Dead leaves passed the oak
Saying goodbye, their lives were
Just not meant to be-
m Oct 2017
We don’t use diaries anymore -
those are meant for secrets,
and we have none.
We let them spill out of our bodies,
and pour onto blank white sheets.
We swear it’s the only way
we are going to heal.

We turn our pain into poetry.
Anything that hurts this much
has to mean
And even though we are desperate
for anyone to listen,
our language is in the letters
that we will never send.

We romanticize pain like it’s the
only lover we will ever know.
Love is our god and we are each our own devils.
Too fragile for this world,
ceremoniously destroying ourselves
before anyone else can do it for us.
Yet we still can’t understand why we’re so broken.
Dizzy Jun 22
I feel my heart breaking, because I know, that you're taking,
Your first steps up in heaven, leaving me forever.
Your smile could light my day, but now you're gone,
My skies are grey, I can't seem to fight the rain clouds,
Can't seem to shut the tears down.

I long to see you looking back at me,
I long to feel you sitting on my knee,
Your little smile, infectious laugh,
Little splashes in the bath.
But baby you were never meant to be,
there's only Mum knows what you meant to me.
AS Aug 5
Strength in the way we invent,
To splendour in our achievements.

No longer the reaping of belief!



The insecurities fighting through you!

The fire inside,
Mightily spinning,
Flooring expectations.

Following our own set of rules,
Becoming the true truth.

Transcending out of your youth,
Travelling miles,
In moments travelling mentally a lifetime.

Today is where it starts,
Authentic to you.

Swaying away from the others who stray.

The boxers,
Lost in a world of labels,
Disabled from what they've remained,
To continue the lacking game.

Sprung free,
This life is not what you need.

No satisfaction to this slippery grease,
A body growing old,
A mind misdirected and betrayed.

In your way,
Divert your gaze,
Away from the same.

Accepting the strange way you appear,
But once you get in gear,
Let your soul appear.

A complete,
A connection to the right direction ignored.

To be what you've always meant to be,
A controversy,
The heat.

Beats living a life in which depletes,
Creating defeats.

Take hold of destiny,
An essence not in grief,
But retrieving what it seeks.

© 2018

Abigail Sheard
I’m sorry I took a month to respond.
I’m late because I didn’t know what to say.
I say “I know this is still really painful”
but what I’m really trying to say is “I’m sorry.”

And by “I’m sorry” I mean
“I’ll never forgive myself for the pain I caused you.”
Caused us both.
And by "us both" I mean this was hard for me too
because I’m the one who had to make the decision.

And by make the decision I mean I’m the one
who had to take a real, hard look at us, you know?
I’m the one who had to tug the thread
and feel the unraveling in my hands,
and watching the unraveling in your eyes,
and do the unraveling of our life.
I’m the one who had to face what neither of us would.
We hadn’t had sex in months.
We were newly weds.

And I’m sorry we were newly weds.
We should’ve been newly broken up.
And what I mean is that
I shouldn’t have married you in the first place.
I shouldn’t have planned a wedding with you.
I shouldn’t have said yes.

And what I mean is that I felt the burning in my belly
that night you asked me to choose you as my knight,
and to assume the role as your queen.
And by burning in my belly I mean I knew
even then that my “yes” was tentative
and that it felt more like a “maybe”
and that maybe I wouldn’t go through with this at all.
But what do you say, other than an emphatic “yes,"
to the man who has loved you for a decade?

And what I mean to say is that the “yes” wasn’t mine.
It was theirs
and it was yours
and it was ours,
but it wasn’t mine.
What I had was “no.”
Because what do you say, other than an emphatic “no,”
to the man who has tried to love you for a decade?

So my “no” sounded a lot like a “yes” that night
and I’m sorry I got them confused.

And what I mean is that you deserved better.
Not someone better than me; that’s not what I mean.
What I mean is that you deserved courage.
You deserved all of the courage
I let hide behind the moon that night,
and all of the courage
I tucked toward the back of our closet those months,
and all of the courage
I swallowed in favour of a more palatable flavour that year.

And what I mean is that I should have said “no.”
That you deserved “no.”
And all of this is just to say that I fucked up,
and that maybe I was stuck in the Upside Down
where weakness looked like strength,
and absconding looked like leaving boldly,
and “no” looked like “yes,”
and “I do” sounded a whole lot like “forever”
didn’t it?

“To my love, forever”
I said.
Emphasis on the comma before “forever”
because I never could pass up an opportunity to be pretentious.
And what I mean is that
I’m sorry I got your ring engraved with “forever”
when “forever” meant more like a year-ish
and I’m sure as hell positive
that you haven’t felt like “my love,”
have you?

And so I’m sorry I said “forever”
when what I meant to say was “not ever.”
How freeing that would’ve been for us.
And by freeing I mean I could’ve saved us both from this mess.
From this d-i-v-o-r-c-e that we now have tattooed on our hearts.

And so I’m sorry I didn’t say all that I meant to say.
And that it’s too late to say any of it now,
because now we’re strangers,
but what I meant to say that day is that
I love you
I want to leave you.
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