disgusting tickle in your stomach
in every crevice of your body
their tunneling under your skin
and you can't get them off
what are you supposed to do
but cry
My best friend's mom who doesn't believe in depression asked why I never told her I was depressed...
JayceeJellies Nov 2014
Voices live inside,
They have been telling me that,
They want me to die.
Jack Jenkins Apr 2016
My mind is a maze
Mirrored walls
Sloped floors
I can't find my way out of it

Like a circus freak show
My mind freaks me out
Terrorizing me in the night
Invading my resting dreams

But in these times I'm lost
Although I'm scared and alone
There is peace in these halls
Of my mazed mirrored mind
//On anxiety//
I do suffer from PTSD, due to trauma growing up. I've never been in the military or overseas.
Lizzie Oct 2018
Happiness is the brightest blue in the shape of you,
making me feel brand new.
I'm falling hard with no regards for my heart,
my walls started to crumble from the start.
There are still things i haven't said,
so many thoughts and memories inside my head;
I want you to know, but i don't know how
to open up like that
It's not something i've done in the past.
But i want to make us last.
I know i don't disclose how much you mean to me,
And it's killing me.
I wish i could put into words how
you are undeniably worth more.
More than the moon and the stars and all the galaxies
combined...
I truly believe i could love you for a long time,
stay...
for just one more rhyme?
Nobody Feb 2018
I’m wearing these shades, to hide my face.
Since you’re all staring so hard;
watching me just in case,
maybe I’ll slip up,
or reveal a hidden mistake.
Hanging onto my every word
“What does that mean?”
“How can we be sure?”
I'm not your t.v show,
don’t put me on your pedestal.
I’m not your savior,
I can’t heal your soul.
I never asked for this,
so go turn your head;
quit looking at my mess,
or waiting for what I say next.
And go save yourself,
because I can’t help.
thejohnags Jul 2018
you're lost in the wild
you don't know where you are,
you don't know what to do,
so you're dying in the dark.

you're looking for a trace
you're looking for a place,
but all you get is this maze
you should've seen your face
you got burned, got cornered
no turns, just liars.

and when you try to seek out the exit,
you find the monsters in your closet
smiling, waiting, hungry to dive in
you can run, but you can't hide
you can try, but you'll be found

so you're lonely in the streets,
you've been sleeping there, no sheets
you're looking for a mirror, looking for a lover,
looking for a mother, looking for a savior,
but you're alone, child.
but are you lone, child?
are you gonna cry now? be brave child.

the time is ticking
this game you're playing,
it's never ending,
but try to win it.

you say you're fine,
but you hope with fright.
you curse your life,
cuz it's killing you with pride.

the door is open,
but the sign says closed
your heart is breaking,
but you got no one to hold.

so you hold onto your dreams:
bright, and thriving lights, NYC
but is it worth it? can you chase it?
can you catch it? or miss all of it?

you sit in the corner of the bed
you're thinking about life, you're thinking about death
you're thinking about your friends, you're thinking about your family
when you thought of yourself, you thought of yourself lastly.

you sit and think about living
what to do to learn? what to do to earn?
how to keep up the pace?
how to dance in the rain?
and why are you lonely in this sick, crazy game?

so you wake up in the streets
the air is warm, so you smile, and you breathe
looking for dime, looking for a rhyme,
looking for more time, looking for your prime

looking for a flower,
looking for a paper,
cuz that is what you're best at:
painting words then you're a goner.
Lyn Senz Nov 2013
I keep waiting for news
that my body will tell
you've been paying your dues
but we still have to sell
please, there's life yet to use
sorry, next stop is hell
I keep waiting for news
to dispel

I don't want to go there
where so many have gone
just pretend I'm not here
and let's just carry on
I'll be quiet I swear
sorry, time's overdrawn
but I don't want to go there
begone!

I don't want to get sick
I don't want to look old
there's no buckets to kick
there's no streets paved with gold
look you skeletal *****
take your scythe hit the road
cuz I don't wanna die sick
scared and cold!


©2013 Lyn
Bre Marie Aug 2016
You may see colors and a world that is free. When I open my eyes everyone is expecting good things from me. I struggle to breath in this cage without a window or door. Black and white, white and black-I feel as if to be under attack. Do I wait for one more year to pass or attack back? I want to be me but then all of a sudden there's something wrong with me? I seem so sad, I look so depressed. I'm okay, I'm not under any stress! Laughing in the back of my head because being me rather than the person I set up in their heads make them all think I've lost my sanity instead!

NoT yet hAVe i GonE mAD!

I have not ripped my memory's to shreds! I don't need more meds. Am I really seeing all these things or is it just in my head? Attack! Attack! Knock down the cage walls white and black! Black and white! Depressed in stress I wear a bullet proof vest; they strap me tight in the jacket without care, lock me up and watch me disappear.
She Writes Jul 2018
I don’t know what scares me more
You wanting to know my secrets
Or my willingness to share them
best friends huh?
then why when I needed you the most
you weren't there?
you watched me though.
watched them kick me around like a soccer ball.
and saw them use me as a punching bag
but did you stop them?
no, because you were scared.
that's all you ever are.
November 10, 2018
Lizzy May 2015
I'm toxic,
And you're too close.
You're closing in,
On a dangerous thing.
Bring a shield,
Or some protective gear,
Because my radiation
Has a radius of countless miles.

You're diving in,
To the deepest parts of me.
And I'm scared you'll leave.
Everyone runs,
When they see that I'm ****** up.
But I'm hoping you'll stay,
If only for just one more day.

You've heard the distant shots
Of war.
But I'm hesitant
To show you my wounds.
The scars I collected,
They're a terrible sight.
But I'm addicted to war,
Like a traumatically stressed warrior.

To be scared,
It keeps me alive.
To fear my own mind.
To worry I might die.
This is how I survive.
What a way to live,
On the edge of falling words.

But I need to feel the burn,
The stinging sensation.
Keeping quiet,
Keeps me busy.
Fire keeps me on my feet.
Running in circles,
The tiring race
Is better than defeat.
Lizzy Aug 2014
I'm terrified you'll find someone else
Even hook up with someone else
Honestly even to kiss someone else
To touch someone else

Because you are my only
The only one my skin
My lips
And my body thirst for

And I really hope
I'm your only too
Izzy May 2017
I.    Scared
This is real for me
This is love to me.
And some days I’m scared out of my mind at how genuine this is.
Nothing has ever felt this authentic to me, other than maybe pain.
This is new to me.
You read the stories and love is this all powerful magic and its so **** powerful that it scares me. It scares me that this thing, this emotion, may rip my heart out of my chest and leave it in a million little pieces.
I’m not scared of you,
I’m not scared of us,
I’m not scared of a fight,
I’m not scared of love,
I’m not scared of forever,
And I’m definitely not scared of heartbreak, my heart has known its scars and I’m not afraid of gathering more.
I’m scared of an ending that’s everything but happy,
I’m scared of the strength of my feelings,
scared I’ll let you down,
scared I’ll hurt you,
scared of anything and everything, all my demons coming out to play and every inch of me is screaming run.
I’m scared that I’ll run,
I’m scared of losing you,
of not being enough.
But as scared as I am, I’m willing to fight for this.
For us.
For our forever
Our happy ever after.

II.    Two
Two souls, more different yet similar than most, met while on their own paths.
They continued together for a while, like many others.
A poet and a soldier, each claiming their own hell, living in their own darkness.
Finding comfort in each other’s arms.

III.    Love
How do you measure a relationship?
By the future?
By the arguments?
I’ve always measured it by how far I could see down the road.
And honestly, with some I could see into 20’s or 30’s, but never the end of our road. Those thoughts were foggy, these are too but more clear, everything is blurred but your face, where with them everything but their face was clear.
With them, I saw lives I didn’t want, lives that were comfortably numb. I saw superficial happy endings.
But with you I see my forever.
I see 5 years down the road, chasing dreams
I see 10 years, building a family
I see 15 years, balancing life
I see 40 years, retiring
I see 50 years, walking down random city streets, hands intertwined
I see 60+ years and meeting again someday in another existence  

I see forever with you
I want forever with you.
Cress Rosario May 2014
I closed my eyes, leaned my back
Relaxed, unwind, and lids locked
Suddenly, I opened my eyes
We were running away from fires

Eagerly holding his hand
I was afraid and terrified
He looked at me giving the bravest smile
"Honey stay with me, you'll be fine."

I blinked half a second...
We're inside a building left undone
Grunge, old, and sad
Something has been chasing us

A huge thing, a dauntless thing
Is it a wolf? No... It's a beast
They are increasing, expanding
Approaching, my heart is fast beating

This guy holding me never lets my hand go
With him by my side, I know what to do
The run never ends, the pant never stops
I closed my eyes, ran fast and then hopped!

My eyes were opened, he was beside me
It's a light cool dawn, I've been in a terrifying sleep
I continued leaning my back on a soft, white sheet
Stared at the window, what a dreadful dream!
This explains what happened and what I felt on my dream last night. Not an exact explanation.. but it's a terrifying one. I always dreamed of being chased and being on a scary places or scene. I'm glad I am with my beautiful guy there in my whole dream. Giving me the safest feeling.
Luisa C Dec 2016
am i scared of living without you,
or just scared of being alone
Day Nov 2015
don't look me in the eyes
it's pretty scary in there,
it's where i keep everything
that's not considered
''acceptable''
all the hate
and all the love

and everything
i'm too scared to say
out loud

so beware
you might find things
that you
don't wanna see
i'm scared of so many things
JayceeJellies Nov 2014
It's inevitable.
So why do I fear it?
Why am I drowning in an ocean of thorns whenever I think about it?
It's as if my heart is having an earthquake when I realise I'm ageing,
Because I don't want to grow up.
But time goes by so fast,
Maybe if I look the other way it'll all pass?
Lone Luna Nov 2015
I remember how deserted that road was
My journey into darkness and stillness
It creeps into my core
Afraid of the endless void.

But then there was light
Accompanied by glitters of the night
It enveloped my doubt with desire
And showered my fears with fire

Til the time I wandered through
*the endless void.
Luna
fiachra breac Oct 2018
emotions collide in great crashing waves
as I career from sea to land to bed.
head full of static,
perpetually stuck
between channels.
white noise drenching
my soul in
rich and vibrant grey.

faint images trace across
my faulty mind,
and, for a second,
I catch a glimpse of —
a line must be drawn,
and it is here I must decide,

upon which pillow to lay my head.
I am not ready for this yet.
I'm watching my every single step
I'm careful not to stumble and fall
One stone on the road
could lead to a landslide
And one broken bone
could ruin it all
I'm watching my every single move
I'm careful not to scare you away
The faintest blow
could lead to a hurricane
And one wrong word
could be the last thing I say.
I never knew where I had you.
elaine Sep 2018
my grip is slipping,
and falling scares me.
my world is fading away.
h      
          e
                     l
                             p
       m
                 e

h
          e
                    l
                          ­     p
          m
                     e

writing was an escape but even now words slip off the paper like tear drops.
why does it have to be like this?
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