I never knew I could love, Love.
B/c as a young girl, Love was..
Daddy’s anger flashing before our eyes.
It was all the lies,
That we insisted on living by.
Like “sometimes you need tough love”
Which usually consisted of..
Beatings for hair brushes left on the kitchen table.
Or Ma’s love for alcohol that made her unable,
To love me..
They way I needed to be.

It was the rule “out of sight, out of mind”
That always tried to turn a blind...
Eye to the things that never really felt right.  
Trying hard everyday to hold tight. 
Like those weave braids that I loved to hate,
B/c the gripping pain kept me up late.
Still, I never dared complained,
B/c I learned early that beauty was pain.
& my hair was to be a crown to a queen,
Taking the spotlight from all insecurities seen..
B/c let’s face it , middle school boys can be mean.
Always mocking my “white girl” name,
Digging up my dirty shame.
Then here came,
The “hot boys” that was full of game.
Always playing w/ my emotions,
Inviting drama like I ain’t already live w/ commotion.
Like I wasn’t already,
Unsteady.

“If it don’t apply, let it fly”
Like Mama said, “never let em see you cry”
But to be honest I was a bit confused,
Then again, slightly amused.
B/c I was taught boys are mean when they like you,
I learned early being hurt was something to value.
One day Ms. Jackson told me “pay em no mind”
But I thought it was only right that they’d, KISS MY BEHIND.
But I said nothing cuz I knew “stay in a child’s place”,
Letting my frustration take me to outer space.

Where there I could fantasize how it feels,
To be head over heels.
For someone who,
Doesn’t have to...
Live 2 lives w/ a chick on the side,
That usually end w/ Aunt E keying his ride.
Damn, there I go again , running my big ole mouth,
Telling people “what goes on in this house”.

It wasn’t long before I caught..
On to the idea that love wasn’t what I thought,
B/c this Love constantly resisted & fought!
& it too didn’t seem,
To want to be loved by this thing..
Called Love .

Then came the moment when lost, I found,
The most beautiful sound..
Of a heart beat living within me,
I was chosen to be..
His mother, & learn of everlasting..
Love that has been contrasting..
My views everyday.
& I must say,
I was going the wrong way,
Tryna find where Love stay.
& all along it’s been residing in me,
Both figuratively,
& literally.

It was a blessing when me & Darelle’s world clashed..
Together. & Together we smashed..
Down every figment,
Of what I thought Love meant.
Or should I say what Love was ..
Because...

Now, Love is,
My heart beat syncing w/ his.
Replacing my dark days with light,
Now, Love actually feels right.
It flows out naturally w/o trying,
Taking away my every breath w/o dying.
Life is renewed within me..
Every time I see..
Kamari’s beautiful face,
Watching his incredible soul fill up any space.
& now that I know,
What I know..  
I love,
Love.
How can it be?
A thousand words from the earth
under me.

I sprouted from an apple tree.

I've been growing,

flowing with the wind.

Silly me who thinks about the humanity
while I have plans to be

I'll sit under the apple tree
but I won't leave.

This giving tree
sells me apples for free.

My generosity has me smiling at ease
so please Mr. apple tree,
I'd like to grow with they
:)
Maggie N Jan 2017
Pushed out of the ball pit
too soon - into the sea.

Crashing around me;
breasts and long legs;
long stares, suddenly.

Kind words and
glances that pay attention,
make me feel
fairly self-conscious.

What I wear matters now,
but I'm not quite sure why.

Neighbours I have known
for years;
grown up on the same street as,
picked sweets from, out of bowls with
greedy, stubby fingers at halloween;
now flicker their eyes from my face to my chest,
as though to visually voice concern,
for the two rounded moulds formed
under my adolescent vest.

Friends of relatives, stop me to talk
for that little bit
extra
longer: a linger.

And then, all at once -
all of the boys who have touched me
all of the places I have been
time and time again:
the lights are on, off,
it makes no difference:
age, shape, face, eyes,
body-parts float
dismembered, detached
from the feeling,
like handshakes passed,
palm pressed firmly
against a strangers'

The kind gestures
that come with it
...and the mean ones too.
Cruel words, softly spoken,
Gently beaten, lightly choked
out of me:
will come alongside that vague
wanting of, yearning for
Safety.

But boys will be boys
and girls will be

Pushed out of the ball pit
too soon - into the sea.
Crashing
Amarys Dean Jul 22
I often wish that I was still a child.
So many things change when we grow up.
Innocence becomes lost,
days become shorter,
the nighttime still scares me,
playing house becomes a game of survival,
boys become men, men become frightening,
I become sad, worried, anxious, and self-aware,
friends will lose their half of the necklace or their friendship ring,
being loved by someone will determine my worth,
I no longer feel small next to the kitchen counter,
but in the presence of everyone around me,
“Forever” loses its meaning,
everyone will eventually leave,
death is no longer a myth,
I will not smile as often as I did,
I will not cry as little as I did,
I will not feel safe in school anymore,
I will not go outside and play anymore,
I will try and pick the imperfections off of
my skin until it is red and bleeding,
suck in my stomach whenever I walk,
work myself into exhaustion,
feel overwhelmed by every task,
have anxiety attacks in public places,
and wish that I was a child again.
grace snoddy Mar 16
for so long,
i made one with the cracks in the road,
making sure i never stepped on one.
and i never cared to notice
how tired i was from doing it.

maybe it was because
the innocence
and easygoing youth
shielded my eyes
like the white linen curtains
that used to hang lazily on my window.

for so long,
the nine o’clock news
never bothered me
as much as it does now.
and the fact that everyone seems to drag their feet
at the same miserable pace
never struck my mind.
days keep growing faster
at an undetectable rate,
and i’m just starting to see that.

maybe it was because
reality tore the drapes down,
letting all of the light
shine on the things that were
left in the dark.
because growing older
was one of the things
that i chose
to leave in the corner.
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