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Carter Ginter Aug 2018
Dear Sam,

I love you,
But I really hate you sometimes.

I've been cycling through emotions lately
Because our breakup led to me completely shutting down
I felt nothing
Until I felt sadness
And then I felt anger
Now it's all mixing together
In an overwhelming mess
Especially with your recent breakups
With your other partners
The one who I mourned our relationship over
Who you suddenly realized you weren't into
And the one I'm best friends with
Who you told that you were never poly
Because **** me right?

Because if you were never poly
Then you never really loved me
Then again,
Have you ever really loved anyone?
I try to correct the realization
Of you not loving me
With the fact that I love myself
It's probably a lie, but
Fake it til you make it
Right?
It's hard to accept that
Someone I loved more than anyone
Could give zero ***** about me
It hurts
That I was this disposable to you
And I did nothing but love you
And respect you
And hear you
And care for you with every ounce of my existence
And you just left

Remember when you promised that
We could get through anything?
And had me promise you the same?
Whenever we were unsteady
You would ask me that
The same thing you asked your last partner
Right before they left you
"Babe, we can get through anything, right?"
And it sounded so sweet and so
******* real
But you were just scared
You were only ever sweet
When you thought we were leaving you

And ******* it
I wish I had left you
I wish I would've told you all of the things
That led to MY decision to leave
Because when we talked
We agreed it was mutual
And I never told you my story
You never asked
All you asked was what I would tell people
Which to some might sound like you cared
But all you cared about
Was other people's opinions of you
Not me
Not my opinion
Because I was no longer of use to you
And during that break up
You did ask me why I was crying
Though looking back now
You probably just wanted to hear me say
"I love you"
One last time
Because why else would I be crying?

I don't know if I ever told you
But when you got your third partner
I wished I could stop loving you
Ironically, I pretty much did
In an illusory sort of way since
All my emotions shut down from the pain
And if I were religious I would've prayed for it
Begged for salvation
For freedom from
The shackles laced around my limbs
From loving someone who doesn't care
Who didn't respect me enough
To really remind me that I mattered
In the throes of a new relationship
But none of it helped
Because I still loved you
I still do

What's more than you leaving
Is the amount of damage you did first
Convincing me how radical and inclusive you are
When you shame anyone else
For the things that make them happy
Oh, and what about transparency
And how you avoid passivity in conflict?
Where did that person go?
You started being passive-aggressive
Or even silent sometimes
You'd exit the conversation
In the middle of an argument
And yell at me if I tried to do the same
I should've known things weren't ok
When I started to thank you
For not getting mad and yelling at me
Which only made you mad
Because I was demonizing you
Actually,
I was just afraid of you

I was never enough for you
You'd spend a lot of your time
Complaining about your other partners
And, as obvious as it is now,
I didn't know you were doing the same about me
Because when we were together
I thought we were good
I respected your boundaries
Even when they conflicted with my needs
You didn't like physical contact
Something I needed in order to feel safe
And the few times you did let me hold your hand
You complained about it to your other partner
As though I were a burden
But I am NOT
A burden
I am NOT
Disposable
And I may not be perfect
But I sure as hell matter

I deserve love
I deserve openness and honesty
And trust
Not like that one time
You "forgot" you made a promise to me
Then broke it in secrecy
And got mad at me later
When I was upset with you
Because you knew I had trust issues
You knew it would upset me
But you didn't care
Because you "don't need permission"
To do anything
Which is true
Except, when you truly respect someone
You keep your word
Or you don't get upset about it
When they feel pained by your betrayal
You said you didn't want to feel
Like you owed me something
And it's not that you owed me anything
But you sure didn't deserve my trust after that
And that made you angry

Though not angry like those few times
You called me yelling about
How I ****** up
Because 1)
I was hurt that you didn't want to see me
Even though we had plans to spend the weekend together
And 2)
Because I wasn't being a good partner
Aka I wasn't submitting to you
And following everything you wanted me to
You claimed I was hurting you
But when I called you out
For your blatant hypocrisy
You got even more mad

I was crying at work that day
I was crouched in the ally
Listening to you scream at me
Balling my eyes out in pain
Trying to maintain my ability to breathe
I didn't think to just hang up
Because I knew it was disrespectful
And I didn't want you to leave me

Later you told me that
You like when I cry when we fight
Because it proves to you that
I actually care
That is not ok
I can show you that I care
Without being in so much pain that
Tears stain my face and
I struggle to catch a breath

When we met
You taught me about autonomy
And that saved my life when it came to my depression
But then you used it against me
To avoid doing anything that didn't benefit you
As I bent over backwards to please you
And of course I didn't think it was an issue
When you would change your mind at the last minute
The plans I had looked forward to all day
Quickly fell apart
Autonomy freed me from my demons' grasp
So how could it not make sense?
You had the autonomy to choose what you wanted to do
But you were just being selfish
And didn't care about me
Or my feelings
And as soon as I stopped
Being the only one putting in any effort
You left me

You used to say that
Our love was stronger than anything
But that is an abusive tactic
Because if we were struggling, then
It must be my fault for not trying enough
For not loving you enough
And when I tried to put up boundaries
(Because sometimes I needed space too
Especially when you hurt me so deeply)
You decided to threaten that
Doing so would make you want to leave me
You often held me on that way
Threats
Manipulation
Fear

The way we chose to love polyamorously
Was pretty unhealthy
We didn't set boundaries
Until we did something that hurt us
And then we knew we needed to
But even then we really didn't
Because you didn't respect the ones I set
You told me that
I couldn't have any more partners
You didn't even want me to pursue
The new interest I had at the time
Thankfully, I didn't submit to you then
Because within a few days we broke up
And even though I was sad about it
I immediately felt relief
And regardless of all of this negativity
I truly hope you get help
And can find happiness in your life
And can stop hurting others
Just because you're in pain

You matter
So do I
But your opinion of me doesn't
Because I will love myself
Exactly for who I am
And no longer shame myself
For the things you didn't like
Because I am more
Than what you think of me
I am more
Than how you treated me
And even though I love you
I love myself more
And respect myself enough to let it go
And to let myself be happy
Without you in my life
This series is extremely important to me. It has drastically helped with closure over past unhealthy relationships. They were all unhealthy I'm largely different ways and I did not write these to take away my own fault in the breakups, but I wrote this to rid myself of the unnecessary guilt I have been carrying around because of things that these exes have said to me or the ways in which they treated me. This project is about self-love. Not about hatred or wishing ill will upon others, because I wish them nothing but happiness. This is for me.
Egeria Litha Jan 2015
Being psychically attacked
By my twin flame
Until we are resonating
At the same frequency
Dissonance will arrive
Polarizing our soul
This knife in the back
Is driving me insane
A lovely release
Is the only cure
To make it go away
No eye contact and
A detached embrace
Got the hell out of his place
Feeling his solar plexus
From miles away
Let the mind become silent
And listen to what the heart
Has to say
Promise you
It's better this way
Time and space
Heal the path
For new love awaits
The beautiful fact about
The universe
Is that we have endless chances
To rectify what is dead in ourselves
What is alive in our dreams
What sets us on fire
What fills our cups
And plants our feet
What we want to breathe
desire for my beloved
Is not held in worry
If not in this life,
Then another
To start again from the beginning
But we will always remember
Julian Sep 2016
rainshod: oppressive cold winters in pacific nw
tinjesk: Poker-Faced villain
qwiss: Orgiastic non-contact make-outs
repcrevel: Venality on Wall-Street and the Capitol Building
drass: Useful lingerie
pinhoke: Cause an idea or a campaign to sink
ribbacle: A shibboleth of pretended intellect
fuly: auras of lightning on LSD
renvard: auras of synesthesia
plackique: sports memorabilia
ponkoss: beach-dweller
klipfrag: ancient movie footage
skrimch: haunted cities
roerik: kingpin of secrets
wespian: breezy fall leaves
rintinole: covert voyeurism
qaest: a fake life to replace a real one
brumble: fight among drunk people
bilkey: knowledge about the stock market insider information
wreggle: blackwashing history
hoyjoipolloi: free drugs and bubble-gum for every Canadian
qwartion: wicked schemes that involve abortion and clones
flipcrave: switching  drug cravens (tim tebow)
teaboat: to be aboard a flailing vessel before it gets ransacked by reason and logic
sollow: hollow and sadness percolating over a victim
strollow: people evil enough to deserve being alone
chenkenwhich: prestidigitation in fake time travel
glickstorm: a hail of *** ******* rick-rolling
wrikpond: The betting pool aggregate form at any casino
histeriological:someone who understands historical trends
tribance: Prerogatives of esoteric knowledge handed down to native americans
hilswop: changing nearby universities
slore: lore for mentally handicapped people
rigamorhole: the information about where elite people hang out
qazz: gurgling soda down
pleckigger: An agricultural apportionment of land that is rational and logical
Ruby-Tuesday-blues: song meaning
halliformatic: person who goes to heaven
squalorformatic: a person who goes to agony
fitterformatic: borderline on both
syvil: nurturing old people
jeccha: democrat trap
oinslew: a large catholic family
erlap: a short confiment
tawy: chewy and sweet
pordeg: high degree mason that is poor
kallince: shrieking with terror at movie theater
groussaints: best house music
rindkline: best EDM
wrepolis:city owned by musicians
ilkengor: similar military strategies
qwarth: wars fought for vain reasons
bracking nudes: **** women naked *******
swarp: time warp speed
swarpollock: nonsensical UFO lie
WHOLOGANS: spies that always attend international matches between rival countries that get the best information
ryn Oct 2014
3
I hug the first,
Enamoured by her beauty.
Such kind eyes...
Peering carelessly back at me.

She reaches out,
To meet my embrace.
"You'll always be the first,
Who had my heart set in place."


I say to the second,
"You are my life.
One day you'd build,
The right castle for a wife."


"Remember me always,
For you this path I have paved.
I'd shower upon you,
All the love that I have saved."


Then finally to the third,
The last of all gifts.
Most adorable of sprites,
Source of my infinite lifts.

*"For you I haven't done much,
Only all that I could afford.
But insert me in your forever...
As the only you ever would've adored..."
For my troopers...
King May 2018
Would you run?
Or would you fight?
For freedom?
For country?
Belief?
Or legacy?

Well,

Where would you run?
or who would you fight?
When battles are waged,
with a swap from left to right.
Who's going to have,
the privilege to be free?
When civilizations are smashed,
sunk and taken by the sea.
What nation,
can survive?
Would there be victors,
from either side?

Who's going to welcome you home?
And make a movie, about your valor and bravery?
Which books are going to speak of you?
When there's no one left to remember history.

This is the finale.
An ending without screams.
For there shall be no more future,
a ruin to all dreams.
Everything shall perish
in a blink of an eye.
When you see the iron reaper
descending from the sky.

The end of the world.
What a sight to see.
I'm cracking a cold one.
When we dance to world war three.
Nat Lipstadt Apr 2014
A few of you
have seen my face

One of you
has kissed my cheek

so ***
you can now see me
in full frontal ******

I am the ruggedly handsome
man,
who as usual
is on the floor looking for
something to hug
beside the *****
the new banner photo up with a real recent pic
Babylyn Berina Mar 2016
If we became friends
I'll help you hide the body
Then we'll have some beer
That's what friends are for, right?
The Rogue Poet Nov 2013
I centered the poem for you to aknowledge it,
I got back from having an amazing night,
While I go out to have fun as I give amazing vibes,
hang with me and you WILL have the time of your life,
don't mean to sound cocky but my presence is impeccable,
I have fun and live life as expected too,
I have no worries because I overcame what I have been through,
24 years of age and I have wisdom of an old man but party as I am 18,
No longer a follower because I set my own rules,
I turn heads and set trends,
watch me as I spread brand new salvation,
P.L.U.R. is what is needed to be spread across our nation,
I love what I do and do what I love,
EDM baby is what is going to build and complete us.


{RP}
Wish I was numb
Wish I wasn't empty
Wish I was happy

Wish... Wish... Wish...

Wish you by my side
Wish me by your side
Wish us not apart

WishWishWish

Wish a small house
Wish a smiley baby
Wish tons of daisies

Wish•Wish•Wish
Wish!Wish!Wish!
Allah has brought my heart to bear,
          become a witness to an Arab plight.

The call to arm's it beckons so...
          division it aches and cremates the care.

Oh Great Holy Prophet show me today,
          as sadness covers heart, soul and mind.

Let judgement pass before it's too late,
          redeem my soul or the martyr's way?
Lamentations 3:60; "Thou hast seen all their vengeance and all their imaginations against me."

I personally enjoy Al Jilani.

7 meter, 8 verse, 4 line rhyme encapsulation 7 x 8 + 4; 60
Marina Nov 2017
love,
we are either in love, falling in love, or falling out of it
there are many ways to explain the term of love.
some of us are too numb to feel any of it
so we hide underneath the covers because love is in the air

if only we can see that not all love is not all bad.
i am afraid of falling in love so i hide and decline my thoughts
i rather stay to myself than to get hurt with the emotions inside me
i learned this by encountering it
i know out there id find someone
but now is like a rotten fruit next to perfect veggies
were all just little kids looking for a beautiful someone
i don't want to hurt no more
jcl Apr 14
It was starting to snow as I entered Pere Lachaise cemetery. The few that had ventured in, were streaming out, as daylight faded, fast giving way to twilight, on this 1st of February night. I had 30 minutes of daylight left, to take the shots that I’d planned for all year.

I knew where I was going, having visited the cemetery in the summer, to scout locations for this moment. I walked up l’Avenue Principale towards Le Monument aux Morts and took the first right on l’Avenue des Puits. My pace quickened, not wanting to waste a single second, of the dying light.

I crossed path with the the last stragglers, most likely having paid homage to Chopin or Morrison. I was entering the oldest and most forested area of the cemetery. It sent a chill up my spine, not because of the cold February air, but because of the surreality of what was in front of me, a cobble stone path, lined with old trees, surrounded by an ocean of tombs, fading into the white and gray of a snowy afternoon.

I arrived at my location, the tomb of Heloise and Abelard. I set down my tripod and camera bag. I stopped to take it in. It was eerily beautiful, the snow slowly falling, lightly covering the tomb, the flowers, the love letters, laying around the plinth.

I was surprised at the number of single roses and love letters that were strewn in the yard, between the wrought iron fence, and the tomb. Even during the dead of winter, young women pilgrimaged to the tomb, leaving letters and prayers, hoping their love will last forever, in life and in death. Sadness overwhelmed me, as I felt the longing and pain of their and my,  unrequited loves.

I pulled out my camera, turned it on, double checking the battery indicator and exposure. I put the viewfinder to my eye, slowly pressed the shutter till I heard a beep, as the auto focus sharpened the view and my world became crystal clear. I zoomed in and out, composing my shot. I was too close for my lens. I picked up my tripod, turned around, and surveyed my work area.

I moved up the path, three tombs over, next to an old wide trunked chestnut tree, set my tripod and bag down, and recomposed my shot. The snowfall had intensified, to a heavy flurry. The snowflakes were thicker, fluffier, slowly drifting down like dandelion seeds. I was swimming in an ocean of white magical specks. Everything around me was dusted in ******, pure white powder.

I unfolded my tripod, mounted the camera to the head, and verified it was securely attached. I zoomed in and out till I composed my shot, stepping down the aperture and up the speed, till I achieved the dark, moody, feel I wanted. I pressed the shutter and captured the shot.

I was looking through the viewfinder when a woman stepped into my shot. For a split second, I was angry, then confused, then intrigued. I looked up, stepped back from my camera, to see and understand what was unfolding before me.

She was wearing a full-length white Lynx fur coat and cap, black leather gloves and boots. She was stunning, breathtaking. Was I hallucinating? Was she real? She hadn’t seen me, as I was behind her, catty corner, partially hidden by the chestnut tree.


She was holding something. I couldn’t quite see. I looked through the viewfinder, zoomed in on her. She held a single long stemmed blue rose in her left hand.  Instinctively, I pressed the shutter, captured the shot, the photo, the image, of this unworldly scene.

It was late, almost dark. What was she doing here? Was she praying, why, to whom, Heloise, Abelard, or both? She moved up to and placed her right hand on the protective wrought iron fence. I took a shot, then another. Then with her left hand, she gently threw the blue rose, time slowed, I pressed the shutter, never letting go, as the flower arched in the air and landed perfectly, on the plinth, at Heloise's side.

I released the shutter, still looking through the viewfinder. She placed her left hand on the wrought iron fence, bowed her head, just stood there, in the darkness, in the snowfall.

She pulled her right hand away from the wrought iron fence and wiped her eyes. Was she crying?

She slowly turned around. I pressed the shutter, held it down, for a continuous shot. I saw her face, her raven black hair, her incandescent blue eyes. Like a cannonball hitting me in the chest, I realized and recognized who she was. It was her, the woman from the metro.

She looked up, turned her head, and looked directly at me. I zoomed in, framed her face, continuously pressing the shutter. Her face expressionless, her eyes aglow. Had she seen me? I don’t know. She took a step, turned her head, and walked back up the cobble stone path, and faded into the night, into the falling snow.
The Rogue Poet May 2014
<3
As I look into your eyes I see a story unfolding before me.
I see the regret, pain, and the decomposing of faith burrowed in you.
But that is only the outter layer.
You have not realized your true place in life.
I see that You are truly amazin and are indfinitely strong.
You motivate me to be strong and to keep my faith  as well.
And I can see myself with you for an eternity.
I would cherish every waking moment with you
and dream every second of you.
Be there for you through the pains and aches
And be there til your last birthday cake.
I want to see every chapter of your novel unfold
because I want to be in every one of your stories.
I'm willing to take the good, the bad, and the **** for and with you.
I promise not to hurt you or desert you
and even if our heads collide ill still stand by your side.
All I ask is that your honest, and loyal as I will do the same.
Just know the way I feel about you has no set date or time frame. <3

{RP}
Lazhar Bouazzi Jun 2018
The moon rose up
Late
Tonight.

Her face
A replica
Of Africa.

(C)LazharBouazzi, Tunisia
Ashleigh Black Apr 2014
"What is left if you
don’t want to live inside the
skin that makes you sick?”
And when
Sky cried

Flowers told me
Now, it's time
To join

Let's wash
Our souls

Tears heal
The pain
In both of us
Genre: Dark Abstract
Theme: Raining outside
Sanjali Jan 2018
3
-A Name-

Something to call you by,
So that when you leave,
I'll know that I miss you
And I’ll see you in my dreams.
Something to remember,
A face I won’t forget,
And laughter in my memories,
Smiles to cause me torment.
Something to love
And despise till I know
Why you were here
And where you would go.
Something to write
In poetry or songs.
Maybe I’ll write you and me
In a sweet story long.
Something to share~
I wrote this long ago. It is a bittersweet feeling to notice that I keep going back to my old poems to find myself.
Poetria Jun 2016
<3
I'll keep on stealing
pieces of the sky
Until I can spread
my wings and fly.

I'll keep on cutting chunks
Out of the moon
So I can build a ship from them
So I can see you soon.

I'll keep on pocketing
fragments of this
universal universe
until I get mine back.
They robbed me of you, so I'll rob them too.
SøułSurvivør Sep 2014
Where in this life can one find
A golden heart, a heart that's pure?
A conscience that, with Peace aligned,
Can make our faith in Love assured?

Can it be found in modern man?
His search for meaning in Degrees?
In knowledge he relies upon
To cure the sickness... soul's disease?

Is it found within the mind?
The place where one's sad past resides?
Whatever will the doctors find?
Suss out the place where conscience lies?

Is it found in shifting stars?
In charts where moons and planets turn?
Can one map out this heart of ours?
Is our fate there? Assured and firm?

Is religion e'r the answer here?
Or, once more, a source of pain?
A source of strength or source of fear?
Should we search on once again?

For 'tis not the things we think,
Our pondering philosophy
Nor is it in our darkest link
With a past of misery.

It is not in ancient scrolls
Writings of the stars aligned
Nor is it works in laws of old,
A path of "goodness" wending. Blind.

It is within the heart itself
Where the Spirit has its place.
Where the Word of God Himself
Has given us amazing grace.

His heart, more pure than gold unearthed,
He walked with man, yet was alone,
Who has an estimate of worth
Of our High Priest and Cornerstone?

Abiding in a heart of grace
That's where purity doth live!
You are looking in His face,
Behold, in persons who FORGIVE.


SoulSurvivor
Catherine Jarvis
(C) September 20, 2014
This poem is dedicated to Mandi T Teske. Rarely have I found a person with a heart as pure as hers. She is a wondrous jewel, and appreciated by many. Bless you my friend! I'm honored to know you. ♡
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