whenever i feel empty,
I try to evaluate myself,
much like how a student evaluates
the questions before skimming for the answers.
fill in the blanks,
the tiny crevices made by sadness,
the cracks and gaps of loneliness;
help me and fill them out with human company.
fill in the blanks;
sheets of paper, empty,
an untouched screen, the faint humming of a computer,
the pens and pencils, neat and free from human activity.
fill them in; draw and draw until your mind begs to stop;
write and write until the words don't make sense;
I've been trying to do so much
just to make sure that gaping hole of pure, slow, and excruciating loneliness and depression gets temporarily covered.
I've been trying to fill in the blanks in my life since day one.
It seems like it'll never work.
I want to keep writing until I can feel like I am something again.
It seems like I've lost myself and I will never be able to get myself back, much like a student who crams for a test and forgets everything, with no hope of recovering that information.