Nothing can compare to the feeling of
caressing just blossomed sunflowers.
They reflect their warm gaze upon my cold,
freckled cheeks while their golden hue
searches onward for other souls to bless.
Nothing can compare. Except for you.
They remind me of you and your warm gaze
that always seems to settle upon my eyes.
They remind me of your hands and how they
feel when they’re pressed against my face.
And how our faces press against each other’s while
our lips are safely locked together.
No feeling can compare to freshly blossomed sunflowers.
Except for the feeling I get when I’m with you.
Today I spent some time outside
I thought about life
earth, mars and you
I think about how much anger I have towards you
Sometimes I lose myself
In my anger
I wish I could lose myself
In my happiness the same way
I've been trying to focus on the good things
I've been writing again
You stole that away from me for awhile
But I'm getting it back
I've also been allowing myself to feel
The things I'd prefer to just
Shove to the back of my mind
But I've been feeling them
And I think it's been good for me
when you put your lips
that feeling is something
and i though i would
get used to that magical feeling.
but as soon as i experienced it,
you were gone,
and i never tasted your lips again,
or saw your face again,
or heard your voice again.
you were completely gone.
and i was not prepared for it.
i’ve never had feelings for anyone who could be good for me. i’ve never been interested in someone where a good, healthy relationship could’ve resulted, and maybe that’s why i’m so jaded, because everyone i’ve ever liked has just been a distraction or a house on fire— someone i know i shouldn’t be involved with, but i’ll give myself just a few more days to run around frantically with my hands over my eyes, peaking through the cracks between my fingers, searching for things i know i don’t really need, and then i’ll dash out and run down the driveway and the smog will linger for a little while, and the neighbors will complain, and i’ll sit on the curb with my forehead on my knees, holding nothing but intangible regret. next, i’ll either get over it, or obsessively think about him and the ashes smudged on the inside of my eyelids for longer than my sanity. i’ve never really liked someone and been able to daydream about the real possibility of us turning into something greater; of tire swings and painted mailboxes and overgrown, green lawns. it’s always been pretending and fake hope and melodramatic doom. i think it’s messed up my perception of having feelings for someone, because i can never take it seriously— either i know he’s not right for me, or i know the circumstances prohibit the possibility of us. it makes me never want to give anyone a chance (i can’t even see anyone worth chance-giving) because i know how it ends. i don’t like having this closed off heart so early on; i’m too young to be this bitter.
I don’t know what to believe,
“Have faith” He told me
Faith, that was seeing beyond.
He compared it to the wind
it can be felt,
but not seen.
Its a feeling,
what I feel for someone else.
My mind can’t explain it
I can't make it go away.
What is this?
I want to share it with her,
not all of it
just the good things.
Am I wrong to want that?
I think about her all the time.
What is the point?
What do you feel?
I don’t know the words to describe it
Do you feel warmth?
Does it feel nice?
There is more,
so much more
I know there is something missing
no not missing
Something was stolen