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Phoebe Jan 2018
It has been four years.
I'm almost done with high school.
I miss us. I miss the things we did.
I haven't been back to that place in a couple weeks.
But I do remember the first text and call,
I remember you telling me about your girlfriend.
I remember when you broke up with her inexplicably.
I remember the pet names you called me and how much I liked them. I remember a bus ride to a festival where you were trying to take my phone and I wouldn't let go of it so you bit my arm.
You left marks all over my arm and I was turned on by it.
I remember when I was driving around with my grandpa in the golf cart while he golfed and how we stayed on the phone while I drove for hours.
I remember you singing Lana Del Rey, I remember those hours.
I remember the week you were single before you started dating the next girl.
I remember that week was the beginning of my sexuality and the end of my innocence.
I remember you telling me you liked to be called daddy.
I remember my overuse of that word.
But we still hadn't touched.
I remember your new girlfriend hating me
and there was a three month period where we couldn't be friends
because she said so
I remember when you told me she was forever and you loved her
I remember when I found out you had broken up with her the summer between freshman year and sophomore year.
I remember I was at the beach when you texted and asked if we could be friends again.
I remember going to band camp with you and being so happy we were friends again
I remember that band camp was when you went through my kik messages and saw all my videos.
I remember how embarrassed I was but also excited because you had seen them.
I remember you coming over to my house and making friends with my family.
It breaks my heart when they ask about you. You called my mom Mrs.Pillon all the time. I loved it.
I miss hearing you say Mrs. Pillon.
I remember being flirty again only to meet your next girlfriend.
I first crossed paths with her when you were on the phone with her and I moaned to embarrass you.
I remember being there on your first date with her at the utility field and her curving you.
I remember us sexting when you were with her and I remember sending you videos.
I don't remember how it started.
I remember how we only talked about it the day after maybe once.
I remember you saying we were like bother and sister and then said nevermind "siblings don't ******* to each other"
I remember that one time we went to el rey just us two.
I remember you saying it was not a date.
I remember your stupid face and how embarrassed I was to like you
I remember the hours we spent together for band.
I remember all the events we went to together.
I remember sitting with you after all our competitions sophomore year.
I remember you would smack my leg and leave hand prints on me.
I remember how young we were and immature
I remember how often you took my phone and went through it.
I remember when you brought me to your apartment by the school but only ever let me inside if someone else was with us.
I remember meeting your younger brothers and how sweet they were.
I remember the second time I ever smoked **** I left the party I was at and walked to the school to give you a jacket I had bought you so you could go to the school dance with your girlfriend.
I remember being so in love with you and taking all your *******.
I remember being at Amanda’s party with you and when the basketball went over the fence.
I remember you going over to get it and getting stuck.
I remember everyone else left and I had to help you get back over.
I remember the way you said “please don’t leave me over here.”
I remember being in chemistry with you and your girlfriend and how she didn’t like me.
I remember when I got a message late at night from you saying all the right things and letting you cheat on her.
I remember the message I got from her saying she knew all about what we had been doing and our fight.
I remember I couldn’t call you and I told her everything.
I remember being in Hawaii when she called me names on twitter
and I remember when you broke up with her then got back together then broke up again.
I remember your calls apologizing and how you said we couldn’t be friends. Again.
I remember every moment of that time, being in that class with both of you watching you fix it with her.
I remember how controlling she was even before you cheated.
She was manipulative and told you you weren't a man for crying.
I remember not feeling bad for what we did with each other because of how ****** up she was.
I remember when you blocked me and never unblocked me.
I remember wanting closure and messaging you on the 4th of July going into junior year.
I remember drinking and eating an edible that night.
I remember how out of my mind I was
I remember you telling me I was nothing to you and I try not to remember everything else you said.
I remember seeing you and her together junior year and wanting to die.
I remember how angry I was that year.
I remember being so ******* mad at you and her and myself.
I remember when you finally truly left her.
I remember having that forensics class with you and how awkward it was.
I remember when you were sitting in the hallway outside and I had to pass by to get to class.
I remember you stopping me and apologizing.
I remember the whole conversation. I can’t forget it.
"Oh my you probably think I'm a ****" "yes I do" "sit down" and I slid down the wall halfway. "sit all the way down" and you said you broke up with her.
I remember the conversation went on and then ended with me going back into class and saying you owed me money.
I remember the way you laughed at that. I can't forget your smile.
I remember that class was so fun and made my day, everyday.
I remember the joking around that happened after that.
I remember everyone noticed our flirting and I felt so happy again.
I remember talking to you again and being so glad. I remember you coming up to my desk in that class.
I remember after school talking with you and how you said my name.
I can never forget the way  you said my name.  
I remember using google hangouts to talk in class and all the lyrics you sent me
I remember you were so jealous of Anthony and talking **** on him because he flirted with me
I remember everyone thinking we were together or liked eachother.
I remember finding myself in you even if it ended eventually.
I remember going to my first house party with you.
I remember getting high with you and the way you talked to my mom in the car.
I remember how fun those parties were and how safe I felt with you.
I remember being with your friends and feeling really cool.
I remember in June 2017 we went to a house party and smoked.
I remember how my mom picked us up that night and we dropped your friend off.
I remember you stayed sitting next to me in the backseat that night and us talking about college but that's all i remember about the conversation that night.
I remember we were talking and we were sitting so close, I still feel your leg against mine.
I remember I was looking at you and you were looking at me.
I can't remember what we were saying when I noticed your face was close to mine.
I remember things slowed down and I was just looking into your eyes.
But I remember looking into your eyes and both of us leaning in.
I remember forgetting anyone else was in the car.
I remember everything falling away when we were that close.
Just a second I remember looking at your lips and seeing your eyes and being so in love with you and we almost kissed.
Then we pulled up to your house and you had to go, I remember saying goodbye.
I remember we almost kissed
I remember the next day you claimed that never happened and got mad at me for even thinking you would ever kiss me.
I remember every time you broke my heart.
I remember when I went to a lake over the summer going into senior year and I told you I was on birth control
I remember I tried convincing you to **** me.
I remember you agreeing to me giving you head.
And I remember you taking it back in the morning.
I remember you saying you needed to get clean and stay away from girls.
I remember believing you.
I remember finding out you got a girlfriend soon after saying that.
A freshman. I remember how mad that made me.
I remember being so hurt and I cursed you out.
I remember you doing drugs soon after that.
I remember your nasty habit of smoking cigarettes.
I remember us drifting apart after that.
I remember when I called you and asked why you didn't want me, you said I wasn't your type.
I remember how calm you made me.
I remember how happy I was near you and how sad I am now.
I remember a few weeks ago when you called me and asked for my friends number. To **** me off, I thought it was funny.
I remember a few days ago when I saw you in the hall and how it all came rushing back. I remembered how much I missed you.
I remember yesterday when I saw you again and fell right back to missing you.
I remember texting you and asking if we could start over and I remember you saying you didn't want problems and you're doing fine without me
I remember how that made me feel.
I remember you and I wish I didn't.
I remember how we never got our moment and I wonder all the time how you really felt. I wonder all the time.
Just some memories
CK Baker Sep 2019
remember the melding
of gilmore and bing
the springfield gates
and desmond ring

remember the trojans
and fools in the pack
sea fair jeans
and corkscrew flat

remember the cabin
and *****’s garage
the gary point dunes
and moncton mirage

remember the warehouse
the water logged seats
tin foil caps
and simple retreats

remember the cave
and turn on the cut
emery’s mini
and hamilton’s hut

remember the burger
and shake in the air
bubs in the back
with little despair

remember the valley
and 66 ford
burgundy lips
and samworth’s chord

remember the plainsman
a 7 inch log
the ***** old frenchmen
and bore-*** hog

remember the javelin
and mushay’s wheels
beaumont’s baggie
and jennifer beals

remember tough charlie
tossing brad rand
the belyae roundhouse
and beer in the sand

remember park polo
and scaling of firs
sleeping in rafters
at 8 bucks per

remember the mayflower
and brothers von grant
the max air follies
and chivalrous rant

remember the flipper
the floyd and the clap
banana boat sunday
and pemberton trap

remember the purples
the rasp in the street
the oliver jokers
and shady retreat

remember the gators
and brick house café
a flash in the pan
and crib cult stay

remember the church
and talbs on the bridge
goofy’s memoirs
and cypress ridge

remember smaldino
whom perry cut short
***** and a ****
and moria’s port

remember the zuker
and gilligan’s isle
the pep chew bust
and 8 tooth smile

remember the action
at blundell and one
the nauseous fumes
and pump house run

remember the canyon
and rock on the cliff
a tourniquet bind
that kept us adrift

remember lake skaha
and jvc tunes
the j bain query
and peach fest goons

remember the irons
and broad entry beads
the alexander boys
we must pay heed

remember the gates
the 12 hole stare
the hospital bed
and ky affair

remember the farmhouse
an open air deck
the john deere tractor
and cowboy neck

remember the wheat field
and jimmy crack corn
the burlington plaza
and fraser street ****

remember the pincers
and wee ***** white
the concubine fractures
and strong overbite

remember the carving
portrayed at the scene
the billy goat battles
a young man’s dream

remember lord brezhnev
and moby the ****
the second beach sun
and paper bag trick

remember the screening
the silver light show
banshee boots
and phipps’s throw

remember the epic
and baby oil block
trash can brassieres
and window rock

remember the law
jack rabbit in may
an 8 track mix
on alpine way

remember the dunes
a pig on the spit
the underarm hair
and corn bull-****

remember old frankie
and bursey head post
the koa leaves
and tiki shore host

remember b taupin
the lyrics he left
cold muddy waters
an odd treble clef

remember street regent
the trips in the night
the trailer park cap
and lightheart fight

remember kits causeway
mortimer and beaks
jk's cabin
and muscle bound freaks

remember glen cheesy
and billy the less
the frozen puke patties
and borkum mess

remember the catfish
and pickerel rock
the emerald meadows
and rainbow dock

remember port dover
with fish on a stick
wayne in a bunker
holding his ****

remember the ironside
limes in a tree
the usc campus
came with a fee

remember the duster
an arrow in heart
the frog man bug
that would not start

remember the zimmer
the ram air hood
a family wagon
with panels of wood

remember peace portal
the 33 back
the power built drive
and dangerous tack

remember the reds
the blues and the greens
the furry point island
and country book scene

remember the springs
and i 95
a lone state trooper
with blood in his eye

remember may’s cabin
and stuff in between
the frame and the picture
and morning snow scene

remember the boss
with a 302 scoop
the diamond tuft console
and back seat coupe

remember ioco
the **** and the spit
the skid road race
and hurst floor kit

remember the shore
and tents in the park
a campfire roast
and kerosene bark

remember the hooger’s
kit kat club
the colvin’s and setter’s
a man called bub

remember the creature
with silk strand hair
and afternoon flask
with little despair

remember quilchena
and robbie the mac
the rice stead box
and tap on the back

remember miss williams
a pilgrim’s salute
the fairmont sister
with all of her loot

remember port ludlow
a scotman on dock
the everett street bridge
and single leg sock

remember the masters
and all of the roar
the faldo follies
at norman’s door

remember jeff samson
tied in a tree
the robertson fastback
with white leather seats

remember the balance
and pulling of 4's
the moncton warehouse
and hollywood ******

remember the hospice
with carter in wear
the power of gospel
and magic in prayer

remember the mini
counting the crows
aberdeen villa
where all of it grows

remember the ballroom
the battle of bands
the buccaneer bikers
and front row stands

remember the steely
and 50 odd pulls
the crook in the cranny
and pilsner bulls

remember the mustang
tb paul
the ****** shack sergeant
was missing a ball

remember dear kevin
head first in the pool
a sheik in a minefield
and ****** gas fool

remember the rumble
and bats in the night
an old lady screaming
to a young man’s delight

remember cliff olsen
that sick little ****
who will be in shackles
on lucifer’s truck

remember the bumpers
and cutting in line
the mice on the ****
and bo in the pine

remember the law
stabbing the corn
a bucket of ammo
and mekong horn

remember s boras
the piercing of yes
the color line paper
sikosie at rest

remember the pinto
and seven road plants
mother’s fine pizza
a trial lawyer’s rant

remember the kennedys
with ***** painted black
a pond in the shadows
where monty looked back

remember von husen
the sea to sky test
a farm hands daughter
was one of the best

remember mr pither
and mao sae tung
helena the cougar
and egg foo young

remember the cinder
and frances road bake
***** the whitehead
would make no mistake

remember the quan
and mental mix
the java hut sister
with pixy sticks

remember j rosie
banging his head
in a moment of dr
we thought he was dead

remember the hammer
discussions caught short
siddrich and roger
and monty’s abort

remember 6 nations
and KOA
the pool hall fight
when everyone stayed

remember the skinners
and tommy the med
the lost tough china
and bubs in the shed

remember the doobies
zeppelin and cars
floyd and the *****
and shankar’s sitar

remember old dustys
the blue and red chair
the cypress hill caves
and mullet cut hair

remember the promise
and vows that we made
on the 2 road stairs
in goodman’s brigade

remember those moments
and handle with care
for the garamond stamp
will always be there…
Scott Howard Dec 2013
I remember my old street. (North Overlook)
The people there never changed, like a television with the **** broken off.

I remember my boxer, Brutus. I would let him lick the inside of my mouth to freak out the other kids.

I remember eating honey suckles in the back yard. I also ate a whole bottle of Tums in the medicine cabinet. (I thought it was candy)
I once drank a whole bottle of nail polish remover, but I puked it back up.

I remember having a jungle gym and a swimming pool. My sister and I swam naked in it once.

I remember when we touched each other’s private parts in a fort we built in the closet. She made me smell my fingers afterwards. My nose crinkled upward and I thought it was gross.

I remember when my mother came home crying one day because the hair stylist cut her hair too short and she looked like a “****.”

I remember spending mornings at grandma’s house. I would watch The Price Is Right and Days of Our Lives. She would fall asleep and I would clean the wax out from her ears with a paintbrush. I remember enjoying it.

I remember my first ****** nose (I used a whole roll of toilet paper). I could taste the blood running down the back of my throat.

I remember all the other ****** noses and calling mom from the nurse’s office

I remember Mr. Iles (3rd grade) screaming at his class for being idiots. He drove a motorcycle to school everyday.

I remember doing times tables in his class. I was always terrible at math and thought I was stupid. We watched the twin towers fall on television. I didn’t know what was happening so I continued to doodle on my times tables.

I remember in middle school being the only one at my lunch table wearing yellow.  My friends became gothic. I didn’t know what that was, but I knew I was different.

I remember my first art class in high school, thinking I was better than everyone, and I was.

I remember the first time I masturbated. I don’t remember how many times I did it that day but my **** hurt for a while and I walked funny.

I remember my mother trying to teach me about God. I never told her that I didn’t believe in him. I’ve always felt guilty.

I remember my first girlfriend. We dated for 7 months. My friends hated her, and I stopped talking to them. I remember hating them for it.

I remember the first time we had *** it was **** ***. I didn’t use a ****** and my **** was covered in ****.
She was great at *******. She once ****** me off in the backseat of her grandma’s car while her grandma drove. I forgot about the time she threw up on me.

I remember she loved Disney and nicknamed my ***** “Captain Hook” because it curves to the left.

I remember the day she found out she had ******, she told me over the phone. I cried because it was my fault. In high school health class, they didn’t teach us that if you have a cold sore and eat a girl out, they could get ******.

I remember when she broke up with me and went back to her ugly ex-boyfriend (now ex-ex-boyfriend). I cried again. Her friends stopped talking to me.

I remember it was on my birthday. (Friday the 13th)

I remember the threats over texts to leave her alone. I told everyone at school she had ******.

I remember eating lunch alone. (A lot)

I remember shutting myself in my room and not eating.

I remember when I tried to **** myself with a steak knife in the kitchen. I didn’t do it right. My mother asked me what happed, so I lied and told her it was an accident. I don’t think she believed me. We still don’t talk about it but I still have the scar.

I remember making art. (A lot)
I did nothing but art (That’s all I had.)

I remember making friends in my art class and how my teacher would dress like a Jedi.

I remember meeting Bobby, and Brandon, and Tyler.

I remember thinking that art had saved my life.

I remember the first time I smoked ****. It was in the parking lot of a Best Buy with Brendan and Kristiana. I didn’t feel “high” and we ate cupcakes after that.

I remember drinking a beer for the first time and hating the taste.

I remember, “It’s an acquired taste.”

I remember, “Drink it, *****!”

I remember the first time I got drunk. It was at my brother’s house and I almost fell asleep with my head on the toilet. He carried me to the couch, emptied a bowl of pretzels and set in under my face. The smell had me dry heaving all night.

I don’t remember the first party I went to.

I remember my mother worrying if I would make it home those nights.

I remember making friends with people from Sayler Park They were in a band with my brother, but liked me more. I felt bad for him, but I was drunk. I went to other parties they had. There were always sweaty teenagers and *****.

I remember the guy who ****** on everyone in the mosh pit. The support beam broke under us that night and the floor almost caved in.

I remember ******* in the front yard. It rained so we were mud sliding in puddles.

I remember the two girls making out in the bathtub naked. Bobby took a video of them on his phone.

I remember when he tried to get this girl to sleep with me. Her name was Lauren Luckey and it was her birthday. She found out I went to art school and had me draw smiley faces on her and her friends’ *******. She started kissing me over the sink (her hair got caught in the garbage disposal.) She bit my neck and broke skin. It was 6 in the morning.

I remember she took me up to the bathroom and we had ***. I remember her taking off my boxers with her teeth. Bobby tossed me a ****** but I lost it. Curtis (he owned the house) came in and ****** anyways. He told me I had a cute ***. When he was done, he left the bathroom door open. There was a line waiting to come in that watched the two of us **** on the eggshell colored floor.

I remember waking up the next day and finding out she was engaged.

I remember the first time I had a pizza from Dewey’s and fell in love.

I remember when I started smoking. My mother gave me **** for it. I always complained when she smoked (I used to break her cigarettes.)

I remember the summer my grandmother died.

I remember staying the night at her house the day before.

I remember when my mother called everyone into the room. I remember, “It’s almost time.”
My family crowded around her.
One of my uncles fainting while the other vomited in the corner.

I remember my mother crying. I remember crying.

I remember “Amazing Grace”

I remember when time froze.
July 11th, 2013, at 1:26 p.m.

I remember my uncle walking over to her, pressing his hand against her mouth trying to feel her breathe. His brain wouldn’t let him accept that she died. I remember him looking up at me like a lost boy, looking for an answer. (I didn’t have one.)

I remember my mother told me she was with God now.

I remember.
milkweedangel Dec 2017
I remember
Laughing until we couldn’t breathe
In the back of my mom’s car
And I remember
How just a month before
I started struggling with self harm

I remember
Laughing until I couldn’t breathe
Over the phone as you drove your car
And I remember
How just a day later
You would loose a friend

I remember
Crying together over the phone
Feeling so angry and helpless
And I remember
How just a few months before
You cut again

I remember
Crying while we texted
And asking you why it hurt so much
And I remember
How you told me
It was because my heart was too big

I remember
Telling you about the life
That died inside of my mom
And I remember
How the night of your 16th birthday
You almost died

I remember
Telling each other
That one day life would get better
And I remember
How we both wanted to die
More than we wanted to live

I remember
Holding each other for hours
Because we were both falling apart
And I remember
How no one else knew
That you were the only reason I was still alive

I remember
Holding you after months
Of pain and not communicating
And I remember
How small you felt
In my arms despite your height

I remember
Eating steak and pancakes together
In your kitchen at midnight
And I remember
How you were the only one
Who ever noticed when I lost weight

I remember
Eating cake on my 18th birthday
And how you wore a unicorn onesie
And I remember
How aware I was of the fact
That neither of us thought we’d see that day

I remember
Watching LOTR at your house
Screaming when Legolas was on screen
And I remember
How much fun I had
Despite my recent diagnosis

I remember
Watching you on stage
As you were your final and best role
And I remember
How we met in the very same place
9 and 10 with too much pain between us

I remember
Talking to you about Star Wars
While we were supposed to play kickball
And I remember
How you were the only person
Who never told me to shut up

I remember
Talking together on your couch
While our dads talked in the kitchen
And I remember
How we both talked
And listened just as much as we needed

I remember
Writing poems for each other
Because email could cross the distance
And I remember
How words couldn’t really express
The fear you felt in your own home

I remember
Writing Brightsoul for the first time
Because you had named me Lightheart
And I remember
How those names were wishes
And promises of what we saw past the pain

I remember
Missing you so much
My insides felt all cut up and bleeding
And I remember
How hearing your voice
Was enough to get me through the week

I remember
Missing all the good things
Your parents ought to have given you
And I remember
How we fed fish and ducks
And tried to figure out how to make it better

I remember
Feeling so sad I couldn’t move
So I stayed on the couch the whole day
And I remember
How proud of you I was
When your name followed “Highest Honors”

I remember
Feeling each other’s hands
In our hair as we styled it for fun
And I remember
How scared you were
As we hid in your room when that man came

I remember
Knowing the names
Of all the men who’d ever hurt you
And I remember
How much I wanted to run
To your house to punch your father’s face

I remember
Knowing the same God
That had never once left us
And I remember
How you pulled me behind you
To protect me from that oncoming vehicle

I remember
Growing older with you
But still loving unicorns the same
And I remember
How you were never really
As young as you should have been

I remember
Growing the unicorn
That you brought back from Florida
And I remember
How we named a turtle Andy
In the midst of my two good months

I remember
Leaving the flip flops I bought at the mall
At your house all summer
And I remember
How you cried
When I kissed your forehead goodnight

I remember
Leaving abusive friendships
Was something we both had to do
And I remember
How “We Don’t Have To Dance”
Was a song we could both feel ourselves in

I remember
Smiling was something we were both
Really good at faking
And I remember
How you were the only person
Who could make me believe I was cute

I remember
Smiling as I gave you a puzzle
For Mother’s day that had glitter on it
And I remember
How you made me fancy hot chocolate
With your love and Starbucks skills

I remember
Breaking down at 3AM
And thinking I must be loosing my mind
And I remember
How the thought of you kept me alive
For one more night in Mordor

I remember
Breaking your own microwave was
Something you thought of doing to see me
And I remember
How time didn’t heal like we thought it would
But somehow it was okay

I remember
How bad always followed good
And life always followed death
How I cried more than I laughed
But always felt better with you
How you heard more lies than truth
But believed what I told you
And how somehow we were still together
And somehow we stayed alive
And how no matter what I always knew that
Are my best friend and
Am your Sam and
I think
We’ll be okay because
Are Lightheart and Brightsoul and
For my Brightsoul, always <3
Lundy Jul 2020
I remember our first conversation. We talked about mermaids.  You made a joke about sea foam, I was intrigued.

I remember you asking me out the first time. And I remember telling you I didn't think you were ready.
You lashed out. I was freaked out.

I remember you leaving without any warning. You decided you needed a change, dropped out of all your classes and hit the road.  For 6 months you sent me pictures of campsites. Pictures of elk and bear you'd shared sunsets with. Pictures of you next to cliffs you'd scaled.  Via texts you recouned a story of how you'd climbed a mountain just to find reception to call your ex. I remember wondering why you would tell me that? I felt slightly jealous. It turned me off. I remember you complaining to me that she was a "feminist" I said "Good for her." We both should have known then.

I remember sending you Gloria Steinem quotes with every campsite picture you offered. On your way back to California,  you asked to see me again.

I remember our first date, and how you asked if you could kiss me. I offered you my cheek, and later that night I couldn't stop thinking of your lips. You texted me that you wanted more. I remember touching myself as I fell asleep.

I remember you telling me you would die for me.  Laughing I told you, "That's so dramatic." You smiled confidently and told me you loved me. I said it back. We were watching 28 Days Later. I remember thinking we were so lucky.  

I remember building a bed out of blankets and pillows on our empty apartment floor. I remember countless trips to the hardware store, we were determined to build our own furniture.  I remember planting a garden, and proudly harvesting the garden. I remember frequent candle lit dinners. I remember your hands traveling up my skirt as I poured you more wine. I remember I wasn't wearing underwear. I remember us spilling the wine.

I remember telling you that you were my bestfriend. I remember pretending to be okay when you told me you already had a bestfriend and a soulmate  but that I could be your wife.

I remember the first time you hurt me. You regretted it immediately. Held my face in your hands I remember you kissed my cheek, again.  I still trusted you.

I remember the first time I hurt you. My off-white satin dress reflecting the moon. My animosity verbal daggers, I was so ****** I forgot to be ashamed. Sometimes I still forget.

I remember you telling me that I will never be your priority. I remember transfering money into your bank account. Weekly. I remember working 12 hours and coming home to give you head. I remember falling asleep on your chest as you massaged my neck. I remember thinking that was love.

I remember finding women's underwear in our laundry. An earring in our bedroom, and butterly hair clips in your car. I remember not believing you when you told me they were your sisters. I remember letting it go.

I remember that time you threw me against the dresser. I remember you telling me it was my fault. I remember letting it go.

I remember with you I had found a sister and a mother. I remember realizing these women I loved were victims of abuse. Belittled and silenced. I remember realizing I was a  victum of abuse. Belittled and silenced. I remember being disgusted with myself. I still wanted you.

I remember you calling me abusive. And you were right, I had changed.  "A cornered dog may cower, or it may bite." Our therapist had said. Do you see any of that now? Do you see how bruised I was?

I remember almost getting murded. And how much I struggled to feel alive after. I remember asking you for help. You told me it's not your responsibility.  

I remember the anguish.  I remember thinking about suicide. I remember telling you I didn't know how to survive. I remember you telling me I was weak. I remember behaving, feeling, like my mother.

I remember you hovering over me. Intimidating me. I remember telling you to step back. I stood on my tippy toes to look big too. And when you didn't back down, I chest bumped you. I remember you weren't sure if you should laugh or fight. I remember you telling me you didn't love me anymore and you hadn't for some time. The next morning I woke you up with my mouth on you.

I remember you leaving me. I stood in the doorway and promised myself I would not beg. I let you walk away. An hour later you returned, but not for me. It was never me. You took your gun and video games and again I stood at the door. This time I begged you to stay. I remember you walking away. I remember our dreams. I remember understanding that I was ******* done.

I remember packing under a THC haze. I remember leaving my lingerie for you to find in our closet.  In your closet. The black one with the garter belt on display. I remember Bodie having diarrhea on the carpet. I left it there. I also left you with enough money for two months rent. I remember you texting me telling me I owed you more.

I remember the day I ran out of clean underwear. I was late for work and so I wore your sisters, or were they your ******? They fit comfortably. I felt sick. I ***** called my neighbor when I got off work. I remember opening wine at 3am and doing everything to him that you used to ask me to do to you.

I remember you reaching out to me over some ******* excuse. I told you that you had already lost me but that wasn't yet true. I just had absolutely no faith left in you.

I remember that none of it was ever worth having you.
Lydeen Dec 2019
Remember the clear blue sky.
Remember the beautiful flowing grass.
Remember the warm spring breeze.
Remember the early thaw.
Remember the beautiful pine trees.
Remember the exploding life.
Remember the sudden jolt.
Remember the three flips.
Remember the burn of the belt.
Remember the sound of mom hitting the roof.
Remember the NOISE.
Remember the aftermath.
Remember the thump of kicking out the window.
Remember the desperation of getting out.
Remember the worry about your sweater.
Remember the fear you had stained your dress.
Remember the grass cutting your legs while leaving the ditch.
Remember the woman who was kind.
Remember the yogurt with cookie crumbs.
Remember the cold spoon.
Remember the grey lunchbox.
Remember the blue cube ice pack.
Remember the girl who hadn't eaten it at lunch.
Remember the lie that you hadn't cried.
Remember the grey van.
Remember the white car stained red.
Remember the bus.
Remember the blood.
Remember the shattered glass.
Remember the man.
Remember the crimson paint.
Remember the scalp peeled back.
Remember the shrieking siren.
Remember the neighbors.
Remember the glistening beautiful glass.
Remember the cops.
Remember the ambulance ride.
Remember the hospital.
Remember the glass embedded in mommy's back.
Remember the doctors.
Remember the first time your blood pressure was taken.
Remember the sling.
Remember the pain.
Remember the fear.
Remember the questions.
Remember the thousands of times you told the story over.
Remember the details you suppressed.
Remember the trauma.
Remember the gasp each time the car slowed.
Remember the hands clutching the door.
Remember the death grip.
Remember the anxiety.
Remember the tears.
Remember the first time driving.
Remember the first time almost getting in a crash of your own.
Remember the fear each time you grip the wheel.
Remember the accident on your sixth birthday.
Brady D Friedkin Jun 2015
I remember when we lived in Paradise
I remember dwelling with God
I remember walking with the Father
I remember talking with the Son
I remember conversing with the Spirit

I remember the beauty that God had made
And I remember the fruit that was for us
I remember the animals that I named
And I remember the perfection there was
I remember having a relationship with God

I remember that day
And we left the garden
I remember being against God
And ourselves, and our children
I remember the sin I fell into

I remember telling my wife we had to go
And I remember leaving
I remember the tears, the pain, the regret
And I remember the blood
I remember this curse I brought

I remember my son
And how he killed his brother
I remember my son
And I remember his sons
I remember how they perverted God

I remember how they were pagan and wicked
And the flood, when they were destroyed
I remember my son, Noah
And I remember his righteousness
I remember the iniquity of even Noah, the righteous

I remember the sins of Noah's sons
And the pagan worship they began
I remember my son, Abraham
And his son Isaac
I remember the sacrifice

I remember Isaac's sons Israel and Judah
And the iniquity of their nations
I remember Egypt, and their god
And the slavery of my sons in the land
I remember the sins of my sons

I remember my sons in the desert
And the 40 years of sorrow
I remember them entering Canaan
And the beauty of the land promised
I remember the promises of God

I remember the promised King
And the seed of the king to come
I remember Judah and Israel
And warring among themselves
I remember the iniquity of my sons

I remember the sins of my sons
And their people scattered
I remember the pain and sorrow
And the exile they were given
I remember the loss of a people

I remember my final Son
And His gift given to us
I remember His death
And how He paid my debt
I remember the guilt

I remember the Father
And his assurance to me
I remember the Fall
And I remember the Spring
I remember it all

I remember that all deaths are mine to bear
And I was the founder
I remember the sin that comes with my name
And better yet, the grace that comes with His
I remember the name of Jesus
From the perspective of Adam
Kelly Bitangcol May 2016
I have always been known as the person who remembers everything.* Not just big and major things, even the small ones. Every time my family and I are going on adventures I am the one who remembers the place and the travel route. When we went out of town one time I can still remember when we asked a man in the streets for directions and it turned out he told us the wrong way, and me, being the scared little child, I was asking for my mom to just drive back and go home. Fortunately, we arrived to our destination and I remember that it was 12 am when we got there and I was too tired to function. I still remember the name of the resort we stayed in, I remember the design of the swimsuit I was wearing, it has the number 21 in it, and I remember posing for a photo where I was wearing goggles and I made it my profile picture on Facebook. I remember the name of one hotel in that town was similar to my ex crush’s last name that’s why my sisters were teasing me about it.

That one time we joined a halloween costume contest and my costume was a cheerleader (cheerleader in Glee, specifically speaking) and my sister went as a ballerina but we all know that wasn’t a costume because she is also a ballerina in real life. I knew she never wanted to go with me, but as usual, i needed someone to be with. I remember the costumes that the people were wearing, that the white lady was the one who won the best in costume. I remember how sweet the halloween candies were. I remember that a stranger took a picture of us, and me, being the usual one who overthinks, got scared and asked my sister if we could leave already.

I remember going to the mall with my sister before and I accidentally stepped on a lady’s foot and she got so angry with me and I became frightened. I remember ordering a green mango shake and didn’t finish it because it was too sour, and then my mother scolded me and until now she’s still bringing that up whenever I try to order a shake. I remember watching A Series Of Unfortunate Events one Christmas and after that I became obsessed with it and it was the only thing I’ve watched for weeks. I remember the girl I met in a cafe, she was wearing a yellow dress and **** I remember her smile was brighter than the sun. I remember all the things that happened the night I lost my concert virginity, it happened January 24, 2015 and when they played my favourite songs it felt like home. I remember the perfume I was wearing when I had a date with one guy so whenever I smell it I will always remember his eyes.

I can still remember the song that was playing the night when we were dancing, the night where it started it all, and baby, I remember how you took my hand and suddenly I felt electricity in my body. I remember being at a friend’s house after that night and when she tried to show me photos of us I couldn’t look at them without smiling and thinking of the feeling you gave me. I remember spending a lot of nights thinking of you and promising myself I wouldn’t fall and that was when I knew everything was going to be a mess. I remember the night when there was a storm and you texted me and asked how was I doing, and then the following days consisted of us texting each other. I remember one afternoon when you asked me if I could be yours and you could be mine, I remember the nervousness in your voice and the way you were scared for the answer I was about to say, and I also remember the happiness in your face when I answered your question. I remember feeling contented with everything when our fingers intertwined and I remember feeling safeness when your arms were wrapped around my body. If I would tell all the things I remember then this poem wouldn’t be finished and will be proclaimed as the longest poem that was ever written. But one thing is for sure, I remember it, all.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t remember the pain. I remember how it hurt the first time you lied to me and how your apology suddenly removed all the pain away. I remember how I asked you if you’re giving up on me already and you just told me you didn’t know. I remember the days we didn’t talk to each other and I spent my nights crying myself to sleep and when we finally talked, it didn’t feel the same. I remember you getting too tired to fix my broken pieces because you have been wounded by them so bad so you just walked away and left them even more broken than before. I remember your hands that were too strong before, too strong to hold me, I remember how I made them weak that’s why you can’t hold on to mine anymore and had to let go of your tight grip. I remember you replacing the word ‘promise' with ‘sorry’, ‘I am always here’ with ‘I wish I was there for you’, ‘I would never leave you’ with ‘I guess this is goodbye.’ I remember you leaving, like everybody else does. I vividly remember it.

But what bugs me the most is that I couldn’t remember some things, I was known as the person who remembers everything but then there came things that I couldn’t recall, even some moments of them. I couldn’t remember the sincerity in your eyes when you told me I was beautiful, I couldn’t remember you being there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, I couldn’t remember how you would do everything just to ease the pain, I remember you telling me you love me but I couldn’t remember you meaning it. It bothers me how I remember the smallest details in everything, how I could remember the colour of my first iPhone case, the meal I ate when I was 7 years old and watching my favourite cartoons, the t-shirt I wore on a birthday party before. But I couldn’t remember the things that were worth remembering.

And then it hit me, epiphany hit me.  **I only remember the things that really happened. I only remember the things that were real. I only remember the things that were true.
wesley mcmillon Aug 2015
I remember the jaw dropping moment of you walking into creative writing for the first time.

I remember passing notes daily

I remember the first time we went downtown with our drunkard friend.

I remember sitting in the cold in front of the pond and listening to you ramble.

I remember how happy I was.

I remember how hard I tried to impress you.

I remember it all like it was yesterday.

I remember you going missing from class.

I still remember the stomach churning worry that came with it.

I remember you coming back just to leave again

I remember the years we didn't talk. They were lonely.

I remember seeing you go the first time in forever.

I remember sitting in that swing and holding back tears as I confided in you about how sad I was.

I remember the absence of you again.

I remember sitting at the bus stop talking to you before I had to work.

I remember the night you had a small get together and invited me.

I remember how hard I smiled for the first time in years.

I remember coming over and spending the night with you.

I remember the ****** tension.

I remember laying in bed and inching closer.

I remember how cold your lips were when I kissed you for the first time.

I remember rolling around in bed naked and taking candid pictures of one another.

I remember being officially unofficial.

I remember walking to and fro my house to yours.

I remember you playing guitar.

I remember vaping until we were dizzy.

I remember you getting the text from your ex

I remember losing you to your ex

I remember the devastation.

I remember still seeing you daily.

I remember how awkward it was.

I remember you telling me you wanted to be with me.

I remember then running to meet you half way.

I remember hugging you as if to pull you into my body.

I remember him losing his spot by your side.

I remember fighting.

I remember hating it.

I remember still seeing you and talking things out.

I remember kissing late into the night.

God I remember so much.

I remember going downtown with Dessi.

I remember realizing how deeply I love you.

I remember the pain of missing a night by your side, it's like a bruise on the bottom of my foot.

I remember all the days I spent keeping you company  at work.

I remember getting pulled over with you in the car.

I remember the look of dread.

I remember with no regrets.

I remember your smell from 4500 miles away.

I will remember and cherish every second we spend at one another's side.

And with all these memories behind us in such short time

I know that when I turn my head back to watch my steps I'll see all we have to look foreword to.
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
I remember when you first spoke and the euphoria that swelled through me like a person that just won the lottery.

I remember the look on your face when i first played a song for you. How you already fell in love.

I remember hearing your voice in person for the first time. I turned around and felt my first weakness when I layed my eyes on you.

I remember kissing you on the lake for the first time and then getting bit by a million fire ants.

I remember how cold it was that night on your trampoline like a wave of ice hit us. But my heart kept me warm with the thought of you beside me.

I remember the nights we spent in my room talking and laughing over silly nonsense and creating memories that will last forever in my brain.

I remember showing your mother the ring I got for you.

I remember how I kept telling you to get your nails done for no specific reason.

I remember the day perfectly when I took you to the zoo.

I remember speaking to my friends as I walked over to you saying i dont know what to say.

I remember grabbing your hand and getting on one knee to tell you "I know I havent known you long, but I know i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so genna, will you marry me."

I remember how fast you replied yes to which I asked "are you sure?" And then you said it again.

I remember how you wouldnt let go of hugging me like you wanted this moment to not go by. To savour that moment like a fine wine.

I remember when you wore my uniform and you looked so adorable in it.

I remember the hours before our wedding felt like years. But I couldnt have been more excited.

I remember turning around and feeling that same weakness I felt when I first met you.

I remember the red lipstick you wore.

I remember the train that interrupted our wedding and we laughed.

I remember sweeping you off your feet and carrying you away.

I remember when we bought our first apartment and it fell apart on us.

I remember bringing our cats home.

I remember the night I cried and held you in my arms with the thought I was going to lose you to cancer.

I remember I didnt want to let go.

I remember when you made your first piece of clothing.

I remember the day you recorded me flipping a bottle onto a ledge over and over.

I remember how you used to try and catch me singing.

I remember the day I had to leave you for Afghanistan.

I remember how you snuck into the side of the building to kiss me goodbye one more time.

I remember the last time i looked at our home before i flew away.

I remember when I broke your heart.

I remember when I lied to you.

I remember when I said wed fix this.

I remember when I failed.

I remember when you cut your hair and i hated it but still supported it.

I remember when I came home from deployment and I heard your voice in the distance running to me.

I remember your hug and kiss.

I remember how happy we felt.

I remember that everything felt fine.

But I remember the day you said you cant do this anynore.

And I remember when I gave up..

I remember how much you begged for me to stay but I didnt listen.

I remember the day I kicked you out.

I remember when I realized I failed again.

I remember how damaged you were.

I remember how scared you were.

I remember how empty my apartment feels

I remember how empty my heart feels

How empty I Feel.

I remember the days, the weeks, the months, the years.

And I will remember today.

Memories that are forever embedded and scarred into my brain and body.

                         I cant forget.
The most personal poem ive written. If anyone reads this youll basically see my marriage fall apart with me.
chrissy c a Aug 2015
I still remember the first time I ever met you,
I still remember where we were,
I still remember we were right beside each other,
I still remember the way you talked,
I still remember your first girlfriend and the way you used to be around her,
I still remember wishing it was me and not her.
I still remember our inside jokes, and how bad they were,
I still remember the first night we spoke on the phone,
I still remember telling myself to get it together,
I still remember how close we got, 3 years later.
I still remember your sense of humour, and your love to make everyone around you happy,
I still remember how quiet you can get whilst you were thinking,
I still remember the first time we hugged, and how awkward it was,
I still remember the time you came to the airport to say goodbye,
I still remember you telling me how you felt about me, a year later,
I still remember getting annoyed because our times didn’t work together,
I still remember that night that you asked me to be your girlfriend,
I still remember the goosebumps that I felt when I said yes,
I still remember the excitement I feel whenever I get a text,
I still remember the frustrations we felt as the seas put our love to the test,
I still remember the disbelief I felt as I finally flew back and I saw you again,
I still remember the first time you held my hand,
I still remember my fingers memorising your face,
I still remember how you made me feel,
I still remember the way you kissed my shoulders,
I still remember the way you loved me,
I still remember your friends telling me how I made you feel,
I still remember how they told me you were always missing me,
I still remember the way your eyes looked as they stared at me,
I still remember how that made me feel,
I still remember how I cried as I looked at your picture in the plane, the second time we said goodbye
I still remember how our love died, as time passed
I still remember the way our calls got shorter
I still remember how your reasons got longer
I still remember crying over you, no longer of joy, but of pain
I still remember asking the Lord, what is there left to gain
I still remember you giving up,
I still remember my heart breaking,
I still remember demanding you, is this all what you’ve got?
I still remember the last time we said goodbye.
I still remember the nights that made me cry,
I still remember writing it all down as my emotions died,
I still remember all of this a year later,
I still remember how in love our love made me feel.
I still remember how I wished those heartaches were never real.
Riley Whelan Sep 2013
Remember the time
I thought I liked you
But it only lasted a week.
Remember the time
I cursed for the first time;
And it was at you.

Remember the time
I liked you for an entire year
And obsessed over you.
Remember the time
You teased me everyday.

Remember the time
We used to take piano from the same woman
And I saw you at a lesson one day.
Remember the time
You told me about the night
The black thing came to you,
Up your arm.

Remember the time
We spent backstage
Goofing off.
Remember the time
I wrote about how much I hated you
In my diary,

Remember the time
I dated your best friend
And you were the obligatory third wheel.
Remember the time
You threatened to punch me
Because I made fun of the girl you liked.

Remember the time
We spent during choir practice
Looking at squirrels through the window.
Remember the time
You told me
"I don't care what homeroom I have,
As long as you're not in it."

Remember the time
The stinkbug kept following your shoes
In Spanish class.
Remember the time
You threw a pinecone at me
Because I deserved it.

Remember the time
We sat together in all our classes.
Remember the time
I dreamed about you
In my front room.

Remember the time
We Skyped for three hours.
Remember the time
I beat you up
Because I was angry.

Remember the time
My two best friends started dating
Because you finally got up the courage and asked her.
Remember the time
You told me you wanted to break up with her.

Remember the time
You stole my Sharpies
Until I asked him out.
Remember the time
You broke up with her
And avoided me for a week.

Remember the time
We spent after school,
Studying for Spanish.
Remember the time
I was scared of you
But walked with you,
In silence.

Remember the time
You had a rave in class
And asked me to tape it.
Remember the time
I cut myself
And you got mad at me
And we spoke even less.

Remember the time
The algebra teacher threatened to separate us
Because we talked too much in class.
Remember the time
I messaged you
And messaged you
And you wouldn't answer.

Remember the time
You and your mum invited me to dinner.
Remember the time
I saw you for the first time
In two months
And, despite the same clothes
And hair,
You looked like a stranger.

Remember the time
You asked him out for me.
Remember the time
We Skyped for five minutes
And had nothing to say.

Remember the time
You held my hand all period
Because you were cold.
Remember the time
You told me you were insane
And we couldn't be like we used to.

Remember the time
You told me not to worry,
That we were still the same, relationship-wise.

Remember the time
You told me not to cry
But I did.

Remember the time
You held me while I sobbed,
The first time you'd ever seen me cry.

Remember the time
You assured me you'd be fine.

Remember the time
I shook while you held my hands.

Remember the time
You hugged me after class,
A week later
And I nearly cried of happiness.

Remember the times.

Do you remember the times?
Because it seems all I'm doing these days
Is remembering you.
To Austin. I miss you, bro.
Ozzie May 2019
“We don’t remember days, we remember moments.”

I remember four boys
willing to take in a lost kid.
I remember meeting him
in the middle of a winter night.
I remember meeting him
when we got lost among the rocks.
I remember meeting him
in an island bakery.
I remember meeting him
when I tripped into his life.

I remember that first gathering,
how awkward and nervous I was.
I remember not wanting to speak
for fear of ruining everything.
I remember mad libs in the dark,
how I never knew my turn.
I remember telling them my age,
for I am but a child in this world.
I remember talks under the stars,
how we were never tired yet.

I remember hearing his voice
and being surprised by him.
I remember adventures in the trees,
learning what it means to be mortal.
I remember learning his language
and completely butchering it.
I remember keeping him up,
how he claimed to never be tired.
I remember the sound of his voice
and the color of his eyes.

I remember his unique accent
and how mesmerized I was.
I remember the forbidden mine
that echoed with our laughter.
I remember the stories he told
and the memories he shared.
I remember hearing his dream,
how he wants to change the world.
I remember the way he spoke
and the hope he gave me.

I remember being nervous around him
and not wanting to mess up.
I remember when he called me friend,
how happy and proud I felt.
I remember his bad jokes
and the chaos he caused.
I remember his description of me,
how beautifully he thought of me.
I remember the strength in his words
and the safety I felt in them.

I remember how he stumbled
and how embarrassed he was.
I remember complimenting him,
how flushed his cheeks got.
I remember his infectious laugh
and the brilliant smile that joined it.
I remember how he treated everyone,
how he made all of them feel loved.
I remember seeing the universe in his eyes
and finally feeling free.

I remember hearing his voice
and how it shook with fear.
I remember his unique accent
and how choked up it was.
I remember him being nervous
and not wanting to slip up.
I remember how he stumbled
and how terrified he was.

I remember my skin
and all the blood it let.
I remember the pain,
how I went numb.
I remember the tears
and how they stung.
I remember my breaths
and my struggling lungs.
I remember it wasn’t enough,
that there had to be more.

I remembered my boys.

I remembered their fear filled eyes.
I remembered their tear-stained cheeks.
I remembered their hitching breaths.
I remembered their shaking voices.
I remembered their worrying hands.

I remembered.

I remembered
I needed them.

I remembered
They needed me.

I remembered my family.

I remembered
I couldn’t leave them.

I remembered to live.
For my sweet boys
Nicole Joanne Mar 2015
I remember the first time I saw you,
you were on the front left side of the gym
walking to the sign in table,
I knew you'd be important somehow.

I remember the first time we talked,
we were on the bleachers on the back right side of the gym,
you sat in front of me talking to your friend, my friend,
I knew I wanted you.

I remember when you first started sitting with us,
we sat in the painted-floor circle in the middle of the gym
It took some time before I worked up the nerve to say
"Oh hey, I have that free too! I'm usually in the cafeteria."

I remember the first time you spent a free with us,
front half of the cafeteria, middle row, back table
you taught me how to unlock a password locked phone.
I remember your colourful shirt with black sleeves, you wore it often,
I remember hoping you'd be there every free after that,
and you came a lot after that.
I think we were the reason for the vending machine shortage,
we probably bought all of the chocolate chip cookie ice-creams.

I remember the first time talking about you,
and I remember the first time being told "he's not a good idea."
I remember the first time being told "you like him, don't you?"
and I remember the first time you invited us to your house
we didn't go because I was scared

I remember the first time I got your number,
and I remember trying to contain my excitement.
I remember walking all the way home to get my long-board
because you said you would skate with me
you haven't seen your skateboard in years but you decided to leave that little detail out and pretend you were going to look for it

I remember the first time we hung out alone,
I remember the park, I remember the swings.
I remember returning there months later
and laying on the grass looking at the light blue sky.

I remember looking at the dark blue sky,
and the starry night on the high-school field just months later.
You held my hand for the first time that night.
I was locked out of my house that night.
You walked me home that night.

When I got home you walked off singing 'Rude'
and I remember thinking "I am so *******."

I remember the first time you kissed me,
it was on my forehead.
I remember the first time I kissed you,
and your shocked reaction.
I remember you falling asleep,
and the twitching of your jaw,
and they way you pulled me closer.
I remember laying on the hammock with you
watching the day turn to night.

I remember the first time I went to kiss you on the lips,
and I remember you taking out a cigarette
and crossing to the window.

"I'm not as stupid as you may think"

I remember you leaving,
I remember getting hurt,
I remember falling apart.

I remember your explanation,
and I remember kicking myself for understanding.
I remember you saying you're not ready.

I remember when you decided you were ready,
I remember the first time you kissed me on the lips,
(waiting for almost a year was about to **** me)
and I remember thinking for the first time in years,
'i might get hurt. but that's alright. that's alright.'

Two months short of a year ago I met you,
and I don't remember the feeling I got the first time I saw you,
because you can't remember what never disappeared.

you're important, somehow.
i knew i wanted you.

(NJ2015) (All Rights Reserved)
Cailey Weaver Jun 2020
I remember the hugs you used to give me before I really knew you.

I remember feeling weirded out by you asking me out over instagram.

I remember the first time I stood close to you, thinking I felt something there.

I remember you saying hurtful things in the beginning.

I remember sitting in the back of my car, just talking until 1am.

I remember being unsure if I wanted to be with you at first.

I remember sitting on the floor of my dorm, and asking you to kiss me because you were too oblivious to do so.

I remember feeling rushed by your want for instant commitment.

I remember how much I wanted you, and how right it felt being with you.

I remember feeling weird about dating someone from work.

I remember the times you made me cry of happiness.

I remember being hesitant about going public about our relationship.

I remember times I was shocked at how intelligent you seemed.

I remember being frustrated at how stubborn you were sometimes.

I remember how happy it felt to be in the car with you.

I remember the times when you let me down or left me to my own devices when I was sad.

I remember how you made me feel like I was a kid again.

I remember the time I sat crying on the floor after you told me I'd have to give up passing my culture to my kids.

I remember wearing your jacket in North Carolina because it made me feel like you were there.

I remember talking to my guy friend on New Year's because you went to sleep and missed midnight.

I remember the smell of your laundry detergent and how it makes me smile even now.

I remember the times you said you weren't sure if you wanted me around.

I remember loving your family and wanting to be a part of it.

I remember your family kicking me out onto the street when I became an inconvenience.

I remember the times I just wanted to stare at your face because I couldn't believe I loved someone this much.

I remember wondering if you ever truly loved me.

I remember the things you did for me that made me feel loved and complete.

I remember the times when I felt like a burden to you.

I remember the times you were truly there when I needed you, even when it was inconvenient to you.

I remember the times when you weren't.

I remember the kisses you'd give before going to work in the morning.

I remember feeling lonely on the days I didn't hear from you.

I remember loving your flaws, because they were a part of you.

I remember telling myself that your behavior was ok because there was an explanation.

I don't want to remember the ugly. I know it was there. But I don't want to think of you that way. I want to think of you fast asleep on my chest after a long day.

I want to think of not being able to wake you up because you are such a heavy sleeper.

I want to think of you getting excited over snails.

I want to think of your kindness.

I want to think of your love.

But that is not all there was.

There was hurt. There was pain. And there were times I sacrificed who I was to be loved by you.

But I don't want to remember that. I want to remember the love.
No matter how much your heart will remind you of the good things, the not so good things are always hiding between the lines. The only way to move on is to remind yourself of the imperfection, and the times you hurt, because otherwise the good will keep hurting you forever. It's not the pain we get over when we move on, it's the love.
aubrey sochacki Jan 2017
i remember january 2, 2015 like it was yesterday.
i remember waking up at 9:14 am with my cousin.
i remember my brother coming in my room to tell us my nonni was dead.
i remember yelling at him, like it was his fault or something.
i remember being angry.
i remember not knowing when i'd smile again.
i remember not being able to breathe.
i remember my mom coming home for the first time in five days.
i remember going through photos for the funeral.
i remember pulling out the black dress she always loved on me.
i remember three days later, seeing my nonni, so still, still beautiful.
i remember my friends and family hugging me.
i remember being numb.
i remember crying so much, i couldn't even read the eulogy i wrote.
i remember my uncle singing "you raise me up" for her.
i remember  january 6th, her funeral.
i remember slipping that black dress on.
i remember being there.
i remember people talking.
i remember a priest.
i remember maria squeezing my arm.
i remember paula reading a Bible verse.
i remember my mom holding me as my body shook.
i remember wailing as everyone took communion.
i remember not being able to stand.
i remember my friends and family trying to hug me.
i remember them carrying her out.
i remember taking a rose off her casket.
i remember holding that rose so tight, that the thorns cut my skin.
i remember remembering everything my nonni ever did or said.
i remember not thinking i'd ever get through this.
i remember screaming.
i remember trying to hide the pain.
i remember being broken.
i remember not being able to breathe.
i remember hurting.
i remember everything.
i remember her.
i remember
I remember standing out on my front porch at exactly noon
I was wearing my pajamas and my hair was down,
Unwashed and wavy,
Framing my face and wrapping itself around my neck at the slightest hint of wind
I remember being nervous--
No, I take it back,
I wasn't nervous
I was filled with dread
I was barefoot out on the deck, holding a single plastic bag filled with your belongings
I gripped it loosely
Hoping that the breeze would blow it away
Hoping that the breeze would ******* away
In my other hand, I was holding a tall, full glass of tap water
And there was an apple in the chair beside me
Just in case you were hungry

I remember watching you make your way up my street
Your jeans were ***** and your long, dark brown hair was plastered to your face with sweat
Your cheeks were red
And your knuckles were white from clenching and unclenching your fist the whole way here
It must have been ninety degrees
But your flannel was neatly buttoned up all the way to your throat

I remember hearing your laboring breaths as you mounted the driveway
I remember reminiscing as I listened,
Thinking of all the times when your breath was hot and heavy on my neck
And how I could taste the sweat of your skin

I remember how your shoes beat a determined rhythm into the wooden boards of the stairs
I remember how far you stood from me
How I wiped at my eyes with the sleeves of my sweatshirt
And I could see your chest rising and falling through your flannel

I remember offering you the glass of water
And how you accepted it graciously
I remember telling you that I wished I could have provided refreshments the last time you were forced to make the inclined journey to my house with nothing but your two feet clad in cheap sneakers
I remember that wincing smile you gave me just before you put the rim of the glass to your lips
I remember watching you as you drained the cup,
Your head tilted back and your eyes closed

I remember you asking me if I was okay
And how that brought more tears to the surface than I had originally planned on showing you
I remember covering my mouth with one hand and shaking my head
I remember how you stepped forward and took me into your arms
I remember dropping the plastic bag and desperately wrapping my own arms around you
I remember pressing my body to yours as close and as tight as I could
For as long as I could
I remember feeling your heart beating against mine
And burying my face in the refuge of your neck,
Smelling your skin

I remember how you pulled away from me
And how I stared into your eyes,
Silently begging you to give me another chance
Silently telling you that I had changed
Because I had
But not in a way that would make you want to take me back
I remember watching you pick up the bag
And make fists with your hands as tears streamed down my face
I remember telling myself not to wipe them away
I remember wanting you to see them so you would always remember how much pain you had inflicted on my heart that day

I remember watching you give me a small, resigned smile
And watching you turn away towards the steps
I remember the word "wait" building up in my chest and clawing it's way up my throat and breaking out from between my lips
I remember how loud my voice sounded in the solemn silence
And how you flinched before turning back around to face me

I remember asking you for one last kiss
And how I noticed that your eyes were watering and your hands were shaking
I remember you coming back up those steps and taking my face in your hands and kissing me with all of the desperation I had been storing inside for the previous three days
I remember kissing you back, hard
And how you broke it off suddenly when I started to trace your lips with the tip of my tongue
I remember telling you that I was sorry
Even though the only thing I regretted was the fact that you had pulled away

I remember you telling me that it was okay and watching you wipe the last traces of my love off of your mouth with the back of your hand
I remember feeling as though someone had lit a match and had forced me to swallow it
I remember you reaching out and brushing the hair out of my eyes and tucking it behind my ears
I remember hearing you tell me goodbye even though it felt like there was so much left to say
I remember you walking back down the street and out of my life
Blue Dec 2019
remember when you told me you love me? remember when you said we were always meant to be? remember when you said i was gonna be your only one? when you said you were in it for the long run? when you said you would never break my heart? when you told me nothing could ever tear us apart? remember when you held me when i cried? when you were always right there by my side? remember when you would stab yourself in order to just keep me alive? remember when you said no matter what happens you'll always take me as your bride? remember when our love was always full of laughter ? remember when for our love you were always a fighter? remember when you came rescue me in the burning flames? remember when you came to me everytime i shouted your name? remember when you would always pick me up cause i was so small? remember when we would always do anything just to get across even if we have to crawl? remember when you got to me even if it took your last breath? when you said our love is eternal until both meet one's death? remember when you brought me to the light when i got lost in the dark? remember everytime after you licked me you would always leave a mark? remember when you always bandaged me when i was bleeding? remember when you said the way i tease you was so pleasing? remember when you would touch me all over my body ? remember when you would always randomly tackle me? remember when you called me your only baby? remember when we were that couple that everyone envied? remember when you said you would never trade me for money? remember when everytime your body was against mines there was always a huge smile on my face? you probably didn't know, but, every single thing you did made my heart f*cking race. remember those times when our cuddling got intense ? remember those times when you massage me gently i never did self-defense? remember when you kissed me through the pain? remember when we got through the rain? when you held my hand? when you weren't afraid too let everyone know you were my man? when you told me i was the only one who matters? when you told me we will always take this path together? remember when we kissed? remember when we hugged? remember when you said i was your beloved? remember when you said we will always go on? no matter what went wrong? remember when we planned our future? remember when you told me you would always give me an amazing adventure? do you remember? that you said we would always be forever? when you told me the day we will be apart is never? I remember. I do cause sometimes when i look in the sky I still see you. it all disappeared in just a flash it's sad that all of it burnt down into ash from now on your just a memory that I’ll just bury...
Samantha Creek Aug 2012
I can remember my 9 year old hands scrapping macabre words on top those tortured blue lines that pitied my gated head.  
I can remember my down the street friends, lips turned purple, from the snow temperature, glistening watered creek in my yard.
I can remember the quivering muscles in my stomach begging me not upchuck a landslide of overflowing butterflies on that summer night when he took my hand.
I can remember shutting out the lights on that one night while the cross hanging on my wall starred me down to fall to my knees and pray for the rotten wood in my heart to be repaired.
I can remember turning over away from that cross and find comfort in the damp pillow trailing a broken path to my withered eyes.
I can remember the thrown away unopened lunches falling free from my fingertips and throat.
I can remember my stomach hating me and my mind thinking in happy confetti-like gestures with a piñata full of echo’s, because candy insides are the devil.
I can remember abandoned dinners when spiders that took my place to cobweb my chair, and my food in the trashcan.
I can remember remnants of silver, sharp-toothed squares being injected on my skin and used as crayons.
I can remember the tree’s with broken arms smiling at me as I sat under the black leaves sharing their loneliness with me and I never did mind.
I can remember my lullaby had the same frequency as the jumpy breathes fluttering from my sunken lips harmonizing with the drops of my tears and blood.
I can remember the creature starring back at me in my bedroom and we had matching scars.
I can remember I hated her.
I can remember she hated me.
I can remember the young, immature boys with sharpened tongues quick with words that constricted the evil accumulating my skeleton as if I did not already know what needed to disappear.
I can remember my lips faking exposure of my tarnished, ***** teeth with the corners of my mouth turned up and the reflection of my cross blurred in the two windows on my body.
I can remember his voice on the other end of the phone line as he confessed his love at the same time while he was the tracing paper on my skin and I was that paper’s captain with a sharp, shiny penknife.
I can remember skipping the blue skies outside my chambered bed failing to search for the keys, but I was the guard and they were hanging on my cross.
I can remember falling to my bathroom floor, cold and sweaty begging for forgiveness as I gave my body and soul away to the undertaker when I checked off sin number “too many”.
I can remember God’s smile at me from the heavens and my heart being split open but not the bad kind of split, the kind that burst in the presence of grace.
I can remember the growling of my stomach scaring me away into night terrors, every night but they soon became my home.
I can remember sitting on the floor as my older sister, with her packed bags, walking out my house into her adult world and I was not at her car door waving goodbye.
I can remember my older brother leaving for college and I ignored the door shut.
I can remember my selfishness floating in the hands of Satan for he is the record sin keeper.
I can remember church pews darkening as I sat up from them because my sins squeezed inside and left scars, but that golden, stained glass alter at the front kept them in line all nice and tidy, and I would smile back.
I can remember that beige bread chiseled heavenly by the hands of God resting in the little golden doors behind God’s chair sprinting down my throat and planted seeds of glory in my withered and dry garden.
I can remember the holy water raining in my stomach praying for minerals of bits of food.
I can remember the blood in my veins fighting the layers of my skin rebuilding crooked patches that did match my normal skin color because I was the chemical warfare throwing rusted razors and bow and arrows penetrating the fortress just above my veins.  
I can remember needles and stitching living in the doctor’s drawer untouched by my skin even though my name has been reserved on them 47 times.
I can remember breathing.
I can remember praying.
I can remember living.
I can remember remembering this when I am 100 years old.
Dishes Jul 2015
I dont remember the first time we spoke,
or the last but I remember all the times in between,
I remember my birthday in Pre K when you came to visit me for lunch because my mother couldnt,
I remember when you first taught me the "hambone song" and every easter egg hunt, every ripped open christmas gift, I remember every picture on the walls and the smell of your cologne,
I remember the first time I heard you had cancer,
I didnt know what it meant,
but I cried,
I cried because I also remembered my moms best friend being the first death I wtinessed because of whatever cancer was,
I remembered her skinny body getting thinner and thinner as the cancer weathered her away and I remember my mom crying at the funeral but I was too confused and scared to cry,
now hearing that this disease was inside the only respectable male figure in my life at the time was terrifying,
then I remember learning it was only in your finger and they simply removed it and that was that, I wasnt sure why it didnt work that way with Darlene.
I remember all the jokes you used to make and how everyone had a nickname,
I remember how you made the best breakfast anywhere ever,
I remember your cataract surgery, I remember every hopsital visit I was present for and i remember the pain you went through when your wife of 55 years died of a heart attack, the wife you fed cleaned and clothed because her mental capacity had been severly hindered by annurisms and strokes past, and who you loved till the very end.
I remember that funeral making more sense and the whole death thing being alot easier to grasp,
I cried at that one.
I remember the second time I heard you had cancer,
in the same finger,
and they removed it the same way.
I remember you driving an hour from new orleans just to bring us satsumas and make my mom laugh,
I remember the third time they said you had cancer and it was something worse,
in your lungs,
and it was some monster with a name I was familiar with from tv,
mesothelioma, I remember them saying you had no more than 6 months to live and I was only a freshman then with no respect for authority and no understanding of the importance of appreciating your time with people,
I remember the law suits,
I remember you paying off our house,
and our land note,
and I remember you being so sick at one point you couldnt leave your bed,
there was liquid pooling in your lungs and weighing them down on your spina nd I can only imagine that feels like having glass shoved throgh your back from the inside out,
you layed and bore it for days with the pain medication,
you took so much you couldnt really function, just to avoid the pain, and it want really working..
I remember my aunt walking in on you trying to load your revolver and having to wrestle it from your hands,
my aunt told me in tears that you asked her to let you **** yourself,
I remember you getting better when they put some talc in your lungs to absorb the liquid,
and you got better.
well for a couple months,
and things seemed to be looking up,
but then it came back in full force,
and I guess at this point you deserved the rest,
i remember looking at your body in the casket and thinking
"this is the last time ill see you?  thats not fair"
I remember looking around the room at family and friends I had never met and thinking of all the people you were leaving behind and sobbing because it was not ******* fair,
I remember your mother having to bury you in her 99th year on earth,
I remember your casket being closed and the poems my cousins read but I was too shy to write,
I remember riding in the limo on the way to bury you and how we all joked to keep our mind off it,
and I remember wanting to ***** as my stomach twisted watching your coffin be placed into your grave next to the wife you married as a ahandsome young man with your whole life ahead of you,
I thought in that moment if you knew all the lives youd effect or create,
I just wanted to say thankyou because I never did and now I couldnt ever.
like I said I dont remember the first time or last time we spoke but I remember everything in between and not even death can take those memories from me I will drag them to the bottom of hell with me if I have to.
cliche title but,
whatever fam
this was such a needed write for me
E B Sep 2015
I remember when i found out
my heart had left my body and my hands were trembling

I remember when you were my best friend and we were inseparable

I remember making forts together with the basement cushions

I remember dancing through the days with the top hits of 2002

I remember when you started staying out all night and sneaking in 

I remember when you changed your friends

I remember when your eyes didn’t look the same

I remember when you showed me a green plant

I remember when you showed me a small pill
I remember when I took drugs with you
and we danced through the day just like old times

I remember when you were dragged down the hallway by your hair
and all I could see was your feet flailing
and all i could hear was your piercing screams

I don’t remember you for fourteen months

until you came back for thanksgiving

I remember your eyes didn’t look the same

I remember your voice was different 

I remember your legs looked like small branches
and your cheeks were sunken in

I don’t remember you for two months

I remember when you went away
and you said you were going to get better

I remember before you left
we laid in my bed
and you showed me your scars
and told me your stories

I remember you looked me in the eyes and told me everything was going to be okay

I remember you crying through the nights
taking endless cold water baths
and throwing up until the sun came up

I remember the day you left and all you wanted to do was smoke one last cigarette

I don’t remember you for three weeks

I remember you when you came back
I remember you gained weight

I remember you looked healthy

I remember you glowing with beauty

I remember my mom finding a spoon in the drawer of the bed side table
with burnt cotton

I remember her telling me not to come home because she didn’t want me to be there when she told you to leave

I remember you called me and you cried
and you said sorry to me

I don’t remember you for eighteen months

until you called your dad three days before my birthday
and said you used his insurance for rehab and you needed money for your prescription

I don’t remember you for two months

I remember you at thanksgiving but your mind wasn’t there 
just your body

I’m sure I won’t remember you for another seven months.
Addiction is a strange thing.
MKD Jul 2015
I remember it was cold.
I remember that it hurt.
I remember you didn't care.
I remember you never could.
I remember what you said.
Do you still remember me?

I remember it was warm.
I remember smiling.
I don't remember being happy.
I remember someone caring.
I remember not believing them.
I remember how they wouldn't talk to me sometimes.
Did it really happen?

I remember wind.
I remember crying.
I remember you were there.
I remember you noticed me, and turned away.
I remember crumbling.
Did you notice that too?

I remember hiding.
I remember someone laughing.
I don't remember anything funny.
I remember falling.
I remember being scared.
Do you know why?

I don't remember the weather.
I don't remember her name.
I don't remember how your arms felt around me.
I don't remember feeling loved.
I don't remember your favorite color.
Have you forgotten me too?

I don't remember the season.
I don't remember your middle name.
I remember your favorite band.
I don't remember how your lips felt against mine.
I don' remember the beginning.
I remember the end, sort of like this.
This, is what I was scared of.
I remember

I remember the excitement of being told  there's someone new I'm going to meet;

I remember the thoughts that did a marathon through my mind;

I remember the love I felt immediately❤️ as I ran my hand gently across my sacred keep...

I remember joy of new life as it overwhelmed me with new feelings;

I remember the constant talks we had as you'd give a fluttered kick in agreement.

I remember the songs we sang and I could tell you were attempting to fall into the clouds;

I remember the names we came up with and I'd ask for your opinion;

I remember automatically feeling a best friend in you;

I remember never feeling love like this before;

I remember planning our lives from your birth to wedding day.

I remember dedicating my entire soul to you and only you.

I remember I cradling  you inside me, securing that you're safe.

I remember the curiosity of your personality and character;

I remember packing the overnight bag anxiously awaiting your arrival.

I remember the desperation of bringing you into my world.

I remember your knock at the door became a little faint...

I remember praying to God to covet you the air I breathe.

I remember going into labor and you were as silent as the dark night;

I remember the doctor not being able to look at me

I remember the feeling of death running through  me.

I remember asking God why not me?

I remember holding you for the first time as your nose bled down my gown.

I remember the kiss from me to you our final goodbye;

I remember your baptism and sending you to heavens about with thy Father;

I remember laying you to rest in attendance with our loved ones,

I remember the casket closing and wanting to be inside with you.

I remember the anger inside being downright intolerable;

I remember feeling lonely with suicidal thoughts.

I remember asking my God that strengthens me with all his might.

I remember you today and always!

For My son:
Asha Kimo Dec 2019
Remember the moment
When you felt uncertain
Questioning life's rules
And why it has been cruel
Wanting the agony
To just go away
You felt like no choice
Was given to you
Forgetting that not everything
Is just handed to you
So you pick up the blade
And you slice your skin
Freeing the pain
Remember the peace
Watching the blood drip
With such sweet release
Numbing the anguish
That comes when you feel
Hating the voices that whisper
Your weak
But every scar heals
After it leaks

Remember that day
That just paved the way
For all of the monsters
To make you forget you
Remember that man
That claimed your free will
He took you by force
He made you despise you
Remember the demons
That you tried to hide
Escaping the bottle
That you lock inside
Releasing the words
That make you alive

Remember that feeling
A feeling so small
Feeling so helpless
Because you weren't tall
Now do you remember the fact
That you are still here
Those monsters are out there
But you should not care
If Belief was a shield
You'll never stay bare
An armor Faith healed
Will always be there
Those monsters are not you
I know life's not fair
You've made you become you
So remember I care
We're all here within you
Remember we're there
The voices inside
Are the voices that care
One body, one mind
Yet the soul we all share

Remember the moment
That caused you to smile
Remember the feeling
It might take a while
Remember the feeling
That caused you to see
That not all men out there
Are the monsters you've seen
With blinded closed eyes
It gets hard to see
That beautiful lies
Do not come for free
A price is a cost
That comes with a fee
A hefty large sum
You must pay to Me
I mean to yourself
You see how hate comes
A backward wrong thought
And now truth is lost
And that is the cost
Remember the wrought
And never get caught
You teach what is taught
or I'll leave you with naught
My fight has been fought

Remember september
When you held your son
The feeling you can't name
It's too big words
The feeling you now know
Truly has worth
Remember that day
You knew with such certain
That all of your misery
Has brought you that moment
Remember the first time
You looked into his eyes
That feeling you can't name
It lives in your son's eyes
And everytime he sees You
It just like the time
You held him and realized
That feeling, is not a crime
Remember confusion
A mind overload
A struggle. you're losing
All your control
You're trying, you're doing
All on your own

Remember the man
That made you believe
That you were worth more
Than what you believe
Remember what he said
About what you hold inside
The power of your words
Should not be kept inside
Remember that man
And how he has changed
The way that you view life
By simply being kind

Remember the twelfth day of april
Its been a year since you wrote this poem
Your daughter's now here
Yes life has moved on
The struggles the pain
It never lasts long
Remember the hell you went through that year
The monsters the drugs
Your soul disappeared
You died and came back
And now you will heal
As god is your witness
You will persevere
Just look into her eyes
When you start to forget
Remember she sees you if no one else will
Remember she needs you
Your her world her key to
The life she deserves
Its her fate that you hold
So stay strong and don't fold

Remember the words
That you have to say
The words that can help
Those feeling this way
Remember the pain
And how there’s no vain
For every memory
Just helps pave the way
For you to remember
That It's not in vain
A life has two paths
You live or you pass
So choose or move fast
Or this You won't last
Now remember this poem
It will help you remember
Remember the times
That you can't remember
Ezra Yelverton Jul 2018
I may not remember everything that you ever told me,
but I do remember the important things.
Don’t lie, cheat, or steal, don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself,
and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t.

I remember when I was kid I would get upset because I was the last one to be picked up from basketball practice,
I was so embarrassed because it would happen every time.
I didn’t realize it was because you were working to provide a life for us.
Thank you.
Do you remember when we moved to Kentucky?
You were so excited about your new job,
I still have that newspaper clipping from the interview that you did.
It’s in my box of things that I never want to forget,
I’ve had it since I was in the sixth grade.

Remember when I started to high-school?
I gave you hell right off the bat.
Smoking cigarettes, getting suspended, letting my grades drop.
But you never lost faith in me.
You were the only one.

I remember seeing you drink Zima as a kid.
I remember that time I fell off of my bike into a cactus,
you spent hours picking the spines out of my skin.
It hurt so badly but you told me that everything would be okay, and I believed you because you made it so.
I remember when you first got cancer, it was spring and I was three weeks shy of 16. You told me on April Fool’s Day.
My heart knotted when I learned that it wasn’t a joke.
Shortly after you left your job and things got rough
but I’ll be ****** if you didn’t make a way.

Phenomenal woman.

I remember when I came home from the Marine Corps. recruitment office, you cried because that’s not want you wanted for me.
Lucky for you I have a tattoo on my neck and wasn’t able to enlist.
I remember when you kissed me on my forehead and hugged me after that girl broke my heart.

I remember when your cancer came back,
this time in a different spot.
I don’t remember hearing you complain about it one single time.
Around that time your eldest grandson was born and you told us that was your reason to fight.
That boy loves his Gigi.
I remember the Christmas after that, you were so sad that you didn’t get us big gifts, but having you there with us was the only gift we needed.

I remember when you beat cancer for the second time, I made you a cake and hand decorated it,
it looked like **** but you loved it anyway.

I remember your smile.
I remember you being my support system when everyone else questioned my life choices.
I remember how much you loved me.

I remember when your cancer came back, the doctors here at home said they had already done everything they could for you.
They told you to accept your fate.
But you kept fighting.
I remember taking trips to Philly with you,
you were getting treatment there and I was to go with you because I was your primary caretaker, I even withdrew from school
I knew that taking care of you was the only thing that mattered.
Remember when I was a kid, and I was hospitalized with the chicken pox?
You were my safe place and you never left my side,
that’s what I intended to be for you.
I remember your final days, family and friends came from distant lands to say I love you one last time.
I remember the last thing you said to me.
I’m going to keep my promise. My heart of gold will never tarnish.

I remember the high-pitched laugh that would come out when something really tickled you.
I remember your spirit.
I remember that time you had one too many apple martinis, you never drank again after that.
I remember how mad you got because I kept getting tattoos.
I remember how happy it made you to call me your son.
I remember you demanding me to come over every time I got a haircut, simply because you wanted to see.
I remember always having you in my corner.

I remember you.
Firzaana Mohamed Sep 2020
I remember when I was the girl running in everyone's inbox everytime something went sour with them.
I remember when I talked with both parties of friendships or any other relationship and translated how they actually felt because they were too upset to actually hear each other out.
I remember still being constantly behind them even though they clearly didnt want me there.
I remember throwing concern all over the place trying to fix everything that went wrong simply because I don't like things going wrong.
I remember forcing people to breathe each other's air because they were too fixated in breaking something that was once good.
I remember crying with them when their hearts broke every single time, even though I kept advising them ways to avoid that pain.
I remember being too nice to people that I knew were taking advantage of me.
I remember putting my own lovelies and my own families behind to solve the trigonometries of people's lives.
I remember no one holding my head up on days that built a mountain on my back.
I remember being selfish because I wanted someone to hug me when I cried.
I remember being a bad daughter because I didn't get the bread she asked me for and because my boring depressing excuse couldn't quite cut it.
I remember telling people to no longer tell me about their issues if they weren't going to take my advise when I give them and I remember holding those same people together despite of them being stupidly stubborn.
I remember being left out on several occasions because I just didn't suit the crowd and because I am too much.
I remember never being too much and I remember becoming too much to fix the awkwardness in any air.
I remember making myself the fool to raise another person's soul.
I remember remaining the fool because that's just how everyone else began to see me.
How do i revert to being the girl who was outcasted for years because she didn't share everyone else's opinion to being the girl that suppressed hers just to feel some sort of acceptance?
I remember being called a ***** because I supported someone else's choice to follow her heart rather than to be stuck in a relationship that only made her insides crumble by every second.
I remember when they said I didn't love my father because I refused to bawl at his funeral.
I remember being by his side all the nights he was in pain for years to and from three different hospitals with little to no sleep and still make it to work in the morning.
I remember how my brother told him that he hated him and how much it broke my heart to see his heart broken.
I remember always being left last because I wasn't old enough to know yet always being left to do things on my own because I was smart to enough to go complete all the legal requirements for certain necessities.
I remember being silenced of everything I believed and loved and felt because I was too young and I was too naive.
I remember loving someone to the point where I erased my value from this earth.
I remember being cheated one over and over and over again and I remember staying and I remember all the promises and I remember all the times those promised meant less and I remember the time when it meant nothing.
I remember being used for *** umpteen times but the one time I wanted a friend with benefits relationship it made me a ****.
I remember being told that I was too much and that I wasn't enough, confusing right?
I remember moving with everyday performing my daily duty of being a girl who understood, felt, compromised, laughed, made jokes, talked and talked and talked.

I remember how it felt to put everything behind me just to live a normal, socially accepted and "mature" life. And now they dare ask me to feel? They dare ask me to understand? They dare ask me to put myself in their position? They dare ask me to allow myself to be loved? They dare ask me too much ****. And they also dare ask me how do i do it?

#remember #dare #cry #outcast #iremember /#Jokes #support
Wuji Oct 2011
Remember when we would lay with each other?
Remember when all I needed was you?
Remember when you broke my heart?
Why am I even asking, of course you do.

Remember when the towers fell?
Remember when Osama died?
Remember when I loved you?
Do you remember all these crimes?

Remember all the smart *** comments?
Remember how your dad teased me?
Remember laughing together?
Remember what we used to be?

Remember all the good times?
Remember when we fell asleep on the chair?
Remember all our stupid fights?
Remember how much you really cared?

Remember when the towers fell?
Remember when Osama died?
Remember when I loved you?
Do you remember all these crimes?

Remember when I remembered,
All the things from our past?
Remember how you pushed me away?
Remember the thing we did last?

We held hands,
In a reassuring squeeze.
And I felt sick,
Right down to my knees.
Yet you gave me that look,
To tell me everything was gonna be alright.
That was a lie though,
I am too blind to have sight.

Remember when I wrote this?
Remember the pain I felt?
No, no you don't,
Because I kept it all to myself.

Remember when WE fell in love?
Remember when YOU lied?
Remember when I loved you?
Do you remember all of OUR crimes?

I can't forget.
I remember.

— The End —